Tuesday, February 28, 2017

PSA: Soccer Safety

In every youth soccer league of which I'm aware, the kids are required to wear shinguards. On it's face, this seems like a prudent policy, but if you delve below the surface, it's really just a ploy by Big Shinguard to get millions of American parents to drop extra coin on thin pads that don't provide that much support.

Or so I thought, until my weekly run with the rest of the old guys. I cleared a ball off the line, but just barely. As I tangled with an attacking player, he attempted to backheel the ball into the net. He made solid contact. With my unprotected shin. I pretended it didn't hurt.


It hurt like a motherfucker. It still kinda hurts, but I'm so sore for several days after playing soccer that it kinda blends in with the rest of my aches.

I'm buying catcher's shin pads for next week's run.

And I prevented the goal, and later scored on a sweet flicked header, so glory is mine.

23 comments:

Whitney said...

Caution: Object May Appear Larger Than It Really Is

Squeaky said...

Isn't there enough hair there to qualify as a shinguard?

I'm just bitter/jealous you still get to play soccer. My 60 year old knees, according to my doctor, are so bad now that I'm restricted to only being able to run twice a week. F'ing arthritis. Yeah, getting old!

zman said...

Contact TR if you need kneepads.

TR said...

You sucked my dick, buddy. Get it straight.

Danimal said...

Whoa whoa whoa! Let's clean it up heh guys? Let's show a little class why don't we! Just kidding.

Have been summoned to the Bahamas...heading there tomorrow for about 48 hours give or take a few minutes. Who is with me?

Squeaky said...

That's a terrible last minute location for a business meeting. Could they have at least summoned you to beautiful Flint? I hear their water is better than the Bahamas.

rob said...

i wouldn't watch trump's speech tonight with bea arthur's dick.

Whitney said...

Plus you'd have to watch through only one eye.

Whitney said...

But it will be tremendous.

I suppose you are basking in Fat Tuesday merriment and that's why you'll miss it.

Whitney said...

Any doubt the Washington American Footballers are the worst run franchise over the last 25 years?

Knicks, Raiders, Lions, Bills, Clippers, and even the Mets have had moments of putting it together. Even the Cubs got it right. The Skins get what they deserve. Embarrassment and ultimately nothing. This Kirk Cousins thing is slated to play out in the worst possible way.

You aren't "honoring" Native Americans when you resemble Jerry Lewis and Chevy Chase's stairs-plummeting love child in everything you do.

zman said...

I understand your pain, but I don't know that the Bills put it together any more than the R**skins. Since the Clinton administration, you've enjoyed four playoff appearances, a playoff win, the return of Joe Gibbs, the Arrington/Samuels draft, RG3's epic rookie year, a potentially legitimate QB in Cousins, some good-to-great years from Clinton Portis, pressers with Jerome from Southeast, and the hiring of a few coaches that gave you a glimmer of optimism (Shanahan, Spurrier) albeit fleeting.

I've enjoyed 8 or 9 good games of QB play from Drew Bledsoe, 3.5 years of Marshawn Lynch's ridiculousness, the McGahee draft, and a brief bout of optimism when they hired Rex.

Mark said...

I just found out Netflix is releasing a movie starting Brad Pitt in May and has also hired Scorsese to do a movie with DeNiro, Pesci, Pacino and Keitel. Whoa.

Also, my brother in law just asked me to be the best man in his wedding. He's getting married in May.

rob said...

the president didn't whip out his dick and piss on the joint chiefs, so he's now presidential. would that all of us got the benefit of infinitesimal expectations.

Whitney said...

If your commander-in-chief is below your expectations... lower your expectations. Is that the old expression?

zman said...

You don't go to war with the CIC you want, you go with the one you have. That's a known known.

Is it sad that this clownshow of an administration makes me miss Dubya, Cheney and Rummy? 43 looks like an elder statesmen these days.

Mark said...

It is sad but it's also our reality.

What my brother in law lacks in planning and consideration of others, he makes up for in papal ballots.

Whitney said...

Mark, that's a strongly redemptive quality.

You in charge of planning the stag night? (Old guy jargon.)

rob said...

just heard my kid singing and playing her ukelele to 'no diggity'. i smiled.

Dave said...

i never wear shinguards in my pick-up soccer game, but i elbow anyone who comes near me to avoid injury.

T.J. said...

It's probably the grande margaritas and the fact it's on closed captioning, but is this "Lethal Weapon" tv show...decent?‬

I presume Mayhugh can answer this

Whitney said...

I saw it once and it was indeed decent, in my estimation.

TR said...

Big-time God fightin' going on in the town where Zman and I live! Got so bad that Tucker Carlson got involved!

https://www.google.com/amp/insider.foxnews.com/amp/article/54436

zman said...

I've been trying to pretend that didn't happen. And we live in such a liberal hotbed!