When I sat zson down and told him he wasn't allowed to use potty words at school he said "Like what?" and I said "Like poop and butt" and he laughed and I started to laugh and caught myself. Then he asked "Can I yell penis?" and he has a lisp so he said "penith" and I almost lost it but held it together and said "No, you can't yell or even whisper penis." So he whispered "penith" in my ear. I don't think the talk was successful.
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top notch redaction work there.
ReplyDeleteI am a big fan of zson
ReplyDeleteZson is apparently kindred spirits with my boys. Several years ago when my youngest was in my wife's class they had a word wall that students added words to as they learned them. One day she noticed a number of inappropriate words in our son's distinctive handwriting.
ReplyDeleteWhen she has these situations come up in her classroom, she tells students that while something may be acceptable at home(penith-haha), they are not appropriate for school. Good luck!
Buckle up, it's going to be a fun ride. Reminds me when my son wrote 'but krack' on an in school assignment for words that have the '-ow' sound.
ReplyDeleteWe also got a nice letter home. O was probably was around the same age as zson when it happened. I did tell him 'shit show' would have been a more appropriate example.
Zson needs his own sitcom. I'd watch. Who would play Z senior?
ReplyDeleteI've thought about this. I'm often mistaken for Jon Hamm, but he won't work--there's no way he could believably play a character who can consume as much brown liquor as me. I'm also often mistaken for George Clooney, but he won't work either--he can't believably play a rapscallion. Brad Pitt isn't handsome enough.
ReplyDeleteThe real issue is that few men can jack my swagger and survive the experience. It's just too much for 99.99% of the male populace. Sean Connery could've done it 50 years ago. Steve McQueen and Paul Newman could too, but they're dead.
The only man alive who can pull off this role without hurting himself is Denzel Washington.
Ultimately though I suspect that Jason Alexander would get the part.
Or Gilbert Gottfried
ReplyDeletePeople say I look like Tom Cruise, if he had an extra chromosome.
ReplyDeleteThat hits close to home Squeaky. Cruise and I are practically twins but he can't convincingly be cocky enough. Steve Carrell, pre-hairplugs, might work.
ReplyDeleteSteve Carrell has hairplugs?
ReplyDeleteHe used to look like me. Now he's got a head of hair like a monkey.
ReplyDeletehttps://assets.ec.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-6c8a24c501407047896334d533822c16-c
I love little Kemba.
ReplyDeleteI'm average at id'ing hairplugs.
ReplyDeleteThat picture captures it pretty well but the makeup department sprayed in Steve-O's widow's peak during the first season of the Office.
ReplyDeleteIf I am deciphering that drawing, that is an inordinate amount of poop accompanying that butt.
OKC just got a helluva lot better. They have a chance to get to the Conference finals. Gibson is a great glue guy.
ReplyDeleteDougie McBuckets!
ReplyDeleteZman, Gottfried would be a better choice to play me but I don't have the sitcom potential like you and zson do. So I thought I'd let you have first dibs.
ReplyDeleteOn a side note, we just got an elliptical delivered to the house. Thing is effing heavy. So glad we paid the extra money for them to haul it upstairs and not me.
They could probably haul you upstairs quite cheaply.
ReplyDeletethe lesson here: it's worse to whisper the word "penis" than it is to yell it.
ReplyDeletealso, got double technicals coaching my kids basketball game last night. details on sentence of dave.
ReplyDeleteThat's tremendously New Jersey of you, Dave. Kudos. I was kicked out of two Little League games as a kid - age 13 and 15. That's my bad temper apex, sports-wise.
ReplyDeleteRIP Alan Colmes.
ReplyDeletei shattered a tennis racket on a fence during a high school match. that was pretty mature.
ReplyDeleteand the tribe gave up the last 13 points to lose to a crap hofstra team at home tonight. we're one and done in the tournament.
Only been tossed from one basketball game in my life. First tech was warranted. The second was bs.
ReplyDeleteA total of 4 technical fouls in my entire life. Plenty of pickup game shouting matches in my youth though.
Orlando City's new stadium opened to the public today. The wife and I happen to be going to stay the weekend at the Grand Bohemian in downtown Orlando this weekend. Hotel is just a few blocks away from the stadium. Stoked to check it out.
ReplyDeleteJust ran into about half the Trail Blazers in the lobby of the Bohemian. Lillard, CJ, Evan Turner, Aminu, Allen Crabbe.
ReplyDeleteThis is neat! Government interference with the press is exactly what the Framers intended.
ReplyDelete"Reporters from The [New York] Times, BuzzFeed News, CNN, The Los Angeles Times and Politico were not allowed to enter the West Wing office of the press secretary, Sean M. Spicer, for the scheduled briefing. Aides to Mr. Spicer only allowed in reporters from a handpicked group of news organizations that, the White House said, had been previously confirmed.
Those organizations included Breitbart News, the One America News Network and The Washington Times, all with conservative leanings. Journalists from ABC, CBS, The Wall Street Journal, Bloomberg, and Fox News also attended."
It's fucking shameful and inching ever closer to facism.
ReplyDeleteI'm happier news, I'm wearing Reeboks for the first time in 15+ years.
Are they Pumps like Shaq or Michael Chang? Or Questions?
ReplyDeleteClassics. White with the gym rubber soles. Found them for 50% off over Thanksgiving.
ReplyDeleteFuck Pumps. Owned a pair of the second edition of Questions. Hated them.
zson is a character!
ReplyDeleteand I would watch that reality show too
Sold maybe a million pairs of those during my 3+ years at Foot Locker. Okay, 300.
ReplyDeleteThe only Reeboks I can identify by name are Pumps and Questions. And whatever they called those weird high tops with the puffy ankle collar and Velcro straps.
ReplyDeleteHas there been a longer run by a bad player with one team than Collinson's 13 season stint with the Sonics/Thunder?
ReplyDeleteHe's averaging 1 pt, 1 board and 1 assist per game this year.
hello gheorghies!
ReplyDeleteno technicals tonight, just big smoke scotch and clean play all around . . .
george clinton and parliament funkadelic funked the suburbs last night
ReplyDeleteI don't know how long Herb Williams was with the Knicks but he's got to be in that conversation too. Collison is at the top of that list though for sure, TR.
ReplyDeleteThe Hawks are staying in this hotel today.
ReplyDeleteHerb was a Knick for a long time but not 13 years.
ReplyDeleteJust ran into Waka Flaka at the valet stand. I'm sure he's telling friends on his Jon Koncack blog about meeting me.
ReplyDeletesay hi to dennis schröder for me, mark. we should talk more about that guy. and baze, obvs.
ReplyDeleteJoe Waka Flaka Flacco?
ReplyDeleteI'm really hoping to see Baze. Just so I can walk by him and randomly yell out "Baze gaze!".
ReplyDeleteZman auditioning to be the new Chris Berman...
Tell Baze his fans in Norfolk send their best.
ReplyDeleteJaylen Fisher is the new Jeremy Hyatt, but he's entertaining to watch.