Wednesday, August 10, 2016

Virginia is For Lovers, Not Drivers

Driving on the highways of the northern Virginia/Washington DC area is like participating in a NASCAR event. Everyone drives really fast and really close, passing on either side and eschewing turn signals, driving etiquette, and any regard for the safety of others. Take these same Virginia drivers from the highway to a parking lot and, remarkably, they become timid. It is not uncommon to see, for example, a car bomb across your path from the left lane of Route 66 so that it can tear onto Spout Run Parkway and later fishtail into the Italian Store parking lot only to drop its speed to about 5 MPH and require a three-point-turn to simply pull into a parking spot.

And parallel parking is entirely out of the question. Seriously--here's a video from a cars-and-coffee event in Great Falls this past weekend.



DER BNZ!! Almost as bad as BR JEEP. What's up with Virginians and personalized plates?

I love the fact that the parallel parker doesn't realize what she's done until the 48 second mark. For the record, the car she parked on is a Ferrari 458 Speciale. The 458 is pretty speciale in general, but the Speciale limited edition makes 597 horsepower, sprints from naught to 60 in under three seconds, tops out at over 200 MPH, costs about $400,000 once fully configured ... and isn't immune to parking lot idiots.

So watch out for parallel parkers the next time you're at Katie's Cars and Coffee (which you ought to check out if you're local).

22 comments:

zman said...

The owner's reaction to "Nobody was hurt" is priceless and incredibly restrained.

Dave said...

you'd think, with twenty-five years of practice, i'd be a better parallel parker.

on a lighter note, if you want to hear the wildly different takes on the newest trump comment, listen to the first few minutes of "citizens radio" and the first few minutes of mark levin. i'm going to eventually write up my findings, if you're too lazy/busy to do this.

Danimal said...

This is the very reason I don't own a Ferrari. Or one of the very reasons.

Mark said...

I'm guessing I'm the only one who sent their kids back to school today. Not a moment too soon!

Danimal said...

nope...3rd grader started today. kindergartener starts tomorrow. good shit, says the wife especially. one more to go.

TR said...

My kids are going into 3rd and 1st grade. Big change for the wife, as both are now out of the house from 830-3 every day. They will walk to school on the 6th day of the 9th month, clicking their hooves the whole way.

Would it be wise to ask my wife how she plans to be more productive with all the added free time?

rob said...

totally wise, tr. please videotape that conversation.

in somewhat related news, my wife began using that free time by substitute teaching, which led to a job as a teaching assistant, which led further to her realizing that she was pretty good at it, which led to her pursuing a graduate degree in special education, which culminated with her starting today as a full-time middle school special education teacher. pretty proud of that little lady. and pretty pleased with the 3x salary bump she receives starting asap.

rob said...

holy shit, espn's john saunders died. nearly as surprising is the fact that he was 61.

TR said...

That's a bummer. He was a real pro.

I met him outside MSG when the Rangers won the Cup. I was in college and was very drunk. He was standing in his suit, drinking a beer and watching the mayhem on the street. He politely shook my hand, then (rightfully) blew me off when I called him Barry by accident.

Mark said...

That's Saunders news is shocking. Was he sick? I don't recall hearing/reading anything about him being in poor health.

God bless your wife, Rob. I can't imagine teaching much less being a special Ed teacher.

zman said...

Congrats to Mrs rootsy. And don't worry TR, I'll keep Tiara busy on my lunch breaks. Oh (in the Dice voice)!

zman said...

Sorry, congrats to Mrs rob. Mrs rootsy is awesome too though.

Danimal said...

Enthusiastic golf clap for the Mrs. Rob.

rootsminer said...

Mrs. Rootsy is awesome, even if she didn't get to be Zman's roommate. She teaches at a private school, and some years has more special ed kids than she feels she's equipped to handle.

My mom and her two sisters were both special ed teachers - it requires a special sort of patience and acceptance that you can only do so much.

I was planning to get into education as well, but what I learned in my assignment to study and summarize the No Child Left Behind law dissuaded me from that fairly quickly.

rob said...

of potential interest to dave and clarence, luke dittrich has just released a book entitled 'patient h.m.: a story of memory, madness, and family secrets. it's getting 'henrietta lacks'-type buzz.

https://www.amazon.com/Patient-H-M-Memory-Madness-Secrets/dp/0812992733

Dave said...

who is h.m.?

Dave said...

that's a severed corpus callosum joke.

just cracked open my first post-OBFT beer! jumping off that wagon

TR said...

I'm listening to the Men in Blazers Premier League podcast (and enjoying a 22 oz Lagunitas) on my commute home. Michael Bennett just discussed Watford's new transfer, young Nigerian striker Isaac Success. He said it was one of the best names in the world after Godd Shammgod and Billy Ocean. The Godd name-drop made me very happy. That name remains unbelievably awesome.

Remember that '97 Providence team, Zman!? In terms of random 90's tourney teams, I've always been partial to the '98 Rhode Island squad that featured Cuttino Mobley and Antonio Reynolds-Dean (a trailblazer in urban implementation of hyphenated last names), but Godd was the tits for a couple March weekends in 1997.

rob said...

a friend of mine just recorded an mib fantasy epl pod - he's become something of an epl expert based on writing he's done for nbc sports.

Mark said...

The '97 Providence team was great. Though I doubt God and Austin Croshere hung out much off the court. As for the '98 Rhode Island team, don't forget Mobley's backcourt mate Tyson Wheeler. A tremendous college PG.

zman said...

Of course I remember Shamgod! NCAA hoops was more fun back then. Or so I think.

TR said...

Croshere's career NBA earnings: $55.5 MM
Mobley's career NBA earnings: $67.5 MM
Shammgod's career NBA earnings: $0.2 MM