Wednesday, May 18, 2016

Hey KD, Beware the Wrath of This 8 Year-Old

My boys, who are in second-grade and kindergarten, are becoming big sports fans, due to their own involvement in youth sports and their dad's incessant sports-watching. The NBA became a big hit this season, due to: 1) the front-yard hoop I painstakingly put together last spring, and 2) my son's interest in reading sports books. He has devoured some big picture books on the history of the NBA, which makes for fun questions like "Did you watch the Big O play?" and "Why did Dennis Rodman look like that?"

(Back to that hoop. It took me six hours, and every neighbor walked by and laughed at me for not paying somebody $100 to do it. But I figured it out all by myself and feigned competence in handyman things to my kids. And they are now mad bombers that shoot hoops every day. The same neighbors comment on how frequently they are out there. Great financial and time investment, in retrospect.)

My oldest has become a big Thunder fan, rightfully worshipping at the altar of KD and Westbrook. So much so that when we got him a youth Thunder uniform for his first Holy Communion (a Westbrook one, for reasons that become obvious below), he actually cried tears of happiness. My youngest...likes the Heat...because his first rec team was called the Heat...because that team had red t-shirts. That's all it takes for a six year-old. Both kids got caught up in the Kobe coverage that was on ESPN non-stop all year, but I forcibly steered them away, refusing to buy them anything with his name/number because "he was mean to his wife and to women." It worked.

So anyway, we are moving our boys into separate bedrooms this summer, and giving the oldest some input on decisions. His request to paint the walls orange, like the color in the Islanders and Thunder uniforms, was denied. But his request for a Thunder player Fathead was approved. My son asked for KD. I told him that would be okay, but we should wait a couple months to find out if KD was going to leave the team.

And that's when shit got real. My son's jaw dropped and he was visibly upset. I tried to explain free agency in general - KD grew up near Washington DC, his contract was ending, and some players like to play in Miami, where it's warm all year. He wasn't having any of it. He left the room in a pissy mood.

A few minutes later, I found this letter/rant/poster on our kitchen table. I have no idea if he planned to mail this, carry it into a game, or just use it to vent. But here it is. Look carefully at the "RIP 2007-2016" at the top. After I saw this, I picked up my iPad and saw "when did kd get drafted" as a recent search. He did his research. KD was picked in the 2007 draft.


So watch your back if you end up in Chocolate City or South Beach, KD.

32 comments:

Whitney said...

That is most excellent, TRjr.

Danimal said...

Brilliant!

rob said...

'okc has fallen', like 'olympus has fallen'? strong.

zman said...

Nice job outing your kid's name on G:TB. I'm glad to see that he inherited your propensity for hyperbole.

rob said...

some of you may have seen this video of a little girl getting upset when tj oshie was traded from the blues to the caps. it's pure kid grief:

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=nQ5FE72bewI

Shlara said...

TR, I love everything about this post.
And, if I were a gambler, I'd put money on KD signing a two-year deal with OKC, with a player option after the first year.
Go ahead and get the KD Fathead
The bigger Q is, will Russ leave for the Lakers in 2017?

And, a Thunder game in OKC is on my "places to visit" list.
The arena atmosphere is awesome. And everyone here knows how much I love GM Sam Presit (even Sam knows...)
I'm happy to organize a GTB outing to OKC--and TR's son has to go with us to see the team live.
Who wants in?

rob said...

i remember how crestfallen i was when one of my favorites left the red sox to join the yankees as a free agent. dammit, johnny damon.

TR said...

"Dave Winfield for Mike Witt" KILLED me as a kid.

Having been to two NBA games there, I can say OKC fans are unnervingly polite. No F bombs or You Suck screams. They have a Lord's Prayer before each game.

Unfortunately, OKC is miserable to travel to, unles you can hop a Southwest flight from Houston or Dallas.

I told the 8 y/o that if the Thunder swept the Warriors, I'd get a Mohawk. He wants to hold me to it.

Whitney said...

Um, Rob was 35 when Johnny Damon defected.

That made me chuckle. The obvious joke was he still shopped in the Junior Boys section, but I won't stoop that low.

zman said...

If you find your name on Trump's "top 11 SCOTUS picks" list are you delighted or appalled?

zman said...

Bartolo Colon represented himself in a child support dispute? Did he write his brief in marinara sauce?

Clarence said...

TR, did Winfield choose the Padres cap for his Hall plaque or did they impose their will (presumably because there aren't a ton of Pods in there and there are a handful of Yanks)? His numbers with NYY eke out ahead of those with SD in almost every category.

TR said...

Winny tried to pull a hold-up on the Yanks, asking for stuff to put the NY on his cap. Yanks balked and he went w/ SD.

I don't blame him at all. Steinbrenner was a massive dick to him, hiring a PI to dig up dirt. That's been glossed over. And now the Yanks give #31 to every rookie who comes up.

Dave said...

awesome post-- love the kid's anger. my wife and i did the bulk of the work putting a basketball hoop together for whit once-- it was hard work, but several dozen beers paved the way . . . TJ may have turned a screw or two as well . . . and this was the same night that we brainstormed the evolution peeps diorama

Shlara said...

Gheorghies--listen to this Surprisingly Awesome podcast about Insults
I think you'll like it

https://gimletmedia.com/episode/13-insults/

rob said...

hunter isn't a very iranian name. just sayin'.

TR said...

My kids are 25% Iranian, 25% Peruvian, 25% Irish, 12.5% Polish and 12.5% ambiguous white trash. I draw anyone to beat that three-continent stew.

TR said...

Draw, dare, whatevs.

zman said...

Whose stew am I beating?

Whitney said...

Dave, your wife drank beer/wine on the deck. That was me helping you. And Teej.

Whitney said...

Trump kind of reminds me of Steinbrenner. Next we'll see Trump in a sling and hear some made up story about two beat up clowns in an elevator.

Except I don't think even Larry David could make Trumplestiltskin vaguely likable.

mr kq said...

Love the passion from the young lad. Tell him I'll shout him a jersey when KD comes to DC.

I'll never forget how crushed I was when Matt Fish left the Bullets for the Fort Wayne Fury in '97. He's the signature autograph on one of the signed team balls that KQ scored - proudly displayed to my left as I type this from our basement. Sculpin proudly displayed to the right.

Dave said...

when i drink enough, you and teej sort of look like my wife . . .

TR said...

Every time the Warriors land a couple haymakers and stretch the lead, the Thunder come right back. I have to admit that I'd love a Thunder-Cavs final.

The new Lincoln ads w/ McConaughey are beyond ridiculous. It's fun to be that guy.

Dave said...

andre iguodala has a little gerald wilkins in him. that was a spectacular drive and chuck, wilkins forte.

Mark said...

I'm offended on behalf of Andre Iguodala for that Gerald Wilkins comparison.

Thank the Eastern Conference Finals are poop because the Western Conference and NBA Finals are going to destroy my sleep patterns over the next 3 weeks.

Mark said...

Also, I'm trying to think of a time I was crushed when a player left one of my favorite childhood teams. I can't come up with anything good. By the time Shaq skipped town I was going into my senior year of high school so I didn't really give a shit.

I do remember being crushed when Vince Coleman broke his leg trying to jump over the tarp during the 85 NLCS.

TR said...

Second what Mark said about the Wilkins comparison. Speaking of Gerald, there was an African American girl who ran with a motley posse of random girls that would show up at our parties far too often. Her sad but accurate nickname was Gerald Wilkins b/c she had the same bug-eyed look Gerald had. Mean and hilarious and accurate.

TR said...

So here's a recap of the batshit craziness Steph just unleashed:

It's 64-57 Warriors. And then:

- Curry hits 3 w/ 7:09 left
- Curry gets fouled behind 3-pt line w/ 6:33 left, which results in a T for KD
- Curry hits 4 FTs (7 pts in 36 secs)
- After a Thunder basket, Curry hits a 3 with 6:06 left (10 pts in 63 seconds)
- Curry then hits a long 2 with 5:48 left (12 pts in 81 seconds)
- Curry then hits a 3 with 5:12 left (15 pts in 117 secs)

Mark said...

Nice of Golden State to let me get a little extra sleep tonight.

Danimal said...

Hi Gheorghies. Just had a hippie Woodstock participant acid consumer grateful dead fan uber me back to hotel. The ride was too short.

5 a.m. flight. Get some

Danimal said...

Missing plane, Paris to cairo. No foul play I'm sure.

330 wake up call here for a 5am flight which I won't complain about.