FOG:TB Fat Guy in a Speedo is on a tear early this EPL season, nearly matching Swansea City for prolific output and positive results. Here's his take on football fandom.
At the risk of raising the ire of even the most casual G:TB
reader’s ambivalence towards soccer (or kickball
per the good folks at the Chicago Trib) yet emboldened by the recent start of
the EPL, Rob’s new(ish) penchant for the game and my lack of employment I
figured I had the time to add one more footie post before slouching back to my
biannual post rate torpor. Plus college football hasn’t started.
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| Raiders Fans |
Our nation excels in garden-variety fanaticism slightly
behind ISIS, yet just above Raider Nation. In spite of our nation’s penchant for
groupthink zest in terms of issues such as gun control, religion, and Caitlyn
Jenner, the zealotry of your typical United States sports fan pales in
comparison to the “civilized” citizens of countries like England, France and
Albania. If Geno Smith played (mediocre) soccer in England, the media outrage
over his glass jaw would be palpable. Cheeky headlines would abound for weeks
on end. Regrettably, the NY Post won the banter war with the cumbersome ‘Jaw
and Disorder’ while the Daily News’ ‘Luck of the Jaw’ is right out.
As usual, Chelsea FC are at the root of my and the rest of
civilized sporting society’s disdain.(Editor's Note: If more Americans were aware of that cocksucker Diego Costa, more of us would hate him, and by extension have a reason to follow the EPL.) Farcical case in point, last Sunday
Chelsea tied a decent Swansea side at home after their keeper saw red and was
sent off. In stoppage time a Chelsea player was hurt on the pitch and the ref
called the team’s medics out to tend to his injury. They took him off the field
per regulations and Jose Mourinho, Chelsea’s talented head coach but far more
formidable asshole, could be seen yelling at his own team’s medical staff to get the player back out there as they were
already down a man. Five days later, the team doctor has since been demoted and
this relatively minor incident has dominated UK sports headlines for days.
ESPNFC.com barely mentioned it as this is not the kind of sports issue people
in the States tend to pay much interest to. Ed Hochuli aside, refs and team medicos are
fodder for BB gun variety cannonry. English top flight referees are well known
figures and each team has at least one referee who is perceived to hate them
and will call a game to ensure their failure.
As a side note, the team doctor is a young(ish) and
relatively attractive female. Chelsea fans have regaled her with the chant "Celery/Celery/If she don't come, I'll tickle her bum/With a lump of celery” when she’s on the pitch, which is ironic
in that your average Brit has never even seen celery as evidenced by its lumpen
description. Regrettable misogyny aside, it’s time for us to step up our
sporting fanatacism on this side of the pond. If we learn the names of those
peripheral to the sport we will be gifted with that much more minutiae to
occupy our time and even divert our attention from the emerging presidential
shitshow.
Bye for now and see you on Boxing Day.
Bye for now and see you on Boxing Day.
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20 comments:
never been much of a fan of any of the big clubs (liverpool excepted), but after watching chelsea pretty closely last season and this, i've developed a strong disdain for them. diego costa is a world class sporting dick.
I was able to watch much of Arsenal-Crystal Palace on my AM flight. Arsenal is playing very well up front. Goals will come in big bunches. I think last week's performance and the slow start this week may get a few folks up in arms, but they will be formidable.
Mourinho has a huge ego and a big set of balls, but I hate him. Except when he's faux-fighting Arsenne Wenger.
I'm unimpressed w/ Man U to date. An uninspiring win last week, and another this week that was helped by an egregious no-call against Man U for pulling a defender in their own box. Should've been a PK against them.
Speaking of ponds, zson got mad at me today for catching TOO MANY fish! His irrational meltdown was precipitated by a late bedtime which was precipitated by a trip to zin-laws'. Speaking of zson and zin-laws, zmil's cuisine gave him the runs and he had an ill-timed shart at the neighboring town's pool. I was grocery shopping with zdaughter so I was spared the public embarrassment.
i'm sure this is regency bias, but damn if whistling straits isn't the most beautiful golf course i can remember seeing.
Flea is opening up an apiary. Possibly inspired by the Greasetruck song "Beekeeper."
And to think it was as an abandoned airfield prior Rob.
Luck of the Jaw? Weak.
Shock and Jaw
The Jaw That Broke the Camel's Back
The Back that Broke the Camel's Jaw
Back to the Jawing Board
Jowl Play
How I Could Just Kill a Mandible
Jawful Ending for Geno
Jaw & Order
Jawwww, Man! (as in...awwwww, man)
Rock the Casjawh!
Jaw or Not A Jaw (old SNL Skit)
(parenthetical explanations typically indicate a poor attempt, but not always)
I came, I saw, IK Enemkpali
Is it at all socially acceptable to make a non-hands-free phone call while standing at a urinal? And switching hands mid-conversation? Assuming not, what is the correct level of social shaming for this?
This topic has been broached here once or twice. I don't find it socially acceptable, but many apparently do. It's always something to see in an airport, when the urinals are flushing at a rate of about 1 per every 3 seconds. And on occasion, you get a guy in the stall laying some cable talking about TPS Reports. Do they think the person on the other line is unable to hear the commotion, or shall I say....COMMODETION?
I've previously commented about the guy in my office who seems to take all his personal calls from the handicapped stall. No men in my building appear to be handicapped so I think he just likes the extra room to do his work. This should be written in the past tense because I haven't heard from him in several months. It was never cool, especially when you didn't know he was in there and he suddenly starts yelling into the phone while you're peeing. It was jarring.
A bit late, but nice Dear Doctor reference, Robbie.
that's all fat guy. he writes his own heads.
when are we going to see some Mets chatter...been eerily quiet this year which I find to be odd. is it for fear of jinxing?
Three game sweep to the Bucs has the usual fears/expectations regaining some ground.
Some douchewhistle I know bet a case of beer that the Nats would win division by 20 games. Clarence will you take a 12 pack buyout?
Asking for a friend.
Lotta ball left, Senor KQ.
Using the mobile device for phone calls, texting, Twitter updates or to surf the interwebs while in the office or airport bathroom is NEVER acceptable.
Is anyone else excited about Dan Auerbach's new side project The Arcs? Someone should write about it, the first three singles are pretty good, sort of like Attack and Release crossed with the last few tracks from Brothers.
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