Friday, January 04, 2013

Adopt a Team: 2013

Three times we've adopted college basketball teams as our own, and three times those teams have seen their fortunes wane. We're not statisticians, but we're pretty sure that's a significant trend. So much so that we considered adopting North Carolina or Kentucky this season.

But after careful thought and a lot of discussion, we decided that the opinion of some obscure blog about a team's relative attractiveness probably doesn't have any actual bearing on that team's future performance. So we're pressing ahead. We give you our 2013 adopted team, the Minnesota Golden Gophers.

Aaaaaaaaah!
I confess that this choice is a bit selfish, as I just purchased a snappy maroon and gold Minnesota t-shirt for myself (and similar ones for my wife and kids), and spend several days each month in the Minneapolis/Saint Paul area. But after watching Tubby Smith's kids close out Michigan State on New Year's Eve with an 18-2 run to improve to 13-1, I like them for basketball reasons, too.

The Gophers are led by sophomore Andre Hollins, who dropped 41 on Memphis earlier in the year, and scored 22 against the Spartans. Hollins, who almost went to Harvard, is a bouncy lead guard with top-flight athleticism. He averages 12.2 points and 3.5 assists a game as part of a balanced offensive attack.

Senior forward Rodney Williams is Minnesota's top scorer, getting 13.0 points on 56% shooting. Guard Austin Hollins, son of former NBA great Lionel Hollins averages 10.5 points and 2.3 steals, while Joe Coleman gets 10.2 points and 4.5 boards. 6'8", 245-lb local product Trevor Mbakwe leads the squad in rebounding with 7.2 per game, though his boards and points are significantly down from the previous two seasons as he recovers from a serious knee injury. Finally, all-name addition Maverick Ahanmisi leads the Gophers in three-point shooting, making 43.5% of his attempts from deep. The athletic Gophs are 15th in the nation in steals per game and 22nd in field-goal percentage defense.

All of that's interesting, and everything, but what really sold me on the Gophers is this:


Tubby Smith's new mustache screams leadership, with just enough devil-may-care whatfuckery to give opponents pause. You could see it in Tom Izzo's team down the stretch on New Year's Eve. Though they led deep into the second half, they came unglued in the face of the Tubstache's withering glare.

The Big 10(ish) is the best basketball conference in the country, so our Gophers have a tough task ahead of them. But nobody will relish the thought of traveling to Williams Arena, and Minnesota's an athletic, balanced, and versatile squad with lots of ways to score.

And there's that mustache.

17 comments:

zman said...

Whatfuckery is my favorite new word of 2013.

rob said...

there are pictures on the interwebs of rex ryan. with a tattoo of his wife wearing a mark sanchez jersey. this is not an onion bit.

zman said...

Would it be better or worse if she was wearing a Muhammad Wilkerson jersey?

zman said...

Maybe it's a Ray Lucas jersey? I can't believe how fascinatingly bad this story is. I found the picture on the intertoobs and it's preposterous. He must have lost a bet or something.

zman said...

http://assets.nydailynews.com/polopoly_fs/1.1232930.1357286618!/img/httpImage/image.jpg_gen/derivatives/landscape_635/rex-ryan-jets-tattoo-beach.jpg

zman said...

This is why he always wears long sleeves. And here I thought he was trying to avoid getting skin cancer like his dad.

Jerry said...

Reminds me of the time when Greg told a story about meeting a welder from Minnesota in the Anchorage airport no less than 30 times in a night. No exaggeration. He'd tell the story, then get quiet for a few minutes. Then ask us if we'd heard the story about when he met a welder from Minnesota in the Anchorage airport. Then tell the story. Then he told it to some girls, which amused me but not them.

Dave said...

i love hearing about tattoos dumber than my own:)

Jerry said...

Catching up on last night's game while working. One point safety on the PAT. Never seen that one before.

Mark said...

First time a one point safety had happened since 2004 Texas-Texas A&M game.

Mark said...

Rob- are you aware of Trevor Mbakwe's legal troubles specifically related to the fairer sex? You may want to do a google search. I doubt the lady friends of G:TB would pledge to support him or his team. Just a guess.

mayhugh said...

Andy Reid wants no part of a Kevin Kolb reclamation project.

Clarence said...

Hey Zman, what about Russ Grimm as the Bills' coach? Grimmy was a close runner up to Whisenhunt a few years back for the cards job. It may be his time, and he looks more the part for a Buffalo coach than some of the others. (Meaning he looks like he's won an arm-wrestling match in the last few weeks.)

rob said...

wow. mfuck that guy. we have our first official rescinding of an adopt a team, at least until they kick him off for being a dick. someone should post some stupid filler.

Squeaky said...

I know this is late but Clarence's Day 12 post got me thinking of what shows did I make it to this year. And as a coincidence I just cleaned my dungeon of a home office and found some ticket stubs for this year, and last. I'm slacker when it comes to cleaning my desk and surrounding area, but I digress...


EMA March 15
New Multitudes (Jay Farrar & Yim Yames) (Woody Guthrie music) March 16
We Were Promised Jetpacks April 24
Wilco @Newport Folk Fest July 27
Bruce Springsteen August 18
The Jesus and Mary Chain September 11
Frightened Rabbit October 6
Japandroids and DIIV December 9

There were a few more shows but my memory blows these days and I can't find the ticket stubs.

Mark said...

Well done, Rob.

rob said...

someone posted the requested filler