Tuesday, November 06, 2012

G:TB Election Day Ballot

I hate politics. So of course rob asked me to throw some filler up today. I seemed to remember a time when I was semi-creative, and posted something pairing electoral candidates such as "Harry Callahan against John McLean", or "Paper vs. Plastic" (yeah, I know, uber creative). Ah yes, good times.

Anyway, I believe this post is to serve as an open thread for the rest of the evening, so as a starter I threw out a few elections below that are being closely eyed by the G:TB staff...join me in the comments with some others, won't you?

Oh yeah, remember, if confused at the ballot box, just think "What would Brian Boitano do?"


Special Election 6.9.1a: Ray Tango vs. Gabriel Cash
Not only are you choosing a winner, but the victor also owns the rights to the term 'F.U.B.A.R." in perpetuity.


Iniative 3.1415: Kang vs. Kodos
Don't care which way you folks lean on this, but bottom line, don't blame me, I voted Kodos.


Municipal Ordinace 420 (submitted by a reader): Code name Ichiro vs. Code name Benedict
This joke for four might fall off the ballot due to disinterest...or the munchies.

136 comments:

zman said...

Regarding Clarence's comment in the last post ... unless you have 15 cars, that's a lot of tires in 3 months. You might want to consider buying tires elsewhere, keeping your tires at the proper pressure, avoid clocking the same pothole over and over again, making sure your rims aren't bent, or move to a better neighborhood so they won't get slashed.

T.J. said...

Perhaps Clarence keeps detouring through East St. Louis?

zman said...

Roll em up.

TR said...

There are initiatives in both Colorado and Washington State to legalize marijuana. Both have a decent chance of passing.

Hey kids. Look at the blight.

rob said...

gay marriage is likely to pass in at least 3 of the 4 states in which it's on the ballot, too. we're a few short years away from mandatory gay sex while stoned.

zman said...

Passing on the left hand side.

zman said...

There's a moke joke to be made in response to rob but I'm too zooted to figure it out.

rob said...

i'm reduced to tweeting random election questions into the ether. someone bring me some weed.

Mark said...

After the last Presidential election, Greg complained that he was moving to Dubai. After this election, I'm moving to Boulder, Colorado. Not complaining, just saying.

Marls said...

Mark, Is Bizzaro pizza any good? Drive past it on the way to the airport.

mayhugh said...

Greg might currently live in Dubai, for all I know. Where is Fred Slacks these days?

T.J. said...

Right now my guess is Greg is 30,000 feet above the middle of this country, knee deep in first class mini-booze bottles

TR said...

For my election watching tonight, I have a chosen a 1999 Cabernet Sauvignon from Argentina. Pairs well with partisan angst and Brian Williams' face in HD.

Mark said...

It's pretty good, Marls. The white pizza is really, really good. The Bizzarro Family (yes, actual name) are good friends with my in-laws. Though my Father-in-law, who's from Italy, calls them "bullshit Italians" behind their back(s).

rob said...

i'll be drinking a south african syrah and swallowing large quantities of angst

Mark said...

Mayhugh - Greg's in San Jose (at least during the week)

T.J. said...

Mark, it's better if we don't tell others where Greg actually is...and instead let folks guess.

zman said...

I have a bunch of whales tail and a bunch of grey lady -- no surprise to anyone who's been in my kitchen.

Dave said...

once again, i have no school tomorrow.

how late do i have to stay up to find out the winner of the election? jill stein, baby!

zman said...

Zson just selected on the origin of species as his last book before bed. Long night ahead of me.

T.J. said...

why are election night drinking games needed by people? they can't just crack open a few and watch the best reality show this side of the nba/nfl draft?

T.J. said...

zson...everybody poops...a new species

zman said...

Al Sharpton shouted out W&M.

rob said...

why?

mayhugh said...

I'm curious as to how many elections the Teej is participating in.

I am enjoying the categories CNN is posting in the exit poll. So far we have "Fathers", "Mothers", "Born-again Christians", and "People Who Attend Church Weekly" to name a few. What else can we throw into this? Coffee Drinkers? Smokers? Organized Crime?

Danimal said...

Just opened a brand new bottle of Woodford. Dee-lish.

Clarence said...

I am drinking a Narragansett bock lager tall boy -- because one of our college cronies works for the brewery and mailed me some (is that legal?), which arrived today. This is outstanding. No matter what happens, today has made me happy.

rob said...

the bock is good, as is the fest. got mine last week. free illegal beer is fun. kinda like a mini-smokey and the bandit.

Mark said...

Rob, Clarence... How about you get this 'buddy' of yours to spread the wealth to some other G:TB?

I'll be participating in multiple elections tonight, Mayhugh.

Also, is NBC really calling Rockefeller Center "Democracy Plaza" tonight? Spare me. You can spare me with that whole "Great State of Maine" bullshit.

rob said...

mark, i'll be in orlando in february. i'll see what i can do.

rob said...

was invited to several election watch parties. decided those people didn't need to learn what kind of insane person i am while watching elections/sports.

zman said...

It would be cooler if you referred to it as Gansett.

zman said...

"We never got duh trickool."

When the hell did al Sharpton become a legit political commentator?

Danimal said...

Savannah Guthrie did not get shorted on make-up this evening.

Mark said...

Nice. Let me know as we get closer to February. I'll try and make that arduous hour long trip to Orlando.

Shlara said...

You know what's annoying? When NBC breaks for local election coverage. No one cares.

Mark said...

I care.

Mark said...

Not even being a jerk here. I really do care.

mayhugh said...

Shlara, do you have rabbit ears or something? CNN is the place to be.

mayhugh said...

Does Romney have any chance if he loses Florida?

Shlara said...

I'm flipping between CNN and NBC. I like the map on the ice rink

Mark said...

The ice rink in 'Democracy Plaza'?

Mayhugh- CNN is never "the place to be". And no, I don't think Romney can win if he doesn't take Florida. But I just elected my first pope of the night so you probably shouldn't pay much attention to me.

mayhugh said...

I like Carville. Need more Carville.

rob said...

man, the senate races are breaking hard for the blue guys. murphy, warren, donnelly(!). cmon, john tester, you flattopped bastard.

mayhugh said...

Paul Ryan can't get Wisconsin for Romney? No reason for him to be on the ticket.

mayhugh said...

And in shocking news, both camps are "bullish" on every battleground state. I just want somebody to say they are scared shitless about Colorado.

Shlara said...

Mark, you clearly don't watch enough Morning Joe--they have been hating "democracy plaza" for weeks. Someone even made a snarky Comcast comment this morning for the over-commercialization of the whole thing.

Did you see they are also counting electoral votes on the facade of 30 Rock?

And CNN is doing the same thing on the Empire State bldg

Danimal said...

The electoral votes count on empire state bldg is horrible.
And am of the opinion that the morning joe crew should be working tonight. Let some of these other hacks fill in for them in the a.m.

Mark said...

I did see, and like, the electoral vote counter on the buildings of 30 Rock.

I have never seen a single second of Morning Joe.

Shlara said...

Totally agree with you Danimal. Election night needs more Mika, Joe and Willie

rob said...

ap (but nobody else) calling wisconsin for tammy baldwin, which would make her the first openly gay female senator.

Squeaky said...

Looks like 63% of Massholes want Medical Marijuana to be legal. That number seems high to me. Pun intended.

Danimal said...

Mika in her p.j.'s......yeah vavy!

I think it is going to be an early night. I would love for Geoff to chime now and tell me I am wrong.

Rob....nervous about that sen race there?

Danimal said...

They just did the empire state bldg thing again....I wish they would then pan down to the zero people in the streets looking upward.

Danimal said...

Florida...unreal....

rob said...

danimal, had a big winchester 24 hours. met with a guy from russ potts productions last night, broke my fast with buck marston this morning. wish you were here, hardcharger.

rob said...

possibly the democrats' biggest whackadoodle, alan grayson, just got sent back to the house.

Shlara said...

Savannah needs to fire her make-up artist
And I like brokaw's tie

rob said...

fuck you richard mourdock, you misogynist fuck.

Danimal said...

Did u stay in the apple capital? Good on ya! Does that mean you had a cocktail today?

Danimal said...

Shlara...see my comment earlier about Savannah.....

Shlara said...

Senator Elizabeth Warren!

rob said...

no, they came to suburbia where the action is

rob said...

and senator tammy baldwin

Danimal said...

Brian Williams killin in w marijuana commentary...I think Leater Holt likes to hit the spliff once in a while. Not that there is anything wrong with that.

Danimal said...

Talked to buckles a coupla hours ago as we began our respective (not so) happy hours.

Mark said...

Richard Mourdock. Haha! /muntz'd

Mark said...

Should I have a drink? Yes. Yes, I should.

rob said...

squeaky! medicinal doobies in massachusetts!

T.J. said...

Yo, gormley, ur address pls

mayhugh said...

New favorite CNN name - Poppy Harlow.

Danimal said...

Am drinking like notre dame is down 2 Td's in the 4th....bourbon.

Someone on fox news commits suicide tonight. On air.

Squeaky said...

kid you not, 420 Weed Rd.

rob said...

that's bullshit

Shlara said...

This will not surprise you: I have no idea where The Fox News channel is located on my cable system

Mark said...

Oh my god. Please let that be true.

It's not your fault, Danimal. It's not your fault.

TR said...

Race is over. Mittens will lose Ohio. Nate Silver, who's caught an ungodly amount of shit from the right, will be proved prescient.

"President leading in the raw" makes me think of ODB. I bet Barry likes it raw.

Mark said...

Find it, Shlara. It should be near CNN. A lot of bitterness in the air.

Mark said...

David Axelrod...you douche.

Squeaky said...

Guess I got to turn the TV back on. Stupid work can wait till tomorrow.

Shlara said...

I'm enjoying Brian Williams too much to switch

Danimal said...

Am flipping the channels. Yes am right leaning but cannot watch the fox. If directtv it is 360.

Danimal said...

Yeah...watching this axelrod interview....brian is pretty smooth. Axelrod knows it is over.

Mark said...

Did you catch his 'thin ice' quip. What a dipshit.

Squeaky said...

How awful is the guy that ran against Jesse Jackson Jr. and lost? That guy has been MIA for months.

rob said...

i can't switch from cnn for reasons of superstition, dammit

TR said...

Jesse Jackson Jr? Really? 68% of the vote? Disgrace.

Mark said...

Palin going full on desperate cougar on Fox News.

Shlara said...

John King is very into his over-sized iPad map thing

Danimal said...

Greta w the nice turquoise jacket. "the network gave it to me Jeff"

TR said...

Linda McMahon must have some serious dirt on her husband to get away with blowing $91 million of their money on two elections.

Shlara said...

I found Fox News. Savannah must be sharing her make-up and hair person with Palin

Danimal said...

He sleeps with it Shlara. I thought I was watching porn at times.

Mark said...

Was Glen Rice involved?

Danimal said...

So now they are all just trying to make this seem like it is closer than it is right?

T.J. said...

some dude on CNN is giving up

And Carville puppet is awesome

Shlara said...

The NBA needs to add Carville to the draft night broadcast team. Or to the TNT studio team.

TR said...

Karl Rove looks like he's wearing a bald mask. And tons of make-up.

rob said...

alex castellanos just tapped out on cnn

rob said...

cbs just called virginia for tim kaine. fuck and yes.

TR said...

NBC's coverage is at least one million times better than Fox's.

T.J. said...

Wolf Blitzer may have an aneurysm

TR said...

Tough night for Rabbi Shmuley Boteach, spiritual advisor to the stars. Stars like Jon Gosselin.

Danimal said...

Chuck Todd has a hard job. I would not do as well as he does. But he fucks up often...here, on MTP and Morning Joe. I like him overall but They could do better. King on CNN way better IMO.

TR said...

Julian Castro is a douche.

Shlara said...

Where's Geoff?

T.J. said...

Erin Burnett gonna go meet up with Eminem in Detroit later

rob said...

stop it, shlara.

Squeaky said...

Scott Brown is still giving his concession speech. Got to be 20 minutes at this point. So stuck in local coverage on NBC. Guess I could switch to fox.

T.J. said...

The muppet band chick is on CNN right now...

rob said...

just switched to comedy central. my version of auerbach's victory cigar.

Squeaky said...

Is everything on CNN a major! Projection?

T.J. said...

Oh my...I have a comedy program guiding me through this...

rob said...

nate silver is bathing in a tub full of champagne with a gaggle of hookers and an 8-ball

zman said...

MSNBC called it for Obama.

zman said...

Fox News still has Romney in it.

rob said...

dick morris thinks romney's winning

T.J. said...

CNN and John King inching Obama...

T.J. said...

Wow, CNN...get it early...

Mark said...

This took much less time than anticipated.

Shlara said...

And now, onto the fiscal cliff...

rob said...

romney not accepting obama's call, contesting the call of ohio. dude, you're losing fl, va, co, too. it's ovah.

rob said...

i do believe i have some whiskey headed my direction. this makes me happy.

Mark said...

Join me, Rob. Join me.

zman said...

Romney failed to win the state he governed and the state his dad governed. Bad showing for both romneys.

rob said...

gay marriage winning all 4 states right now. we are a very different country than many in the gop believe we are.

Clarence said...

Good concession speeches always make you wonder what government could be if the two-party straitjacket didn't fuck things up.

Clarence said...

Also, I got Good and drunk tonight on 'gansett and Newcastle. Not bad for a Tuesday night.

T.J. said...

git er done, Clarence

Clarence said...

In the Chicago crowd on TV, first I've seen this T-shirt: 99 Problems and the Mitt Ain't One. Well alrighty.

Danimal said...

What is your poison Rob

rob said...

surprise me, danimal. always up for trying something new. in the whiskey category, anyway.

Clarence said...

Bowman's would be a nice surprise.

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