Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Alliteration Wednesdays: Woeful Winless Washington Wizards

They lost again last night, those Wizards of F(un) Street. A 92-76 defeat at the hands of the Charlotte Bobcats, a team that just last year compiled the worst winning percentage in league history. The loss drops this year's version of Les Boulez to 0-6, meaning Randy Wittman's club is steamrolling towards the franchise-worst mark of 0-8 to begin last season (yes, with the suited man above in charge).

Desultory starts to a season are a bit of a Wizards tradition. In addition to the 2011-12 asshattery that saw 0-8 become 1-12 on the way to 20-46, the 2008-09 club began the year 0-5/1-10, and the 2007-08 team also kicked off a season 0-5. This team likes to build a foundation for a season...on quicksand. If Ernie Grunfeld were to hire a new contractor to build a Verizon Center parking lot extension, it would probably be the same folks who helped Jefferson Starship whip together an entire city on simply rock and roll.

Not to pile on the Wiz, but for lack of a better term, here are some Bullets bullets that encapsulate the 2012-13 season so far:
  • Washington is dead last in the league at scoring (86.0 ppg). 29th place (88.0 ppg) is held by Orlando, who traded away superstar Dwight Howard for a bag of pizzeria Combos and a Betamax player.
  • The Wiz are dead last in the league in field goal percentage, making just 39.5% of their shots. The are tied for last in three point percentage, at 27.9% (thanks, Sacramento, for joining Washington in the bricklayers union).
  • If we can stay on that last stat for a moment, Washington took 31 threes against the Bobcats on Tuesday night...making just five of them. Now, if you were a team that stunk at making three balls, you might think to take less in a game, right? Not these guys - they're third in the league hoisting from behind the three point line, attempting almost 26 threes a game. Gotta admire the sticktuitiveness (I'm looking at you, Trevor Ariza).
Washington takes the floor against Dallas tonight, still desperate for Win #1 this season. The Mavs have won four straight contests with the Wiz. Can Fred Gwynne's squad get it done tonight, or does 0-7 await?


Oh yeah, if you were wondering what injured point guard John wall thinks of all this, I believe this GIF from the gang at Truth About It sums it up perfectly (click the image for full effect):

30 comments:

zman said...

A Christmas/Gheorghemas gift for the man who has everything:

http://turntablelab.com/collections/daily-arrivals/products/beastie-boys-pauls-boutique-8-x-7-boxset

T.J. said...

People hate alliteration. And the Wizards.

zman said...

Not at all. This was a nice effort. The references to Jefferson Starship, Betamaxes, Combos, and the Bullets brought me back to the 80s.

T.J. said...

And the Fred Gwynne/Pet Sematary pic?

Marls said...

It was just Starship at that point Teej. Apparently Jefferson had made enough cash in the dry cleaning business to not have to work.

Marls said...

It was just Starship at that point Teej. Apparently Jefferson had made enough cash in the dry cleaning business to not have to work.

rob said...

as it turns out, jamesons tastes just as good on this side of the pond. who knew?

Squeaky said...

Sitting in a bar in Wisconsin. Folks don't seem to happy about the college hoops game. But I bet Mark is happy.

Mark said...

Indeed I am. Taking it to the Badgers and that turncoat Andy North.

Squeaky said...

If OBFT goes to thirty years then who is mostly to look like this guy?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3qfBiz64Axs

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ygeWsoYYMuQ

Clarence said...

For the love of Pete, Rob, it's just Jameson. Not Jamesons, not Jameson's, not JamesOn. You don't call it Beam's, you don't call it Bacardi's, you don't call it Cuervo's. Too many half-baked Irish whiskey drinkers don't realize this. Take some time across the sea to think about what's important to you.

(And if you do, I'm guessing it's not this.)

Clarence said...

And for what it's worth, since we reward and acknowledge the irreverent, decent folks here -- R.A. Dickey winning the Cy Young makes me happier than I even figured it would, and not just because I'm a Mets fan. For as much as we can only know a small bit about the sports stars any of us root for, there's enough credible evidence to suggest that this guy is truly a quality human being, one of the true good guys in a sports world filled with less than that. I sincerely hope Dickey remains a Met, but way more than that, I wish for continued success and happiness for this guy in every endeavor he embarks upon. He's super-solid, and very, very Gheorghey.

Danimal said...

Rob...just in case you missed my rec from the other day, try Midleton. Very hard to get over here but typically in the bars and restaurants in u.k./ire. It is.....so choice. If you have the means, I highly rec picking one up at Doody (hehe) Free at HRow.
Cheery-O

Danimal said...

With a bottle of Midleton, plus whatever Geoff sent or is sending, PLUS what you may or may not have when you get home from the Danimal - the Squirrel Bar is near complete.

Squeaky said...

Pretty amazing performance from Ibrahimovic yesterday in the Sweden Vs. England game. He only had 4 goals.

Second goal was a thing of beauty. Chesting the ball in stride and volleying it before it hits the ground. http://youtu.be/xlaT-xFs7OQ

Fourth goal is just ridiculous. Bicycle kick from 30 meters out.

http://youtu.be/az4mFb18DUE

/end football update

zman said...

Speaking of football, I need to start two selected from the group consisting of:

Doug Martin @ CAR
Jamaaaal Charles vs. CIN
CJ Spiller vs. MIA

Note that the Bills/Fish tilt is tonight and both teams played on Sunday.

Danimal said...

spiller is a no-brainer...a MUST, their other carrier is out or will be limited...spiller will get many more carries against the fins....will let the others chime on on the other two.

rob said...

hey clarence, how about you stop criticising your drunk friends and pick up a rifle and stand a post. or write a post. about r a dickey. you lazy wanker.

zman said...

My concern with Spiller is that the Dolphins run D is very good, and my Bills fan mojo is very bad. And it's a Thursday game.

Danimal said...

Yeah...ur other concern should be that i recommended him.

rob said...

danimal, had a middleton at the end of a very boozy steakhouse dinner this evening. you're a good, good man.

Danimal said...

Am so proud of you.

Danimal said...

The silvery blue hue of the unc helmet is prettu cool imo. The big footprint i could do without.

zman said...

Chan Gailey is growing a catastrophe beard like TR's.

zman said...

I think Fitz has no depth perception.

TR said...

When Mike Woodson smiles, it looks like he has 47 chromosomes.

Mark said...

How was that dinner, TR?

TR said...

Underwhelming

rob said...

danimal, middleton very rare is £100 in duty free. i'm pretty sure that's something like $500. maybe next time.

Danimal said...

well, in actuality it's $160 but who's counting? but yeah, that's a tad pricey.