Wednesday, November 28, 2012

A Man of Letters

My complete lack of sports gambling acumen is well documented (the most recent evidence: the $20 I put on the Philadelphia Eagles to win the Super Bowl at 12-1). I am, however, much more successful in wagering on political outcomes, largely because I was a Nate Silver fan before being a Nate Silver fan was cool. (Hell, I knew him when he was Poblano.)

My savvy paid off for me this election season, as I came out on the right (or left, as the case may be) side of several alcohol-related wagers. One, in particular, paid off in memorable fashion. Just last week, I received check for $47 accompanied by a note typed on impressive letterhead, the text of which follows:

"Dear Rob,

I write this letter from my well-hidden and protected bunker in the swamplands of central Florida, equipped with laptop and laser printer among other things. Why are you receiving a letter with a check you ask? Well as we say here in the office, "Fast pay equals fast friends." And due to Virginia ABC laws, there is no means by which to get you liquor via delivery. Beer is doable as is wine. The thought of sending you the bottle of vino you and Danny Snyder love crossed my mind. That would be too convenient for you not to mention a lot more expensive for me. At least this way you have to make an effort to grab your prize.

Your prize.Well you have this check to do what you will with. You could go out and buy a new Saints T-shirt and I'd be none the wiser. If I'd had the ability though, I was going to send you a bottle of Rum. Wait What? Yeah, Rum. For starters, I'm going to guess that you haven't had the brand of rum I am encouraging you to buy. And B, you did say you'd be willing to try something different.

Ron Zacapa - 23 Year Old - made in Guatemala. A buddy of mine down here turned me and a few others on to this. He's a 60-year old surf rat who travels to Guatemala for some killer waves. It's 100% pure adrenalin. He's in a group of guys I swim with a couple of times a week. They've had this annual tradition where on or around April 15th we do "The Tax Day Swim." I've had the (dis)pleasure of partaking in this each of the last three years. Like all of our sessions, we are in the pool at 0530 for a little warm-up. The Tax Day Swim is always a minimum of 40 x 100's on 90 seconds. Every 90 seconds, another 100 yards begins. In runner-speak I'm not sure what this would be akin to. Maybe 20 x 400's at 85-90% efforts with no more than 15 seconds rest between each? Regardless, it's a real bitch.

Once the swim is complete we try and pull ourselves out of the pool. Jimmer, the surfer, then breaks out his gym bag, 6-7 clear plastic cups, cooler with ice, and a brand new bottle of Ron.We sit on the pool deck, which is outside and at roughly 6:45 a.m. the bottle is opened. By 7:45 it is just about empty. This is at a YMCA mind you, with lifeguards and other people milling about. The first year I did this I was scared sh*tless of both rituals and more so of the Rum part. Little did I know. We shoot the breeze, tell stories, and get half pissed.

I like good bourbon and scotch as most of us cool, hip traveled guys do. I don't drink the Zacapa much but I could absolutely consume half a bottle per night. So hopefully I've persuaded you to allocate these dollars to a bottle of Ron Z 23-year. I've even included the cost to cover the tax due the Commonwealth. I have confirmed that your ABC Store on Fairfax St, less than two miles from your home has this fine bottle in stock. They wouldn't even let me pay for it over the phone. Again, the inconvenience is good for you. Anyway Rob, I felt you needed to know how Ronnie Z came into my life so that you could appreciate it a bit more, especially having just completed your marathon. Congratulations by the way. Enjoy your off-season and the Ron Zacapa. The best to you and the Russell family.

Danimal"

Now that, my friends, is how it's done. Cheers to you, Danimal, and here's to 2016.

41 comments:

zman said...

zrum.

Danimal said...

aah little buddy.
so are you donning a new saints jersey or have you made the recommended buy?

rob said...

i couldn't very well not purchase ron after that letter now, could i? will be heading to the abc store after work this evening.

and louisville to the acc. down goes the big east. down goes the big east.

rob said...

so indiana's pretty good at hooping, huh?

T.J. said...

danimal is so old he writes letters? was it on parchment paper?

mayhugh said...

Danimal - do you also write letters to the editors of magazines.

Geoff said...

I believe I owe you some sort of aperitif as well.

Danimal said...

Awl w the editor question.

Danimal said...

This was Rob's way to remind you Geoff that you owe him a little somethin. Good job Rob. Well played.

rob said...

i wish i were that smart, danimal

Jerry said...

Santa Stumble December 15.

TR said...

Just found out I have a torn plantar fascia. And hammer-toes. Good times.

My new podiatrist is an attractive 30 y/o girl. Would be weird to date a podiatrist. All I'd think about was the gross feet (like mine) she has to touch all day.

Danimal said...

hammer toes. that sounds really hot.

Danimal said...

any and all typos in the post were rob's, fyi.

rob said...

i don't make mistakes, danimal

zman said...

How could a woman that fine have hammer time in her shoe?

zman said...

I should have known it. She had bumps on the top of her show.

rob said...

really, was there a dumber thing in sports this month than people actually reporting that les miles was entertaining the arkansas offer?

other than sanchez getting tackled by his lineman's ass, of course.

rob said...

tribe at once-rival richmond tonight. wish spidey was still in the caa, 'cause i would like to hate them on a more regular basis.

Mark said...

Zman dropping Boomerang quotes.

I enjoy that G:TB has caused multiple guys to buy another guy a bottle of liquor.

rob said...

we make the world a better place, mark. every day.

rob said...

who wants to come to next year's romney, wv squirrel fest with me?

http://wapo.st/U1CfRw

Clarence said...

I normally wait until we get into December, but I went ahead and popped on the Christmas music. Oberweis dairy egg nog and Jameson. Hitting the frickin spot.

My next door neighbors are huge fans of the Zacapa. Dee-lish.

rob said...

charlie brown christmas, bitches

rob said...

tribe down 2 at the break

Clarence said...

Wow -- it is indeed the Charlie Brown Christmas album that I am playing. Great minds...

zman said...

Who's that? Brown.

rob said...

tribe tied with 2:35 to play

Clarence said...

Wizards up 12. Finally a W.

rob said...

no you didn't

tribe misses a chance to win in regulation - headed to overtime

Clarence said...

As I typed that, the Wiz went up 15. Lead is now 5. They're unreal.

Mark said...

I'm not usually a fan of rum but I do really enjoy Fluer de Cana so I''ll have to give Zacapa a try.

Clarence said...

Wizards tied. I apologize.

rob said...

double overtime. tribe led by 5 with 2:30 left. gaaah.

zman said...

Shem.

Clarence said...

Wiz win!

rob said...

tribe lose. blerfg.

Jerry said...

Blatche crushed it tonight.

Mark said...

17-13. He really did. Avery Johnson's probably the best thing that ever happened to his career.

T.J. said...

hate that douche

Jerry said...

He's been really good - working the glass, clogging the middle. He does usually does one dumb thing a game, but you probably wouldn't notice it much if he didn't have the rep. Nets have a real solid 4 man rotation of bigs with Brook-Hump-Blatch-Evans. They've killed some teams on the glass even though Lopez is the worst rebounding big man in the history of ever.