Tuesday, December 04, 2007

And Now for Something Completely Futile and Stupid: The G:TBCS

Like the salmon predictably return to Capistrano, the hue and cry comes from all corners of the blogosphere, no less plaintive for its annual repetition. The powers that be have delivered unto us a “national championship” game featuring the Ohio State Buckeyes and the Louisiana State Tigers, fine teams both. And, as has been the case for the past eight years, the United States of America, the world’s foremost meritocracy, settles the collegiate championship of its most emblematic and favorite sport by... well, hell, you know how they do it. You’re not a moron. Unless you think the BCS is a good way to crown a champion, in which case you’re probably not qualified to operate that computer in front of you. In fact, get the hell out of here. Go read Drudge or play in traffic or something. We don’t want your idiocy rubbing off on us.
We will not be making an argument in favor of a college football playoff system. The argument is self-evident. We’ve made it ad nauseum in weeks, months, and years past. We’re tired of heralding evolution to a bunch of creationists who don’t return our calls.

No, we won’t be making the argument. Instead of beating them, we’ll join them by putting on our own mythical national championship, making travel arrangements, lining the fields, turning on the lights and playing the games ourselves. If a contrived combination of computers, coaches (see Dan Steinberg’s outrageous outing of the asinine element of this portion of the process here), and “experts” is good enough for the NCAA, then a contrived combination of beer-addled, sophomoric, work-avoiding bloggers is also good enough for you.

Ladies and Gentlemen, we give you the G:TBCS – a 16-team, single-elimination tournament beginning this Friday, December 7th and culminating with a New Year’s Eve humdinger in the Big Easy.

We’ll make the selection process simple, so as not to confuse certain people from Indianapolis. The BCS Top 16 qualify, because it’s a whole lot easier and more defensible to keep the Brigham Youngs, Central Floridas, and Directional Michigans of the world out of the tournament than it is to select LSU over Oklahoma over Georgia over USC for a one-game shot at a title. (What, the Cougars are bitter? Cry me a river. Go beat Tulsa and UCLA and give us a call.) Seeding has been slightly modified to keep conference foes from squaring off in the first round, but generally kept intact. We didn’t want to hurt Mike Slive’s feelings.

Opening round games will be contested at the higher seed’s home stadium. The final seven games will be played at the sites of major bowls (Cotton, Gator, Citrus, Fiesta, Orange, Rose, and Sugar). If your bowl is named for a company, you don’t get to play. ESPN won’t televise the games because they’re scared of the NCAA, so we’ve got Kevin Smith producing the telecasts for us on our own podcast network (G:TP).

Without further ado, the committee is pleased to reveal the following matchups for the inaugural G:TBCS tournament:

Round 1 – December 7, 2007

Cotton Bowl Region
#16 Tennessee @ #1 Ohio State, 7:00 EST
Right off the bat, a chance for the Big 10 champions to justify their lofty perch against the SEC’s 4th-best team.

#9 West Virginia @ #8 Kansas, 10:00 EST
Can the upstart Jayhawks shake off their Border War bed-wetting? Has Rich Rodriguez stopped crying?

Round 1 – December 8, 2007

Gator Bowl Region
#14 Boston College @ #5 Georgia, 12:00 EST
Much-touted Bulldogs take on overachieving Eagles between the hedges.

#12 Florida @ #4 Oklahoma, 8:00 EST
On paper, the best game of the first round – a whole shit-ton of ath-a-leets flying around the field. We can’t wait to watch this one.

Fiesta Bowl Region
#13 Illinois @ #3 Virginia Tech, 6:00 EST
Hokies looking for another shot at LSU. Nobody’s really sure why. Meanwhile, America readies for the possibility of one of the greatest back-stories imaginable.

#11 Arizona State @ #6 Missouri, 2:00 EST
Two vastly overrated squads square off for a trip to the final of the tournament’s weakest region. Lest you cite this as an argument against the tourney format, I commend to you the NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament first round.

Citrus Bowl Region
#15 Clemson @ #2 LSU, 4:00 EST
Tiger against Tiger, Death Valley against Death Valley, one really good team against Clemson.

#10 Hawaii @ #7 Southern California, 10:00 EST
Cinderella Warriors channeling Harbaugh against heavily favored (and controversially seeded) Trojans.


Quarterfinals – December 14, 2007
Cotton Bowl Region: 16/1 Winner vs. 9/8 Winner @ Dallas, TX 12:00 EST

Quarterfinals – December 15, 2007
Gator Bowl Region: 14/5 Winner vs. 12/4 Winner @ Jacksonville, FL 8:00 EST
Fiesta Bowl Region: 11/6 Winner vs. 13/3 Winner @ Glendale, AZ 4:30 EST
Citrus Bowl Region: 10/7 Winner vs. 15/2 Winner @ Orlando, FL 8:30 EST

Semifinals – December 22, 2007
Cotton Bowl Winner vs. Gator Bowl Winner @ Miami, FL 5:00 EST
Fiesta Bowl Winner vs. Citrus Winner @ Pasadena, CA 8:30 EST

Championship Game – December 31, 2007
Cotton/Gator Winner vs. Fiesta/Citrus Winner @ New Orleans, LA 8:30 EST

Stay tuned for pregame festivities, filmed live on Friday morning from G:TBCS headquarters -- that's G:TBCSHQ to you -- in Leesfolkington, VA. (Have I mentioned that our sponsor is AT&T?) We may not have Erin Andrews, but Teejay looks pretty spiffy in a housecoat.

Finally, a championship of the people, by the people, for the people. Enjoy, people.

23 comments:

Jerry said...

Now we can all fast forward through those annoying games played in September, October, and November so that we can have the season neatly summarized for us in a single month. It's a real time-saver.

Dave said...

I think the first place the computer simulation tournament will exist is boxing-- once the singularity comes it will be relatively easy to pit a living boxer versus a molecule by molecule computer simulation in an imaginary ring. Football will be tougher, but I can't wait-- then anyone can watch whatever teams they want whenever, and be entertained by a full scale . . . enough day-dreaming, Ian just woke up.

Whitney said...

Hardly, Jerry. Like every other sport with a postseason, the playoffs are a culmination and direct result of each and every game played in the regular season. Explain to Wisconsin, Texas, Auburn, UCLA, Oregon State, and UVA how the regular season doesn't matter; they had their chances, each of them. Now they're out.

Meanwhile, being in gives you a puncher's chance, but because of regular season losses, the Volunteers have to go to the Shoe on a Friday night, the Gators get no home-swamp-advantage, and WVU is playing in Lawrence instead of Morgantown. Huge disadvantages based on what happened between Labor Day and Hannukah.

You caught my ear when you made the point that the games of the regular season lose some of that roller-coaster all-or-nothing impact with playoffs, but to pretend that they'd be rendered meaningless weakens the point. An exciting regular season and a thrilling playoff finish are not mutually exclusive entities.

Jerry said...

First of all, there is zero chance that there would be homefield advantage in these games. None. There's too much money at stake and it would be too corrupt. It doesn't happen in hoops. It's not gonna happen in football.

With a 16 team tournament, you're casting your net so wide that every team with a real chance to win a championship is going to get in pretty easily (and you're going to pick up a bunch of trash along the way). Same as in hoops. Everybody who's a real contender is in and nobody really gives a damn about the bubble discussions about Oklahoma State vs. Creighton.

And thus the regular season would deteriorate, just like college hoops. Sure, UVA fans would get excited and start telling everybody how they're better than Cincinnati and UConn. And we could hear from Oregon State fans about how they're as hot as anybody and they're better than Illinois.

It's the same arguments people are having now, but with a much lower class of team. The regular season must-see games wouldn't involve the elite teams, because their die has been cast. The biggest games of the regular season would involve Texas Tech, Wisconsin, Kentucky, BYU, and South Florida.

Just like in hoops, the regular season is an exhibition for the UNCs and UCLAs of the world. So it would be in football with USC, LSU, OSU, etc.

Jerry said...

And I'm not saying that's necessarily wrong. Plenty of sports are like that. I'm just pointing out that there are downsides to the playoff, which everybody seems to think is a no-brainer.

Just like pennant races in baseball aren't nearly as interesting as they used to be.

rob said...

home field could happen with a 16-team tourney - there's enough money to be made on television rights to make it feasible. and it would add an edge to the regular season that you see as lacking in the plan.

i think at least 9 of the 16 teams in the g:tbcs has at least some chance to win it, which is a much greater percentage that realistic winners of the ncaa hoops tourney.

to say that nobody gives a damn about the bubble discussions dismisses most february hoops talk - it's simply not true.

i also disagree with your point regarding the pennant races. how many teams were still alive in the national league with 2 weeks remaining in the season this year? you can't really believe that the 2007 races weren't interesting. even in the al, where the teams were decided relatively early, the matchups were in flux until late. and the matchups were a big deal.

Jerry said...

Yes, I will say unequivocally that nobody other than the fans of the teams in the AL cared about the AL "pennant race" down the stretch. At all. And even the fans of the teams didn't agree on who they wanted to face.

However that point has nothing to do with the wild-card. It juts happens that the race was decided early because 4 teams claimed 4 spots ahead of the rest of the league. The same thing could (and did) happen with the old system.

As far as the NCAA tournament, certainly the fans of teams like Virginia Tech and Providence care if their team makes the tournament, but on from a national perspective, it's irrelevant. Just like the #8 spot in a conference in the NBA or NHL playoffs.

One of my key points is that there is a distinction between something being exciting and something being good. Watching the lottery drawing is exciting if you have a ticket, but it doesn't make it good.

Certainly the wild-card makes things more exciting. More teams have a chance to be in the race. There is more potential for the multi-team swarm that we saw in the NL this year.

For me, an old-fashioned pennant race was good -- far better than the current system. Feel free to dispute if you like, but the fact that it was hard to make the playoffs and that a good team would get left on the outside created a level of suspense and intrigue that is currently lacking because there are too many playoff tickets available. Watching a 102 Giants team miss the last spot is different than an 85 win Phillies team.

With a 16 team playoff in college football, it would have the same effect. Pittsburgh beats West Virginia? Pfft. The Panthers are happy. Nobody else cares. Missouri vs. Oklahoma? Must watch game? Not even close. They'll both have their chance to win a championship starting the next week.

Big games from 2 weeks ago -- Missouri vs. Kansas? Nope. Clemson vs. South Carolina, Boston College vs. whoever they were playing, South Florida vs. whoever they were playing. Etc. Are people getting excited about the race for #16 on a national level? Maybe, but not like the race for #2.

Do Boston College, Illinois, and Arizona State deserve a chance to win a national championship after the seasons they've had? I don't think so.

This year isn't a good year for a 2 team playoff, but in years like 2005, a 16 team playoff would more than likely ruin our chances of seeing USC-Texas.

You say Clemson deserves a chance to win the national championship? I say USC and Texas deserve something better than being subject to having their potential championship shattered by teams that couldn't get it done in the regular season.

The payoff would be the playoff, but there are a lot of sacrifices that would have to be made.

rob said...

reasonable points, jerome, though i don't agree with all of them (ask dallas if the 8 seed wasn't a national story in last season's nba playoffs, and nothing that happens in the nhl is a national story, even when 8 seeds win with alarming regularity). aren't we dancing farther and farther away from the main point, though, which is that we want our champions to earn it on the field against the nation's best in a given season? if not for some enterprising entrepreneur deciding that a parade needed a football game to go with it back in 1905 or so, we'd have a tournament just like every other sport.

reading between the lines, it seems like you'd be okay with an 8-team tourney. do i read that right?

rob said...

and more importantly, who do you like in the first round of the g:tbcs?

Michael Jack said...

I'd be interested in the spreads here. I'll leave the over-under guesses to Jerry who normally is within 2-5 points when I quiz him.

Tenn +7.5
West Virginia -8.5
Georgia -6
Oklahoma -3
Va Tech -11
Az State +7
Clemson +12.5
USC -9.5

Geoff said...

Jerry had lobbied me pretty well into the "no playoff" camp over the last few years with his "it's the only sport where the regular season has any juice" argument. And, up until this year, I was in. But the general mediocrity of this year's field really lends itself to the playoff argument--even if it's just four or eight teams.

But at the same time, getting all riled about the playoff is kind of like donating to Ron Paul's presidential campaign. There's a sizable and loud contingent out there...but they're wasting their breath.

Jerry said...

OSU -5
Kansas +7
UGA -11
Oklahoma -5
VT -10
Mizzou -8
LSU -13
USC - 16.5

Every season in every sport is different. This year, an 8 team playoff would be fine because there are no elite teams and very little seperates the top 5-6 teams.

In the NFL this year, I think the playoffs should only have 5 teams, but you can't change it every year.

Greg said...

College football has some of the best rivalry games at the end of the season. If one team in a rivalry game (let's say, Florida) had clinched a berth in the playoffs, then the FSU game (which matters to the fans) might not matter as much to the coaches because they've got the playoffs on the horizon. This heated rivalry is now a "look-past" game for one team and becomes essentially an exhibition game. The starters might go on for a few series, but why take the risk of a serious injury to a key player when the "playoffs" are right around the corner. This creates a set of misaligned values between the coaching staff and the fans and I think it's best when everybody is on the same page. And that page says: "Win every single game because they ALL matter."

rob said...

but that's a corollary to the "this is how it's always been, so it must be right" argument. it's impossible to say definitively that a playoff would be better, because we've never had one to evaluate.

either way, geoff is right - there's no point getting exercised about it because it ain't gonna change. all the more reason to have silly fun with it. i do hope you've purchased your g:tbcs tickets.

Jerry said...

Greg is right. The Redskins and Cowboys is as big a rivalry as there is in the NFL, but who would be shocked if Dallas holds some guys out of their game here in DC in week 17?

Whitney said...

That's because Dallas will have clinched thw NFC's #1 seed and home field throughout. I am doubting any school could afford a last week loss and still get the #1 seed, but maybe in the long-shot scenario, yes, that'd be true. If you're looking at a serious drop in the seedings so as to draw Florida instead of Clemson in the first round, I doubt you're resting that many guys.

Greg said...

Why don't we just do away with the regular season of college football, seed all the teams and make the whole season the tournament....lose and you're out. Just throw away all the rivalries and regular season scheduling and make the whole season one big tournament.

rob said...

yes, that's it! i do believe you've solved the problem. much as the wild card in baseball destroyed the sox/yankees and dodgers/giants rivalries, a college football playoff would doubtless destroy auburn/alabama, usc/ucla, and florida/florida state/miami. and let's not forget ole miss/msu. the ingrained hatreds and passions would vanish like so many dandelion seeds (or whatever the fuck those things are) in a light breeze. thank god for the greater wisdom of the keepers of the bcs flame for allowing me to still hate auburn with the white hot passion of a thousand suns.

Greg said...

Would you rather:
A) Beat Auburn
B) Win the National Championship C) Get Mad Cow Disease

Whitney said...

Whoa.

The National Championship is currently determined by the BCS.

Mad cow disease is Bovine Spongiform Encephalopathy, or BSE.

Auburn is somewhere in eastern Alabama best described as BFE.

Greg, you are a twisted genius.

(But in response to your comment, I can only say BFD. And now it's time for BED.)

rob said...

i see the point you're making, greggerson, but i don't agree that a playoff necessarily takes anything away from the rivalry. i can't for a minute imagine an alabama coach coasting against auburn, even knowing that a playoff was forthcoming. suppose we may need to agree to disagree.

although mad cow disease sounds like fun for the first few days.

rob said...

your william and mary wrens opened conference play yesterday with a hard fought (see, it works in so many places) 71-57 loss at vcu to drop their overall record to 1-5. on friday, they begin a 6-game stretch that will define them as either a middling team or godawful dreck. the next 6:

@ north florida
home vs. vmi
home vs. montreat
@ suddenly frisky hampton
home vs. fairfield
home vs. delaware

anything worse than 5-1 and godawful dreck is the verdict.

Whitney said...

Montreat -- isn't that what they call a north-of-the-border stripper?