"Merchandising, merchandising, where the real money from the movie is made. Spaceballs-the T-shirt, Spaceballs-the Coloring Book, Spaceballs-the Lunch box, Spaceballs-the Breakfast Cereal, Spaceballs-the Flame Thrower...the kids love this one"...but apparently not as much as folks love Duke Lacrosse merchandise. They can't keep the stuff on the shelves down in Durham - sales are 3 to 4 times the norm (it should be noted the apparel simply says "Duke Lacrosse" on it, and the women's team is #1 in the country, so that could be why people are buying it...ah, never mind, no one's buying that for a second) Seriously, how long before we see a Duke Lacrosse jersey in a rap video? In other news, local sporting goods store Dick's Sporting Goods is living up to its name by pulling all Duke Lacrosse merchandise...Greg Garber probably told them that was the proper thing to do.
"Never underestimate the power of the Schwartz!"...UCLA sophomore guard Jordan Farmar has declared for the NBA Draft, but has wisely not hired an agent in case it doesn't quite work out the way he thought (he does have Yoghurt on speed dial for moral support). I saw some of Farmar this season, and unless I missed something, this seems like a bizarre move.
"I bet she gives great helmet"...I'm looking at you, Mrs. Jim Bowden...
"So the combination is one, two, three, four, five? That's the stupidest combination I've ever heard in my life! The kind of thing an idiot would have on his luggage!"...Actually, the Bowden family gets two this week, because there is no dumber GM out there, and yes, I'm including Allaird "Captain of the Titanic" Baird in Kansas City. No need for me to list Bowden's recent moves, espn.com did all the hard work for me. Is there any doubt this guy was loaded for the Brian Lawrence deal?
"Oh, my God. It's Mega Maid. She's gone from suck to blow"...I think that pretty much sums up Barry Bonds' season so far. And after mistakenly watching 30 seconds of that sycophant on that joke of a show of his, here's hoping it gets 10,000 times worse. And screw ESPN for airing that crap...I'd rather watch those lunatics on the paintball show.
"Yes, we're gonna have to go right to ludicrous speed"...Sloth Shelton would have been a perfect fit here, but I'd say we exhausted that topic the other day. You want ludicrous, how about Julio Franco hitting a HR last night at the ripe old age of 47. The Jack LaLanne of MLB is the oldest player to ever hit a HR, a record he is sure to break next year, and possibly in 2008 as well. As Mel Allen used to say, "How About That!"
"They've gone to plaid!"...I had a Rob Neyer joke in here somewhere, and the attempt was going to be some sort of Neyer-esque VORP or Win Shares breakdown (yikes, now it seems like I'm swiping from Whit too), but then I ate a huge turkey sandwich for lunch and threw in the towel. So, much like when you watch Sunday Night Baseball, you won't be getting any expert statistical analysis here.
"When will then be now? Soon"...The "then" in question is the Kansas City Poop being the worst team in the modern era of baseball. And it's coming alot sooner than you think...2-12 to start the year, 10 straight losses, and absolutely no end in sight. 46 runs scored on the year, 99 runs given up. Their opponents are hitting .305 on the year and slugging .508. This team is losing 120 games easy, and don't think for a second 130 losses is out of the question. GTB will be tracking two things all summer - the meteoric rise (and possible fall) of Sloth Shelton, and KC's Kwest for All-Time Ineptitude. Stay tuned.
"Who knows? God willing, we'll all meet again in Spaceballs 2: The Search for More Money"...A special tip of the cap to Allen Iverson and Chris Webber for showing up 5 minutes before tip-off the other night and not even sitting on the bench with their team, on what just happened to be fan appreciation night in Philly. This got very little press, because really, is anyone surprised by this type of behavior from pro athletes, especially these two? Still, maybe you should let the coach know ahead of time you planned to completely shirk your responsibilities. I have no love for Philadelphia or its fans, but it's still a dick move...
And finally, just for the hell of it...
"Man, we ain't found shit!"