Man do I wish I was a left-hander closer today...

Well, I certainly got the Heisman wrong a couple weeks ago (thank goodness my opinion means absolutely nothing in the grand scheme of things...hell, in that regard, I should be a voter in the Harris Poll). My earlier choice, Vincent Young, managed to look less than stellar against A&M on national TV (and was I in a food coma or did Dennis Franchione bust out the wishbone?) - combine that with Reggie Bush's 500 yard game against Fresno State, and you have Matt Leinart or Bush as your Hesiman winner. Whoever has the bigger field day against the porous UCLA defense will be walking away with the hardware December 10 (which means at least 1 of the 50 donkeys dressed up as Santa at Cafe Saint-Ex will need to keep an eye on the tube).

All this talk of Reggie and Matt logically leads me to next year's draft...and let me just say I couldn't be prouder of my Jets for forging ahead with their plan to completely tank the season by dropping a very winnable game in the fourth quarter against Joe Horn and the New Orleans Crusaders. I mean, of course New Orleans would win - they're led by Joe Theismann's "Coach of the Year" Jim Haslett. A look at the teams lined up at the Union Station liquor store hoping to win the "Pick a USC Player #1" Powerball drawing:

**Houston, 1-10: The Texans monumental choke job against the Rams still has them as the leader in the clubhouse for Leinart or Bush. The saving grace for the Jets - Houston plays 4 of their final 5 games against teams on this pitiful list, meaning 2 wins (hell, reach for the stars Dom Capers...3 wins) is not out of the question.
**San Francisco, 2-9: They've hitched their wagon to Alex Smith (or so it seems), so even if they draft #1 the Jets would get Leinart at #2. Plus the 49ers have Arizona and Houston on their remaining schedule, so a win is a definite possibility (look how big that January 1st game is between Houston and San Fran).
**NY Jets, 2-9: No matter how may motivational speeches Herm Edwards gives his team, I can't see a way the Jets don't pick #1 or #2, and thank god for that. Leinart or Bush would become an instant media sensation in NY, and you're telling me the Post and Daily News wouldn't love Manning/Leinart features for the next 10 years? The Jets might win one more game, against either Oakland or Buffalo, but I wouldn't count on it. 2-14 here we come.
**Green Bay, 2-9: Brett Favre. Yikes. I haven't seen a worse farewell tour since Spinal Tap's "farewell comeback tour" in '84 (or was it the "comeback farewell tour"?). They took Aaron Rodgers last year, so I'm pretty sure they're all about Bush (and if you think I'm not enjoying typing "bush" this many times, well, you're nuts). The Pack might get to 4-12 by beating the Ravens and Lions...or Favre completely throws this season away and Peter King hangs himself in a Colgate dorm in shame.
**New Orleans, 3-8: If Joe Horn had his way, the Saints would draft #1, #2 and #3 because Paul Tagliabue didn't send him a Vermont Teddy Bear after Hurricane Katrina. Thank god they beat the Jets Sunday night, because they're going winles in their final five games.
**Arizona, 3-8: Denny Green, your team sucks. But you do get the 49ers and Texans in the season's final 5 games. Stop playing Warner and you might win those two.
**Baltimore, 3-8: This season couldn't be happening to a nicer guy. Baltimore's probably getting to five wins and hopefully canning Billick as fast as possible.
**Tennessee, 3-8: Norm Chow and Steve McNair, starring in Rush Hour 3. Until Sunday's offensive explosion, I figured the Titans were 3-13 bound. But they get Houston in 2 weeks, so hopefully win 4 keeps them behind the Jets.

Very briefly...Notre Dame is going to the Fiesta Bowl. The Fiesta Bowl wants Notre Dame and not Oregon. Ducks fans, your screaming and whining will not change their minds. Despite your mind-numbingly ugly unis, you are not the national draw Notre Dame is. I know you only have 1 loss. Sorry, it's a business decision. And yes, Auburn fans, I realize your 9-2 was probably tougher than Notre Dame's 9-2, but again, Fiesta Bowl reps don't care. They want the ratings and the buzz. Get ready for Wisconsin and the Capital One Bowl (and all those fucking commercials with the displaced pillagers).

Hey, guess what, the New York Rangers are one of the best teams in hockey through the first third of the season. The only guy who might actually care about this is sequestered in NYC for the next few weeks, pondering how he can get 2 more TVs in his furnished suite so he can watch the San Diego County Credit Union Poinsettia Bowl, Nets-Raptors and Prison Break all at once. But the reason the Rangers are on my radar screen (besides the fact that this early season success is their best start in a decade), is that they played in an NHL-record 15 round shootout last week against the Crapitals (and won). They're winning with a productive offense (8th in goals scored) and fantastic defense/special teams (4th in goals against at 2.46/game and 2nd in penalty kill percentage). Perhaps some more NHL nuggets in coming weeks - my burning desire to beat Carter in Yahoo Fantasy Hockey has me tuned into the NHL much more than I should be. Well, that and my insatiable thirst to hear Barrry Melrose pronounce any word with the letter "o" in it.

What a gem I stumbled upon last evening...best two hours of television I've seen in awhile: The Kenny Rogers/Lionel Richie episode of "Crossroads" on CMT (winner of a very close race with PTV's "The Side Boob Hour" and "Midnight Q"). This show has apparently been on for quite awhile, from a look at this roster...how the hell did I miss the Hank Williams Jr./Kid Rock episode? Can I make requests? How much would it cost to get Neil and Barry together on CMT?

How far has Charlie Hustle fallen? I mean, Jayson Stark didn't even write an article about this. Yesterday, Pete Rose's eligibilty for the writers portion of the Baseball Hall of Fame ballot expired. The only way Rose could get in the Hall now would be a vote by the Veterans Committee, and there ain't no way in hell that is happening. "Pete Rose: My Prison Without Bars" didn't exactly work out the way Pete had hoped. Or maybe this is continued backlash for the ESPN "Hustle" advertising assault (by the way, not that you care, but I absolutely believe Rose should be in the Hall of Fame, based on his on the field performance). Three very interesting candidates for the Hall of Fame Class of 2006 - Orel Hershiser, Dwight Gooden and, for the first time, Albert "Don't Call Him Joey" Belle.

Has the Ford family ever stopped to think that Matt Millen might be the problem?