I can only go so long without throwing up some interweb beauts (damn it, no OJ news)...well, at least I found them to be beauts, you might find them a momentary diversion from a mundane morning...anyway, the Wiz play at Minnesota tonight so I either need to stop fucking around doing "links" posts and do the Wiz Watch this morning, or be supremely lazy and do nothing at all and see how early BLS MVP Laster can hit the local watering holes...let's see what the Magic 8 Ball says...** I haven't talked about them much, because really, what is there to write about a 2-7 football team that is getting worse. HOWEVAH, there is much speculation that if the Great Cryer (Dick Vermeil, not Jon "Duckie" Cryer) leaves Kansas City after this season, current Jets coach Herm Edwards would be the likely replacement. The same guy who gave us "You Play To Win The Game" and "How The Jets Win" yesterday went from having one foot out the door to reiterating his commitment to be the Jets coach next year. I'm not gonna shed a tear if Herm leaves (though I'm sure Jason Whitlock will have something to say) - all I need to know is whether to buy the Leinart jersey or the Bush jersey. This Jets season is uglier than the Defenestration of Prague. [NY Daily News]
** OK, so I guess the Mets aren't using Mike Cameron in a package for Manny Ramirez...I am a bit curious to see how the Mets plan to use Xavier Nady. He's always been regarded as a prospect with tremendous UPPPSIDE...but he has struggled at times and been shifted around between 1st Base and the Outfield. If the Mets really want to grab Carlos Delgado from the Marlins, Nady's gotta be going to the OF. Where does that leave Victor Diaz? (Whit or Jerry, this is where your expertise comes in handy) Oh, and to Mike Cameron...congrats...enjoy the spacious outfield at Petco, the fantastic weather in San Diego, the fish tacos, and Shamu. Say hi to Joyner for me. [Newsday]
** Vaya con Dios...Olin Kreutz, Fred Miller, Johnny Utah, and Bodhi (perhaps sprinkle in some crazy ass Angelo Pappas). Is that how this went down? That's how I'm picturing it. "You crossed the line. People trusted you and they died. You gotta' go down." Who says beers, BBQ, an FBI shooting range and meathead linemen don't mix? [Chicago Sun Times]
Shifting gears for a moment, yesterday was a big day down at the Cracker Factory...it was Girl Scout Cookie Day. That's right, for the seventh year in a row that I've brought home a paycheck and taken it "Oz"-style from Da Man in the form of FICA taxes, this guy has two boxes of delicious Trefoils sitting on his desk (actually, one sleeve is in the bottom desk drawer, one sleeve is on top of my computer, and one sleeve is hidden for emergency reasons...that fourth sleeve, well, the poor fella never had a chance). Trefoils are, of course, the greatest of all Girl Scout Cookies...
** This reality show has every chance to shatter the bar for "dumbest collection of people on Earth." [London Evening Standard]
** This is a scary link on several levels. First, in honor of Rivalry Week, Fox delivers the geriatric Battle of the Ages, Dick Clark vs. Regis Philbin. Look closer, for there is a darker horror...Clark's replacement...I think "no talent hack" describes him best. [Variety]
** Two gems courtesy of Page 6...Anna Nicole's in training for the upcoming WNBA season...and seriously, would it have killed Paris to name the monkey "Mr. Teeny"? [Courtesy of, meaning copied and pasted from, Page 6]
-- Anna Nicole Smith showed up at Hamburger Mary's in West Hollywood to play bingo for charity last week and took home quite a prize - a barmaid. Tracy, a pretty blonde, allowed herself to be picked up by the former Playmate and was later bragging about the night she spent with Smith, sharing pictures from her digital camera with patrons at the bar. "She wasn't keeping it a secret," a PAGE SIX source relates. "Anna Nicole put her in handcuffs and her neck was covered with hickeys." The source added, "Anna Nicole was doing that butt-slapping thing...it was just bizarre. And her son was in the house." Calls to Tracy and Smith were not returned.
-- Paris Hilton's new pet monkey, Baby Luv, went bananas when she took the peeved primate on a lingerie shopping spree in Las Vegas last weekend.
** In case you didn't notice (and it's OK if you didn't...it took Cornell almost beating Syracuse for me to notice), the college basketball season has begun. I am a huge college hoops fan, and I particularly enjoy some of the early season tournaments, as you can occasionally get a beat on who might have a breakout season before Thanksgiving even hits. Four ranked teams play tonight on ESPN and The Ocho:
Florida vs. #18 Wake Forest
#16 Syracuse vs. Texas Tech
#12 Memphis vs. #14 Alabama
Temple vs. #18 UCLA
Keep an eye on slick James Calipari at Memphis and the Ben Howland-led squad at UCLA. These teams might be very good and no one realizes it yet. Since I need to craft more prose each week, I'm hoping to supplement the Wiz Watch with some sort of GTB College Hoops Report, you know, some nonsensical poll or list or some other crap you may or may not read. Moving on...on the hardwood last night Dennis' favorite squadron beat Our Lady of the Worthless Miracle 92-40 in a CYO game. [ESPN]
** That reminds me...ESPN.com has thrown up the The Great College Hoops Tournament in honor of the season beginning, and it truly is a great parlor game. UCLA's all-time roster vs. Louisville's all-time roster? Kentucky vs. Syracuse? I plan to waste a good part of my afternoon messing around with this. The only real problem I see is that Scoop Jackson seems to be involved. I'd rather watch Skip Bayless debate Joey Lawrence (all complaints regarding complete loss of work productivity should be sent to Chocolate City reader Michael E.) [Page 2]
** What I'm reading when not typing these magnificent posts - FireJoeMorgan.com. I was pimping these guys a few weeks ago, and they tickled my fancy again yesterday with their absolute hatchet job of "Around the Horn" and LA Times uber donkey Bill Plaschke. Any guy who makes Woody Paige look good needs to be pummeled. [Fire Joe Morgan]
And finally, a salute to a guy who is fast becoming a Gheroghe favorite, Mr. Clinton Portis...
- First, he was Southeast Jerome (Afro wig, fake gold teeth, mask and cape)
- Then apparently Jerome died a tragic death, and it was Dr. Don't Know (pink wig, pink Mardi Gras glasses, huge fake black mustache)
- And now, we've got Sheriff Gonna Get Ya (black wig, bug-eyed shades and sheriff's badge...just look at that photo) - the Sheriff is apparently tracking the Southeast Jerome case. I couldn't make this shit up if I tried.
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80 comments:
Any Delgado deal is far from a certainty. Mike Jacobs could well be the future, but he's far from proven; word on the street is that his bat has already gone cold in winter ball. So you check yourself with Nady, getting the upside or at the very least a guy who could spell either Jake at 1B or Diaz in the OF -- neither of whom is a sure thing. [By the way, if it had been last year, Nady would be spelling Mientkiewicz -- which is no picnic!!! (Insert canned laughter here)]
They may also be making room in that outfield for Manny. I hope not, though.
And the best Girl Scout cookies are Samoas - evrybody knows that.
Wow, I actually found someone who tried to figure this out...as of 2004, the best selling Girl Scout cookies are:
Thin Mints (25% of total sales)
Samoas/Caramel deLites (19%)
Peanut Butter Patties/Tagalongs 13%
Peanut Butter Sandwich/Do-si-dos 11%
Shortbread/Trefoils 9%
I was wondering where this was:
http://www.firedrewrosenhaus.com/
I like the lemon cookies.
Tagalongs. Anyone who says otherwise is fooling themself.
Tagalongs is the correct answer. Thanks for playing...
Oh, and it's gonna be a fun year in college hoops. Don't sleep on the Eers in the Big East...but sleep deep and long on Seton Hall - they looked like an f-ing high school team against the Devils (anyone wanna give me odds on them going undefeated this year??). Swint, gimme 50:1...c'monm, it'll be fun.
I will happily continue the GTB tradition of betting a case of beer on anything sports-related...Duke goes undefeated I owe you a case of Coors Light, Duke loses one game you owe me a case of Natty Light.
I think he owes you a can of Natty Light.
Are you guys saying that those are the best cookies ever or just the best GS Cookies?
I . . . I can't not comment. I know it was bait, but I just can't.
Unless by "case" of Coors you mean the whole friggin' brewery, them ain't no 50-1 odds.
BD - Duke goes undefeated, I buy you two cases of something not brewed in Golden by members of the John Birch Society.
Duke loses a game, you owe me one imported beer. In a bar.
Perhaps a thimble of Natty? Best cookies ever are Fig Newtons.
Fig Newtons? You're crazy.
Don't dare call them cookies!
And figs are the fruit of the devil along with raisins, mushrooms (the non-psychadelic kind), and olives.
Bad dates?
And Whitney...done!
So Dennis...is fruit of the devil good or bad?
TJ - I've had some bad dates, but not since I quit match.com.
Young lady, I was of course referring to Sallah's great line in Raiders of the Lost Ark...
Sorry...that is a scary movie. I watched it a very long time ago and it gave me nightmares. But I do remember that part now that you mention it.
Devil...as in eternal fire and brimstone would be just slightly worse than eating a raisn, olive or mushroom...so, bad indeed.
But, I like bread, apples, very small rocks...
How about cider? Gravy? Cherries? Mud?
Check on cider, gravy, and cherries (unless warm and soggy). The mud depends on what I'm wearing...or if there's a female in it with me.
You don't like cherries that are warm and wet?
Charles Bronson is threatening to use his sock full of quarters on both of you.
Because this makes TJ uncomfortable...I usually prefer my fruit on the firm side. Usually fresh, unless in a pie.
And...dismount.
TJ - whatever are you talking about? It was a perfectly innocent question...Some people like to eat fresh cherries and some people like warm cherry pie.
Nah...I just wanted to get a Charles Bronson "Death Wish" reference in. There's not usually an opening for that kind of material. Anyone want to hear some good NASA jokes?
Yeah, be careful or you'll have to "check out" the latest moves of Steven Segal!
Seagal is a great American hero...you remember that.
There is my Under Siege reference for the day.
Save them for the cruise, man. And don't forget to roll in some Laci and Natalie material as well
Hey, what do you know...there is a Steven Segal movie on AMC today.
Haven't we had this conversation before?
And don't forget all my Chandra Levy material...
Speaking of Natalie...anyone see the Natalie Gulbis show on the Golf Channel the other day. She's my husband's new love. She's cute and she likes to play golf.
I knew a guy in college who looked like Steven Segal. He had the walnuts to go to a formal with two hot slutty looking chicks. He even had his long black hair slicked back into a pony tail like Segal in Hard to Kill and well...every movie he made. His real name rhymed with Jim Bodgers. It was a little weird.
I'm confused. If Duke fan extraordinaire (extraordinarily not gay, though they say there's one in every 10 Duke fans) Dennis uses "devil" in an expression, how can that be a bad thing?
But mushrooms (garden variety) are the seed of Satan.
Poor Chandra.
Mushrooms are mold that grows on a carefully mixed concoction of crap and dookie.
Yeah, that guy tried to pump my gas once...literally. I was at the gas station, and out of nowhere this guy donning a mullet tied back into a ponytail asks me, "Hey, can I pump your gas for you."
I pretended I was deaf.
Did he work at a gas station? It's hard to imagine Steven Segal pumping gas. Iron, yes. Gas, no.
No, he didn't work there. It was fate that we happened to be at the same gas station at the same time as "Jim" (aka Steven Segal wannabe).
and by "we" I mean "me"
That's weird...i would have let him pump it.
I saw Steven Seagal join the Allman Brothers onstage with his electric guitar for a mid-song jam, and they announced him by name (as their "old friend"). It was surreal.
Why do I mention this? It was the last time I ate mushrooms, no lie. Weird, huh?
Nice how we have commandeered Gheorghe as our own private chat room. We could talk on the phone or yahoo, ya know.
Whit...the only time I eat mushrooms on purpose is if someone invites me to dinner and uses them. I would like to lie and say I am allergic. But my mother was Catholic and the guilt would be too much.
I pick around them if I can, or just suck it up if they're mixed into something, washing them down with Jamo's on the rocks so as to kill their evil potency before they reach my innards.
And by the way, it's not true that all or even most of the hallucinogenic kinds are collected off crap. How I know this would require me to log in as Bruno or someone else.
I enjoy mushrooms. They're quite tasty, especially sauteed on a steak.
Has anyone considered that Geoff might be Bizarro-Whitney? Except that he's decently handsome, writes well, and has something of an ego.
Worlds Colliding!
Feldman to your Kramer? Gene to your George? Kevin to your Jerry?
I think the funny mushrooms grow elsewhere but the white ones that go on pizza and and are sold in the grocery stores, they are grown on pure shit with a touch of manure thrown in. Not only did BSP and I grow up a town with 5 prisons within the city limits, it also boasted a Mushroom Factory on the outskirts of town. Most of the time it was downwind but every once in a while the wind would shift and I am getting nauseated just thinking about it...
Decently handsome? Ahem.
Dennis' lovely wife was raised in the mushroom capital of the world - Kennet Sq., PA. Quite a town...a distince home field advantage on the gridiron i heard...
"distinct" home field advantage that is...
Who knew I would end up with a shroom lover?
I prefer Ed Lover (ngs).
Syracuse 81, Texas Tech 46...
It's sad how I keep coming back here and there is nothing new to read.
Here...this will hold you over...
http://literaryvelocity.blogspot.com/
TJ - I think I hate you right now. I am so creeped out.
Don't hate the playa lady...hate the game.
I am saving it all for you.
I guess I need to get a webcam...
I'd watch your webcam before Swint's.
Oh, and Ed Lover said he wants to to give him a call while Dr. Dre is out of town for the weekend.
I've got Afrika Bambaataa on hold...
What for?
Meaning - why do you need a webcam? apparently, i am the only one around here who does actually have one.
I'm trying to convince him to switch to Geico.
You weren't offering up a webcam strip show? I actually need a webcam so I can watch a really awkward high school senior try to hook up with the smoking hot exchange student...
I would die from alcohol poisoning before I could drunk enough to do something like that. So that would be a no. So are you saying you like underage porn?
You've got the wrong guy for the underage porn...
Does she ever...
Did somebody over here say underage porn?
Bushwick Bill is on line 2 for you TJ.
I had to put down my copy of Barely Legal because Eric B. & Rakim stopped by.
TJ,
I owe you an apology as it seems that your LenDale White Heisman Candidate theory wasn't nearly as far fetched as I originally believed it to be. There is a groundswell of support to, at least, invite him to the ceremony. DC Donkeys Wilbon and Kornheiser even debated it earlier this week.
I hate you...consider that your apology.
As a guy who also isn't very good at apologies, I'll take it. So, if you're keeping track at home, that's 1 useful nugget in the last 2 months. Trending upward...
Pretty dead day on the blogosphere...enjoy this bit of info...
Following are the safest and most dangerous cities with populations over 75,000, according to Morgan Quitno Press.
Safest Cities:
1. Newton, Mass.
2. Clarkstown, N.Y.
3. Amherst, N.Y.
4. Mission Viejo, Calif.
5. Brick Township, N.J.
6. Troy, Mich.
7. Thousand Oaks, Calif.
8. Round Rock, Texas
9. Lake Forest, Calif.
10. Cary, N.C.
Most Dangerous Cities:
1. Camden, N.J.
2. Detroit
3. St. Louis
4. Flint, Mich.
5. Richmond, Va.
6. Baltimore
7. Atlanta
8. New Orleans
9. Gary, Ind.
10. Birmingham, Ala.
Well that is interesting. I used to work in Mission Viejo. I never saw a crime there. But I did see plenty of po-lice. As for Lake Forest - it is the "town" directly north of Mission Viejo. South Orange County = Safe.
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