For Those Times When Mainlining Taco Bell Seems Like Too Much Effort

Mass market food purveyors are in a constant zero sum battle for the tastes and wallets of the American consumer. Every KFC Double Down begets a McRib begets a Friendly's Grilled Cheese Double Melt. Repeat ad absurdum.

The same holds true for soda marketers, fighting against a seemingly inexorable tide of health-conscious imbibers who've forsaken the tried and true sugarwater for "healthy" smoothies and glorified tapwater. Coca Cola Black Cherry Vanilla, anyone?

But today, we celebrate the truly inspired flavor geniuses at Mountain Dew. Not content with pushing the soda envelope to Orange Citrus Kickstart Mtn Dew or Mountain Dew Voltage (we assume it comes with a Ritalin drip), they've broken the heretofore theoretically impenetrable food/drink boundary.

Friends, we give you Doritos flavored Mountain Dew.

Do not adjust your blog settings. Do not look around for Alan Funt. Do pull that trashcan closer in an effort to catch the inevitable vomit that's about to erupt from that place in your intestines that's smarter than your brain.

Yet another example of the tried, true, and so often forgotten truism that just be
cause you can do something doesn't mean you should. And what's worse, the marketing mavens at Pepsi have branded this Frankensteinian monstrosity 'Dewitos', which sounds like a combination of baby talk and duck digits.

We've got an early frontrunner for the winner of next year's Scary Story Contest.