The $6.9 Million Dollar Man

Howdy folks. Wanted to give an update on my feeble spine, which continues to give me problems two months after a herniated disc first flared up. After visiting several orthopedists, I decided to follow the lead of the Hospital for Special Surgery in NYC, the top orthopedic surgery spot in Gotham. I will get a discectomy, which is the insertion of an artificial disc. It's a real fun procedure. They cut a 2" opening into your neck, push our esophagus out of the way, take out the damaged disc and put in a titanium replacement. And I'm not getting just any replacement. I'm getting the MOBI-C. It's what is recommended for folks that are not too decrepid and sedentary. The use of titanium replacements is relatively new, so there are no long-term case studies to review. So I'll be winging it, I guess. A pic of where they will slice my neck and push my esophagus to the side is below.

In a related note, my surgeon graduated high school in 2002. That is not a typo. But his pedigree is pretty ridiculous. And the googles also say he was a nationally ranked sculler to boot. His bio is here if you want to peruse it and feel inferior about your life achievements so far. Click through his education history and research history to see everything he's done. But if you want to feel better, you can remind yourself that he probably never chugged beer from Juan Carlos' epic eight-man frat-a-pus funnel or played Z. So we got that going for us, which is nice.

Surgery is set for Thursday 10/17. One night in hospital, one week out of work, and then aggressive PT. The hope is to remove numbness and the weakness in my right side. I can do a grand total of one push-up these days, given the disc is pushing into my C7 nerve root, making my right side feeble and my index finger quite numb.

Thanks in advance for the rehashed masturbation jokes! I'll try to send some photos from the procedure. Pray for me that I will get a catheter.