Mark's Wife is Sick of Me

I often text Mark about sneakers.  I think he often buys the sneakers I text him.  As a result, I'm pretty sure his wife is sick of me.  So it goes.

Starting today, Roger Federer is auctioning off a collection of clothing and racquets he used in various major tournaments, the Olympics, and Davis Cup play.  All proceeds go to the Roger Federer Foundation.  The crown jewel of the auction are these Air Zoom Vapor/Air Jordan III mashups from the 2014 US Open.

They are, as the kids say, hot fire.  Seven years ago Mark commented on them, saying "Z- you see the new Federer/ Jordan 3 mashups?  Whoooo."

The estimate is £40,000 to £60,000.  That's about $56,000 to $84,000.  Mark's wife hates me right now.

Luckily, there are other similar, cheaper options to bid on.  These are estimated at £30,000 to £50,000.  As are these.

But look, no sane human being spends that kind of money on used shoes.  Mark has dogs and kids and a house to pay for.  Much more problematic are these Air Zoom Vapor/Air Max 95 mashups:

They're new, autographed, and come in a fresh box.  Crispy.  As.  Fuck.  The £3,000 to £5,000 estimate is still a lot of quid, but not enough to bankrupt the college fund.  Mark's wife really hates me right now.  But it's for a good cause!

Mother's Day zGift Ideas

TR recently lamented that he has to come up with a lot of gifts for Tiara over a relatively short time span every year.  He's especially busy this year so he probably doesn't have time to come up with ideas and it wouldn't surprise me if you're similarly situated.  Luckily for you I'm really good at gift ideas--just ask your mother.  Here are a few you should consider that worked out well for me.

Ember coffee mug

Yes, this seems stupid.  Who needs a $100 heated coffee mug that you control from your phone?  It turns out lots of women do.  zwoman drinks her coffee really slowly so she ends up microwaving it twice throughout the course of the morning.  Her friends are envious of her Ember mug, which makes her enjoy it even more.  I did well with this one.

PhoneSoap

Your phone is filthy.  You use it in the bathroom, you let your kids use it, you fiddle with it while you're walking the dog or mowing the lawn or fixing your car or running or whatever else you do with dirty hands.  You should clean it from time to time.  PhoneSoap is a case that shines UV light on both sides of the phone and you can charge it in there too.  UV light is commonly used to purify water because it destroys DNA--even the Australians use it!  Again, this sounds silly but it was well-received.

Sneakers

Ladies is pimps too and you should help style them accordingly.  Like this if they're sporty and hip, or like this if they're preppy and crisp, or like this if they're French.

Toto Washlet

Yeah I said it.  And I've been saying it for a while.  Everyone needs a Toto Washlet.  You know who wasn't seriously affected by the toilet paper shortage?  zfamily, because we're one-wipe-done after the Toto takes care of business.  I haven't researched Washlets in a while but my friend's wife asked me to help her pick one out for his birthday and I steered her towards the C200.  She installed it herself as a surprise so you should be able to install one too.  Key features are remote control (as opposed to controls mounted on the side of the seat), oscillating nozzle (oscillating is yooodge), heated water, and heated seat.  Once a woman uses a heated toilet seat she can't go back.  zwoman's homegirls always rave about our warm seat and never pass up a chance to sit on it.  Floss the butt crack, make you shiny, spiffy in a jiff indeed.

A Marlin

Everyone should have a mechanical watch.  The Timex Marlin comes in various sizes and functionalities, and this 34 mm three-hander is great for a woman's wrist.  Swap out the leather strap for a metal bracelet to make it sportier or a nylon NATO to make it more adventurous.  The funky Arabic numerals let you do a lot style-wise, and who doesn't want 34 mm of Marlin in their lives?

A Tradition Unlike Any Other

With the Masters fast approaching, and me feeling a need to accelerate the Tumblrification of this happy space, thought this was an appropriate way to fill up some time this morning. I sure hope Mark golfs, 'cause I just bought him a pair of these:

 

In completely unrelated news, Zman, send me your address via the email machine. 

BREAKING NEWS:

My Twitter followers have already seen this, but I decided against purchasing these for myself. Instead, I got a pair for Dave. He's a pretty stylish fellow. These will complete his normal short-sleeve-with-tie teacher look: