Baseball Roots (Not a Miniseries Mash-up)

My woeful team was put down like Old Yeller a long while back. I enjoy baseball. For whom should I root, root, root now? Certainly not just the home team each game, right?

I'm in luck. With the Wild Cards done and the Fall Classic in view, it’s time for Gheorghe to tell us supporters of non-playoff teams (and Twins and Rockies) which clubs to pull for. Here’s a table that will show the criteria:

CRITERIA EXPLAINED (SORT OF)
The City Itself: Is it fun? Charming? Boring? Disgusting?
The Fans: I think this gamut runs from those at Busch to those at the Vet (RIH)
Mascot/Logo: Beloved? Asinine? Confusing? Offensive?
Stadium: Cathedral or glorified softball park…
History/Rootability: where the cosmos seeps into sports, where the good guys sometimes prevail, and where decades of wrongs get righted
Underdoggedness: Fate has a fickle finger; favorites don’t always fare favorably
Star Quality: Stars shine in October
Food from the City/Region: Perhaps the most subjective category of all
Bands from the City/Region: Never mind, this is
X-Factor: That little edge could be telling you something


So, whom do we like in 2017?

Boston Red Sox
City: Great town. Wish they could drive. 3
Fans: Increasingly hahd to tawlerate. 1
Mascot/Logo: Uniform timeless. Wally not. 0.5
Stadium: A classic. 1
History/Rootability: Used to be a 5. Now… bleh. 1
Underdoggedness: Slight. 2
Stars: Not relative to the Cowboy Up days. 0
Food: Lobster rolls and Harpoon. 1
Bands: The Cars. Aerosmith once upon a time. Pixies. 1
X-Factor: Belichick. 0
Total: 10.5

Houston Astros
City: Wasn’t much before the floods. 0.5
Fans: Nondescript at best. Texans. 1
Mascot/Logo: Still clinging to NASA? Ok. 1
Stadium: Are you kidding? 0
History/Rootability: Well, given recent events in the region, it’s better. Never won a Series. That helps. 5
Underdoggedness: Many folks have picked them. 1
Stars: I like Altuve. 1
Food: Brisket, maybe? 1
Bands: Beyonce and ZZ Top? 0
X-Factor: Harvey. 1
Total: 10.5

New York Yankees
City: Of course. 3
Fans: Like mosquitoes, they’re everywhere and annoying. GTB Yanks fans only reason for a point. 1
Mascot/Logo: Vintage. Ubiquitous but vintage. 1
Stadium: I preferred the one erected in the 70’s. 0
History/Rootability: Too good for too long. Can’t get behind them. 1
Underdoggedness: Don’t believe the hype. A gift to earn a 1. 1.
Stars: My name is Judge. 1
Food: Like everything in NYC, it’s good on its own but overhyped. 1
Bands: Ramones. Run-DMC. Dave loves Billy Joel. 1
X-Factor: Not feeling it. 0
Total: 10

Cleveland Indians
City: No Bueno. I’m sorry. 0
Fans: Dedicated through all the crap. Even Randy Quaid. 3
Mascot/Logo: Chief Wahoo. Nope. 0
Stadium: One of the original new classics alongside Camden. 1
History/Rootability: Stands to reason. 5
Underdoggedness: Only because they blow this every time. 1
Stars: You met them last fall. 1
Food: Just drink. 0
Bands: Nine Inch Nails and Joe Walsh. 1/2 point for the HoF. 0.5
X-Factor: It’s time. 1
Total: 12.5

Washington Nationals
City: Good town. 2
Fans: Homers drag this one down. 2
Mascot/Logo: Love the presidents. 1
Stadium: Not bad at all. 1
History/Rootability: Les Expos! The curse of the strike of ’81. Jarry Park! 4
Underdoggedness: Marginal. 1
Stars: Like white on Bryce. 1
Food: I lived in DC for 12 years and can’t tell you what DC food is. 0
Bands: Fugazi. emmet swimming?? 0
X-Factor: Un peu. 0.5
Total: 12.5

Chicago Cubs
City: Good but cold. 2.5
Fans: Trending Beantownish? 1
Mascot/Logo: Timeless. 1
Stadium: Same. 1
History/Rootability: Last year a 5. This year… eh. 1.5
Underdoggedness: Solid. 2.5
Stars: You met them last fall. 1
Food: Brats and Old Style. Yes. 1
Bands: Peter Cetera. Smashing Pumpkins. But EWF. Muddy Waters. Wilco. 1
X-Factor: Not this year. 0
Total: 12.5


Los Angeles Dodgers
City: Fun but not my bag. 1
Fans: LA people. Meh. 1
Mascot/Logo: Only missing the BROOKLYN embroidery. 1
Stadium: Chavez Ravine! Good enough. 1
History/Rootability: Debatable. Been since ’88, spent too much $, Boehly. 2
Underdoggedness: Was a -3 earlier in the season. 0
Stars: Yeah, yeah. 1
Food: Dodger Dogs and avocado. 1
Bands: RHCP, GN’R, Doors, etc. Strong. 1
X-Factor: No love here.0
Total: 9

Arizona Diamondbacks
City: Not my climate. 1
Fans: No idea. 1.5
Mascot/Logo: I hate snakes. 0
Stadium: Pool. 0
History/Rootability: They won in 2001 in an all-timer. Other history? 3
Underdoggedness: Significant. 3
Stars: Maybe this postseason will make them brighter. 0
Food: Tex-Mex. Okay. 1
Bands: Stevie Nicks and Meat Puppets. 0
X-Factor: The ghost of Luis Gonzalez (RIA) 1
Total: 10.5


Tribe vs. Nats!  Not bloody likely but there you have it.


**if you use this for betting purposes, you are dumber than Dumb Donald.  Or even Dumb Donald.

Friday Strategery - My Yankees line-up for Game 5

TR, delegating via email while goatating:

I have no ability to post, read or comment from work. A draft is in the attached Word doc. Pls paste it in and garnish with photos of Yankees. And heavy-chested women. Gracias.

Clicks.

1 – Jeter (SS, R)
2 – Ichiro (LF, L)
3 – Teixeira (1B, S)
4 – Cano (2B, L)
5 – Swisher (RF, S)
6 – Ibanez (DH, L)
7 – Chavez (3B, L)
8 – Martin (C, R)
9 – Granderson (CF, L)

Two switch-hitters and two right-handed hitters means you can’t help but have back-to-back-lefties at some point, but we’ll likely be seeing match-up relievers by the third go-round in the lineup, which gives Girardi the opportunity to find a low-pressure pinch-hit opportunity for A-Rod in place of Ibanez or Chavez.

Yes, the team’s top HR hitter is batting ninth. And yes, Jeter is back at SS. I don’t care if Jeter can’t move well. Ibanez’ bat is sorely needed in this deciding game. Same for Eric Chavez, who has hit well all year against righties. Jeter will have to find a way to turn DPs with one good leg. The elephant in the room remains the “how the hell do you bench A-Rod in a deciding game” question, but the fact of the matter is that this lineup gives the team the best chance to win, and A-Rod’s porcelain confidence is clearly cracked.

Both teams have other issues to consider, including severely depleted bullpens. Rafael Soriano has pitched 3.1 innings in the last two days (although only 39 pitches). It’s also worth noting that while A-Rod and his .125 average have been the face of the Yankees’ hitting woes, Nick Swisher (.133 average) Ichiro (.200 average), Robinson Cano (.111 average) and Curtis Granderson (.063 average) have been equally horrendous.

Thankfully, the 5:07 PM start time means I won’t hear any insufferable yapping on sports talk radio about the lineup. Whatever Girardi does, he deserves some slack, based on the big stones he whipped out in Game 3 by pinch-hitting for A-Rod.

Prediction: Yankees win 6-2. CC shakes off a shaky first couple innings and goes 7+ strong innings. Teixeira gets the big hits early to put the game away.

Cougars in the Outfield

Shlara went to Nats/Cards Game 3 on Wednesday. We asked her for a brief recap. Enjoy.

The cougars are 1-1 at Nats Park. And the loss was poorly timed. #Saditude

We had excellent seats -- a table right above center field (Bryce!!). We consumed beers and NAT-chos. There were balloon sculptures, bunting and a massive American flag greeting fans as they walked into the park. It was about 70 degrees and sunny -- I even got a sunburn. Really great atmosphere for the first five innings -- almost everyone wearing red, standing & cheering unprompted, waving the Nats version of a Terrible Towel, singing along to Ah-ha's "Take on Me".

Then Morse flied out with bases loaded and the air went out of the ballpark -- cue the Pacman dying sound. Stranding runners has been a problem for the Nats all season and I'm afraid the playoff pressure is making the guys too tense to get out of the jam.

The fans then seemed to lose patience and the ability to pay attention. People started leaving to beat the rush on the Metro. One of my coworkers was sitting a few sections over and sent me this note in the seventh: "There is some serious unrest in the cheap seats. Nearby child just asks her dad, "what's douchebag mean??"

Tomorrow is do-or-die. I’m sure the fans will bring their passion and refreshed Natitude back to the park for the 4:07pm start. I have complete confidence in Davey to get the team ready for Game 4. Teej & Jess will be in the VIP seats -- maybe they will bring us luck! And, I'll be back on the Red Porch (without the cougars) to see the Nats even things up.