The 15% Rule

There's a scandalous new book coming out about Alex Rodriguez and steroids. Yeah, I know. You're probably racing over to Amazon.com to pre-order it. ESPN.com just posted a report that included some of the juicy details.

And while I mentioned in the comments of the post just prior to this that my biggest problem was deciphering what the hell "B---h T--s" meant (see the prior post for why it was such a struggle), I read on and was just flabbergasted. Not at the audacity of the rampant steroid use and web of lies covering it up. Hell, no, I figured that much.

But here is one of the outlandish tidbits about A-Rod from the upcoming book. (There were only 3 mentioned, this must be a dandy):

"• A-Rod was hated at Hooters, where he tipped the minimum 15 percent."

What??? He was "hated" because he tipped 15 percent? What melodrama. I get it, he has a ton of money, but what if the service was shoddy? I've been to Hooters; it can be hit or miss with the rocket surgeons hoisting trays there, and even if he got preferential treatment, what if they were annoyingly ass-kissy or bimbotic? He should give more simply because he can afford it? Does he buy an iPod from the Apple store for $1000 just because he can afford it?

And it's not like he stiffed the wait staff. It's not even like he gave 10%. 15% is the standard. 20% or more is earned, dammit, not charity work. I almost always give 20%, if only because the math is easier, but I certainly don't begrudge people for giving 15% (unless they're dining with me, and then come on, dude).

When Rob and I were delivering pies in Williamsburg for the Hut lo those many years ago, Bruce Hornsby's dad routinely gave a $20 bill on a $19.70 pizza order. Thanks, jackass. And even then, I wouldn't say we HATED him. We would just try to dodge that delivery and give it to Big Bruce or one of the pedophile couple.

Anyone at Hooters who "hated" A-Rod not because he was a namby-pamby whose presence on their favorite team's roster doomed them and whose contract was Exhibit A on what is wrong with baseball but because he only tipped 15% needs a desk job, and pronto. And they need to watch Reservoir Dogs and realize what some customers do.

And Selena Roberts, author of the book, just piling on -- when the fact that he's a milquetoast juicer should be enough --well, she'd better tip 22 fucking % every time out for dinner or beers after this. After all, with her book advance . . . she can afford it!