Father's Day Gift Guide

Father's Day is nigh upon us and you will probably say "I don't know" when asked for gift ideas to commemorate the occasion, or maybe you don't know what to get one of the dads in your life.  This post aims to alleviate that problem.

Men in Love and/or the Trainspotting collection

If you read G:TB you were probably born between 1968 and 1978 which means you are of exactly the right age to have seen, and been absolutely blown away by, the movie Trainspotting when it came out in 1996.

Barry!  The book on which it's based is just as good and it got me into other works by Irvine Welsh including all the sequels and prequels involving the same group of radge jakeys which are available on Amazon as the "Trainspotting collection."  This does not include the latest installment, Men in Love, which takes place shortly after the end of Trainspotting and before Porno.  This means the new book is a sequel and a prequel.  As a fan of the series I enjoyed it greatly.  I guess you could come to it cold but I suspect you'll enjoy it more if you already read the other books, or at least Trainspotting.  I've cited some favorite Welsh quotes before--my top choice from Men in Love is from Sick Boy (natch) and it's at least tangentially related to Father's Day:

Pah-pah, Papa: even a broken clock is right twice a day.  I thank God that out of the billions of retard sperm that this miasmal mongol hound shot from those festering hee-haws intae my ill-omened mother (and countless Leith hoors), that it was the solitary, exceptional, perfect bastard that managed to penetrate her egg and furnish this saintly woman with her only son.

Onlae a dozy bam couldnae relate to that!

Syitren R300 CD player

zwoman got me one of these small modern CD players for my birthday.  It has AUX and optical jacks and Bluetooth so it works with AirPods or any other Bluetooth device.  More importantly, it justifies keeping all my CDs, especially the ones that are currently only on Notify (like Done By the Forces of Nature which was removed from Spotify because I suspect it includes exactly zero cleared samples).  I dig the Scandinavian vibe of the walnut version.  Who doesn't dig Scandinavian vibes?

Patagonia R1 Air Hoodie 

zson borrowed my softshell to clean out stables in the rain and a horse bit the zipper off (don't ask) so I went to REI to replace it during their recent 25% off sale.  They didn't have anything that fit the bill, but I spend a lot of time in fleece jackets and two of them are close to crapping out so I perused REI's selection and discovered Patagonia's new (at least to me) Air Fleece.  I'm not sure how it works but it keeps you warm without getting too warm (unlike their Better Sweaters) and the medium fit me perfectly.  They are wildly overpriced, even at 25% off, but it's replacing two fleeces (one of which I bought about 12 years ago) and zson is about my size so he can wear it too (so long as he avoids the zipper-eating horse) so I justified it to myself and I'm hoping it will last a long time.  I went with the hoodie version because who doesn't like hoodies?  

A subscription to The Atlantic

There might not be a better source of content outside G:TB than The Atlantic.  It's chock-full of think pieces from deep thinkers, cultural observations from cultured observers, and short fiction from non-fictional writers of all heights.  Notable writers include Tom Nichols, Anne Applebaum, David Frum, Robert Kagan, McKay Coppins, Sarah Fitzpatrick, Jonathan Chait, Adam Serwer, Derek Thompson, Annie Lowrey, Jamele Hill, George Packer, Eliot Cohen, Alexandra Petri and a boatload of other Washington Post defectors.  They put out new stuff online daily and offer a web-only subscription but for an extra $10 you can get also get the dead tree version mailed to your house along with a tote.

Father's Day Gift Ideas

I like simple pleasures.

Alright, maybe not like that.  But most of you guys are relatively simple too.  We're simple men.

Chances are you already have all the stuff you think you need, and most of the stuff you want.  With that in mind, here are a few simple Father's Day gift ideas to request this year.

A beef jerky subscription from Craft Jerky Co.  Options include keto-friendly for TR, booze-infused for Whitney, hot & spicy (like "hot hot caliente") for Dave, gluten free for Marls, and paleo for rob (because he's old).

Some new sneakers.  Like these Nike Killshots for about $69 or these Nike Blazers for about $52.

A slimmed down wallet.  Like this for $40.  I made the move from billfold to card holder a few years ago and it's liberating.  You don't need to carry every membership card, collect-10-punches-get-a-free-sandwich card, car wash coupon, or receipt you've ever been handed.  All you need is some cash, your license, ATM card, a credit card, health insurance cards, and maybe a subway/rail pass.  The rest is all bullshit.

A Spotify subscription.  Then you can make contributions to Notify.

An OXO computer cleaner.  You probably spent the past 15-16 months working and living at your desk so your keyboard is full of dust and crumbs and your monitor is covered in sneeze stains and fingerprints.  This $10 widget makes all that go away really easily.

A duffel garment bag.  Like this one for $95 or this big one for $275.  This is so smart I wish I came up with it.  It's a garment bag with three flaps that fold up to form a duffel bag on one side of the garment bag, so when you have a one-day trip that requires a blazer or suit you can pack it in your carry-on.  Or you could just be like me and wad your suit into a ball, stuff it in the rollaboard and hope for the best.

A mountain glass from North Drinkware.  These guys hand-make pint glasses and tumblers with 3D reproductions of famous mountains rising from the bottom.  I can't fully explain it, you have to click on the link.  They have nifty topographical map coasters too.  And I went to high school with one of the company founders.

Now when your wife or kids ask what you want for Father's Day you don't have to lamely say "I don't know" or "Just spending the day with you is all the gift I need."

Got my Mind Set on Wanting to Rock

(Before you read, here's the gist of this nonsensical post: Which phrase is repeated more in a song - "I wanna rock" in Twisted Sister's song of that name, or "set on you" in George Harrison's "Got My Mind Set on You?" Think about it, make guesses and then read on to find the answer!)

Well yes, I am having a fine Father's Day. Thank you for asking. The recipe for success started with not having much scotch lying around the house on Saturday night. One nightcap and a 10:30 PM bed time made it easy to hit the gym when it opened at 7 AM Sunday morning. I did some nautilus and then decided to hit the bagel shop to buy breakfast for the rest of the fam (I'm off carbs, so no delicious bagels for me, unfortunately).

It was a beautiful morning, and I had the windows down in the car when leaving the gym. I dial-flicked to Ozzy's Boneyard just as Twisted Sister's "I Wanna Rock" came on. It was the perfect mindless tune for my five-minute drive. As I drove, I couldn't help but notice that Dee Snider pretty much just says "I Wanna Rock" over and over again, as well as saying "I WANT to Rock". Once you focused in on it, it was comical.

It reminded me of one early 90's song where the lead singer just repeats the title/chorus over and over again. That song, of course, is George Harrison's "Got My Mind Set on You," a shit-burger of epic proportions that ran heavily on MTV when i was in high school.

Because it's Father's Day and I finished my morning chores (fed family, watered flowers/bushes, walked the dog we are dogsitting, set up sprinkler in back yard), I decided to count the repeated phrases in each song, It is such an inane and pointless mission that it is perfect fodder for this fine blog.

We'll start first with I Wanna Rock. I decided to include both "I Want to Rock" and "I Wanna Rock" as acceptable because they're both conveying the message that Dee Snider wants to rock. I loved this album a lot when it came out. I think I can sing along to every song, including the terrible power ballad "The Price" and the creepy "Captain Howdy." I may not have loved this band as much as Marls though, given he owned a double-live CD of the band. I love him for owning that. Strong Island pride indeed.

Turns out Dee Snider says that phrase 26 times in the song, an average of once every 7.1 seconds. I know, it would be cooler if the song was five seconds shorter. C'est la vie. But the message is clear. Dee wants to rock.



Turning to the Harrison tune, we faced a quandary. Do we count only the full "got my mind set on you" or do we also include when he (or the backup singers) simply say "set on you?" We decided to just focus on "set on you."  Turns out Harrison and his posse of sadness utter that phrase 26 times as well, an average of once every 8.9 seconds.



So there you have it. Go on and impress family, friends and lovers with this knowledge. Happy Father's Day.