My kids have been holy hell on wheels over the past month or so. Fortunately, they're a bit more naive than Dave's miscreants. They got the following letter in the mail today, and believed every word:
Elf
Laboratory Behavioral Observation Workgroup (ELBOW)
Santa’s
Workshop, North Pole, NP
December 12, 2011
Katy
& Reilly
Dear
Katy & Reilly:
As you know,
the Elf Laboratory Behavioral Observation Workgroup (ELBOW) is responsible for
monitoring the behavior of children across the globe to ensure that Santa’s
sleigh is packed with the appropriate gifts. In most cases, ELBOW simply observes and does not communicate
with individual children. However,
each year, ELBOW finds it necessary to reach out to certain children to ensure
that they understand the importance of their actions. Usually, this happens
when children who are usually on the ‘NICE’ list behave in a manner that places
them in jeopardy of placement on the ‘NAUGHTY’ list.
We regret
to inform you that ELBOW has observed both of you exhibiting an increasing
incidence of the following negative behaviors:
·
Yelling
at each other and your parents;
·
Not
listening to your parents and not doing what you are asked when you are asked;
and
·
Being
mean to each other.
Please
consider this letter a warning. If your behavior does not improve between now
and Christmas Eve, ELBOW will be required to inform Santa’s Sleigh Loading Team
that you have been naughty, and that the required actions should be taken with
respect to your presents. Santa
very much wants to visit your house and bring you the gifts his team has selected
specifically for you, but his visit to your house is entirely dependent
upon your behavior.
Fortunately,
you have the power to influence ELBOW’s recommendation in this matter. Simply
begin behaving in the polite, positive, and cheerful manner ELBOW knows you are
capable of behaving, and ELBOW will once again recommend that you be included
on the list of nice children.
Please feel free to write me or Santa at the address above should you
have any questions or wish to let us know how you plan to address the concerns
in this letter.
Thank
you for your attention to this matter, and have a Merry Christmas.
Sincerely,
Rudyard Eartops
Chief, ELBOW Communication Branch
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