This Poor Fucking Mope

I haven't worked out of an office since the pandemic. That's led to some unexpected consequences. For example, I only put about 5,000 miles a year on my car, which means I'll be able to keep it a lot longer than I originally expected. This does not make Z happy, since he's an enabler/pusher who wants everyone to buy a new exotic vehicle at least yearly.

Grooming has taken on a different priority during my home-bound period, as well. I mean, I still take a shower every morning, brush my teeth twice a day and all that. But I go a lot longer between haircuts than I used to since I often only see one human in person during the workday. At the moment, my hair is quite possibly as long as it's been at any point in my adult life. It's out of control, all bushy and spiky, and wayward.

It could be worse. I could be Frank Illett.

Illett is a 30 year-old Englishman and Manchester United fan. In October 2024, during a fit of pique at the Red Devils' ongoing run of poor play, he vowed to not cut his hair until his heroes won five straight matches.

They really hadn't been close until two weeks ago. And Frank was going through it. His hair has grown an estimated 25cm in the more than 500 days since his last trim, from this:

To this:

Illett's long tonsorial nightmare seemed close to ending on February 10. United fired beleaguered manager Rubin Amorim in January. Interim skipper and club playing legend Michael Carrick took over and immediately led the squad to four wins on the bounce. All that was left for Illett to book an appointment with his barber was a win at relegation-threatened West Ham.

Clippers at the ready, Illett and his pals streamed their viewing of the match. And when it ended in a 1-1 draw, this is how Frank appeared:

That poor lad. At least he's doing some good, using his locks to raise money for charity. And he's got a pretty good chance of working as a Brian May lookalike. Almost makes a fella want to root for Man U. 

But not quite.