Monday, July 06, 2015

Department of Self-Evident Statements: Special Report

I trust all members of the G:TB family had a relaxing, munition- and booze-filled long weekend celebrating the birth of our nation. And while I'm quite certain that this august readership doesn't need much in the way of advice on drinking, I do wish we'd posted this particular news item before July 4th's long day's journey into night. Or perhaps more precisely, I wish I'd heeded the simple wisdom offered in a recent Atlantic story.

According to the headline, The Best Way to Day-Drink Is With Low-Alcohol Brews.

Well, I mean, duh.

There's a reason that Red Stripe is the quaff of choice at the annual Outer Banks Fishing Trip (Coming to a North Carolina beach resort town near you in less than two weeks), and it ain't the Jamaican beer's complex flavor. The lager checks in at a manageable 4.7% ABV, far below the potency of your average beer snob's typical tipple. By way of comparison, some of my personal favorites:

Dale's Pale Ale: 6.5% ABV
Ithaca Flower Power IPA: 7.5% (and the cause of my Sunday discomfort)
Firestone Walker Wookey Jack: 8.3%
Stone Arrogant Bastard: 7.2%
Ballast Point Sculpin: 7.0%
Long Trail Limbo IPA: 7.6%

Now, in the relatively recent advent of session IPAs, a beer connoisseur has a choice to make. Founders makes a highly drinkable session ale called All Day IPA that's a manageable 4.74%. The aforementioned Stone just released its Go To IPA, 4.5% ABV with a tasty West Coast flavor. No longer must we sacrifice flavor for volume.

But until those fancy brewhouses sell bombers at Tortugas' Lie, I do believe I'll stick with Red Stripe. Hooray, beer.

38 comments:

Danimal said...

A Roxette 2'fer on the commute to work? Monday advantage goes to Danimal.

rob said...

9:00 est, celtics vs. jazz in the utah summer league in salt lake city. marcus thornton's pro debut.

TR said...

The alcohol content debate is a quandary indeed. I just hate the excess bloat from having a ton of low-alcohol booze in me. But if I drink high alcohol beer, I end up pounding a ton of water as well.

I find myself increasingly holding scotch and trying to avoid chugging it. Spotty record of success over the last decade.

zman said...

Samuel Smith's India Ale, which I touted in our one-time-only "beers bars and bands" podcast, is a quaffable 5.0%. Tusker Premium Lager clocks in at 4.2% and it's a great hot weather beer--it's named after the elephant that killed the guy who founded the brewing company.

rob said...

i've had tusker with the kenyan ambassador to the u.s. #notveryhumblebrag

Danimal said...

I mentioned the "Not Your Daddy's Root Beer" here on the 4th - 10% ABV. Bam! And it tastes like....Root Beer. Just like Root Beer. It's quite good.

TR said...

I liked Roxette's "Got the Look" probably more than I should have back in the day. Lead singer was a stone cold fox.

Danimal said...

ah...you mean Marie. Marie Freriksson, with 2 s's. and her boy on lead guitar could freaking shred it man (Per Gessle)

mayhugh said...

I've never seen such a pretty girl look so tough.

TR said...

She showed side boob in one video. I know b/c a buddy w/ a VCR did a Zapruder-style slo-mo reveal to me.

I'll take 'Til Tuesday era Aimie Mann over Marie though.

rob said...

don't get clarence started on aimee mann

Clarence said...

Love Aimee Mann so much. I really think she might be the one for me, you know, like if my wife falls down an elevator shaft or something terrible. But she's a good person and wouldn't like someone who had horrid thoughts like that, so scratch that. I just love her. Period.

That's why you don't get Clarence started.

Aimee Mann

Mark said...

I'd imagine that D'Andre Johnson is in the process of being thrown off the FSU Football team. At least I hope so.

zman said...

Andre Johnson plays WR for the Colts.

D'Andre Johnson plays PG for FAU.

De'Andre Johnson plays (or played) QB for FSU.

Andrew Johnson was the first US President to be impeached.

Dave said...

i LOVE all these delicious high alcohol beers-- a dos equis or something light tastes good after playing basketball, but the rest of the time i'd rather drink something with a little kick to it. every time i go into the nice beer store, i remember back to college, when moosehead and heineken were the only imports (and black label . . . yuk). we are living in good times . . .

TR said...

I am at airport bar at lovely DCA airport. Dude posts up to bar stool wearing a Def Leppard Pyromania shirt and it does not appear to be ironic at all, especially since the rest if his look screams Art Garfunkel Jr.

People are weird.

zman said...

I'd love to see what he posted to a blog's comments section about you.

Danimal said...

Livin large at a Wild Wings cafe in Statesboro, Joe-ja.

rob said...

marcus! in kelly green.

rob said...

marcus deferred a lot to his teammates in the first half. played 7 minutes or so. took one shot - missed a jumper after a nice drive and hard stop to elevate. made a couple of nice defensive plays, and looked really bad on one dante exum crossover. didn't look overwhelmed, didn't look aggressive, either. did look better than r.j. hunter.

rob said...

subway jared: child porn aficianado (allegedly). what a weird, sick rise and fall.

TR said...

Subway Jared is also into booger sugar. He tried (to no avail) to get the SNL cast to party with him when he was on the show a couple years ago. He misread the folks there. The cast is into weed. The writers are the ones who do coke.

Dave said...

subway jared?

Dave said...

ok, got it: the guy who lost all the weight . . . i thought he was like work jerry . . . and that you guys had a subway friend who got busted for kiddie porn.

Clarence said...

Teej does have a homeless guy he is friends with and helps out, but he's like Sidewalk Mike, not Subway Jared.

T.J. said...

Paul, my homeless guy, is still around. 17 years and counting.

Whitney said...

ORF Rock tonight, 7pm wodustudios.com

Les Coole is back in the house

Theme: Space songs

Dave said...

homeless paul! not to be confused with sub-prime mortgage paul.

just got chastised by an octogenarian husband and wife for removing the deep end/shallow end floating divider so i could swim some laps in an empty pool. i can't wait to get old and be a total fucking douche to everyone.

Whitney said...

Can't you swim under that thing? Or are you not that *strong* a swimmer?

Marls said...

Dave thinks he's not a douche to people now?

rob said...

marcus found himself trying to block out jahlil okafor late in the first half. okafor threw him aside like a rag doll. little bit of a strength difference.

Clarence said...

Like Jaleel White did to you back in the early 90's.

rob said...

jaleel!!!

rob said...

usmnt v honduras in gold cup action on fox sports 1. get some.

Mark said...

I called out my wife's best friend on the Russillo Show for being a ball hogging striker in high school. Inside joke for about 5-6 but well worth it.

TR said...

Assuming Marcus Thornton's restraining order on Rob goes into effect soon, can G:TB adopt Tacko Fall?

TR said...

Thx for heads-up on US soccer. I'm in Chicago and forgot about it.

I was hate-watching Jozy as usual, but he actually helped create that first goal with his shot. If only he could trap and pass well...

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