Wednesday, July 29, 2015

Not Even Dildos Are Safe From Patent Trolls

Comingle is a leader in the field of teledildonics, which, as the etymologists among us have already surmised, is the combination of telemetry and dildos. Specifically, the use of computers and similar devices to remotely control a dildo. This (relatively) safe for work video provides an example.



All of this is made possible through open-source software that allows you to make your own dildo and customize the input means. Comingle even provides some ideas for the device, which they call the Mod:


I can't believe I never thought of this--controlling a dildo with a Wii joystick or even more remotely through the internet! Nikola Tesla would be proud.

Anyway, I know all of this because a company called TZU Technologies sued Comingle in the Central District of California, alleging infringement of US Patent Number 6,368,268, titled "Method and device for interactive virtual control of sexual aids using digital computer networks." The face of the patent lists various references cited including "Virtual Sex Machine, www.vrinnovations.com" and an article titled "Cybersex: An online sexual revolution." These were cited by the inventors--the examiner went out and found "FUFME, Fuck U Fuck Me Product Info" on his own. Seriously, check the highlighted portion:


I'm sure the file history is enlightening. Suffice it to say that not even dildo purveyors are safe from patent trolls these days.

Perhaps the only unsurprising fact in this post is that Comingle has taken to Twitter asking for teledildonic enthusiasts to provide them with prior art to help invalidate the patent. People have twat back some responses, including this remarkably NSFW video from 1993 involving kinky Europeans and a dial-up.

I'll keep you abreast of this matter's comings and goings as they develop.

12 comments:

Marls said...

They are not a patent troll Z, they're a Non Performing Entity, which may explain the need for the dildo.

Joke for 1

rob said...

knew i should've gone to law school

rob said...

speaking of the yankees, as we were, when do we see the first column ascribing their 2015 success to the shedding of derek jeter's dead weight?

Squeaky said...

Speaking of electronic stimulus, Amazon now sells a product called 'Dash button'(http://www.amazon.com/b?node=10667898011). It is just a small electronic device the size of a pack of gum. Each one is tied to a specific vendor/brand, think Tide. You press the button and it automatically orders whichever product by that vendor you set up for the button and ships it to you.

This would be infinitely better if it was tied to a local delivery service, say for alcohol.

rob said...

not really a unique notion, but jason isbell's new album is pretty terrific

zman said...

You want to grow up to paint houses like me?

Mark said...

Both Dr. Seuss and Tyler, the Creator have been mentioned in this space recently. This puts a nice bow in those topics.

http://mashable.com/2015/07/30/tyler-the-creator-dr-seuss/?utm_campaign=Feed%3A+Mashable+%28Mashable%29&utm_cid=Mash-Prod-RSS-Feedburner-All-Partial&utm_medium=feed&utm_source=feedburner

mayhugh said...

I might be alone here, but I feel like Grantland's Tom Cruise Week is really bringing it.

Squeaky said...

I'm probably the only one who thinks this is cool. But www.rabble.tv lets you provide the commentary for tv shows and sports. Think G:TB doing play by play for a sporting event instead of the usual tv talking heads.

zman said...

Sheldon Richardson sounds like a fun guy.

http://espn.go.com/new-york/nfl/story/_/id/13349610/sheldon-richardson-new-york-jets-charged-resisting-arrest

Dave said...

hello dildos!

zman said...

Is it dildos or dildoes? I wasn't sure and left out the e.