Wednesday, June 17, 2015

Rinse, Repeat

Much more to come on my family's excellent Montreal adventure, which sadly concluded yesterday with a ten-hour drive back to a place where all the street signs are in English and people look at you funny when you say 'merci'. Just a tease, then, for you today.

We worked with a sports travel company called Fandeavor (about whom I don't have enough positive things to say) to book our trip. Originally, we had a small room at the Springhill Suites in Old Montreal, and we were pretty excited about it.

About two weeks before the trip, Fandeavor emailed to let me know they had extra rooms in their reserved block at the Ritz Carlton, and wanted to know if we'd like to stay there for the same rate. And, oh, because there were no available rooms at the Ritz with two beds, would we be okay with a suite with an adjoining Queen?

We would, indeed.

As you might imagine, the Ritz was so choice. Heated bathroom floors, touchscreen-controlled lighting, infinity pool on the roof, immaculate hospitality, and lots and lots of beautiful people (my family notwithstanding, though my wife and kids are pretty cute).

But all of that paled in comparison to my life-changing introduction to the TOTO multifunctional toilet/bidet. We were, most definitively, not in Kansas anymore. I'll spare you to gory (or, actually, squeaky-clean) details, but suffice it to say that going back to my rinse-free routine will require an adjustment period.

This magic invention retails for $1,800, a pittance compared to its bum-spoiling value. If you've never had the pleasure, do your ass a favor, and find an establishment that's installed one. You'll thank me.

19 comments:

TR said...

I have a pivotal meeting today that could shape the next five years of my professional life. As I got into the car to make a quick pre-train coffee run at 5:45 AM, the radio switched to "media", which it always does when my iPhone's Bluetooth is on. This means music defaults to a shuffle of my entire music collection.

So when Juice by Eric B & Rakim came right on, I had no choice but to turn it up very loud for the 169 seconds it took me to drive to Dunkin' Donuts. I'm trying to figure out if this is an omen. And if it is, what it might indicate. But I'm thinking it's a good sign.

The next song, Muddy Waters' Baby Please Don't Go, is proving to be a harder clue to unravel.

TR said...

And congrats on indulging your anus the last few days, Rob.

rob said...

mark tweeted this last night, but it's not getting enough run: steph's ability to occupy two defenders and make the right pass is an enormous part of the warriors' win.

zman said...

Paid in Full would be a better omen.

Squeaky said...

Good Luck, TR.

And Rob, I'm not that clean these days.

zman said...

In case you don't know what to ask your wife to get you for father's day.

http://www.ebay.com/itm/Ford-Bronco-Sport-/301662674154?forcerrptr=true&hash=item463c7f1cea&item=301662674154

It's in Canada so maybe rob can bring it back for you along with some poutine.

rob said...

one negative about our trip - while we were gone, our elderly cat pissed somewhere in the living room, and we can't really figure out where. all we know is that our house smells like cat piss. which is awesome.

Clarence said...

The baseball player your cat is named after is probably doing the same, wherever he is.

TR said...

Is your cat named named Amos Otis? That would be cool.

rob said...

that would be awesome. but the cat's name is mo. as in vaughn. that should give you a sense of how old she is.

Marls said...

If your cat was really taking after her namesake she would be sitting in a strip club, partaking of the free buffet.

zman said...

I assumed the cat was named after Moises Alou given his urinary proclivities.

zman said...

Herschel Walker was on WFAN this morning. He's 53. He claims that he was at some sort of training camp not too long ago and spontaneously cranked out a 4.35 forty-yard-dash. That's ... I don't even know what word to use.

KQ said...

I think the word you're looking for is "bullshit."

T.J. said...

oh, hey, another mass fucking shooting in our country. lovely.
jesus fucking christ

T.J. said...

http://bit.ly/1JXkCSq

Dave said...

if you want to put your cat out of its misery, my dog would be glad to eat it. he's always trying to eat cats but he can never catch them . . . this might be beneficial for all parties involved, and we can put it on youtube.

Danimal said...

have had u.s. open on all day in office. a u.s. open w/out johnny miller = glorious

Mark said...

I met Herschel Walker once during a celebrity softball game I was working. I had about a 10 minute conversation with him as I walked him to his car (to keep autograph hunters from harassing him). He's impossibly jacked and even nicer. Maybe he doesn't crank out a 4.53 40 these days but I'd bet its not too much slower.