Friday, August 29, 2014

The Day We've All Been Waiting For Might Never Happen

When I first started writing about Jack Urbont's lawsuit against Sony Music and Ghostface Killah, I said:
The best part of this case is yet to come: discovery. I salivate at the thought of getting to review Ghostface Killah's emails over the past 11+ years. And can you imagine what his deposition will be like? I envision a transcript peppered with "C'mon son," "Nah mean," and "Word is bond God."
Unfortunately, the "best part" may never happen. Mr. Urbont recently filed a motion for sanctions against Pretty Tone for completely blowing off all of his discovery obligations, including several emails attached as exhibits. It's a bit of a hoot (although they thankfully refer to Ghostface as "Coles").

The firm representing Mr. Urbont sent an associate named Andrew Coffman to take Ghost's deposition. Mr. Coffman has an impressive resume and he looks like a nice enough guy.


He does not, however, look like the type of guy who regularly spends 7 hours locked in a conference room with this guy:


Note that we have photographic evidence that GFK still uses a Blackberry; maybe he and Mr. Coffman have that in common. Anyway, Mr. Coffman flew up to NYC from Nashville and he showed up for the deposition. So did counsel for Sony. As did the court reporter and presumably the videographer. The only person who failed to make it? Ghostdini! They even recorded the world's shortest transcript to document his absence.

So they rescheduled the deposition about two-and-a-half months later. It was moved again to accommodate The Kid, only about five days but the back-and-forth between Mr. Coffman and the Wallabee Champ's manager Mike Caruso is fantastic. Mr. Caruso proudly rocks an AOL email handle and gives no fucks at all about grammar and spelling. He clearly doesn't understand what a deposition is or how it works because at one point he asked Mr. Coffman "and as far as the deposition can you take it from Dennis late today?" No, Mr. Coffman can't do it late today because (a) he's in Nashville, (b) the deposition is noticed for NYC, (c) he has to line up a court reporter and videographer, (d) he has to line up a conference room to hold the event, (e) he has to get all his exhibits there, and (f) he's entitled to 7 hours on the record, which doesn't include breaks, so if you start "late" you'll be there until midnight. And more importantly ... Dennis? Really? C'mon son.


Anyway, they eventually agreed to hold the deposition on June 24. On the night of June 23, Mr. Coffman, Mr. Caruso, and Ironman himself had a conference call where Toney Starks explained that he was in LA and would not be able to make his deposition the next morning. He essentially asked for a do over.



Since then, the parties haven't been able to schedule the deposition. And GFK still hasn't produced a single document.

Mr. Urbont is accordingly ripshit. He wants a default judgment and he wants to be comped for all the money he outlaid for these depositions that never happened. And he might get it given that the judge already threatened to sanction Cocaine Biceps if he didn't comply with his discovery obligations.

The biggest loser in all of this? Obviously, Mr. Coffman. Even if he had no idea who Ghostface Killah was before this case, a few minutes spent working the googles would make it plainly apparent that this deposition was the opportunity of a young barrister's lifetime. A few well-placed questions with Ghostfacian answers could land him on the homepages of Law360, WorldstarHipHop, Grantland, hell maybe even Gheorghe: The Blog! Unfortunately, it looks like it will never happen.

41 comments:

Mark said...

Danimal- I didn't stay up to watch but,uh...Vandy?

Mark said...

Wake's second longest drive of the night against Temple was 16 yards. That's bad, right?

T.J. said...

nah, that's just Wake.

rob said...

imagine if wake played vandy

T.J. said...

Florida State might beat Wake by 60.

Marls said...

Just Wake bein' Wake.

Mark said...

Vandy played Temple. Wake played Louisiana-Monroe. Excuse me. I'm awake now. Not sure why since I'm on a four day weekend.

Oh, right. Kids. Kids ruin everything.

Danimal said...

so I guess I lost my wager? ooh....yeah, I sure did. would you believe that that line originated at vandy -17. when it went down to -8.5 I said to myself, "dan, that probably means something is amiss within that vandy team and it might be best to stay away from or go the other way." it wouldn't be cfb season if I wasn't down 0-1 or listening to the non-sensible portion of my brain. we'll get'r back! double down baby!!!!! whoooooo!!!!!

rob said...

danimal, we need you to track your wagers on this here blog. that's a recurring feature we can all support.

zman said...

Those Zoom Vapor 9 AJ3's are now selling on eBay for north of $400. I guess they were only released in stores because I never found them at Nike.com.

Danimal said...

that's not a bad idea rob. might keep me in check a bit. especially those late night west coast wagers highly influenced by very good or very bad wagers during the day. and alcohol.
I'm 0-1. i usually wager none at all or very little the first weekend. ya know, so i can "get it all figured out".

mayhugh said...

What's the Line on Tribe/Hokies?

Clarence said...

Out of context, Zman. Have one.

T.J. said...

VT -20.5

Danimal said...

Upset alert on that Tribe game!
Same w/the Dukes against the Terps. Upset alert!

rob said...

shit, the dukes beating the terps outright really wouldn't qualify as an upset. (nobody tell kyle whelliston.)

i just bet my old boss lunch on the tribe game. he's a w&m grad who got his mba from tech and then disowned w&m. he's also a big swinging dick in the dc systems integrator market, so if i lose the bet i'll probably be dropping $100 on lunch. fortunately, i'll probably expense it.

Marls said...

Nothing like being a BSG in the DC systems integrator market. Those guys have the life.

Marls said...

Or BSD

rob said...

yeah, it's all hookers, blow, ill-fitting off the rack suits, and yacht rides with michael saylor.

zman said...

Well played Clarence.

zman said...

I'm a huge fan of ill-fitting off-the-rack suits, especially when Jose Bank has a buy-one-get-two-free sale.

Danimal said...

marls beat me to it...but I can't believe you know someone in the systems integrator market. what's he like? is he humble or a big asshole? I bet he's an asshole.

rob said...

me, too, z. i aspire to one day own a bespoke suit, but that day ain't today.

rob said...

zman! this post is the very first google result for a search of 'andrew coffman ghostface'. seo, bitches.

Marls said...

G:TB is also the #1 result when you search Church of Pigskin. Time to file for tax exempt status.

Clarence said...

Is that a recent picture of Mr. Coffman or something from his high school yearbook? He looks as if he would be at home seated next to Mohammed, Sidney, Jugdish, and Clayton.

zman said...

That's the picture from his firm bio (click on the link in the post). I assume it was taken when he graduated from law school so it might be old, figure he was 25 at the time.

rob said...

coffman also graduated from the university of tennessee before attending law school at the university of mississippi, if you catch that faint stink of sec fratboy on him.

Danimal said...

I'm betting on the under that Coffman was not in a social fraternity.

Danimal said...

is that a double negative? you know what I mean.

rob said...

lotta dumpy, floppy-haired white kids in those sec social fraternities, danimal. i'd be willing to take the over.

rob said...

lotta dumpy, floppy-haired white kids in those sec social fraternities, danimal. i'd be willing to take the over.

rob said...

feel pretty strongly about that, i guess

Danimal said...

You could be right rob. but I doubt it, seriously. I did check out his cv and must say it's pretty impressive. the only socializing this fella did in college was with his books in the library, not that there is anything wrong with that. Just sayin.

Clarence said...

He and I are two peas in a pod.

zman said...

Speaking of oeas in a pod, my balls have turned a corner and feel much better.

Mr KQ said...

Killer Left of The Dial radio going on on kexp.org right now for any Replacement's fans.

TR said...

Hilton Head is the shit. If you can get a cheap flight to Charleston, Savannah or Hilton Head, or if you don't mind the drive, check it out.

T.J. said...

First appearance of Saul Goodman. Love it.

TR said...

Wait for Kubi!

rob said...

villanova had a 25-yard field goal to beat syracuse. the game is now in overtime.