Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Cherish the moment, Nats fans

Our second installment of "Hey, it could be worse..." might seem to be coming at an odd time for the hometown nine, seeing as the Nats are a respectable 12-6 since starting the season a dismal 9-25. But, after visiting RFK last night (and trust me, there was nowhere near the reported 18,483 in attendance) and watching the Nats lose 10-0 to the offensively challenged Dodgers, I thought we better shower the Nats with whatever accolades we could now, because it is about to get very ugly again, very soon (and yes, I do hope for a collapse, because I want to win those cases of beer). You see, the Nationals took advantage of some very inept clubs (Hi NL Central!) on their way back to respectability (for them at least), and a cursory look at the upcoming schedule indicates the Nationals are in big trouble (Dodgers and Padres to start this homestand means very few runs for the Nats), but, as we like to say around here, "Hey, it could be worse..."

Overall Record: 21-31 (.404)
Wow, the Nats are in great shape here. Four teams actually have less wins than Washington right now, and three are tied with the Nats at 21. Throw these guys a parade.
Hey, it could be worse...you could be the team I root for, the free-falling New York Yankees, who are 21-29 and have lost 5 in a row (but at least Alex Rodriguez is gettin' some strange). Or, if you're like most of the country and wish people would stop talking about the Yankees, we can focus on the horrendous defending World Series champ Cardinals, who are 20-29 and show no signs of fixing their woes.

Pitching: Runs Against, 251
Again, given the personnel the Nats call a starting rotation, they're in decent shape here too. I find it amazing that a professional baseball team can run any of these guys out there semi-regularly and still scrape together 21 wins: Jason Simontacchi (last night's sacrificial lamb), Matt Chico, Jason Bergmann, Jerome Williams and Levale Speigner ("Sir, how did you get in the clubhouse? Oh, you're tonight's starter. Riiiight...SECURITY").
Hey, it could be worse...well, you could be the Tampa Bay staff, which amounts to Scott Kazmir and a pile of driftwood. Driftwood with sky-high ERAs and WHIPs. They're the only club to already allow over 300 runs, and they still employ Jae Seo. Good lord. We could also pile on the Yankees and Cardinals again here, but honestly, that's going to get old fast, since those two clubs belong in every one of these categories (what a sad, sad day).

Hitting: Runs Scored, 191
Yep, still a major problem. Nick Johnson is never coming back, Dmitri Young has chosen buffets over BP, and Mr. Guzman still gets to bat second in a MLB line-up (somewhere, Rob Neyer just hung himself with a flannel noose). That home ballpark doesn't help either - I watched 5 or 6 ropes off Nats bats get easily caught last night, all due to the unreal size of the RFK outfield.
Hey, it could be worse...you could be the defending World Series champion St. Louis Cardinals. I know, I said no more, but these guys are the ONLY team scoring less than the Nats (179 RS for St. Louie). I think it's time to call up Rick Ankiel...seriously...come on, you know you're intrigued.

Management: "Larry, Darryl and Darryl"
Manny Acta - With that personnel, can you expect any more?
Jim Bowden - Antichrist. Can't believe he's still employed.
Stan Kasten - All I ever hear is how great this guy is, but if that's the case, what the hell is he waiting for? Fire Bowden now. Christ, let Screech (no, not the porno one...the mascot bird) be the GM.
Hey, it could be worse...ugh, with Bowden still as GM, could it? Dayton Moore in KC, the young kids in Tampa...they've done a better job. Maybe the corpse in Pittsburgh is worse, but I'm still taking Bowden in this race.

46 comments:

Mark said...

Did my laughing at the Jankees inspire you to shed some light on exactly how pathetic the Cards are this season through the prism of the Nationals?

Probably not but I'm going to pretend as much. For the record, you're right. Ankiel should be up in St. Louis by now. He's just some damn mentally fragile that I don't think they want to risk overexposing him to MLB pitching just yet.

G:TB said...

This was in the works all day, and it took all my effort not to write 75% of this post about the abortive Yankees AND Cardinals.

Dennis and I have manlove for Ankiel - he was an original member of our NL-only team years ago, and we watched with horror as he melted down. I love the kid, and hopes he gets called up and pulls a Kevin Mass.

Mark said...

I'd love to see Ankiel get it back together in a major way. Its unreal that he's been able to resurrect his career in this fashion and speaks to his tremendous natural ability. Rarely do I "root" for pro athletes, but I do root for him.

On a related note, I think it nearly broke my Dad when Ankiel melted down. We'd seen him play some in A ball and my Dad had been reading reports about him since the Cards drafted him. He had so much talent that alot of Cardinal fans became heavily invested in him (as well as the thought of he and Matt Morris anchoring the rotation for a decade). I don't know if the old guy could take another spectacular flameout by Ankiel.

Dennis said...

I'll be all torn up inside though if Wild Thing takes Soooooooooo Taguchi's spot in the outfield. I imagine it would feel similar to having two sons, and the youngest son took the job of his older brother. Unless of course, you're Juan Guzman and your oldest son is Christian...then you wouldn't care because you'd want your oldest son to die in a fiery plane crash anyway...

G:TB said...

Did I just click on a SportsGuy column? What does Dooze think of Ankiel? Will Drunk and Stupid Gal be doing "America's Got Talent" recaps?

G:TB said...

Hating Cristian Guzman is just so damn fun.

G:TB said...

Dennis, is that what the academics call the "Weaver Theorey"?

G:TB said...

Nice spelling of theory by me...

Mark said...

Why don't you stop hiding behing your alias?

In case you were wondering, My Dad hates you and so do I. I'm waiting on word from my girlfriend?

Mark said...

Not sure why I included a question mark there at the end.

G:TB said...

She's a huge fan...

It's Alias Day at work - no one told you? Greg's dressed like Jennifer Garner right now...which is going over tremendously in backwoods Alabama.

Mark said...

Luckily for me I've been growing a beard for over two months. It's a very convincing disguise.

Greg said...

I was feeling really tired today so I went and had a cup of coffee at a strip club. I feel great.

G:TB said...

In Greg-speak, that could mean so many things...or, it could just mean a cup of coffee. My mind is spinning.

Mark said...

Dressed as Jennifer Garner? I'm sure you were a hit.

Mark said...

Spinning like a girl working her way through college?

G:TB said...

What goes up must come down
Spinnin' wheel got to go 'round
Talkin' 'bout your troubles it's a cryin' sin
Ride a painted pony let the spinnin' wheel spin

Greg said...

That's not smooth music.

rob said...

hi, i'm james shields and i pitch for the tampa bay devil rays. i've started 10 games and pitched a team-leading 74 innings with a better ERA and half as many walks than scott kazmir.

that stuff you said about the rest of my teammates, though - man, is that too true.

G:TB said...

Hi James!

rob said...

you guys have a neat blog

G:TB said...

Shouldn't you be planning the Red Sox victory parade?

G:TB said...

And no, I'm not bitter at all...

What's this ice hockey I hear so much aboot? Perhaps that can ease some of the baseball pain.

Mark said...

Ice Hockey is a myth. Like Unicorns and strippers without daddy issues...

Geoff said...

Ice hockey? TJ, it's like 85 degrees outside. Get real. Is this like when you tried to convince me there was a "New" Mexico?

G:TB said...

"Hey, it could be worse..."

...you could be our sorry excuse for a softball team. I think last night was so bad we've lost rob forever. I am one more glove toss away from ending my softball career in Ned Braden fashion.

Mark said...

Have you guys even been in a game past the first inning this season?

G:TB said...

Rob's boy James Shields getting it done yesterday:

James Shields survived a tough first inning to beat the Tigers 5-3 Wednesday with a seven-hitter.
It was his second career complete game. Shields (4-0), gave up three runs in the first and then shut Detroit down for the rest of the game, striking out four and walking one. Manager Joe Madden opted to leave him in as he was getting outs early in the count. All told, Shields threw 105 pitches -- 70 for strikes.

Geoff said...

I can't really put my finger on why Hot Action is so awful this year, but in all honesty we've only been "in" two games this season from beginning to end.

TJ said...

It's a clusterfuck of epic proportions.

Tim said...

Teej:

Kevin Mass? It's Maas. You should know your 1980's Yankee flame-out sluggers better than that.

P-A-S-Q-U-A, P-A-G-L-I-A-R-U-L-O, B-L-O-W-E-R-S...

Mark said...

Had you guys been competitive before this season? I don't remember this level of softball ineptitude being discussed prior to this year. If so, what the hell happened? Is Jerry THAT good?

TJ said...

It is absurd that I spelled his name wrong...

B-A-M B-A-M M-E-U-L-E-N-S

Greg said...

T-E-E J-A-Y

rob said...

i've met hensley meulens several times. true fact.

TJ said...

Did he ask you if you wanted to Supersize it?

Tim said...

Hensley Meulens! How could I forget. No wonder he went by Bam Bam.

Anybody else own 9 of Bam Bam's rookie cards? Or 7 Mike Greenwell rookie cards? Or 5 of Dave Magadan rookie cards? Or 6 Todd Zeile rookie cards?

Money well spent...

TJ said...

Todd Zeile...dagger.

Sandy Alomar Jr. - guilty as charged.

Mark said...

What about 6 David Justice rookie cards?

rob said...

i almost bought bam bam's car once.

TJ said...

A VW Bug?

Geoff said...

No, Mark, Jerry is a strong player...but he was here for several games this season, all losses. We just blow...and no, prior to this year we were always a few games on either side of .500...

Whitney said...

I think I retired at the right time, like Joe Gibbs I.

Mark said...

You're about the same age.

Thank you, thank you. I'll be here all week.

Geoff said...

Selling out to the man...

TJ said...

Get on the bus...