"You guys think you're above the law...well you ain't above mine!"**

In light of the Wizards decision not to match the Knicks asinine contract offer to Jared Jeffries, it looks like Isiah has added yet another faceless Small Forward to his roster (this according to several depth charts I found on the interweb, and yes, I know it seems odd a 6'11" guy is listed at SF). Isiah seems to think having five of the same exact guy is a good policy...kinda reminds me of a certain actor who made a career out of playing the exact same emotionless, ponytailed drone in every movie (with the added bonus he kicked ass with a pot belly). We here at GTB (how quick is Whitney backpedaling away from this post?) thought we would do these Knicks SFs a favor and give them a little personality by attaching them to Mr. Seagal's best roles:

Jalen Rose (6'8", 215) - Absolutely the Nico Toscani (Above the Law) of this group. Jalen's the oldest and wisest of the boys, he's made the most noise in his career, and I'm betting he's kicked the most ass (statistically and perhaps literally as well). Much like Jalen, Nico emerged first, a bright star in his field (the field being generic Chicago/NY cop/detective)...able to run like a freaking girl for miles despite the pot belly AND break people's arms in an extremely cool fashion (seriously, when you first saw that move, you were blown away...admit it). Above the Law was easily Seagal's best work, and I think Jalen deserves this...after all he's stuck on the fucking Knicks. Plus, I sensed a real Nico/Zagon animosity between Jalen and Larry Brown.

Quentin Richardson (6'6", 230) - Gotta be Hard to Kill's Mason Storm...mainly because I think Quentin's been in a coma his whole career. Bonus points here because Storm is described on IMDB as a "go it alone cop" and I'm pretty sure Q is one of the most shameless gunners the NBA's ever seen (though he does has stiff competition from two of his teammates).

Qyntel Woods (6'8", 220) - Resident headcase and avid dog lover, Qyntel is perfectly cast as John Hatcher (Marked for Death). You remember, the movie where Seagal has to stop a Jamaican drug ring from ruining he and Keith David's neighborhood (this was during the time when Jamaican drug lords were THE bad guys in Hollywood). You telling me Qyntel wouldn't jump at the chance to visit Jamaica and kill Screwface in his extremely smoky lair?

Renaldo Balkman (6'8", 208) - A forgotten Seagal classic, Seagal plays NYPD detective Gino Felino in Out for Justice. Isiah's improbable 2006 first round pick is being forced into this role by me...mainly because I was running out of decent Seagal flicks and couldn't make fun of Knick SFs without mention of this soon-to-be epic disaster. Plus, I'm not sure which name is funnier, Renaldo Balkman or Gino Felino?

Jared Jeffries (6'11", 240) - The latest addition to the overcrowded SF collection, I'm letting Jared have the role of Under Siege ass-kicker Casey Ryback, though I'm pretty sure Gary Busey would kick Jared's ass. Is anyone else up for pushing "Dark Territory"as Jeffries nickname? (not to be confused with Charlie Murphy's nickname "Darkness")

**I cannot confirm this, but it is rumored GTB and Wheelhouse visitor "Mayhugh" often yells this at random people throughout the workday. His secretary Frieda has not returned our calls.