Silent Night, Wasted Night

Having used up all my pain-free hangovers sometime in 1998, it has taken me almost 48 hours to recover from yet another fantastic Santa Stumble. Who knew dressing up like Santa and getting absolutely hammered was such a good time? (well, for one, GTB contributor Whitney)

A quick peek at the NBA standings shows the Washington Wizards owning the second best record in the atrocious Eastern Conference. The Wiz had a 2-0 weekend beating Atlantic Division “leader” NY (10-10 on the season) and the absolutely brutal New Orleans Hornets (1-18 on the season). I mean, the Hornets couldn’t beat Lumpless Gravy at this point. Case of Coors Light here I come.

Christmas came early for the Baltimore Ravens and Kyle Boller yesterday, courtesy of the NY Giants. Good lord, the Giants made Boller look like Johnny Unitas for 3 hours.

OK, can all the Redskins playoff talk stop now? Please? And can someone please ask Patrick “Headache Smith” Ramsey if he’s tanking games on purpose?

Wow, that Browns offense is good. Thank goodness Terry Robiskie is such a leader of men, or else they would really be in trouble.

Hey Jake Plummer, nice salute yesterday. Too bad it was picked off before it ever reached the stands (yeah I know, how many people haven’t made done that joke today?)

If the season ended today, the Panthers are in the playoffs. Read that sentence again. The once 1-7 Carolina Panthers are blazing towards the playoffs, riding the play of Nick “Comings and” Goings and Muhsin “Seriously, I am not a terrorist” Muhammad. Double wow.

I’m getting a real sinking feeling that the Jets and the Bills are going to end the season with the exact same record (where’s that tiebreaker breakdown when you need it). It is good though to see that Herm Edwards and Mike Tice apparently chat during the season, and these chats involve talk of how WR/RB option passes are a great way to win a game/miss the playoffs/get your ass fired. Good work fellas.

Kobe Bryant is pissed because he says Karl Malone made a pass at his wife. First of all, no chance that happened – Karl Malone hasn’t thrown a pass in 8 years (I know, almost as bad as the Plummer crack). Second, is this coming from the guy who tagged a crazy chick in the ass? I thought so. Kobe, shut your piehole.

And finally, this heartwarming tale:
JACKSONVILLE, FL -- When most parents have a baby, they spend months dreaming about what their bundle of joy will look like. Will she look like mom? Will he have dad's eyes? But for one local Navy family, the birth of their daughter didn't give them the answers to those questions. Their daughter was born without a face.

I mean, what??? Huh??? I’m gonna need a moment.