Breaking News, Part Next - Prose Poetry

The enshittification of Big Media continues apace. Or in other words, we again come not to praise but to Bari Weiss. And to offer an update about Washington Post owner and elfin arsonist Jeff Bezos. 

If cringe were sentient

Weiss, the recently installed, vastly unqualified head of CBS News oversees a network whose flagship news program, “60 Minutes,” aired a series of actor interviews on Sunday to “celebrate the movies” rather than report and assemble a piece on Federal law enforcement forces in Minneapolis and the violence against and death of U.S. citizens. Because how is a multi-million-dollar news organization with a small army of seasoned reporters and producers and camera people supposed to turn a story about the dominant event in our nation that quickly? 

On Monday, Weiss circulated a memo that there would be an all-hands-on-deck staff meeting Tuesday to discuss the future of the news organization. Speaking from experience, there has never been such a meeting, newsroom or probably anywhere else, that was worth a salamander’s shit. They were often masterclasses in corporate weasel speak about pivoting or re-prioritizing, with a side of layoffs or wage freezes or budget cuts; staff needed to do more with less and to work smarter, not harder. Unspoken was the fact that it would be more difficult and less pleasant to do your job. 

Weiss’s message Tuesday was heavy on “restoring trust in the media” and to emphasize streaming and to attract viewers through personalities and branding. She introduced a slew of new execs with titles that include “talent strategy” and “branding” and “development.” As for the newsroom’s ideological position, she said, “Our job is to present people with the fullest picture — and the strongest voices on all sides of an issue — and then trust them to make up their own minds.” 

Sounds good, yes? By all means, let’s find the strongest voices against vaccinations and in favor of warrantless stops and searches, and let people make up their own minds. Weiss, you might recall, alienated the newsroom almost from the jump when she turfed a bunch of veteran staffers and spiked a “60 Minutes” piece about the notorious El Salvador prison where U.S. officials sent detained migrants just hours before airtime. 

Real Muppets > Morning Show Muppet

She also installed morning show muppet Tony Dokoupil as anchor of the nightly CBS Evening News. He raised eyebrows almost immediately, and not in a good way, when he claimed that major media had missed on many stories and gave too much credence to advocates and elites and academics at the expense of the average American. He pledged to be “more accountable and more transparent than (Walter) Cronkite or anyone else of his era.” In one of his first broadcasts, he made no attempt at pushback or accountability in an interview with Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth after the military raided and snatched Venezuelan leader Nicolas Maduro, instead yielding the floor to Hegseth to yammer about peace through strength and to flatter President Trump. A Dokoupil “exclusive” interview with Trump at a Ford automotive plant in Michigan predictably went off the rails, with both practically shouting at each other over the clatter of a factory floor and the President gasbagging for much of the 12-minute segment. When Dokoupil asked about economic concerns, the President launched into hyperbolic orbit and floated the idea that Dokoupil owed his promotion to the last election. “A year-and-a-half ago, our country was dead,” Trump said. “We had a dead country. You wouldn’t have a job right now. If (Kamala Harris) got in, you probably wouldn’t have that job right now. Your boss is an amazing guy, (but) might be bust. I doubt it in his case, but you never know. Let me tell you, you wouldn’t have this job. You wouldn’t have this job, certainly whatever the hell they’re paying you. Our country is rocketing right now, we have the hottest country in the world. If (Democrats) got in, we would be Venezuela on steroids.” 

Bloviating aside, Trump hit upon a kernel of truth. Dokoupil’s big boss is billionaire Skydance Media prez David Ellison, son of gazillionaire and Oracle founder and Trump and Israel supporter Larry Ellison. If Trump had not been elected, maybe Skydance’s purchase of Paramount Global and CBS doesn’t make it past a Federal Communications Commission not helmed by a Trump loyalist. Ellison the Younger also overpaid for Weiss’s media outlet, then installed her as head of CBS News. If she weren’t head of the news division, Dokoupil would still be chopping it up weekday mornings with Gayle King and Nate Burleson. 

His resume’ includes a ham-handed attempt to scold author Ta-Nehisi Coates in 2024 for a chapter in his most recent book in which he criticizes Israel for its treatment of Palestinians. That earned him a reprimand from previous leadership but played well to Weiss, herself an Israel sympathizer and conservative irritant who passes herself off as a centrist and seeker of truth. 

Speaking of truth seeking, Bezos continues to neuter his once proud newspaper into irrelevance and to provide ample evidence of his political leanings. The paper announced just last week that it had suddenly pulled the plug on coverage of the Winter Olympics, an event that it typically floods with staffers. A dozen folks were credentialed and had of course already made travel arrangements, and reportedly $80,000 had been spent on lodging. The Post’s deciders walked back the decision a bit earlier this week and will now send four reporters to Milan. 

This comes on the heels of a decision not to send Washington Nationals beat writers to spring training and amid rumblings that massive layoffs are just around the corner. It’s no secret that the Post has been hemorrhaging subscribers and losing money, but it shouldn’t be a concern for a man whose reported net worth is $252 billion and who vowed to continue its mission when he purchased it in 2013. After all, he spent $55 million on his recent Venetian wedding and his Amazon MGM studio $75 million to bankroll the execrable documentary on Melania Trump that he himself pitched. 

But in recent years, Bezos has shifted the paper rightward. He killed an editorial endorsing Kamala Harris for President, contributed to Trump’s inauguration and had a better seat for the swearing in than Cabinet appointees. He circulated a memo last spring that said the Post’s editorial page would champion “personal liberties and free markets,” both of which he absurdly claimed are “underserved” in the current news and opinion climate. Now comes word that layoffs may number in the hundreds and could kneecap the sports department. Tough times for my former brothers and sisters in the newsgathering business. 

I get that it’s a different world and people seek and consume information in assorted ways. News organizations need to keep up with the times and explore all manner of delivery. However you dress up the package, though, no amount of “branding” or “development” changes the fact that reporting is time-consuming, tedious, challenging, stimulating and occasionally dangerous. It’s a skill that sometimes is an art, which too many people now in charge of newsrooms do not understand or appreciate as they chase viewers and profits. Weiss said as much to staffers, that if everybody “does their jobs right, in a year’s time CBS News will look very different.” Even setting aside the glaring question of what the “right” way is to do a job that didn’t previously exist or has not been done that way before, she is without a doubt correct.

Poetry Week - Transformation

You'll remember Marcus Lattimore for his outsized talent as a running back and his incredibly bad injury luck. Lattimore was an explosive athlete for the University of South Carolina. He burst onto the scene as a freshman in 2010. In his second game in Columbia, he carried the ball 37 times for 182 yards against Georgia. He finished that season with 1,197 yards and 17 touchdowns on the ground and was named a second-team All-American.

Then, he blew out his knee twice, curtailing both his sophomore and junior seasons. He declared for the draft in 2013, and was selected by the San Francisco 49ers. He never played a down in the NFL. 

Lattimore stayed in the game, though, coaching at the high school level before joining the staff at Lewis & Clark College in Portland, OR until a few years ago. But it's an entirely different passion we're here to talk about today.

Turns out Marcus Lattimore is a hell of a poet. 

Lattimore teaches creative writing at the Oregon Change Clinic. Jeff Pearlman calls Lattimore's evolution "maybe the greatest second act in American sports history". You can see Pearlman's podcast story on Lattimore at the bottom of this post.

Here's Lattimore himself:

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A post shared by Marcus Lattimore (@marcuslattimore_)

Lattimore was named the winner of the 2024 Oregon Spoken Word Slam, and released a memoir last summer entitled "Scream My Name". 

My last memory of him (until now) was the gruesome knee injury he suffered in 2012 against Tennessee. This updated view is a lot brighter.

Poetry Week

Don't blame me, OBX Dave started it when he talked about Edgar Allan Poe, which rhymes with David Allen Coe (I cannot believe it's taken me 55 years to realize that). What doesn't often rhyme is my poetry. 

My multi-hyphenate kid (poet-dancer-choregrapher-lunatic) turned me on to Robert Peake's poetry prompt generator a couple of years ago, and we'll send quickly dashed-off poems to one another on occasion. Mostly me sending to them these days, as they have bigger artistic fish to fry.

And now I'll send a few to you, 'cause a little bit of poetry never hurt. Here are a couple of my recent attempts at turning prompts into poems. I don't know from meter, and fuck off with rhyming, but I've got some tonality, if I do say so myself. Professor Truck taught us about timbre, and that's where I'm hanging my hat.

Forthwith, a couple of pomes (with the prompt that inspired them in bold):

Include as many of the following words (or variations on these words) as you like: luminous, larkspur (purple, palmate), variance, mutual, drupelets (little bits of fruit like blackberry), samite (rich silk fabric), roosted, relic, sage, occidental, feignings, faithless

Also:

• Include a mythical or fantastic creature
• Refer to a particular sensation

Samite scarf shining as larkspur

Luminous, she spins
Faithless, but not without belief
A relic, maybe, but sage

Mutual friends roosted in one 
Not the other
Feignings of neutrality as drupelets
Fall off slowly, inevitably

She went to Occidental
The Mighty Tigers
Now the variance vibrates
Pins and needles in her heart

Include as many of the following words (or variations on these words) as you like: withhold, penelope, intricately, ignatow, deepened, leg-music, underrate, focused, scribal, dayglo, unhurt, parasitic

Also:

• Refer to an an extreme or intemperate landscape
• Mention something absurd or impossible

Mel Ingatow got away with murder

Dayglo insanity, parasitic, unhurt, unfazed

Moonscape of electronic leg-music

Withholding human emotion, focused on

Penelope’s intricately carved ivory charm

Karma, underrated, killed him on a glass table

Include as many of the following words (or variations on these words) as you like: tertiary, pot, groin-scented, grifters, enslaves, git, statuesque, discount, ripeness, compost, twenty-second, spatula

Also:

• Make up an unusual name for a person and include it in the poem
• Mention another art form besides poetry

Git, grifters

Tertiary members of a discount

Society 

Flantz told me he danced

While the enslavers smoked pot

Groin-scented, loamy, composted and 

Wobbly statuesque

Took my only spatula

Fought off the twenty-second infantry

With only the ripeness of my imagination

I encourage the assembled Gheorghiness to compose their own pomes below.

Dream On

Dreams, Edgar Allen Poe suggested in one of his better-known poems, may walk hand-in-hand with reality and might be indistinguishable from real-life events. He repeats the same thought, first as a statement, then as a question: “All that we see or seem/Is but a dream within a dream,” and “Is all that we see or seem/But a dream within a dream?” 

No telling, Eddie P. wrote. Dreams have intrigued people for thousands of years. Poets and artists and philosophers approach them from one angle, scientists from another. Despite numerous studies, there is no consensus about why we dream or their principal effects. Notable theories propose that dreams help us process memories and deal with emotions. 

I tend to think of dreams as the brain off the clock, free to wander and create and prowl around the attic, unburdened by waking attention to work and kids and fetching groceries and navigating the healthcare system. I dream most nights, but the details usually evaporate seconds after I wake up. There’s a recurring theme, however, that sticks with me. 

You know the dream where you walk into a college classroom to take an exam for a class you haven’t attended and have done none of the work? I routinely have the sportswriter’s version of that dream. I arrive to cover a game between two teams that I’ve never seen and know nothing about. 

There are always variations. I arrive late, after the game has begun. I don’t have pen or paper to take notes. There are no notes or statistics about the teams. I don’t have a laptop to write a game story. I don’t have a seat from which to watch the game and must piece together an account from the radio or TV broadcast in the press room. I don’t have a desk or space to work when I return to the office to write a story. Sometimes, there’s a combination of obstacles. One recent twist within the theme was that I had to write a story on a recruit’s college choice, but I couldn’t talk to the kid. 

It'd be nice to remember the happier dreams, but I don’t. I have no idea if my brain is plumbing my (formerly) professional anxieties or just having fun at my subconsciousness’s expense. I don’t know if others’ brains work similarly and mechanisms are geared toward their pursuits and worries. Like, if Dave dreams about walking into a class to teach a book he hasn’t read, or if Z or Marls have to go into a courtroom and argue a case they know nothing about. Does Rob ever find himself trying to sell AI services to a roomful of homeless people? Or are your dreams sunnier and more productive? Does Whit dream that he persuades Bill Gates and Tim Cook and Nvidia microchip chieftain Jensen Huang to relocate their operations to Hampton Roads? 

Research about dreams travels down numerous paths. Freud in the late 19th century theorized that dreams represented unconscious desires and leaned heavily into repressed feelings and sexual motivation. Though many of Siggy’s ideas have been refuted, research indicates that suppressed thought tends to result in dreaming about it, something called dream rebound theory. 

Another theory is that REM sleep triggers the brain to create electrical impulses and a compilation of random thoughts, images and memories that people organize when they wake, something called Activation-Synthesis Dream Theory. One called Self-Organization Dream Theory posits that the brain organizes the day’s activity while we sleep and memories are strengthened or weakened; helpful memories are made stronger, while weaker ones fade (yeah, tell that to my scrambling sportswriter dreams). 

There’s a problem-solving or creative dream theory that accounts for people waking up in the middle of the night or first thing in the morning with “Eureka!” moments. Yet another says that dreams help to prepare us confront dangers – fight-or-flight, uncomfortable situations – known as Rehearsal and Adaptation Dream Theory. Emotional Regulation Dream Theory says that dreams help people process their emotions within the safe space of sleep. 

There’s even something called Lucid Dreaming, where a dreamer is aware of being in his or her own dream and sometimes having control over its content, though that occurs more rarely. Much of this gets to the “what” of dreams, but not the “why.” We’d like to believe that our subconscious is assisting us – organizing memories, providing coping mechanisms, smoothing the day’s edges. But then how to explain nightmares and the agitation of bad or troubling dreams. Do dreams talk us off ledges in a non-threatening setting, or do our brains simply spit back a mashup of the day’s, or a life’s, input? Might we ever learn how it all works? To quote Eddie P. in a different context: Nevermore.

Uncertainty at One Bills Drive

The Buffalo Bills fired their head coach and fellow Tribesman Sean McDermott on Monday.  I don't love this move for several reasons.

First, McDermott is a good head coach.  But much like the practice of law, being an NFL head coach is all about "what have you done for me lately."  Here's how McDermott compares to the best coaches over the last four years and their career Super Bowl records with the best in yellow:

McDermott is no Andy Reid or Nick Sirianni, but he compares favorably with everyone else over the last four years.  He made the playoffs with Tyrod Taylor and Nathan Peterman as his starting QBs for god's sake!  It isn't clear that anyone could do much better.  

Second, as with anything in life, a change can make things better or worse.  It was pretty ugly before McDermott arrived at One Bills Drive going back 30 years:

That's 17 consecutive years without making the playoffs.  From an AFC East perspective they finished in last place 8 times, in the bottom two 16 times, and went 24 years without winning the division.  That was not fun.  You know what was more fun?  Ninety-eight wins, eight playoff appearances and five division titles over nine years.  Will they do as well with Brian Daboll or Mike McCarthy or Klint Kubiak or Joe Brady?  For every Marv Levy or Sean McDermott there's a Mike Mularkey or a Chan Gailey.

Third, a bunch of things outside of McDermott's control cost them this game.  

zdaughter really got into football this season and plays a lot of Madden (which involves drubbing me mercilessly and talking smack about it).  At the end of the first half with 22 seconds left she said "They should run four verticals" and I said "No, they will take a knee."  They did not take a knee, which is on McDermott, but what happened after the snap is not on McDermott.

Allen should've thrown this away, or slid, or really done anything other than carry the ball like a loaf of bread.  McDermott didn't cause that fumble, or fail to recover it, or kick the FG for Denver.

I know that zdaughter is a real Bills fan because she woke up on Sunday still pissed off about the Brandon Cooks play.

Even this guy in a Celtics shirt says the Bills got ripped off and he brings the receipts with the same fact pattern but a different outcome in the Rams/Bears game.

Real Bills fans know that it isn't fair to besmirch someone based on another person's failures.

Fourth, there's no clear choice to replace McDermott.  

The last time I did one of these posts I talked about coaches with rings, or CWR.  No coach ever won a Super Bowl with two different teams despite the fact that there have been LIX (that's 59 for you math majors) opportunities to do so.  As a result I don't want a CWR so that rules out John Harbaugh (who isn't available), Mike Tomlin (who wants to take the year off and would require sending draft picks to the Steelers), and Mike McCarthy (who doesn't get me excited and probably wants to go home to Pittsburgh anyway).

The Pegulas' goal appears to be getting to the Super Bowl ASAP.  Only seven coaches reached the Super Bowl in their first year with a team:

• Don McCafferty with the 1970 Colts.  They won.  McCafferty was the Colts' offensive backfield coach in 1969.
• Red Miller with the 1977 Broncos.  They lost.  Miller was the Patriots' OL coach in 1976 (that's a crazy career upgrade by the way).
• George Seifert with the 1989 49ers.  They won (for the second year in a row) with a stacked roster including six Pro Bowlers, three first team All Pros, and the league MVP (and at least five future Hall of Famers).  Seifert was the Niners' DC in 1988.
• Bill Callahan with the 2002 Raiders.  This team was stacked with Rich Gannon (league MVP), Jerry Rice and Tim Brown, two first team All Pros on the offensive line, Rod Woodson, Charles Woodson, Bill Romanowski, and Sam Adams (the DT not the brewer).  Callahan was the Raiders' OC in 2001 and they lost to ...
• John Gruden with the 2002 Bucs.  He was the Raiders' HC in 2001.  This defense was one of the best ever with Warren Sapp, Simeon Rice, Ronde Barber, John Lynch, Derrick Brooks, and Booger McFarland.  Sapp, Barber, Lynch and Brooks are HOFers.
• Jim Caldwell with the 2009 Colts.  They lost.  Like Seifert, he was on the team's staff the prior year (assistant HC/QB coach) and he took over a stacked roster that won it all a few years previously including seven Pro Bowlers, three first team All Pros, and the league MVP (and at least two future Hall of Famers).
• Gary Kubiak with the 2015 Broncos.  They won thanks to arguably the league's best defense featuring five Pro Bowlers and one first team All Pro.  Peyton Manning's withered husk started 9 games going 7-2, completing 59.8% of his passes for 9 TD and 17 INT.  Brock Ostweiler chipped in 5 wins, 10 TD and 6 INT along the way.  Kubiak was Baltimore's OC in 2014 and he had a history with Denver as their backup QB in the 1980s.

So what's the best comp for this Bills team?  

The roster is not stacked--they do have three Pro Bowlers (Allen, James Cook, Dion Dawkins) but they have no speed at receiver, the defensive line has no one fearsome (despite spending lots of draft capital there), the defensive backs are shaky (despite spending lots of draft capital there) and always injured, two of their starting OL are free agents, and they will be more than $7.6m over the cap (due in not insignificant part to Allen's $56m cap hit, up from $36m this year).

The coaching staff has talent.  Bobby Babich put together the top pass defense (despite all the injuries) but the run defense was like a sieve.  Joe Brady would maintain Tribal continuity and he assembled a top five offense three years in a row.  But neither are as seasoned as Seifert or Callahan.

The closest match I can see is the 2002 Bucs--they were very good on one side of the ball--so I'm looking for a good head coach (or coordinator with head coaching experience) who didn't break through yet.   Looking closer at history, Gruden and Kubiak were offensive coaches who won Super Bowls as head coaches with dominant defenses so maybe the Bills need to hire someone who came up as a DC like Leslie Frazier (former Bills DC), Vic Fangio, or Steve Spagnuolo, but they're old as hell, so Vance Joseph, Robert Saleh, or Brian Flores.  For shits and giggles I'll give Anthony Campanile a shoutout because Fair Lawn and Don Bosco.

Ultimately though, they will probably hire Brian Daboll because Josh Allen loves him and that's as good a reason as any.  I don't love that hire (I watched him coach a lot of bad Giants losses) but I'll hope for the best.

Alright Alright Alright!!

At the start of my sophomore year at William & Mary, FOG:TB Ian said "You have to see this movie" so we went to the theater on DOG Street and what I saw changed my life.  We brought other people to see it and they all loved it too.  Since then I've rewatched it more than any other film and not always by choice because it seemingly played nonstop at Unit M.  Dazed and Confused is a masterpiece, one amazing scene runs into another.  Like this:

It features a bunch of people who went on to become famous like Ben Affleck, Milla Jovovich and Parker Posey, and it's the first movie appearance for a few actors including Joey Lauren Adams ... and Matthew McConaughey.  Since then, McConaughey had an incredibly impressive career but his first line, "Alright alright alright!" sticks with him today.

So much so that when people impersonate McConaughey they almost always say "Alright alright alright."

You could say "Alright alright alright" is his trademark.  Because it is, legally.  He registered it.

I've written a bunch of trademark posts but there is no trademarks label.  Until today!

Trademarks are a form of intellectual property that protects a brand--they indicate the source of the goods or services to which they are attached.  They are typically words, like Coca-Cola, or logos, like the Nike swoosh.  But they can also be smells (like the smell of Play-Doh) or sounds (like the NBC chimes).  Here's a link to many other sound marks.  Neat, right?!

McConaughey registered ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT as both a word mark and a sound mark.  As with all trademarks, these registrations are limited to specific goods and services.  The word mark is limited to clothing, but more interestingly the sound mark is limited to "Downloadable audio-visual media content, namely, downloadable audio and video recordings in the field of self-help, human growth and spirituality; Downloadable audio-visual media content, namely, downloadable audio and video recordings in the field of entertainment featuring television series, comedies, and dramas."  Apparently he's trying to prevent people from using AI to simulate and misappropriate his catchphrase.  He also registered two videos of him saying the phrase.

These registrations are held by his non-profit company J.K. Livin Brands, Inc. which holds 49 registered trademarks and 6 pending applications.  The registered marks include another video "of The actor, Matthew McConaughey, standing outdoors on a porch speaking and gesturing," which I can't get to work but they include a JPEG.  Parenthetically, the pending marks include "THE GREATEST INVITATION IN THE WORLD. THE SOCCER BALL." and "PECKER POP."  

This is an interesting approach to protecting a famous person's likeness beyond right of publicity as it gives a federal statutory hook on which to hang a complaint.  But don't worry, we're still free to say "alright alright alright" so long as we aren't saying it to sell human growth and spirituality services (for the same reason I can make my kids to their chores by saying "Just do it!" without fear of Nike suing me).  So just keep livin' man, L-I-V-I-N.

Joy Week Continues: One Shot Tournament Down Under

Tennis grand slams have been trying to spice things up to get more rears in the seats the week before the tourney starts. 

Last year the US Open changed how the mixed doubles tournament was set up by pairing up the top men's and women's singles players. This drew huge numbers. The eventual winners, an actual specialist mixed doubles team not made up of the top ranked pairings, won the title for the second year in a row. That format will likely continue this year. But what really drove the US Open to try and switch it up?

The Australian Open. Last year they had a one shot tournament. Basically two players rock, paper, scissored for serve and they play one point. Winner goes on, loser is out. Amateurs and Pros are in the draw. Last year the prize was about $40K USD. This year they bumped it up to $1 Million USD.

Amateurs qualify via state/Regional tournaments. So you have a total of 64 people (pros and amateurs) playing one point matches for $1 million dollars. Not much pressure.

The video is a little long but shows the progression of one contestant through to the end. The title spoils the fairy tale ending but he does beat the No. 2 player in the world along the way. 

I'm sure Dave is now looking for one point pickle ball tournaments or will try to start it up at OBFT.