Take a Break

For the first time ever, the footballing world, men's division, is taking a three-week long break from club competition to provide time for international matches. FIFA chose to consolidate traditional September and October breaks into a single, longer period, which seems to be pretty sensible (and thus, very un-FIFA) - teams have more time to train together and gain more continuity, and the travel burden on players is halved. 

The nature of the matches in this window vary from the highly competitive UEFA Nations League and AFCON qualifiers to a bunch of friendlies between minnows (Dominica beat Anguilla, 1-0, on Monday, for example) and Lionel Messi's farewall match for Argentina on October 7. 

Here at home, USMNT skipper Mauricio Pochettino is using the extended break to integrate a number of youngsters into the senior national team setup. Of note, 16 year-old Philadelphia Union winger Cavan Sullivan, who's been tearing up MLS over the past month, is set to make his debut for the now aptly-nicknamed Baby Eagles. He's joined in the squad by fellow teenagers Neil Pierre (18 year-old center back), Mathis Albert (17, MF), Adri Mehmeti (17, MF), Julian Hall, (18, F), Peyton Miller, (18, D), Justin Ellis (19, F), and Zavier Gozo (19, MF). Cole Campbell (20, F) and Frankie Westfield (20, D) are relative codgers, comparatively. 

The U.S. play Peru, Chile, Mexico and Canada over the next several weeks. Grown-ass men on those first sides - the baptism could be a bit toasty.

The lengthy break gives club teams and their followers a chance to assess the season's first month and figure out what's gone well and what leaks need to be patched. It also gives me an opportunity to take a quick look at my preseason Premier League prognostications after five matches. It's too early to draw any conclusions (and thank the soccer gods, because if the season ended now I'd look like an idiot), but we can see some outlines of the story that'll play out over the remaining 33 matches.

So what have we learned?

The level is insanely high and the league is very deep. Among other evidence:

• Brighton walloped defending champs and previously unbeaten Arsenal, 3-0 in the last match before the break and has scored more goals than anyone else in the league.
• Bournemouth and Sunderland both had Manchester City dead to rights at the Etihad before the home side pulled off escapes.
• Leeds and Everton are both unbeaten (two wins and three draws)
• European results thus far are outstanding:
• EPL teams are 5-0 in the Champions League, 3-0 in the Europa League, and 1-1-0 (W-D-L) in the Conference League

Big names on either the front or back of a kit don't guarantee results. Tottenham Hotspur spent over $400m on new contracts this summer. At the time of this writing, and for at least the next three weeks, that entire roster has as many league goals as do the G:TB staff. Manchester United is off to the worst start in the club's 35-year Premier League history.

The G:TB Coaching Primacy Theorem offers mixed returns thus far. Andoni Iraola's Liverpool are unbeaten, but two wins and three draws in five have raised eyebrows at Anfield. Xabi Alonso's Chelsea team look exceptional going forward at times. They've also allowed more goals than any other squad. Spurs' Roberto de Zerbi has overseen a clusterfuck. Meanwhile, we scoffed at Enzo Maresca's potential at Manchester City, and the oddball Italian has his side top of the table with five wins in a row.

Enjoy the break and the opportunity for the young Americans to stake their claim to the future of the program. And maybe don't pay much attention to our preseason predictions.

Hubris!

You may have heard about Meta's $17.1 billion settlement with various school districts and Native American tribes who claimed that Meta knowingly hooked children on social media.  The "Perry Mason moment" precipitating this settlement was the trial judge's order to unseal a document that was partially redacted to obscure attorney-client privileged material.  This revealed information that damaged Meta's case and, more importantly, it showed that Meta's attorneys improperly over-redacted under a privilege fig leaf.  In other words Meta's craven lawyers lied that stuff was privileged in order to hide it from the other side.  You can't do that.

The judge appointed a special master to review all of Meta's privilege designations and along the way they learned that Instagram's legal team signed off on company swag hats embroidered with "a/c priv."  You can't make this up.

These fools are so crooked and so hubristic that they hubristically thought they could tout their crookedness!  But like a tragic Greek figure, their hubris did them in.  The judicial fallout isn't complete yet but I expect a hell of a bench slap on this.

None of this would've happened if these jackals watched The Wire.  If you do something bad, don't leave a paper trail.  Or an embroidery trail.

Hypocrisy in Lauren Boebert's Glass House

Rep. Lauren Boebert has been through some things.  She became a grandmother when she was 36 and her son was 17, which means she became a mother at 19.  Shortly thereafter she got divorced.  I don't know the logistical complications that required her to bring her grandson to her divorce hearing, but I suspect a 17-year-old dad isn't the most reliable, responsible dad so maybe this was an emergency child care situation.

Somewhere in between all that she was thrown out of a musical performance of Beetlejuice for some vaping and heavy petting with her date.

I can't relate to a lot of this.  I didn't have my first child until I was 37, and I cannot imagine zson convincing a woman to procreate with him now, in two years when he's 17, or even in 20 years.  Ever, really.  I don't know why there is a musical version of Beetlejuice or why anyone would want to see it.  But I have been divorced and I can tell you that some weird stuff happens.

I can also tell you that weird stuff passes relatively quickly and you settle back into normalcy, at least if you're healthy.  Boebert is still trying to find herself and it's getting surprising.

Someone recently filed a complaint against her with the Ethics Committee of the House of Representatives, accusing her of having sex with three of her staffers, including her Chief of Staff, and paying one of them $200,000 to secure their silence about these improper relationships.  The most surprising part of this story is that two of the people involved are women.  I say "surprising" because Boebert has a history of homophobia.

Predictably, she denies it.  I obviously don't have all the facts so I don't know the truth, but it seems unlikely that someone would go on the record with a complaint like this unless they have the receipts (and in fact the complaint attaches some literal receipts showing how much the staff members were paid).

I hope Boebert figures things out, finds happiness, fills whatever void she has in her soul.  But this whole situation irritates the daylights out of me for the rampant hypocrisy.  Not because of the homophobia, which is awful but could potentially arise from her own ill-placed self-loathing.  I'm talking about her reaction when two other representatives were recently accused of having sexual relations with staffers.  What those guys did was atrocious, don't get me wrong, but Boebert called for their pensions and provided this gem of a soundbite: 

#NEW: Rep. @laurenboebert talks sexual misconduct allegations on the Hill "Why is everybody so horny here?" She says people need to "go to church. Find Jesus." https://t.co/KASrfx7lkc

— Vinay Simlot (@VinaySimlot) April 16, 2026

Glass houses, my friends.  Or should I say glass houses of representatives?  I look forward to Boebert donating her pension to It Gets Better.

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Gheorghasbord, Fashion is Dumb Edition

We are truly spanning the globe to bring you...some wild-ass shit, man. We've got the intersection of sport and local culture, a truly inexplicable bit of high fashion, and the ongoing expansion of pickles into every corner of our lives.

Oktoberfest (Wiesn to locals) kicked off this week in Munich, and the local football club got into the action on and off the pitch. Bayern Munich is a commercial juggernaut, so it's only natural they'd get into the Wiesn merch game. First, a special one-off kit to celebrate the festive season:

The Bavarians smoked FC Union Berlin, 7-0, while wearing these over the weekend, so maybe it may be more than a one-kit wonder.

If you're into a more traditional getup for Wiesn and you still want to rep your favorite side, perhaps I can interest you in a pair of Bayern Munich lederhosen for a cool $800:

And if you're a completist, you'll need to add a traditional shirt to match for $115:

You'll likely want to wear something underneath that getup. Leather on bare privates seems uncomfortable. But you might not want to shop at Saks. If you do, though, $875 seems a fair price to pay for something versatile:

All of that stuff seems normal enough, I suppose. Let's see what our fashion-forward friends at KFC have been up to since we checked in on their pickle-inspired duds. Still riding the pickle, is what.

KFC Australia has swapped its famous red for pickle green in Picklecore, a fashion-inspired campaign by Special Australia that turns a limited-edition gherkin menu into an entire aesthetic.

The campaign borrows the logic of fashion micro-trends, treating pickle obsession less like a flavour preference and more like something people might wear. Teaser billboards feature imaginary pickle lipsticks, watches and trousers, while a 15-second film gives the range the full high-fashion treatment, complete with techno soundtrack and glossy styling.

It really seems like they're trying to make Picklecore happen, too. Check out this video, and think about what all of this says about the world we live in.

Hook 'Em: A Longhornucopia

University of Texas football is having a moment, or more accurately, a series of moments that might be called a mixed bag. The Longhorns staged a comeback for the ages last Saturday night in Austin, coming from behind to beat top-ranked Ohio State, a win that propelled them to No. 1 in this week’s poll. In the immediate afterglow, Coach Steve Sarkisian all but blew off ESPN sideline reporter Holly Rowe, offering a few words and a Hook ‘Em Horns hand signal to viewers before jogging off to the locker room. 

It was a mite rude and pissy, but hardly a serious transgression, given that those brief exchanges are uniformly value-less. But because nothing rude and pissy occurs that cannot be made worse, various creators fired up the AI meme machine and produced fake interviews between Sark and Rowe that made the rounds on social media. One has him flashing a middle finger at the camera while smoking a cigar and Rowe munching an oversized cupcake, while another has Sark violently slapping Rowe to the ground and running off. 

Longhorns quarterback Arch Manning, he of the House of Manning football dynasty, was asked at a Monday presser if he had seen any of the AI video interviews. With others off-camera laughing around him, Manning beamed and said that he had seen a couple and offered, “I saw an AI edit of Sark’s interview. Y’all seen that one? That’s a good one — of him slapping Holly Rowe. It’s hilarious.” 

What the actual hell? A man backhanding a woman upside the head and knocking her to the ground – even artificially created – is “a good one” and “hilarious?” Really? Maybe you chalk it up to Manning being a 21-year-old meathead and locker room bro culture. Hey Arch, remember way back in August about Good Good Golf’s bobsled run into the dumpster after their TV commercial that featured a man pushing a woman to the ground for touching his new driver? All fun and games, right? 

In any case, blowback was swift and Manning on Tuesday apologized on Instagram for his remarks. “There is nothing funny about it,” he wrote. “It’s easy to say I didn’t mean it, but I know my words and actions were hurtful to a lot of people. I do not take that lightly and am deeply sorry for that.” He apologized to Rowe specifically: “I have a ton of respect for her and appreciate her showing me grace in this moment. I need to do better and will be more thoughtful going forward.” 

Exchange “thoughtful” for “guarded” and “cautious” and we might be on to something. 

In the runup to Saturday’s game, ESPN’s GameDay was in Austin. One highlight was a UT freshman nailing a field goal for $1.2 million, followed by hugs and handshakes from Longhorn celeb-alum and regular sideline presence Matthew McConaughey and a pledge to donate half the money to charity. A less successful segment featured Texas Senator Ted Cruz, who droned on for almost ten minutes about the Protect College Sports Act and its importance in restoring order to college athletics. 

Cruz is one of the bill’s co-authors, though its language and provisions have changed repeatedly, so “sponsor” is probably a more accurate description. Regardless of the final version, which might come up for a Senate vote in the coming weeks, the upshot is a measure that will reduce the leverage that college athletes have gained through various court rulings and NCAA fecklessness. 

The PCSA has both bipartisan support and significant opposition. Some of the pushback might be due to Cruz himself. He was relentlessly booed and heckled during his segment, and it’s not a stretch to wonder if some people will reflexively oppose the bill, figuring that anything he lends his name to is worth resisting. 

Former Minnesota Senator Al Franken wrote in his autobiography: “I like Ted Cruz more than most of my other colleagues like Ted Cruz. And I hate Ted Cruz.” The late Senator Lindsey Graham once said in a speech at the Washington Press Club that, “If you killed Ted Cruz on the floor of the Senate, and the trial was in the Senate, nobody would convict you.” 

Cruz’s general prickliness was more than matched by a gent named Bo French, a Republican running for a seat on the Texas Railroad Commission. He was so inspired by the Longhorns’ victory that he posted a photo of a section of celebrating students whose skin tones suggested their ancestors didn’t arrive on the Mayflower. 

“I heard UT graduation this year looked like this,” he wrote on Elon Musk’s shitscape site. “I didn’t believe it. The problem is now obviously far worse than anyone imagined.” In case dogs didn’t hear the whistle, he continued, “I weep for the families in Texas who can’t get into UT because they prioritize foreigners over Texans” and added, “Like body-cams exposed criminals, social media is exposing how many Americans have been displaced by foreigners.” 

Hard to know where to start with this. First, French offered no evidence that those kids in the pic weren’t native Texans. Second, UT Austin doesn’t prioritize foreigners over Texans; state law requires that 90 percent of first-year students must be state residents, and 75 percent of those must be automatically admitted; as recently as 2023, applicants in the top six percent of their high school class were also automatically admitted. Foreigners also happen to pay higher tuition than in-state students, which helps Texas state schools maintain lower than average in-state tuition rates. 

It’s unclear if French is a true xenophobic twatwaffle or has simply made the calculation that going full bigot is a winning strategy with his base. Contemptible either way. Some within his own party have called him out, notably outgoing Texas Senator John Cornyn, who posted on X/Twitter: “Are other Republican elected officials going to condemn the intolerance and racism, or look the other way while it becomes normalized.” 

Predictably, Cornyn caught some gas from far right corners, including a TV host who blasted him for “liberal moralizing” and for criticizing “a Patriot acknowledging that Texans didn’t ask for their state to become a playground for the third world.” I might argue that Third World residents looking for a playground can find plenty more welcoming locations than Texas. 

So, as the top-ranked Longhorns prepare for a visit from overmatched Texas-San Antonio and set themselves up for a potential playoff berth, laughing off memes about violence against women, flawed legislation stumped by unpopular figures and outright racism by candidates for statewide office in an ethnically diverse country are episodes that even a roomful of McConaugheys can’t pretty up.

Single-Sentence Stories, Part II: Sentence of Dave, and a Math Problem About Literature

Cuing off Zed's sly tip-of-the-cap post yesterday, I thought I'd take us all there more fully. You know, a ham-fisted sequel after a cleverly crafted original.

So, as of today, Dave has written 6,365 posts at Sentence of Dave. As such, presumably he has written 6,365 sentences.

6,365 sentences. Wow.

Except... do you guys remember his existential crisis where he went over to that Park the Bus site and wrote lots of sentences and said goodbye to SoD and then a year later or so came back and just picked the old site right back up New Coke Bobby Ewing style?

What was that about? We're going to call that period his "Lost Weekend" a la John Lennon and go with the 6,365 sentences. Moving right along...

So… has Dave written the equivalent of a novel?

Of course it would be a rambling, hard-to-follow novel. I contend that it would be no harder to follow than Faulkner's novels for me when I read them in high school, or Dave when he's rambling at the Fishing Trip after Tortuga's and some afternoon fun. 

How can we simply evaluate if he's written and published (in blogform) as much as a novel over these 18 years?

AI says that: 

• "Charles Dickens' A Tale of Two Cities contains an estimated 6,400 to 7,400 sentences, based on an approximate word count of 135,000 to 140,000 and the typical long-winded Victorian sentence length of around 19 to 22 words per sentence. For instance, the famous opening line alone runs 119 words long, which is very SoDomish and perhaps Dave's original inspiration."
• "Based on the novel's total word count, To Kill a Mockingbird contains an estimated 6,800 to 7,500 sentences. Total Word Count: The novel has approximately 100,000 words. Average Sentence Length: Standard 20th-century American fiction typically averages 13 to 15 words per sentence. BTW, Dave = Boo Radley."
• "Mark Twain’s American classic The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn contains an estimated 5,300 to 5,800 sentences. While Mark Twain's prose is highly conversational and written in Huck's unique colloquial voice, his narrative sentences tend to be longer and more fluid than modern fiction, often linking multiple clauses with conjunctions like "and". However, this is balanced out by rapid-fire, localized dialogue between Huck and other characters along the Mississippi River, bringing the statistical average down to about 20 words per sentence. Also, Dave has never used racist vulgarities in SoD."
• "An analysis of John Steinbeck's The Grapes of Wrath estimates the sentence count to be between 11,000 and 15,000 sentences. While it is a massive, sweeping novel, its total sentence count is incredibly high because Steinbeck’s sentence-level complexity is uniquely low. Like SoD, it's also super uplifting."
• “An analysis of Ernest Hemingway's modernist classic The Sun Also Rises estimates the sentence count to be between 5,600 and 6,800 sentences, similar to SoD in the way that Jake Barnes is similar to Dave in his sexual virility."

So Dave has worked harder than Twain, nearly as hard as Dickens and Harper Lee, and he’s halfway to Steinbeck. (“Halfway to Steinbeck”… a podcast episode or Random Idiots song title if there ever was one.)

Dave is pretty much Ernest Hemingway. Papa Pellicane strikes again.

Here’s the thing, though. Those authors didn’t work as hard per sentence. Not nearly!

Only the people highlighted in Zman’s recommended Totei article “The Strange Allure of the Single-Sentence Novel” have! Faulkner and his 1,288-word sentence in Absalom, Absalom!, or Joyce and his 4,391-word sentence in Ulysses. (Joyce’s has to be the Lou Gehrig record of his time… and maybe Dave can be Cal Ripken.)

So, in order to do comparative math, we need to know how long the average SoD entry is, wordwise. How do we figure that?

We’re in luck, Super Sleuths! My buddy Arch the AI Archivist gave me this to work with:

If your goal is “give me a defensible ballpark, not a dissertation,” I think we can get there without turning this into the Human Genome Project.

From the archive material I can actually inspect, my best current estimate is:

 An average Sentence of Dave post is probably about 200–250 words.

If you made me put one number on it right now, I'd use ~225 words per post.

I also think the median is appreciably lower — probably around 150–175 words. That's because Dave's distribution is extremely lopsided: there are lots of short posts, but then occasional 500-, 700-, or 1,000-word Dave extravaganzas drag the arithmetic mean upward. You can see that variation directly in the archives: 2010 has compact posts alongside very long one-sentence narratives, while 2024 likewise jumps between tiny entries and several-hundred-word stories. And contemporary Dave does appear wordier.

I'd put a fairly broad uncertainty band around it — say ±50 words — until we've done a genuine large sample. But I'm much more comfortable with 225 now than with my original 150–200 guess.

Oh, and then there's this exchange:

Anyway, I’m actually content to know how much Dave has written, guesstimate-style (like most of my college exam submissions), so let’s do this.  

Holy crap. Sentence of Dave is 5 times wordier than that relative leaflet Ulysses! 

I know, my Math about his English a bit dicey in its precision, but it’s on the right track. Dave’s collective work doesn’t qualify for Single-Sentence Novel acclaim, because, like the unluckiest gal I know, he’s had over 6,000 periods… but if we could tap a few keystrokes and make them all semi-colons… oh, boy. 

Let's face it. Dave is Cal. 

[This is not helping my case with my hometowners that W&M people aren’t nerds.]