The 2023 FIFA Women's World Cup wraps up Sunday at 6:00 am EST (it'll be 8:00 pm in Sydney at kickoff). The final match pits two of the world's top 10 teams in England and Spain. Neither country has won a World Cup, though both have been knocking on the door. 2023 marks England's third consecutive trip to the World Cup semifinals, while Spain made the semis in 2019.
By most measures, the Australia/New Zealand edition of the tournament has been excellent. There have been more goals than in any previous Women's World Cup. The crowds have been immense and spirited. We've seen significantly more parity than many (this guy included) thought, with a number of big teams out early (Germany, Brazil, and Canada failed to reach the knockout stage, while the U.S. went out in the Round of 16), three African teams (Morocco, Nigeria, and South Africa) in the knockouts, and a surprising Colombian squad pushing England in an entertaining quarterfinal.
No less a legend than Brazil's Marta talked about the parity after her Brazilian side was knocked out in the group stage, saying, "This competition is like a box with so much surprise, [Women's] soccer has become so competitive." This event was Marta's sixth and final World Cup, as she, Canada's Christine Sinclair (who also competed in her sixth event), and the U.S.'s Megan Rapinoe ended long and outstanding international careers when their teams were eliminated.
Notably, this playing of the Women's World Cup may also be, as The Washington Post called it, "the gayest World Cup ever". Or perhaps not all that notably, as The Post notes parenthetically, "(and no one's batting an eyelid)". That the tournament is generating boffo ratings, significant positive buzz, and excellent on-field play while celebrating the presence of proud, out players, coaches, and fans, is a positive sporting step.
The good news for the women's game is that so many brilliant players remain active and showed the world their skill, tenacity, and power. Sam Kerr's story arc was nearly the stuff of movies, injuring her calf the day before her Aussie squad started the tournament, slowly working herself back to full fitness, and scoring this banger to level the Matildas' semi with England, only to fall short.
Linda Caicedo burst on the world stage, the precocious 18 year-old Colombian dazzling with her technical ability and speed. She eliminated Germany with this wondergoal:
England's young Lauren James (sister of Chelsea men's player Reese James) scored three goals and dished out a tournament-leading three assists before a rush of blood to the head saw her stomp on Nigeria's Michelle Alozie in the Round of 16. The act led to a red card and a two-match suspension, so James will be eligible to compete in the final.
19 year-old Spaniard Salma Paralluelo scored game-winning goals in both the quarters and semis for La Roja, coming off the bench both times.
Japan's Hinata Miyazawa leads the race for the Golden Boot with five goals, and barring a monster game by one of the finalists, will likely win the award. England's Mary Earps is the odds-on
And beyond individual brilliance, the closeness of the women's soccer community shone through as players shared their joy and pain with their friends, teammates, and partners who happened to play for their opponents. Witness, for example, Kerr and England's Millie Bright, who are club teammates at Chelsea, after the Lionesses beat Australia in the semifinals:
One might think that we'd beg off from making predictions after our fairly disastrous pre-tournament prognostication. Right back on the horse, friends. We're warriors. And we did have both finalists make it as far as the quarterfinals, and we had the host Aussies in the semis, so that's, like, good-ish? We did miss on the other semifinalists, which I think is a pretty good indicator of the aforementioned parity. To be sure, we definitely weren't the only wrong-getters.
The final shapes up as a fascinating affair. England are the defending European champions, beating Spain in the quarters along the way. The Spanish currently hold the U17 and U20 world titles, and are stocked with exceptional young players, in addition to two-time Ballon d'Or winner Alexia Putellas. La Roja have had a famously tumultuous recent history, with a significant number of players criticizing manager Jorge Vilda's dictatorial style, and a number of prominent players left off the World Cup roster as a result. In the meantime, England manager Sarina Wiegman just keeps winning - her England teams have lost once in 37 matches. USWNT veteran Sam Mewis, who missed this World Cup with an injury, said recently on a podcast with Men in Blazers' Roger Bennett that she would be rooting for England despite being fond of Spain's players because she doesn't want Vilda's authoritarian tactics to be vindicated. I suspect many others feel the same way.
In the end, I think England will win, but it'll be a close-run thing. The Lionesses have depth (they've advanced to the final without Beth Mead, Keira Walsh, and Leah Williamson, all members of the 2022 FIFAPRO World 11 side), experience, and the ability to bring a player with James' pace, strength, and skill off the bench to harass a tiring Spanish back line (at least I'm guessing Wiegman will take that approach after her team won consecutive knockout matches without James). But no result would really surprise me after the World Cup we've seen.
The women's game is in excellent shape, and this World Cup has showcased its growth across the globe. There's still work to be done to root out misogynists and creeps, but I suppose that's true of a lot of domains.
Tomorrow morning at 3:00 am Eastern Standard Time, the 2023 FIFA Women's World Cup kicks off at Eden Park in Auckland, NZ, as the co-host Football Ferns take on Norway. For the first time in history, the women's tournament will feature 32 teams, same as the men (at least until 2026, when the men's event bloats to 48 nations). The larger field is both a sign that the women's game is growing leaps and bounds across the globe, and a harbinger of some lopsided group stage games (USA v. Vietnam, we're looking at you) as we don't yet have the same depth across the tournament.
As always, we're here to get you ready for a big event. I am a big backer of women's soccer, a supporter of the game as both a spectator and a coach. Even so, I don't claim to know as much about the global ladies' game as I do the men's, simply because it's not as accessible. Lack of expertise, however, has never really been an obstacle for us here.
Onwards, then, with the story lines we'll be watching:
Stine Larsen, annoyed
First and foremost, a story line that we won't actually get to watch. An incredible rash of injuries has beset the women's game over the past several months, depriving us of an all-star roster of talented athletes. Very few of the elite teams in the tournament have been immune to tournament-ending knocks. A partial list of the potential difference makers who won't be in Australia/New Zealand for the tournament includes the United States' Mallory Swanson (who was in amazing form before she did her knee), Catarina Macario, and captain Becky Sauerbrunn, England's Leah Williamson, Fran Kirby, and Beth Mead (last year's Ballon d'Or runner-up), New Zealand's Katie Rood, Canadian midfielder Janine Beckie, Norway forward Stine Larsen, Dutch striker Vivianne Miedema, and France's Amadine Henry and Marie-Antoinette Katoto.
The game's growth and overall increase in quality is a big deal, and we'll see it play out during the tournament. While the United States is a clear favorite, it says here that no fewer than nine nations can legitimately hope to be the last team standing. In addition to the USWNT, Australia, Germany, England, Spain, the Netherlands, Brazil, Canada, and Japan are in with a shout.
Zambia 3, Germany 2!
At the other end of the spectrum, eight nations are making their first-ever appearance at a World Cup, with three others in only their second trip to the finals. While most of the newcomers will struggle, at least a few will be competitive. Zambia beat Germany, 3-2 in a friendly earlier this month, while Ireland played the USWNT tough in a pair of recent friendlies, as well.
Given that we're nothing if not homers, at least when it comes to the USWNT, our team's quest for the first-ever three-peat in World Cup history is a pretty big headline. Head coach Vlatko Andonovski had some early growing pains as he took over for two-time World Cup champion Jill Ellis, not the least of which was the USWNT's semifinal loss to eventual gold medalists Canada in the 2020 Olympics. Since then, though Andonovski has blended decorated veterans like Alex Morgan, Kelley O'Hara, Julie Ertz, and Megan Rapinoe with talented newcomers like Sophia Smith, 18 year-old Alyssa Thompson, Naomi Girma, and Trinity Rodman fairly seamlessly.
The Americans bring the deepest team to ANZ, but the absence of Sauerbrunn, in particular, brings some questions about how well the young centerback tandem of Girma and Alana Cook will play under steadily increasing tournament pressure. The U.S. will score our share of goals. How well we prevent them may tell the tale.
As the quality of the global game has increased in total, individual excellence is more distributed than ever. Here are some of the players we're focused on:
Australia's Sam Kerr is a badass. Full stop. She's one of the best goalscorers in the history of the women's game. She's tallied 63 times in 120 appearances for the Matildas, and 54 times in 67 games since 2020 for Chelsea. She's fast, physical, skilled, and relentless. And in an interesting subplot were unlikely to see in the men's game for at least a decade or two, her partner Kristie Mewis is on the USWNT roster - the two countries could meet in the final if both win their groups as expected.
Ada Hegerberg won the first-ever Ballon d'Or Féminin in 2018. The Norwegian became the Champions League all-time leading scorer in 2019. But she stopped representing her nation in international competition in 2017 in protest of inequality between Norway's men and women's national teams. She only returned to international competition last year, after sitting out the 2019 World Cup. It seems that equity isn't just an issue for the USWNT - in addition to Norway, players from Nigeria, Jamaica, France, and Brazil have spoken out about issues with their national federations.
Marta is the all-time leader in women's World Cup goals with 17. The legendary Brazilian can become the first person to score a goal in six World Cups if she tallies down under. At 37, though, and recovering from a knee injury, she and her teammates need Debinha to be brilliant in order to make an impact in this year's event. The 31 year-old attacker scored 42 goals in 115 matches for the North Carolina Courage in NWSL before moving to the Kansas City Current this season. She'll be Brazil's most important offensive weapon.
With Swanson and Macario unavailable and Rapinoe nearing the end of her career, Trinity Rodman has the potential to make a huge impact for the USWNT. The 21 year-old winger is 5'10", blazingly fast, and both physical and technically gifted. She's just coming into her own as a professional with the Washington Spirit - she'll be a cornerstone of our nation's program for years. And yeah, if you didn't already know, she's that dude's daughter.
Alexia Putellas was almost on the list of injured stars above. The Spanish superstar and two-time Ballon d'Or winner injured her ACL while training in June 2022, causing her to miss the 2022 Euros and most of her club season with Barcelona, for whom she's scored 126 goals since 2012. She returned to the field in late April, but it's not clear yet whether she'll be back to anything close to her top form, which has earned her wide regard as the best player in the world. And in fact, there are reports today that she left Spain's training early, which casts doubt on whether she'll be fit to play against Costa Rica on Friday. It would be a gigantic shame for the game and a huge blow for Spain if she can't go.
Bunny Shaw is near and dear to me because she plays a style similar to one of the kids on the JV team I coach. When that kid (who is African-American, in addition to being built like Jamaica's Shaw - tall and strong) asked me for tips on players to watch, I turned her on to Shaw, who played for the University of Tennessee in college before joining Manchester City. Showing that kid a role model who looks and plays like her was a cool moment. Shaw was the CONCACAF Player of the Year in 2022, the first non-American to win that award. And if the Reggae Girlz are going to do anything in this tournament in a very tough group, she's gonna need to be exceptional.
Since you've made it this far, I assume you're looking for gambling advice, and I'm happy to oblige, you degenerates.
The variance in talent makes predicting the group stages somewhat straightforward. Sure, the Netherlands could pip the USWNT for first in Group E, but both are likely to advance. I could see mini-upsets happening in Group D, where China could edge Denmark for second behind England and Group A, where co-host New Zealand may sneak past Switzerland to take second behind Norway. And Group H is clearly the most competitive, as Colombia and South Korea will battle to see who joins Germany in the knockout rounds. But for the most part, we should expect a pretty chalky group stage. Something like this:
Advancing from Group A (in order): Norway, Switzerland
Group B: Australia, Canada
Group C: Spain, Japan
Group D: England, Denmark
Group E: USA, Netherlands
Group F: Brazil, France
Group G: Sweden, Italy
Group H: Germany, South Korea
Which gives us the following Round of 16 matches:
Japan over Norway
USA over Italy
Spain over Switzerland
Netherlands over Sweden
Australia over Denmark
Brazil over Korea
England over Canada
Germany over France
Quarterfinals:
USA over Japan
Netherlands over Spain
Australia over Brazil
Germany over England
Semifinals:
USA over Netherlands
Australia over Germany
Final:
Part of me is really drawn to the idea of taking the host Matildas to upset the Americans in the final, which will be played on August 20 in Sydney. The Aussies are a sports-mad people in the best of ways, and they'll show out for their team, which is one of the reasons I like them to advance beyond their expected result. But in the end, I think the USWNT are just too deep and too talented to be denied a third consecutive World Cup title. Megan Rapinoe rides off into the sunset, taking Kelley O'Hara, Alex Morgan, Alyssa Naeher, and Julie Ertz with her as they all solidify their places in the U.S. Soccer pantheon.
Our footie correspondent fatguyinaspeedo weighed in earlier this week with a post about the 2015 Women's World Cup, which kicks off this week. Little did he, or we, know how powerful his words would prove to be. We didn't even have a chance to get this post in to the queue before Sepp Blatter was forced by the power and cutting venom of these words to step down from his post as the 'President of everybody'. Well done, fatguy.
Presently it should come as no surprise to even the most disinterested soccer observer that Sepp Blatter is living proof that crime does indeed pay, sometimes quite handsomely, we shouldn’t lose sight of the fact that he is sexist (and homophobic) to boot. He is Switerland’s own nod to the totalitarian triple threat.
Notwithstanding this, the Women’s World Cup kicks off on June 6 and gives even Dave a reason to (once again) care about Canada. Oddly enough, in a country as apathetic to footie as the USA the USWNT are the dominant force in world soccer and are (barely) ranked 2nd to Germany going into the WWC. We were #1 from 2008-2014 and averaged #2 from 2003-2008 and won World Cups in 1991 and 1999 and Olympic Gold in ’96, 2004, ’08 and ’12. Not bad for a side that came into existence in 1985. Actually, pretty fucking incredible and I’d welcome any comparisons to worldwide sports dominance in such a short timeframe as I’m drawing the usual reference blank.
We came in second in the 2011 World Cup to Japan, a bittersweet loss in that a hugely unflavored Japanese side overcame all odds and triumphed mere months after the earthquake/tsunami devastated their nation. Bittersweet for viewers at least, the USWNT were sorely disappointed and will be back to crush in normal fashion next week. (Editor's Note: I don't think this is very likely. The USWNT looked like canned ass during the run up to the WWC, and Alex Morgan's health is extremely iffy. Head coach Jill Ellis' (W&M '88) decision to exclude Crystal Dunn from the squad looks increasingly questionable, as Dunn is on a tear in NWSL play and the U.S. midfield struggles to develop chemistry.)
What the womens team has in common with the last men’s world cup team is that they are in the “group of death” along with Australia, Sweden and Nigeria. What they don’t have in common with the men is that they will undoubtedly advance in the second round and not many people will notice. As a side note it’s time the “group of death” moniker is retired and replaced with something suitably banal like “groupmageddon” or “groupocalypse”™.
Before this gets too long-winded and I get too far away from Blatter, a couple of notes worth mentioning:
Abby Wambach leads all humans in that she has scored 182 international goals (241 caps). Iranian Ali Daei leads all men with 109 goals (149 caps)
Alex Morgan won’t be playing as many minutes with a bum knee. This means Sydney Leroux will be taking her place.
Megan Rapinoe is coming off a knee injury and might not be able to do this:
Abby Wambach broke her nose a couple of weeks ago and isn’t getting it fixed until after the World Cup so she doesn’t miss any training. Check out this video and watch her head get stapled at the :50 second mark so she could keep playing.
Hope Solo will do something stupid.
In case you’re still with me (I Hope) some bonus Blatter:
In 2013 Blatter hugged Sarah Huffman, Wambach’s wife and called her Marta, confusing her for the Brazilian five-time player of the year. He had no clue who one of the all-time best women’s soccer player was and runs FIFA. At least they look alike:
Marta
Sarah Huffman
In the interest of consistency, Alex Morgan noted that Blatter didn’t who she was in 2012 at a dinner for the top three female soccer players of the year.
Unfortunately, the women will be playing on artificial turf. Blatter cited actual grass as cost-prohibitive for FIFA but when a company agreed to provide grass for no cost to FIFA, he demurred.
A lawsuit by the best women soccer players was dropped early this year for the same reasons Stormtroopers dropped their lawsuit against the Darth Vader in the book.
As of 2013 FIFA had three(!) women executives appointed to its 100+ year old board. Lauding this triumph in a meeting Blatter urged them “"We now have three ladies on the board," said Blatter at FIFA's congress in Mauritius. "Say something, ladies. You are always speaking at home, say something now." Viva egalite!
In 2004 he suggested the women’s game would be more popular if they, “have tighter shorts. Female players are pretty … to create a more female aesthetic, why not do it in fashion?”
Too many more Blatter blunders (Blattunders™) to list here.
Consider making the trek to our norteno neighbors next month. Witness history in the making, salute our outgoing generallisimo, and don’t forget the poutine!
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