Where Everybody Knows Your Name

My quill-brain connection has been mightily fecund of late. Perhaps this is a sign that I should finally get around to getting a job. (If you have one on offer, please contact my agent.) Judging by the news I'm about to share, it certainly appears that I'm going to need one.

In 1989, a comedy writer named James Comisar started collecting pop culture memorabilia in a most innocuous way. He grabbed a pair of hand-painted title cards that said "More to Come" that appeared before commercial breaks on "The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson". From those humble seeds grew a lush garden of television's historical artifacts, simple and very much more. Comisar hoped to eventually curate his collection of more than 10,000 pieces and open a museum to display them. Instead, he's chosen to start auctioning some of them.

Until June 4, Heritage Auctions will accept bids on an incredible array of items from television's history. You want Captain Kangaroo and Mr. Green Jeans' costumes*? The reserve bid is $15,000. The tunic James Shatner wore when his Captain James T. Kirk kissed Nichelle Nichols' Uhura in the first televised interracial liplock? That one's gonna cost you at least $30,000. Got $20,000? That'll get you in the door for Wonder Woman's metal wrist cuffs from Season One in 1975.

If you've got your cash tied up in less liquid investments, like FanDuel accounts, you can find some lower-priced bargains in Comisar's collection. You want one of Roseanne's blouses? $3 will get you into the lead at them moment. Same bid gets you out in front of the race for Ms. Cunningham's hardware utility smock from "Happy Days". Couple of cue cards from "Late Night with David Letterman" are currently at $12. Kevin Arnold's "Wonder Years" bathrobe? $15. There's a lot of shit, y'all.

* Fuck yeah, though it might be hard to explain to my wife

Me, though, I'm setting up a syndicate to go after one of the big ticket items. Do you remember the "Seinfeld" episode when Kramer acquired the Merv Griffin set? This is even better. Way better, for the group of us for whom Sam, Diane, Coach, Carla, Norm, Cliffy, Woody, and the gang were integral to our college experience. 

Friends, the real, live, actual "Cheers" bar is on auction. 

That's the real deal. Six barstools, the taps, the back bar, prop menus from local establishments, the bar itself, with the names Ratz and Kirstie carved into it, the phone, the fucking history. And I know exactly what we'll do with it. Soon as our ship comes in and we procure the compound, the bar gets pride of place. Marls has the most bartending experience, so he'll be behind the bar when the big guy walks in and we all shout "WHIT"! OBX Dave will ask, "What's new, Whit?". "Should be my liver", will come the response. And we'll all laugh.

Bids are up to $150,000 at the moment. I figure it'll get near $7-800,000. Venmo me - you should have my information. 

We're gonna have a place where everybody's glad we came.