Fashion is... Teejus F'ing Christ, What are these Abominations?

 And why must I own them...

Before clicking this link, come up with what you think these cost? Then be prepared to have your mind blown by what they actually cost. What are we doing here people?

SAGTTP (Should a Gheorghie Take The Piss)?

Gheorgies,

I have a bit of a conundrum. There's a retired guy that is often at my local YMCA. I don't want to dox him, so let's call this fellow Karen.

Karen talks to everybody. I occasionally see him jawing in the weight room, but the locker room is where he prefers to work. In fact I've probably mentioned him before in the comments as the guy who played The Rush Limbaugh Show at high volume on his phone speaker in the locker room (rest in piss, el rushbo). He wears a red hat to the gym sometimes. Yes, the standard issue version.

There are lots of Karens. This is the one I'm referring to.

I make it a practice to simply ignore Karen when I see him. If I had to break down the percentages for my reasons to ignore him, I'd put it at 69% due to loudcasting his support for toxic politics and 31% not wanting to risk catching a glimpse of Karen's tiny flaccid pecker.

Today, while I was chatting with someone else Karen piped up with a comment about 'topics that set him off'. "Give us a warning of what they are so we can avoid them" I said as I finished getting on my workout clothes. I'm not sure what came next was exactly the warning I'd requested. 

Gheorghies, he Karened. "I wanna know how that Ilhan Omar went from having no money to having $30 million! I think we need to throw her in jail for 20 years and then deport her..." I imagine he kept going, but I started walking as soon as he started his diatribe. It did call to mind a revenge fantasy I may or may not have imagined in the past.

Apparently only some politicians are allowed to have money.

And Gheorghies, that's where you come in. What's a fair comeuppance for this locker room Karen? I'll share my diabolical idea first, and accept suggestions in the comments for other more sensible measures. This is all strictly hypotheical, of course.

Proposal A - Fill small squeeze bottle with urine and keep it stashed in the back of my locker, until I find myself there alone, at which point I discharge the squeeze bottle of piss into one of the vent holes in Karen's locker. A budget version golden shower, if you will. 

Surely there are some drawbacks to this plan. I know it's gross. But I'm also ridiculously hydrated most of the time, so I also worry it may not be gross enough.

Sound off and tell me - SAGTTP? TIA!

We're No. 69: Santa Clara

Five weeks away from Selection Sunday and the best event in sports, the NCAA Tournament. According to several bracketologists, almost 30 teams are locks for the 68-team field, another dozen are almost assured spots barring late-season face-plants, and roughly two dozen teams have work to do to and are on the bubble. Which brings us to the first entry in this season’s series: the Santa Clara Broncos. 

The Broncos are a case study in both seasonal evaluations that go into selection and the larger college hoops landscape that determines who gets a seat at the table. The school is a private Jesuit university located down the road from the San Francisco Bay area and California’s oldest institution of higher learning. It’s a charter member of the West Coast Conference, founded in 1952, and its notable conference hoops rivals are Gonzaga and St. Mary’s. The Broncos are No. 41 in current NCAA Net rankings, which the committee uses to separate teams, No. 38 in Ken Pomeroy’s ratings, and No. 51 in ESPN’s Basketball Power Index (BPI). Herb Sendek – yes, *that* Herb Sendek, formerly of Arizona State and N.C. State – is in his 10th season as head coach. 

Let’s give them a look: 

Recent history: At least 20 wins the past five seasons, including this year. NIT appearances three of the past four seasons. A pretty fair historical footprint, with seven NCAA appearances, including the 1952 Final Four, and four other NIT trips. The Broncos have had only seven coaches since 1935, and all but one of them had career winning records. 

Mascot/nickname profile: Broncos and a mascot named Bucky, of which there appears to blessedly little history. The student section is referred to as “Ruff Riders.”

Home arena: Leavey Center (cap. 4,500) in Santa Clara, named for alum Thomas E. Leavey (Class of 1922), the founder of Farmers Insurance (cue J.K. Simmons and the TV commercial theme). 

Notable hoops alumni: Steve Nash, who led the Broncos to the NCAAs in 1993, ’95 and ’96 and was a two-time NBA MVP; Kurt Rambis; Jalen Williams (Oklahoma City Thunder), Brandin Podziemski (Golden State Warriors); John Bryant (WCC Player of Year, fixture in German professional league to present day); Dennis Awtrey; Ken Sears (1950s All-American and first college hoops player to appear on cover of Sports Illustrated). 

Current season: Santa Clara (21-5, 12-1) is currently in first place in the WCC, a half-game ahead of Gonzaga and a game-and-a-half up on St. Mary’s in a top-heavy league in which the top three have separated from the pack. Redshirt sophomore guard Christian Hammond (16.4 ppg) is one of three double-figure scorers, along with 6-7 senior Elijah Mahi (14 ppg) and 6-9 redshirt freshman Allen Graves (11.2 ppg, 7.1 rpg). The Broncos have won eight in a row and 12 of 13, their only loss a respectable effort against the Zags. 

Reasons to believe: Depth, quality, shooting ability, unselfishness. Nine players average between five and 16 points per game and between 12 and 30 minutes per game. They have seven capable 3-point shooters and five players with at least 60 assists. They shoot 47.6 percent as a team and are outscoring opponents by 12 points per game. They beat St. Mary’s in their first meeting, and they get another crack at both the Gaels and Zags in coming weeks. A solid 7-4 record against Quad 1 and 2 competition. 

Reasons to fade them: Here’s where we get into the effects of one’s neighborhood. The West Coast Conference is a middlin’ 11th in league RPI ratings. Gonzaga is near the top of the heap in many metrics, and St. Mary’s is actually several spots ahead of Santa Clara despite the head-to-head loss. This has led to hoopologists wondering if the WCC is worthy of a third team getting into the field, i.e., a second at-large bid. The Big Ten is projected to get nine and perhaps ten at-large bids, the SEC eight and the ACC and Big 12 seven. The eighth- or ninth-place team in a conference no more deserves a spot in the NCAAs, unless it wins the automatic bid, than you or me (Dead Horse and Club alert). 

Shouldn’t matter if the league is deep and difficult, but in an era of consolidation and mega-conferences, it does because the power conferences dictate terms. Selectors use metrics and available statistical tools to justify inclusion among the Power 4 conferences and the swells, and to exclude mid-majors who did everything asked of them, but whose numbers "just didn’t add up." That’s why we’re in a season where Miami of Ohio is still undefeated and could win 30 games, but if the RedHawks lose in the MAC Tournament, there’s a very real chance they’ll be denied because of their strength of schedule or predictive metrics or league ranking or whatever. In a just and fair world, teams such as Miami-O and Santa Clara should be locks for the field if they get to 26 or 28 wins. Alas, boys and girls, we do not live in such a world.

Superb Owl Open Post

Getting you ready for the Big Game with a mini playlist and open comment thread. 

Happy International Clash Day

In terms of their commentary on the times, the only band that matters was both of their time and prescient. It's impossible to narrow down their protest tunes to find just one that resonates today, so consider this an assignment - listen to this one and go find some more.

Breaking News, Washington Post Edition

Today in Media Disruption came the explosive purge at the Washington Post when one of the country’s great newspapers announced massive layoffs – believed to be approximately 300 people, one-third of its entire staff – and kicked off an enormous restructuring effort that, I guarantee, no one, least of all gajillionaire owner and Amazon ayatollah Jeff Bezos and those he instructed to carry out his orders, have any idea how to pull off or how it will play out. 

The Post will eliminate its sports department, its books department, its news podcast and will severely cut back foreign bureaus and even local and investigative reporting. Every department took a big hit. All Middle East reporters and editors were turfed, as were correspondents in Iran, New Delhi and Ukraine. Sports reportedly will be covered as a “cultural phenomenon,” whatever that means. 

Executive editor Matt Murray informed staff on a Wednesday morning Zoom call, then later circulated a memo that any line editor would reject, with prejudice, for its obfuscation, double-speak and pusillanimous tone. He began: As we shared in our live stream earlier, the company is taking actions today to place The Washington Post on a stronger footing and better position us in this rapidly changing era of new technologies and evolving user habits. These moves include substantial newsroom reductions impacting nearly all news departments. For the immediate future, we will concentrate on areas that demonstrate authority, distinctiveness, and impact and that resonate with readers: politics, national affairs, people, power and trends; national security in DC and abroad; forces shaping the future including science, health, medicine, technology, climate, and business; journalism that empowers people to take action, from advice to wellness; revelatory investigations; and what's capturing attention in culture, online, and in daily life. 

As Murray isn’t stupid, he’s certainly aware that the Post already does all of that, and that gutting entire departments and slicing coverage in no way puts a news organization on “stronger footing.” No, the reasons for Wednesday’s purge are contained deeper in the memo – burying the lede, as they say in the news biz. As you know, we have grappled with financial challenges for some time. They have affected us in multiple rounds of cost cuts and buyouts, along with periodic constraints on other kinds of spending. We have concluded that the company's structure is too rooted in a different era, when we were a dominant, local print product. This restructure will help to secure our future in service of our journalistic mission and provide us stability moving forward. 

Deep down, still this fucking guy

A diminished product “providing stability.” Sure. Do go on: We are producing much great journalism of which we can be proud. As we discuss every day in the news meeting, some of our best work attracts readers and generates subscriptions and engagement. Unfortunately, some does not. Some areas, such as video, haven't kept up with changes in how consumers get news and information. Significantly, our daily story output has substantially fallen in the last five years. And even as we produce much excellent work, we too often write from one perspective, for one slice of the audience. If we are to thrive, not just endure, we must reinvent our journalism and our business model with renewed ambition. 

Of course, this is all about money and costs. The Post has been hemorrhaging subscribers and readers for many months, not the least because of actions by Bezos. Legendary former Post editor Marty Baron, who worked under Bezos for eight years after he bought the paper in 2013, acknowledged the paper’s financial issues but also called out his old boss in a statement Wednesday that read, in part: “The Post’s challenges, however, were made infinitely worse by ill-conceived decisions that came from the very top — from a gutless order to kill a presidential endorsement 11 days before the 2024 election to a remake of the editorial page that now stands out only for its moral infirmity. 

Loyal readers, livid as they saw owner Jeff Bezos betraying the values he was supposed to uphold, fled The Post. In truth, they were driven away, by the hundreds of thousands. The owner, in a note to readers, wrote that he aimed to boost trust in The Post. The effect was something else entirely: Subscribers lost trust in his stewardship and, notwithstanding the newsroom’s stellar journalism, The Post overall. Similarly, many leading journalists at The Post lost confidence in Bezos, and jumped to other news organizations. They also, in effect, were driven away. Bezos’s sickening efforts to curry favor with President Trump have left an especially ugly stain of their own. 

This is a case study in near-instant, self-inflicted brand destruction.” Perhaps a suitable way to describe the Post amputation is: Shocking but not surprising. Newspapers and organizations have slashed staff and costs for years, sometimes shuttering entirely, a practice that accelerated when they were no longer run by families and news people but by corporations and business interests more wedded to profits than public service. 

Bezos didn’t buy the Post because of a soft spot for the First Amendment, but because he believed it to be a promising business move. Sure, there’s the prestige and ego boost of owning the outlet that printed the Pentagon Papers, busted open Watergate and is respected around the world. In the end, however, a man who can afford whatever money the paper loses without sweating a drop chose to further diminish his own product for bottom line reasons. Businesses make decisions all the time about the quality of their products or services. Maybe they use cheaper ingredients or farm out customer service to call centers, in the name of maximizing profits. But a newspaper’s sole currency is credibility; once credibility is compromised, it doesn’t come back. 

Again, giving Murray the benefit of the doubt, he knows that it’s not possible to “reinvent” journalism. Changing times may mean re-examining how stories are presented. New technology may assist the process. Maybe priorities shift, or reporting is pared back or expanded in certain areas. Maybe voices are added or subtracted, either in the storytelling or editing. But journalism requires pretty much the same formula as a hundred years ago: people asking questions, doing research, explaining how and why something matters. Though maybe Murray is on to something, as the new Washington Post writes about Commanders quarterback Jayden Daniels and Caps’ all-timer Alex Ovechkin and Wizards guard Trae Young as cultural phenomena. Hasn’t been tried.

Gheorghasbord: Good for the Gander

This post started as a comparative analysis of Geese and Goose. The bands, not the birds. It was inspired, really. And then like so many of my inspirations, it sorta petered out and took a nap. But now it returns, like the salmon to Capistrano, part of a widely-ranging selection of things that my brain found interesting this week.

The New York Times calls Goose a "jam band with indie-rock undertones". See what you think:

The same NYT writer asks us to "think of Geese as an indie-rock band with jammy elements". Sure, man. Here they are recently on Saturday Night Live. I think I like them better than their fellow-feathered act.

Turning to things sporting, Thursday marks both the eve of the 2026 Olympics and the opening match of the 2026 Six Nations. Holders France host 2023 and 2024 champs Ireland at the Stade de France in a gigantic match, both in terms of the quality of the teams and the impact on the outcome of the event. The French are the consensus favorite to repeat as champions (8/11 on Betfair), while the recently-banged-up Irish (6-1) are third-favorite behind England (5/2). Scotland comes in at 12-1, while Wales (55-1) and Italy (125-1) will once again drag at the back.

Thursday's opener will air live on Peacock from 3:10 ET. The NBC streaming option will carry all of the tournament action.

And finally, sticking with athletic competition, check out this spill veteran skiing star Lindsey Vonn took a few days ago in Crans-Montana, Switzerland:

Vonn, who returned to competition in 2025 after several years away in retirement, has been the best women's downhill racer on the world circuit by some measure. Since the beginning of December, she's finished no worse than third, and won twice in five races. 

She suffered a complete rupture of the ACL in her left knee during the crash at Crans-Montana, ending her dream of a return to the Olympic podium...wait...I'm being told that...she's still going to race in Milan-Cortina? With a brace on her COMPLETELY RUPTURED ACL?!?

Well I'll be goddamned.

Fashion is Awesome, Olympics Version

I gently mocked a friend recently when he suggested we needed to find time and a place to watch the opening ceremony of the 2026 Winter Olympics. It was Whitney. I mocked Whitney.

He responded by telling me that I love the Olympics more than anyone he knows. Okay, that's fair. 

I do love an Olympiad, for all the reasons. The pageantry, the diversity of peoples and stories, the major sports and the minor, the moments of joy and agony, and how much it all matters to the participants. And the uniforms. Definitely the uniforms.

The Olympics, in particular the opening and closing ceremonies, are an opportunity for each nation to display a little bit of its personality to the world. From Tonga's barechested Pita Taufatofua to Armani's 2022 Italy capes to Haiti's kickass 2024 summer fits, the Olympics are a chance for designers to tell the story of a nation.

What follows is the definitive guide* to the best and blandest Olympic kits for the upcoming games. There can be no argument.

*half-assed overview that'll start hot and peter out because lazy.

Mongolia's 2024 summer fits were, frankly, spectacular. Hard to top, and I don't think they did this time around, but the designers at Goyol Cashmere still gave us a cool and culturally on point look.

Norway's look is classic, cool, and comfortable.

Ralph Lauren once again designed the USA's gear. I'm not a huge fan of Lauren's style, and so it follows that I think our kits are a bit much. Your mileage may vary. If it does, you can pick up that toggle overcoat for $1,998 at the online store.

The interwebs are *not* happy with the kits lululemon designed for Canada, and I'm with the masses on this one. They're both weird and boring, which is kinda hard to do.

Australia's are mid, New Zealand's are all-Black, and - shockingly - Italy's Armani-designed unis are just kinda blah.

adidas designed a bunch of uniforms this year, like this for Germany. It's...fine.

Ben Sherman's togs for Team Great Britain are sweet, tho.

France's, though? They may be the worst of the lot, or at least of the ones I've been able to find online.

Watch this space for more authoritative and insightful coverage from Milan/Cortina.

Poetry, Musically Speaking

There is poetry in music. Often the rhyming kind, though not always. 

For me, there is as much poetry in the fact that I have been reunited with my friend and co-DJ in the WODU booth for installment number 4 or 5 of our music radio show - ORF Rock.

We come on the air via the WODU Studios app on Tuesdays from 7:00 to 9:00 in the PM. Not always... when Old Dominion University is closed, so's the show, often. That, and when life gets in the way, we're off the air. Then there are the times we have technical difficulties. Beyond that, though...

Penny Baker and Les Coole are on the air!

Tuesday nights are tough for some. Here are links to archived shows since our reboot in October. 

October 21, 2025

November 5, 2025

November 12, 2025

November 26, 2025

December 10, 2025

January 20, 2026

January 27, 2026

Shows are 2 hours and feature 25-30 songs with some quality banter. Themes, segments, bits, shout-outs to listeners, we have it all!

Breaking News, Part Next - Prose Poetry

The enshittification of Big Media continues apace. Or in other words, we again come not to praise but to Bari Weiss. And to offer an update about Washington Post owner and elfin arsonist Jeff Bezos. 

If cringe were sentient

Weiss, the recently installed, vastly unqualified head of CBS News oversees a network whose flagship news program, “60 Minutes,” aired a series of actor interviews on Sunday to “celebrate the movies” rather than report and assemble a piece on Federal law enforcement forces in Minneapolis and the violence against and death of U.S. citizens. Because how is a multi-million-dollar news organization with a small army of seasoned reporters and producers and camera people supposed to turn a story about the dominant event in our nation that quickly? 

On Monday, Weiss circulated a memo that there would be an all-hands-on-deck staff meeting Tuesday to discuss the future of the news organization. Speaking from experience, there has never been such a meeting, newsroom or probably anywhere else, that was worth a salamander’s shit. They were often masterclasses in corporate weasel speak about pivoting or re-prioritizing, with a side of layoffs or wage freezes or budget cuts; staff needed to do more with less and to work smarter, not harder. Unspoken was the fact that it would be more difficult and less pleasant to do your job. 

Weiss’s message Tuesday was heavy on “restoring trust in the media” and to emphasize streaming and to attract viewers through personalities and branding. She introduced a slew of new execs with titles that include “talent strategy” and “branding” and “development.” As for the newsroom’s ideological position, she said, “Our job is to present people with the fullest picture — and the strongest voices on all sides of an issue — and then trust them to make up their own minds.” 

Sounds good, yes? By all means, let’s find the strongest voices against vaccinations and in favor of warrantless stops and searches, and let people make up their own minds. Weiss, you might recall, alienated the newsroom almost from the jump when she turfed a bunch of veteran staffers and spiked a “60 Minutes” piece about the notorious El Salvador prison where U.S. officials sent detained migrants just hours before airtime. 

Real Muppets > Morning Show Muppet

She also installed morning show muppet Tony Dokoupil as anchor of the nightly CBS Evening News. He raised eyebrows almost immediately, and not in a good way, when he claimed that major media had missed on many stories and gave too much credence to advocates and elites and academics at the expense of the average American. He pledged to be “more accountable and more transparent than (Walter) Cronkite or anyone else of his era.” In one of his first broadcasts, he made no attempt at pushback or accountability in an interview with Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth after the military raided and snatched Venezuelan leader Nicolas Maduro, instead yielding the floor to Hegseth to yammer about peace through strength and to flatter President Trump. A Dokoupil “exclusive” interview with Trump at a Ford automotive plant in Michigan predictably went off the rails, with both practically shouting at each other over the clatter of a factory floor and the President gasbagging for much of the 12-minute segment. When Dokoupil asked about economic concerns, the President launched into hyperbolic orbit and floated the idea that Dokoupil owed his promotion to the last election. “A year-and-a-half ago, our country was dead,” Trump said. “We had a dead country. You wouldn’t have a job right now. If (Kamala Harris) got in, you probably wouldn’t have that job right now. Your boss is an amazing guy, (but) might be bust. I doubt it in his case, but you never know. Let me tell you, you wouldn’t have this job. You wouldn’t have this job, certainly whatever the hell they’re paying you. Our country is rocketing right now, we have the hottest country in the world. If (Democrats) got in, we would be Venezuela on steroids.” 

Bloviating aside, Trump hit upon a kernel of truth. Dokoupil’s big boss is billionaire Skydance Media prez David Ellison, son of gazillionaire and Oracle founder and Trump and Israel supporter Larry Ellison. If Trump had not been elected, maybe Skydance’s purchase of Paramount Global and CBS doesn’t make it past a Federal Communications Commission not helmed by a Trump loyalist. Ellison the Younger also overpaid for Weiss’s media outlet, then installed her as head of CBS News. If she weren’t head of the news division, Dokoupil would still be chopping it up weekday mornings with Gayle King and Nate Burleson. 

His resume’ includes a ham-handed attempt to scold author Ta-Nehisi Coates in 2024 for a chapter in his most recent book in which he criticizes Israel for its treatment of Palestinians. That earned him a reprimand from previous leadership but played well to Weiss, herself an Israel sympathizer and conservative irritant who passes herself off as a centrist and seeker of truth. 

Speaking of truth seeking, Bezos continues to neuter his once proud newspaper into irrelevance and to provide ample evidence of his political leanings. The paper announced just last week that it had suddenly pulled the plug on coverage of the Winter Olympics, an event that it typically floods with staffers. A dozen folks were credentialed and had of course already made travel arrangements, and reportedly $80,000 had been spent on lodging. The Post’s deciders walked back the decision a bit earlier this week and will now send four reporters to Milan. 

This comes on the heels of a decision not to send Washington Nationals beat writers to spring training and amid rumblings that massive layoffs are just around the corner. It’s no secret that the Post has been hemorrhaging subscribers and losing money, but it shouldn’t be a concern for a man whose reported net worth is $252 billion and who vowed to continue its mission when he purchased it in 2013. After all, he spent $55 million on his recent Venetian wedding and his Amazon MGM studio $75 million to bankroll the execrable documentary on Melania Trump that he himself pitched. 

But in recent years, Bezos has shifted the paper rightward. He killed an editorial endorsing Kamala Harris for President, contributed to Trump’s inauguration and had a better seat for the swearing in than Cabinet appointees. He circulated a memo last spring that said the Post’s editorial page would champion “personal liberties and free markets,” both of which he absurdly claimed are “underserved” in the current news and opinion climate. Now comes word that layoffs may number in the hundreds and could kneecap the sports department. Tough times for my former brothers and sisters in the newsgathering business. 

I get that it’s a different world and people seek and consume information in assorted ways. News organizations need to keep up with the times and explore all manner of delivery. However you dress up the package, though, no amount of “branding” or “development” changes the fact that reporting is time-consuming, tedious, challenging, stimulating and occasionally dangerous. It’s a skill that sometimes is an art, which too many people now in charge of newsrooms do not understand or appreciate as they chase viewers and profits. Weiss said as much to staffers, that if everybody “does their jobs right, in a year’s time CBS News will look very different.” Even setting aside the glaring question of what the “right” way is to do a job that didn’t previously exist or has not been done that way before, she is without a doubt correct.

Poetry Week - Transformation

You'll remember Marcus Lattimore for his outsized talent as a running back and his incredibly bad injury luck. Lattimore was an explosive athlete for the University of South Carolina. He burst onto the scene as a freshman in 2010. In his second game in Columbia, he carried the ball 37 times for 182 yards against Georgia. He finished that season with 1,197 yards and 17 touchdowns on the ground and was named a second-team All-American.

Then, he blew out his knee twice, curtailing both his sophomore and junior seasons. He declared for the draft in 2013, and was selected by the San Francisco 49ers. He never played a down in the NFL. 

Lattimore stayed in the game, though, coaching at the high school level before joining the staff at Lewis & Clark College in Portland, OR until a few years ago. But it's an entirely different passion we're here to talk about today.

Turns out Marcus Lattimore is a hell of a poet. 

Lattimore teaches creative writing at the Oregon Change Clinic. Jeff Pearlman calls Lattimore's evolution "maybe the greatest second act in American sports history". You can see Pearlman's podcast story on Lattimore at the bottom of this post.

Here's Lattimore himself:

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Marcus Lattimore (@marcuslattimore_)

Lattimore was named the winner of the 2024 Oregon Spoken Word Slam, and released a memoir last summer entitled "Scream My Name". 

My last memory of him (until now) was the gruesome knee injury he suffered in 2012 against Tennessee. This updated view is a lot brighter.

Poetry Week

Don't blame me, OBX Dave started it when he talked about Edgar Allan Poe, which rhymes with David Allen Coe (I cannot believe it's taken me 55 years to realize that). What doesn't often rhyme is my poetry. 

My multi-hyphenate kid (poet-dancer-choregrapher-lunatic) turned me on to Robert Peake's poetry prompt generator a couple of years ago, and we'll send quickly dashed-off poems to one another on occasion. Mostly me sending to them these days, as they have bigger artistic fish to fry.

And now I'll send a few to you, 'cause a little bit of poetry never hurt. Here are a couple of my recent attempts at turning prompts into poems. I don't know from meter, and fuck off with rhyming, but I've got some tonality, if I do say so myself. Professor Truck taught us about timbre, and that's where I'm hanging my hat.

Forthwith, a couple of pomes (with the prompt that inspired them in bold):

Include as many of the following words (or variations on these words) as you like: luminous, larkspur (purple, palmate), variance, mutual, drupelets (little bits of fruit like blackberry), samite (rich silk fabric), roosted, relic, sage, occidental, feignings, faithless

Also:

• Include a mythical or fantastic creature
• Refer to a particular sensation

Samite scarf shining as larkspur

Luminous, she spins
Faithless, but not without belief
A relic, maybe, but sage

Mutual friends roosted in one 
Not the other
Feignings of neutrality as drupelets
Fall off slowly, inevitably

She went to Occidental
The Mighty Tigers
Now the variance vibrates
Pins and needles in her heart

Include as many of the following words (or variations on these words) as you like: withhold, penelope, intricately, ignatow, deepened, leg-music, underrate, focused, scribal, dayglo, unhurt, parasitic

Also:

• Refer to an an extreme or intemperate landscape
• Mention something absurd or impossible

Mel Ingatow got away with murder

Dayglo insanity, parasitic, unhurt, unfazed

Moonscape of electronic leg-music

Withholding human emotion, focused on

Penelope’s intricately carved ivory charm

Karma, underrated, killed him on a glass table

Include as many of the following words (or variations on these words) as you like: tertiary, pot, groin-scented, grifters, enslaves, git, statuesque, discount, ripeness, compost, twenty-second, spatula

Also:

• Make up an unusual name for a person and include it in the poem
• Mention another art form besides poetry

Git, grifters

Tertiary members of a discount

Society 

Flantz told me he danced

While the enslavers smoked pot

Groin-scented, loamy, composted and 

Wobbly statuesque

Took my only spatula

Fought off the twenty-second infantry

With only the ripeness of my imagination

I encourage the assembled Gheorghiness to compose their own pomes below.

Dream On

Dreams, Edgar Allen Poe suggested in one of his better-known poems, may walk hand-in-hand with reality and might be indistinguishable from real-life events. He repeats the same thought, first as a statement, then as a question: “All that we see or seem/Is but a dream within a dream,” and “Is all that we see or seem/But a dream within a dream?” 

No telling, Eddie P. wrote. Dreams have intrigued people for thousands of years. Poets and artists and philosophers approach them from one angle, scientists from another. Despite numerous studies, there is no consensus about why we dream or their principal effects. Notable theories propose that dreams help us process memories and deal with emotions. 

I tend to think of dreams as the brain off the clock, free to wander and create and prowl around the attic, unburdened by waking attention to work and kids and fetching groceries and navigating the healthcare system. I dream most nights, but the details usually evaporate seconds after I wake up. There’s a recurring theme, however, that sticks with me. 

You know the dream where you walk into a college classroom to take an exam for a class you haven’t attended and have done none of the work? I routinely have the sportswriter’s version of that dream. I arrive to cover a game between two teams that I’ve never seen and know nothing about. 

There are always variations. I arrive late, after the game has begun. I don’t have pen or paper to take notes. There are no notes or statistics about the teams. I don’t have a laptop to write a game story. I don’t have a seat from which to watch the game and must piece together an account from the radio or TV broadcast in the press room. I don’t have a desk or space to work when I return to the office to write a story. Sometimes, there’s a combination of obstacles. One recent twist within the theme was that I had to write a story on a recruit’s college choice, but I couldn’t talk to the kid. 

It'd be nice to remember the happier dreams, but I don’t. I have no idea if my brain is plumbing my (formerly) professional anxieties or just having fun at my subconsciousness’s expense. I don’t know if others’ brains work similarly and mechanisms are geared toward their pursuits and worries. Like, if Dave dreams about walking into a class to teach a book he hasn’t read, or if Z or Marls have to go into a courtroom and argue a case they know nothing about. Does Rob ever find himself trying to sell AI services to a roomful of homeless people? Or are your dreams sunnier and more productive? Does Whit dream that he persuades Bill Gates and Tim Cook and Nvidia microchip chieftain Jensen Huang to relocate their operations to Hampton Roads? 

Research about dreams travels down numerous paths. Freud in the late 19th century theorized that dreams represented unconscious desires and leaned heavily into repressed feelings and sexual motivation. Though many of Siggy’s ideas have been refuted, research indicates that suppressed thought tends to result in dreaming about it, something called dream rebound theory. 

Another theory is that REM sleep triggers the brain to create electrical impulses and a compilation of random thoughts, images and memories that people organize when they wake, something called Activation-Synthesis Dream Theory. One called Self-Organization Dream Theory posits that the brain organizes the day’s activity while we sleep and memories are strengthened or weakened; helpful memories are made stronger, while weaker ones fade (yeah, tell that to my scrambling sportswriter dreams). 

There’s a problem-solving or creative dream theory that accounts for people waking up in the middle of the night or first thing in the morning with “Eureka!” moments. Yet another says that dreams help to prepare us confront dangers – fight-or-flight, uncomfortable situations – known as Rehearsal and Adaptation Dream Theory. Emotional Regulation Dream Theory says that dreams help people process their emotions within the safe space of sleep. 

There’s even something called Lucid Dreaming, where a dreamer is aware of being in his or her own dream and sometimes having control over its content, though that occurs more rarely. Much of this gets to the “what” of dreams, but not the “why.” We’d like to believe that our subconscious is assisting us – organizing memories, providing coping mechanisms, smoothing the day’s edges. But then how to explain nightmares and the agitation of bad or troubling dreams. Do dreams talk us off ledges in a non-threatening setting, or do our brains simply spit back a mashup of the day’s, or a life’s, input? Might we ever learn how it all works? To quote Eddie P. in a different context: Nevermore.

Uncertainty at One Bills Drive

The Buffalo Bills fired their head coach and fellow Tribesman Sean McDermott on Monday.  I don't love this move for several reasons.

First, McDermott is a good head coach.  But much like the practice of law, being an NFL head coach is all about "what have you done for me lately."  Here's how McDermott compares to the best coaches over the last four years and their career Super Bowl records with the best in yellow:

McDermott is no Andy Reid or Nick Sirianni, but he compares favorably with everyone else over the last four years.  He made the playoffs with Tyrod Taylor and Nathan Peterman as his starting QBs for god's sake!  It isn't clear that anyone could do much better.  

Second, as with anything in life, a change can make things better or worse.  It was pretty ugly before McDermott arrived at One Bills Drive going back 30 years:

That's 17 consecutive years without making the playoffs.  From an AFC East perspective they finished in last place 8 times, in the bottom two 16 times, and went 24 years without winning the division.  That was not fun.  You know what was more fun?  Ninety-eight wins, eight playoff appearances and five division titles over nine years.  Will they do as well with Brian Daboll or Mike McCarthy or Klint Kubiak or Joe Brady?  For every Marv Levy or Sean McDermott there's a Mike Mularkey or a Chan Gailey.

Third, a bunch of things outside of McDermott's control cost them this game.  

zdaughter really got into football this season and plays a lot of Madden (which involves drubbing me mercilessly and talking smack about it).  At the end of the first half with 22 seconds left she said "They should run four verticals" and I said "No, they will take a knee."  They did not take a knee, which is on McDermott, but what happened after the snap is not on McDermott.

Allen should've thrown this away, or slid, or really done anything other than carry the ball like a loaf of bread.  McDermott didn't cause that fumble, or fail to recover it, or kick the FG for Denver.

I know that zdaughter is a real Bills fan because she woke up on Sunday still pissed off about the Brandon Cooks play.

Even this guy in a Celtics shirt says the Bills got ripped off and he brings the receipts with the same fact pattern but a different outcome in the Rams/Bears game.

Real Bills fans know that it isn't fair to besmirch someone based on another person's failures.

Fourth, there's no clear choice to replace McDermott.  

The last time I did one of these posts I talked about coaches with rings, or CWR.  No coach ever won a Super Bowl with two different teams despite the fact that there have been LIX (that's 59 for you math majors) opportunities to do so.  As a result I don't want a CWR so that rules out John Harbaugh (who isn't available), Mike Tomlin (who wants to take the year off and would require sending draft picks to the Steelers), and Mike McCarthy (who doesn't get me excited and probably wants to go home to Pittsburgh anyway).

The Pegulas' goal appears to be getting to the Super Bowl ASAP.  Only seven coaches reached the Super Bowl in their first year with a team:

• Don McCafferty with the 1970 Colts.  They won.  McCafferty was the Colts' offensive backfield coach in 1969.
• Red Miller with the 1977 Broncos.  They lost.  Miller was the Patriots' OL coach in 1976 (that's a crazy career upgrade by the way).
• George Seifert with the 1989 49ers.  They won (for the second year in a row) with a stacked roster including six Pro Bowlers, three first team All Pros, and the league MVP (and at least five future Hall of Famers).  Seifert was the Niners' DC in 1988.
• Bill Callahan with the 2002 Raiders.  This team was stacked with Rich Gannon (league MVP), Jerry Rice and Tim Brown, two first team All Pros on the offensive line, Rod Woodson, Charles Woodson, Bill Romanowski, and Sam Adams (the DT not the brewer).  Callahan was the Raiders' OC in 2001 and they lost to ...
• John Gruden with the 2002 Bucs.  He was the Raiders' HC in 2001.  This defense was one of the best ever with Warren Sapp, Simeon Rice, Ronde Barber, John Lynch, Derrick Brooks, and Booger McFarland.  Sapp, Barber, Lynch and Brooks are HOFers.
• Jim Caldwell with the 2009 Colts.  They lost.  Like Seifert, he was on the team's staff the prior year (assistant HC/QB coach) and he took over a stacked roster that won it all a few years previously including seven Pro Bowlers, three first team All Pros, and the league MVP (and at least two future Hall of Famers).
• Gary Kubiak with the 2015 Broncos.  They won thanks to arguably the league's best defense featuring five Pro Bowlers and one first team All Pro.  Peyton Manning's withered husk started 9 games going 7-2, completing 59.8% of his passes for 9 TD and 17 INT.  Brock Ostweiler chipped in 5 wins, 10 TD and 6 INT along the way.  Kubiak was Baltimore's OC in 2014 and he had a history with Denver as their backup QB in the 1980s.

So what's the best comp for this Bills team?  

The roster is not stacked--they do have three Pro Bowlers (Allen, James Cook, Dion Dawkins) but they have no speed at receiver, the defensive line has no one fearsome (despite spending lots of draft capital there), the defensive backs are shaky (despite spending lots of draft capital there) and always injured, two of their starting OL are free agents, and they will be more than $7.6m over the cap (due in not insignificant part to Allen's $56m cap hit, up from $36m this year).

The coaching staff has talent.  Bobby Babich put together the top pass defense (despite all the injuries) but the run defense was like a sieve.  Joe Brady would maintain Tribal continuity and he assembled a top five offense three years in a row.  But neither are as seasoned as Seifert or Callahan.

The closest match I can see is the 2002 Bucs--they were very good on one side of the ball--so I'm looking for a good head coach (or coordinator with head coaching experience) who didn't break through yet.   Looking closer at history, Gruden and Kubiak were offensive coaches who won Super Bowls as head coaches with dominant defenses so maybe the Bills need to hire someone who came up as a DC like Leslie Frazier (former Bills DC), Vic Fangio, or Steve Spagnuolo, but they're old as hell, so Vance Joseph, Robert Saleh, or Brian Flores.  For shits and giggles I'll give Anthony Campanile a shoutout because Fair Lawn and Don Bosco.

Ultimately though, they will probably hire Brian Daboll because Josh Allen loves him and that's as good a reason as any.  I don't love that hire (I watched him coach a lot of bad Giants losses) but I'll hope for the best.

Alright Alright Alright!!

At the start of my sophomore year at William & Mary, FOG:TB Ian said "You have to see this movie" so we went to the theater on DOG Street and what I saw changed my life.  We brought other people to see it and they all loved it too.  Since then I've rewatched it more than any other film and not always by choice because it seemingly played nonstop at Unit M.  Dazed and Confused is a masterpiece, one amazing scene runs into another.  Like this:

It features a bunch of people who went on to become famous like Ben Affleck, Milla Jovovich and Parker Posey, and it's the first movie appearance for a few actors including Joey Lauren Adams ... and Matthew McConaughey.  Since then, McConaughey had an incredibly impressive career but his first line, "Alright alright alright!" sticks with him today.

So much so that when people impersonate McConaughey they almost always say "Alright alright alright."

You could say "Alright alright alright" is his trademark.  Because it is, legally.  He registered it.

I've written a bunch of trademark posts but there is no trademarks label.  Until today!

Trademarks are a form of intellectual property that protects a brand--they indicate the source of the goods or services to which they are attached.  They are typically words, like Coca-Cola, or logos, like the Nike swoosh.  But they can also be smells (like the smell of Play-Doh) or sounds (like the NBC chimes).  Here's a link to many other sound marks.  Neat, right?!

McConaughey registered ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT as both a word mark and a sound mark.  As with all trademarks, these registrations are limited to specific goods and services.  The word mark is limited to clothing, but more interestingly the sound mark is limited to "Downloadable audio-visual media content, namely, downloadable audio and video recordings in the field of self-help, human growth and spirituality; Downloadable audio-visual media content, namely, downloadable audio and video recordings in the field of entertainment featuring television series, comedies, and dramas."  Apparently he's trying to prevent people from using AI to simulate and misappropriate his catchphrase.  He also registered two videos of him saying the phrase.

These registrations are held by his non-profit company J.K. Livin Brands, Inc. which holds 49 registered trademarks and 6 pending applications.  The registered marks include another video "of The actor, Matthew McConaughey, standing outdoors on a porch speaking and gesturing," which I can't get to work but they include a JPEG.  Parenthetically, the pending marks include "THE GREATEST INVITATION IN THE WORLD. THE SOCCER BALL." and "PECKER POP."  

This is an interesting approach to protecting a famous person's likeness beyond right of publicity as it gives a federal statutory hook on which to hang a complaint.  But don't worry, we're still free to say "alright alright alright" so long as we aren't saying it to sell human growth and spirituality services (for the same reason I can make my kids to their chores by saying "Just do it!" without fear of Nike suing me).  So just keep livin' man, L-I-V-I-N.

Joy Week Continues: One Shot Tournament Down Under

Tennis grand slams have been trying to spice things up to get more rears in the seats the week before the tourney starts. 

Last year the US Open changed how the mixed doubles tournament was set up by pairing up the top men's and women's singles players. This drew huge numbers. The eventual winners, an actual specialist mixed doubles team not made up of the top ranked pairings, won the title for the second year in a row. That format will likely continue this year. But what really drove the US Open to try and switch it up?

The Australian Open. Last year they had a one shot tournament. Basically two players rock, paper, scissored for serve and they play one point. Winner goes on, loser is out. Amateurs and Pros are in the draw. Last year the prize was about $40K USD. This year they bumped it up to $1 Million USD.

Amateurs qualify via state/Regional tournaments. So you have a total of 64 people (pros and amateurs) playing one point matches for $1 million dollars. Not much pressure.

The video is a little long but shows the progression of one contestant through to the end. The title spoils the fairy tale ending but he does beat the No. 2 player in the world along the way. 

I'm sure Dave is now looking for one point pickle ball tournaments or will try to start it up at OBFT.

Joy Week Continues: News from Cluj

It's always a treat when my numerous Google Alerts unearth a worlds colliding, Costanza-esque gem like this: in Romania, specifically Gheorghe's hometown of Cluj, you can apparently ride public transportation for free if you do 20 squats. That's right, exercising 'dem glutes gets you a free route.

"Budget-minded backpackers, take note, and the same goes for health-conscious travelers — in the past few years, Romania has rolled out innovative programs to promote physical fitness. In the city of Cluj-Napoca, you can even parlay a quick bit of exercise into a free ride on public transit. At kiosks around town, you can do twenty squats instead of paying for a bus ticket."

Honestly, this entire post could've just been this picture:

Finding Joy in Helping Others: WCSAGD: Donna Edition

[There's joy in helping your fellow man, and z is here for it.]

Donna wants a hybrid and I don't blame her.  She also asked for my advice so in that regard I do blame her, at least for this post.

There are two types of hybrids: standard hybrid ("HEV") and plug-in hybrid ("PHEV").  I touted the merits of PHEVs here before and I still think they are a best-of-both-worlds option for people who spend a fair amount of time puttering around town, but they require more effort to extract the maximum return on investment.  You need to charge them (hence the "plug-in" aspect of the name) and that means you either need to have a charger installed at home, or you work (or frequently visit) someplace that has charging stations available in the parking lot.  So keep that extra effort (and potential cost) in mind when considering between an HEV and a PHEV.

My first reaction to "What hybrid should I get?" is "Get a Mazda Miata because Miata Is Always The Answer" but that's a stupid car-guy joke and my serious reaction it to follow that up with "Have you looked at a Prius?"  For the first time in forever the Prius is a good looking car. 

It's available with AWD and the trunk holds 23 cubic feet of junk with the seats up, 50 cubic feet with the seats down.  That's better than a Mercedes GLA and just a stitch less than an Audi Q5 or a Mazda CX-5.  It gets 57 MPG, it hits 60 MPH in 7 seconds, and it's a Toyota so it will run problem-free for 200,000 miles.  Here's an AWD build with a roof rack for $31,444.  Here's one near me for $32,104.  There aren't many cars this practical at this price.

Toyota also makes a PHEV Prius but for some reason the cargo space isn't as impressive.  If you look at a regular Prius take a gander at the PHEV Prius and ask the salesperson about the cargo discrepancy.

If you want a car that doesn't appear so blatantly hybrid there are plenty of great options like the Toyota Camry (all Camrys are hybrid now) and Accord Hybrid, or the Toyota RAV4 HEV, Toyota RAV4 PHEV, and Honda CR-V Hybrid.  As with the Prius, these cars will run forever.

There are plenty of bad options too.  If you want to be a contrarian go get an Alfa Romeo Tonale PHEV.  It isn't available in 2026 but no one wants to drive an Alfa (except me) so you can find 69 new 2025 models on dealer lots.  All 69 will probably break within minutes after you get them home so I don't suggest you do any of this, but it's a thing you could do.

A more responsible PHEV choice would be a CPO Volvo S60 Recharge.  It has AWD, 455 hp, about 35 miles of electric range and about 70 MPG in hybrid mode.  Here's one with 32k miles for $32k.  If you want something bigger, check out a CPO Volvo S90 Recharge.  Here's one with 12k miles for $46k.  You can hear Squeaky nodding furiously as he reads this.

If you really want to set hearts ablaze, get a Volvo V60 Polestar.  By far the coolest thing in Volvo's lineup, it was discontinued for 2025.  You can find CPO options but they are rare and pricey.  But worth it!

Donna asked about the VW ID.Buzz.  I love that fact that it exists but I can't picture buying one and a lot of people agree with me, so many that VW only sold 4934 through three quarters in 2025 and put the car "on hiatus" for 2026.  The base price of the base model is $60k and even with deep dealer discounts they're over $50k.  That's a lot for an EV with less than 250 miles of range.  You can buy a Honda Odyssey for $10k less and drive it cross country without having to take hour-long breaks to fill it up every 200 miles.  But if you just want to drive locally, have lots of stuff to haul, and love the Buzz.ID's looks, head over to VW of Alexandria and fight like hell to get this green CPO gem down to $45k.  Be prepared to point to the brand new ones selling for $51k that I linked to above (or do some research for others closer to home) and remind them that they also have an orange CPO one on the lot, then tell them you're doing them a favor taking these unloved and unwanted monstrosities off their hands.  Then go over to Lindsay VW of Dulles and run the same game on their two CPO Buzz.IDs and use whatever price you get in Alexandria against them. Go back and forth until you get a number you like.  Have fun with it!