Sunday, January 31, 2016

Dembeles Full But Spurs Hungry

Tottenham Hotspur is both the best name in English football, and one of the more recently exasperating sides in the Premier League. Spurs have a habit of fielding talented sides and snatching misery from the jaws of success. This year, though, led by swashbuckling young Englishmen Harry Kane and Dele Alli, and boasting a talented roster playing attractive, attacking soccer, Spurs find themselves in fourth place in the Premiership, only five points behind league-leading Leicester City.

Belgian Midfielder Mousa
In an effort to break through, Spurs management have taken the unusual, but provocative step of cornering the market on Mous(s)a Dembeles.

Mousa Dembele is a 28 year-old Belgian* central midfielder who's made 102 starts for Spurs since 2012. Prior to that, he played for Fulham, making him an instant G:TB favorite. It was during his

time at Fulham that manager Martin Jol said, "Dembele is probably the best player on the ball I have ever seen." To be fair, that kind of judgment is likely what got Jol shitcanned after failing miserably to keep the Cottagers from being relegated two years ago.

(* How many of you knew that Belgium is currently the number one team in the FIFA World Rankings? It's thought that shots on goal are part of that calculation, and the Red Devils' 68 shots against the U.S. and Tim Howard in the 2014 World Cup contributing to their position.)

Not satisfied with one Mous(s)a Dembele, Tottenham management made a bold move this week, signing forward Moussa Dembele from...Fulham. This Dembele is a 19 year-old Frenchman who's tallied 11 goals for a middling (this is a very kind description) Fulham side that's barely above the Championship relegation zone.

French Striker Moussa
Spurs made the move to pick up the younger Dembele after letting winger Andros Townsend go on a transfer to Newcastle. But they've since announced that the Frenchman will stay at Fulham on loan for the remainder of the season, taking a bit of the steam out of this post, and causing no shortage of confusion amongst Spurs fans, who see their side needing one more attacker to take the pressure off of Kane.

Maybe they should reach out to Moussa Dembele, who competed in the 110-meter hurdles for Senegal in the 2012 Olympics. He's only 27 years old, and he's fast as hell. No idea if he can kick a soccer ball or not, but how can Spurs go wrong with three Moussi Dembele?

They can't, that's how.

To close this shitshow of punnery, please enjoy a little Bob Marley while I tell you that Spurs are going to finish in the top four and make it to Champions League play next year. I believe I've already told you that, but I'm too lazy to look it up.


TR said...

It's wide open for them. Very few squads playing consistently quality football this season.

At this point we all need to be rooting for Jamie "chat shit, get banged" Vardy and Leicester. Not enough underdog stories in the BPL these days.

rob said...

lotta arsenal fans here, then?

zman said...

zson's friend was here with his mom and somehow our conversation steered towards vaccinations and it came >>this close<< to going off the rails when the kid's mom starting a sentence with "Well the doctor who is running for president says ..." and zdaughter luckily fell off her chair and cried, averting disaster.

mr kq said...

Scored 17 albums at a vinyl show in DC today so I got that goin for me.

Whitney said...

Let's have a list, Mr KQ

mr kq said...

Buffalo Springfield - Retrospective (now playing)
Who Meaty Beaty Big n Bouncy
Feat Sailing Shoes
David Bromberg My Own House
Genesis Live
Springsteen The Wild The Innocent
Goodbye Yellow Brick Road (don't hate!)
Elvis Armed Forces
Squeeze Cool for Cats
Los Lobos Wolf Survive
Stephen Stills Live
Pat Matheny Group First Circle
REM Murmur
This is the Moody Blues
ARS Underdog
James Brown Hotpants aka KQ
Aretha Live at Filmore West

Shlara said...

I hope you're all watching Grease Live
It's pretty good.

zman said...

Lady Edith could catch it and her inability to do so is a remarkably nonsensical plot point, especially when Lady Mary and her crazy eyebrows is constantly kicking it away.

TR said...

I'm all in on Lady Edith. The actress who plays here is way cute. Lady Mary has the body of an 11 y/o boy.

We fell off the Downton bandwagon. I couldn't get the wife into the idea of seeing Mrs. Hughes' big hammers when Mr. Carson lays the wood to her.

Clarence said...

Not bad, Kenny. Genesis Live - art house PG era or Three Sides Live?

zman said...

I want off the Downton wagon but zwoman is a completist, which is why we watched all of True Blood even after it shat the bed.

If you're looking for something to add to your Netflix queue, check out Twin Peaks (again). It really holds up, especially season 1 and the first half of season 2.

mr kq said...

You know the answer to that Whit. Btdubs total spend about 65 bucks.

I'm on Peaky Blinders.

TR said...

I have been sucked into the vinyl vortex recently. I got Shakedown Street, Moondance and the excellent Sam's Town (Killers). It followed the purchase of a "real" record player.

My kids have begrudgingly gotten used to Sunday AM vinyl. It was Darkness on the Edge of Town and Get Your Ya Yas Out this morning.

rob said...

why is nobody talking about the tribe's 18-point comeback to beat jmu? is it because we're sad for danimal?