Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Dennis Pens an Ode to Darren Sharper

You know Dennis, right? The mud farmer on our editorial staff who is never around? Well, it appears Darren Sharper's retirement stoked the creative fire...as he just sent me this email/post. Enjoy.

Shining Path...Fading Tunnel.

Post this please….preferably with a cool photo of him in his Tribe days. I’ve done little to no editing, so post with caution… Clicks. [I chose to barely edit this, because honestly I have no idea what parts Dennis actually wrote, and what parts he just copied and pasted from other sources. Kinda like our college days.]


Former Saints safety and five-time Pro Bowl selection Darren Sharper plans to retire. Just about to turn 36 in November, Sharper got a workout with the Broncos in September but there wasn't much interest in him around the league. The Redskins scheduled a workout but canceled when Sharper parked in owner Dan Snyder’s reserved space. A member of the NFL's All-Decade team for the 2000s, it is likely that he follows through on his plan. Sharper is most notably remembered for his team first attitude, Super Bowl performances, nose for the pick-6, lightly covering Randy Moss, and the greatest 360 dunk in the recorded history of intramural basketball. Though unlikely to garner enough votes to make the cut, he will potentially land on a Hall of Fame ballot or two (he has G:TB’s vote, that’s for certain).

During his retirement days, Sharper plans to further his business career as a part-time producer at BET and entrepreneur of his organic foods supply company, Sharp Simple. He’ll also be kept busy by his 4 dogs and 3 adopted children from Eastern State Hospital. In the new year Darren also plans to launch a charity in his name entitled “The D-List” , through which funds will be raised for former UVA athletes who fall on hard times - Darren’s brother Jamie and former NBC star Tiki Barber will be among his flagship projects. He has always held true to his roots and maintained a need to give back. He reflects fondly on his formidable years in Hampton Roads and Williamsburg, VA. His admiration for local organizations and community initiatives were exemplified by his unique relationship with the Pi Lambda Phi fraternity - Virginia Psi chapter - of the College of William and Mary, where his famous words will forever be remembered when spoken with unwavering confidence even as a scoreboard was thrust at his head during a post game brawl: "I’m out….they rollin’ 30 deep." A man who knows his limits. Darren Sharper, stand and be recognized. And those 30 guys behind you; they’re not chasing you, they’re honoring you…and so are we.

EDITOR'S NOTE/BONUS PIC: Sharper apparently tagged this back in 2010. Thank you Google images. Thank you.


28 comments:

rob said...

the old guys are gonna need more on the '30 deep' story.

and i'm still waiting on my formidable years.

zman said...

We don't have a "tagged this" tag?

Jerry said...

I've still got the thermal he wore his senior year.

Igor said...

I was wondering what that "blankie" thing you sleep with at the OBFT was all about.

T.J. said...

Noted.

And rectified.

zman said...

Is "thermal" a euphemism for "condom"?

rob said...

"tagged this"? what are we, a lad mag? show some respect for the female fog:tb.

"made sweet, sweet love to this" would be much better.

zman said...

Is that a photo of Shlara? Or KQ? Which of our duo of female FOG:TB are we offending?

T.J. said...

"His strong manly hands probed every crevice of her silken femininity, their undulating bodies writhing in sensual rhythm, as he thrust his purple-headed warrior into her quivering mound of love pudding."

rob said...

we have at least 100% more female fogtb than that, zman.

and teej, bravo.

rob said...

patrice o'neal? damn.

TR said...

What's said about Patrice O'Neal passing away is that 90% of white people only know him as the panelist whose health issues were repeateadly mocked during the Charlie Sheen roast that aired less than two months ago.

Ha ha ha, he was heavy and had diabetes.

zman said...

Sorry rob, I guess I forgot about "Samantha" and "Whitney" who occassionally make comments.

Igor said...

Something about the word pairing "Dennis Pens" that seems phallic.

Carry on.

rob said...

there you go, z.

and i've heard tell of several other distaff readers who decline to comment. they may be a myth.

rob said...

gentlemen of the house of gheorghe, i commend to you the comments from the post one year ago today, aka the @midmajority kerfuffle. enjoy as the assembled gtb masses find reason to join twitter en masse.

T.J. said...

That mix of Leslie Nielsen jokes and @midmajority bashing is sublime.

zman said...

Too bad we don't have one of those fancy link things.

Dave said...

head to SoD for patrice o'neal memories . . .

is this snus stuff safer than regular dip?

T.J. said...

"The mud farmer on our editorial staff" sounds a bit ridiculous now that I think about it

Igor said...

You guys are clons.

Here's the nostalgic link.

rob said...

bobby valentine, eh? well, that'll be good for a laugh or two.

Igor said...

Dude, Mets fans love Bobby V.

And yes on the laughs.

Read this.

Danimal said...

I hear Cain is changing his tax plan to 6-9-9
Hey-O!
Last Chicago show in 90 minutes.....come on out.

Danimal said...

Teej...ur boys at sbnation hear that randy edsall being considered for Jags job???? You serious Clark?

rob said...

the last sentence of that bobby v piece is reason enough for me to approve of the hire.

Danimal said...

Jags have a soon to be new owner....good for Wayne.
Will theorize that deal is contingent on Jags staying in Jax for foreseeable future.

Danimal said...

And lastly... Am currently wining and wining at mike ditkas joint. 6 copper mugs hang from the bar. Had to ask what they serve in said mugs. The answer "the mule". Vodka, lime, and wait for it......ginger beer. Now you know.