Fight, You Fucks

I could chronicle the litany of cruel fuckery currently being visited upon the land* by the band of twerps too dull to make the cut as John Hughesian losers, but that would be both depressing and repetitive. Nah, mate, I'm here to take aim at a different target: the feeble dipshits making up what passes as organized opposition during these dark times. And I come bearing a solution, or at least an idea.

* Check that story, y'all. An ICE prosecutor in Dallas runs a white supremacist X account and has for years. 

It is hard to know based upon current evidence whether the Democratic Party is incompetent or unwilling. And it's a real challenge to decide which would be worse, though I think the answer is the latter. The paucity of Democratic spinal stiffness at the present moment is infuriating and mind-bending in equal measure, and folks are pointing it out. This piece by the reliable excellent Dave Zirin is a case in point.

The people that brought us the neutering of Tim Walz (not over it, man) and the relentless tacking to the center are still at it, nattering on about norms and going on book tours in the midst of an honest to God crisis. If I never hear from James Carville, Chuck Schumer, and Rahm Emanuel again, I'll count it as a modest blessing, though I suspect that's too much to hope for.

No, I want more of this:

I want the Dems to talk about what they're going to DO about *waves hands* all the things. They could start by establishing the stakes and reclaiming the mantle of the champions of regular Americans, like the AFSCME did back in the 70s.

There are exceptions on the left, people who are doing their best to resist the onslaught and - probably more importantly - continue to speak loudly and often about what's actually happening and why it matters. The aforementioned AOC is at the forefront. Pete Buttigieg seems to get it. JB Pritzker's been vocal. But it's too few, too far between, too meek. In the face of literal Nazi salutes by Republican leaders, Dems can't seem to offer more than sanctimonious tut-tutting.

I want Nazi punching. 

At the very least, I want sustained, loud public condemnation, clarity about consequences, and a vision for how things might be different. I want the Dems to marshal the considerable comms acumen in their ranks (they own fucking Hollywood, for Chrissakes) and make some goddamn noise. 

Also, punching Nazis.

There happens to be a model for the kind of thing I prescribe, conveniently on offer not so far away, at least culturally. The notion of a shadow cabinet has a long history in the U.K., where the opposition party often names shadow ministers who make it their business to respond to the actions of their real-world counterpart and set up alternative options for public consideration. At the moment, for example, Kemi Badenoch is the Shadow Prime Minister, her Conservative Party out of power, but not meekly surrendering their agency.

My modest proposal, then, is that the Democrats take a page from the Brits and stand up their own Shadow Cabinet, made up of qualified (which in and of itself would shine in stark relief of the current Cabinet), opinionated, and eloquent spokespeople who can make the case over and over to whoever will listen. I've got some ideas about people who might staff such a body, since the aforementioned AOC is already operating as the Shadow President.

Attorney General: I really wish Barack Obama were more temperamentally suited to this kind of thing, because he'd be great. But he isn't, so we're tapping Marc Elias. The founder of Democracy Docket is a prolific thorn in the Administration's side, winning electoral legal case after case. He's also great at the optics and comms - check out this open letter he recently wrote to Elon Musk about that fucking idiot's anti-Semitism.

Department of Defense: We're going a bit conservative for our Shadow SECDEF. This role doesn't call for a bomb thrower (pun only intended after the fact), but a sober counterpoint to the idiocracy currently occupying the Pentagon. The fact is that Michèle Flournoy is better qualified than Pete Hegseth by several orders of magnitude, and that she's a woman is a glaring repudiation of the current administration's aggressive purging of non-white non-male leaders in the department. Fluornoy is the highest-ranking woman in the history of DoD, serving as the Under Secretary of Defense for Policy under Obama.

Department of Treasury: JB Pritzker is an unlikely populist, but we don't go to war with the army we want, we go to war with the army we have. The billionaire Governor of Illinois has the advantage of being an actually competent businessman in contrast with BPOTUS (the B stands for Bloated), and his wealth insulates him from the ham-handed intimidation tactics in vogue on the right. As noted above, Pritzker's been one of the few Dems who seem to both grasp the gravity of the current situation and understand how to address it.

Department of Transportation: Since there really isn't anything called a Shadow Vice President (and because the Dems would never agree on who to select in the first place), we're gonna run it back here with Pete Buttigieg. Listen here to what he recently said about the coming budget process. We'll give him a bigger portfolio than DOT, but he's really well-situated to give us the facts about how cuts to things like the FAA will impact Americans.

Department of Commerce: During the Biden Administration, Lina Khan was a particularly effective boogeyman for the right. As the Chairman of the Federal Trade Commission, she continued her public advocacy for robust antitrust enforcement. She's wicked smart, and highly wary of the aggregation of power in the hands of the few.

Department of Labor: If we're not getting a bomb thrower at Defense, we'll make up for it here. Shawn Fain rose to public prominence as the President of the United Auto Workers (UAW) union during its 2023 strike against Ford, GM, and Stellantis. He's famously pugnacious, and he's unabashedly pro-Democratic agenda. Witness, for example, his speech at the 2024 Democratic National Convention.

Department of State: One of the most egregiously cruel, ill-advised, and plan assholish moves of the new administration's first month (it's only been a fucking MONTH?!?!?) is the demolition of the U.S. Agency for International Development (USAID), normally responsible for 40% of the world's development assistance. Samantha Power was the Administrator of USAID under Joe Biden, and has a long record of international policy leadership. She's been criticized for being too militaristic in her role at USAID, and is a part of the very centrist wing of the party, but she's not afraid to speak her mind, and she's smart as hell. Big tent, y'all. 

Department of Education: Here's how Perry Bacon, Jr. opened a recent Washington Post story about the President of Wesleyan University: "Many college presidents and deans are issuing mealymouthed statements, ending long-standing programs, removing content from websites and otherwise cowering in the face of the Trump administration’s attacks on higher education. Then there’s Michael S. Roth." Roth has been one of the most vocal private sector opponents of the current fuckery. He said this in an opinion piece in Slate, "“Leaders in civil society shouldn’t be ‘demure’ in the face of authoritarian attempts to align all power with a president’s agenda, civil society be damned.” A-fucking-men.

Department of Interior: Deb Haaland is running for Governor of New Mexico, and Joe Biden's Secretary of the Interior would use the platform offered by the Shadow Cabinet to her and our advantage. She's an outspoken defender of preservation and sane land use. 

This does not look like someone to trifle with

Department of Energy: One of the loudest anti-Trump voices currently in Congress, non-AOC division, is Texas rep Jasmine Crockett. A member of the House Sustainable Energy and Environment Coalition, Crockett has both the policy credentials and the requisite willingness to get in good trouble. Crockett got into a heated argument with Nancy Mace (R-Loony Toons) on the floor of the House in January. She's proper pissed off.

Department of Health and Human Services: Ranging a bit far afield for this one to bring in an innovative mind with serious technology chops. Todd Park was the HHS Chief Technology Officer (CTO) under Barack Obama, where he led efforts to open government data to the public and build accessible technology platforms for citizens. He's wicked smart, funny, and relatable, despite being a really wealthy serial healthtech entrepreneur. Also, I've met him, so he'd help burnish my personal brand. Winning!

Department of Housing and Urban Development: HUD is gonna take a beating under the DOGE doofuses. It'd be great if the Shadow Cabinet had someone willing to take on Elon Musk's jackassery. California rep Robert Garcia called the Boer Bore a "dick" on live television last week. That's a promising start. But Garcia's more than just a dirty-talking face. He's also one of the founders of the YIMBY Caucus, focused on increasing access to affordable housing.

Department of Veterans Affairs: Illinois Senator Tammy Duckworth has been a staunch defender of the nation's Vets since she joined Congress as a Representative in 2013. Duckworth is a retired Army National Guard Lieutenant Colonel who lost her right leg at the hip and her left below the knee when the helicopter she was piloting was hit by a rocket-propelled grenade fired by Iraqi insurgents. She's been highly and righteously publicly angry at the proposed cuts to the VA and DoD.

Department of Agriculture: Last, but by no means least, we're bringing former Senator Jon Tester back to the spotlight to tell the Dems' story on the Ag front. Tester is famously a farmer from Montana who deeply understands the work the Department does and its impact on American families. Plus, he looks like your town's football coach, which'll help the Dems connect with a certain demographic.

Our Shadow Cabinet is a group of highly-qualified, serious-minded, patriotic Americans from a wide range of backgrounds. They look like America, something the nation's current leadership seems to despise. And they've all shown a penchant for a fight, which the Democratic party sorely lacks as an institution at the moment. C'mon, Dems, let's get this done. Show us some spine.

And seriously, more Nazi-punching.