Excavating TR: "Trying to be a better me is hard"

It's evident by now that TR has left the blogobuilding and isn't coming back. Much to our collective dismay. But we had a good run of about a dozen years with him on board here, and our G:TB architectural intern has excavated the annals (two n's) in search of unposted content authored by Rhymenocerous/TR. Enjoy the findings. 

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I don't listen to Maron's WTF podcast much any more, but I listened to almost every episode from '09 to '16. His career was in the toilet in '09, and his bitterness at life and peers' success was a topic of discussion. But what also came through was his open acknowledgment that this was not healthy, and his ongoing self-diagnosis/treatment. He laid out the fact that his anger toward others was really all about problems he had with himself. 

Hearing Maron struggle over many years and claw his way to real career success had a therapeutic effect on me. I came to understand many of own personality quirks. I realized that I often made instantaneous snap judgments on people - almost always negative - that were just comparisons of that person relative to my personal shortcomings. It made me irrationally, quickly and deeply hate people. It was a tolerable defensive cocoon as I navigated life, but ultimately not a pathway to happiness. The fact that I started listening in '09, at a period of peak chaos in my life (second kid born, laid off, financial crisis, two mortgages) exacerbated these issues.

As I've aged and (hopefully) accrued (at least one iota of) wisdom, I think I have become a more open and receptive person who has shed these habits. But it's hard. It's really really really hard. My cocoon of spontaneous loathing is comfortable and cozy and I sometimes want to retreat there.

In the hopes of becoming a better TR, I'm listing some of my hot-button issues, in an effort to channel the Tao of Gheorghe more into my everyday life. I have listed 7 here. I have about 1,000 more. Maybe if I list them, I can avoid using them to instantaneously build reservoirs of vitriol towards strangers I've looked at for three seconds?  Here are things that make me immediately judge people negatively.

1) Folks who chew gum with their mouth open - they look like a cow and are telling the world they have no manners. When I am forced to be near somebody doing this (on a train, standing in a line, etc), it drives me bat-shit crazy. And if there is noise associated with this bovine tendency, well I start delivering intense daggers of hatred toward that person, even if it's a 12 y/o girl.

2) Dudes who still pop collars on their golf shirts. While they may be trying to convey a "look at me, I'm adding some sizzle to my preppy look," it's like they are sending a signal to me to hate you. The "popped collar" had a run in the 80's. It came back in the early aughts. Let it go. Forever.

3) People who speak loudly into their cell phones. I had a five-year run of yelling at strangers on trains when they would do this. Thankfully, my yelling helped establish a societal norm on this, at least on NJ Transit trains. This now happens much less frequently and I haven't barked at a stranger in probably three years.

4) Couples who sit on the same side of a table at a restaurant when it's just the two of them eating. I think this has been mentioned here already. The only acceptable reason for this (in my warped head) is if the guy is trying to get to third base between courses. When I see this I assume it is being done b/c the wife keeps the man's gonads in her purse. If you do this, there's a chance you are not an awful person, but it is slim.

6)  Guys who order alcoholic drinks with diet soda. There are lots of reasons why this makes sense for a person to do, but if you do it, my first thought is to think you are a pussy, no matter how much you love your "Skinny Pirate." 

7) Guys who tuck in their shirts at the gym. This is an utterly nonsensical issue I have. I feel like guys who tuck in shirts are probably upstanding folks. But I think of them as half a man when I see it.
 
Clearly, I have some problems. But admitting them may be the first step to forgiveness.