Wednesday, June 04, 2014

Lollipop Parenting

The nation eagerly awaits the start of the World Cup (a mere eight days now), and the G:TB community patiently stands by for Dave's preview of the same. As I peruse the web in a search for soccer news and notes, I admit to having missed an excellent piece by Will Leitch at Sports on Earth about U.S. head man Jurgen Klinsmann and his broader purpose. (Not his special purpose, mind you.)

In the piece, which highlights Klinsmann's mission to reinvent the way the entire American soccer system operates, Leitch presents a quote from the former German superstar that neatly captures the essence of the game and how it's coached and played:
"When you talk to coaches and parents, it's very difficult for them sometimes to understand that the kid in soccer is self-taught. Coaches, different from baseball, basketball and American football, with a lot of timeouts and plays and all that stuff, are really just more the inspiration of the whole thing -- the guide, in a certain way. But he's not the decision maker on the field. This is a very different approach. Parents and coaches think they are making the decisions. I tell them, no, you're not making the decision. The decision is made by the kid on the field. So maybe here and there you should just shut up and let the kid figure it out."
As the parent of a (lower-level) travel soccer player and a member of the Board of Directors of the largest soccer club in Virginia, I say that there's ground truth in that statement. And as someone who's stood on the sidelines while other parents on my daughter's team incessantly coach their kids (often in direct contradiction to their actual coach) during games, I wince a little bit at the distance between today's American mindset and Klinsmann's vision. One of the parents on the team went so far as to buy a giant bag of lollipops and pass them out to the other parents before a game - it's become a bit of a tradition now.

If I'm being honest, I'm guilty of that same sin myself, more often than I'd like to admit. Even as I try really hard just to offer words of encouragement, my own competitive nature gets to me too often.

As a parent in modern society, I think Klinsmann's words offer lessons far beyond the field. Too many times too many of us seek to control our kids' actions and activities. Far too infrequently do we let them make their own decisions, and by definition, their own mistakes. It's an instinct in myself that I wrestle with - nobody wants their kids to get hurt, physically or emotionally, but sometimes that's how they learn. My youngest daughter has some soccer talent, but she's an exceptionally lazy kid (thanks, Dad!). She's watched other players on her team surpass her skill level because they've worked hard on their technique outside of practice. As a result, she's probably going to drop down a level in our Club's ladder of teams.

I could demand that she practice at home, force her to get outside and dribble, but at some point you can't want something for your kid more than she does. It's an opportunity for her to decide how hard she's willing to work, how much she actually cares about something. So I'll listen to Jurgen and just shut up and let the kid figure it out.

And buy a shitload of lollipops.

37 comments:

Clarence said...

The lollipops are for the parents to eat rather than yell?

rob said...

in theory, yes

Geoff said...

Motion to goat:

http://deadspin.com/heartland-little-league-all-knotted-up-1585768976?utm_campaign=socialflow_deadspin_facebook&utm_source=deadspin_facebook&utm_medium=socialflow

zman said...

This is a damn fine piece of work by br'er squirrel.

zman said...

And it's time for David Ortiz to shut the hell up and go away.

Greg said...

The caption for the picture should say, "I drive a Harley-Davidson. Does that turn you on? Harley-Davidson?"

Clarence said...

I'm hitting .841. I play for the Bears.

zman said...

I just showed my boss how to drag an email attachment to his desktop.

rob said...

zman is batting .500 today. ortiz can talk as much as he wants. he's the large father.

Dave said...

holy shit, i love that lollipop idea. one of these days i'm going to do a "how to" post on coaching youth soccer . . . if i ever finish my world cup preview.

Greg said...

Well played Clarence!!!

Mark said...

Nice job, Rob.

My immediate thought as I was reading Klinsman's quote was 'this applies to all youth sports'. Too many parents are overbearing and end up ruining sports for kids.

My Dad coached nearly every youth team I ever played on. Not once did he make me play, over coach me or shame me into working harder. He even stood idly by as I gave up soccer (a sport he played in college and one I had a fair amount of natural talent in) to pursue basketball (the sport he probably cared least about and one I don't have great genes for). It's only as an adult that I've realized how lucky I was to have him share his love of sports with me while also not ruining sports for me.

rob said...

well said, mark, and huge kudos to your dad.

T.J. said...

I've always suspected rob represented the Lollipop Guild (...the Lollipop Guild...the Lollipop Guild).

This just confirms it.

zman said...

Upon further review, there's nothing incongruent with a man who tested positive for PEDs complaining about the application of rules, or with comparing baseball to war. This is very Gheorghe behavior.

rootsminer said...

Good one Rob. My oldest just turned 11, and he's very small for his age. He's playing soccer with kids a year older, and he works his ass off at it. I'll give him a little guidance (you may want to practice with your left foot), but he's driven to improve.

We went to Greensboro for a tournament over Memorial Day weekend and his team had some guest 'elite' players. Their parents were much more overbearing than I'm used to. Not only with their own kids, but they'd slag other people's kids too. I don't think the lollipop would stop them from yelling, but it'd be worth a shot.

rob said...

*allegedly* tested positive, z. aren't you an attorney?

there's an inherent unfairness to this particular application of the rules. though in this case, that's far less important than the fact that the sox and rays hate each other. and we need more hate in pro sports. that's why papi should keep talking.

Mark said...

I mentioned this once before but it bears repeating based on today's post. If you have HBO, go watch the documentary State of Play: Trophy Kids.

Like most HBO docs, its very well done. It's also sad on a number of levels.

mayhugh said...

I only learn how to do something right after I do it wrong. I seem to never get lucky and do it right on the first try. I aspire to be a parent someday, and I can foresee circumstances where I would not let my children try and fail, but sports is not one among them.

And Z, a couple of years ago I had a colleague who would bring written-out edits to me on my work product. I told him/her that I was not his/her associate and to use track changes to make their edits. And then he/she asked me what track changes meant.

rob said...

rootsy, i think the 'guest player' phenomenon is some toxic shit. it's used way too often by clubs to collect hardware. kids at that age should be playing the game to develop and have fun. teaching them that winning by any means is the objective is a lousy idea.

my little girl's team lost a tournament game two weeks ago to a team from a much higher division. the other club placed the team in our bracket so they could increase their chance of winning rather than compete with teams at their level. neat, you won the 'd' bracket with a 'b' team.

zman said...

Learning to hate: another reason why pro athletes should be role models for.

zman said...

For the children. Like Wu-Tang.

TR said...

Can somebody in DC go find Mayhugh and give him a hug?

Leon P is boring.

rob said...

james harden made first-team all-nba. think about what he'd have made if his parents pushed him to give a shit about playing defense.

zman said...

Only Mark will care about this, but they make Roshe Runs in toddler sizes. I would be all over this if zson didn't destroy fabric sneakers within hours of putting them on.

rootsminer said...

Rob, in our case we needed the guest players to have enough to field a squad. Though were it not for a shootout defeat to another team from the same club likely would have been some parents needing lollipops to keep their pie holes shut.

rob said...

ah, gotcha. in that case, carry on.

rob said...

42% of americans believe god created humans in their present form. this stuns me.

http://www.gallup.com/poll/170822/believe-creationist-view-human-origins.aspx

T.J. said...

'Murica

Mark said...

Damn you, Z. I guess I'm buying my kid more shoes.

Greg said...

So, that's what like 120 million people who believe in the "creationist theory"?

Does anybody here know any of these people? I'm sure they're out there but I've never met them.

zman said...

50% of people over age 65 believe that god created humans in their current form WITHIN THE PAST 10,000 YEARS! So I think most of these 120 million people are old.

Mark said...

I make it a policy not to talk religion with anybody so this topic would (hopefully) never come up. Thank God.

Donna said...

Sadly, I teach MANY of these people, and as you may have guessed, they're not old....perhaps you don't know, but there's an actual Creation(ist) Museum in KY!! See, many of these people are old and they indoctrinate the next generation(s) ....OY!!! So, when I (and my colleagues and all kind of pretty normal nerdy prof types of religious studies/humanities) who teach at lib arts, and big univ for that matter, try to teach this stuff in the south from an academic perspective, we run into these people of whom you speak!!

rob said...

that seems like good times

rob said...

somewhere pedro martinez and bill lee are pouring some out for the gerbil. r.i.p. don zimmer.

zman said...

Ortiz is not, given his admirable hatred for the Rays.