Saturday, April 28, 2012

I'm a Trainwreck

As many of you know, I took a long-needed sabbatical recently, spending a brief span of time intentionally unemployed before starting a new job. During my respite, I learned a great deal about the world and about myself, and I offer the following in hopes that it may help someone, somewhere in their own journey.

First, foremost, and surprisingly, my life of leisure taught me that I don't want to win the lottery, and I'm fairly sure I'm going to suck at retirement. Having nothing to do and nowhere to be sounds delightful beyond words until you have nothing to do and nowhere to be. There's a huge qualitative difference between surfing the web aimlessly while at work and doing the same on your own time. 
My lack of initiative and inspiration during this time (which I like to call my Pajama Period) was sobering. Which is important, because one of the few things I did accomplish in my fallow era was learning to make a passable Sazerac. It took some testing, but I highly recommend making the effort.

I also read Tom Wolfe's I Am Charlotte Simmons, which was entertaining, if essentially a prose cartoon. I eagerly await the sequel, which I'm told involves Lionel Simmons.

Like Brian Kelly, I led a fairly talented team of young athletes to its second consecutive loss to an inferior opponent. In my case, the U8 Loudoun Cheetahs fell by a 2-1 score in a game they dominated, falling to 0-2. Chalk up another failure for me. At least we had awesome postgame snacks.

I tended the shit out of my yard, at least until I ripped a big gash in my shin when a rock kicked up from my weed/leg whacker. Then I tended to my wound.

Mercifully, I returned to the ranks of the gainfully employed on Wednesday. I was as surprised as you are to realize that I was happy to reenter the working world. Classic case of being careful what you wish for, I suppose, but the more important lesson is this: if you're too lazy to plan your laziness, you get what you deserve.

27 comments:

TR said...

Gash

zman said...

Gaesche

rob said...

third straight one-goal loss to an inferior opponent. my job may be in jeopardy.

Mark said...

Lionel Simmons is probably available as an assistant coach.

And I'm not like Rob it seems. Last time I switched jobs I purposely planned a little time off in between as well. And it was glorious. I worked out later in the morning than usual. I worked on music during the day. I surfed during the week (which I never do). I met some friends for lunch. Shit, I even tried my hand at painting. I could retire tomorrow and be just fine.

Signed,

A lazy fucking slacker

mayhugh said...

I was unemployed coming out of grad school for about 4 months. I thought it would be awesome. Then I realized about 3 hours in to my first jobless Monday that anyone I would care to pass the time with was busy working. I think I got through the first week without being insanely bored.

Retirement may be different as long as you're not the first guy in your circle to do it. My dad goes for a walk every morning, bowls 3 times a week with a gaggle of ladies, and then hangs out with other retired guys the rest of the time.

mayhugh said...

And I disagree with every local radio personality and caller on Cousins. Big fan of it, almost Eagles-Esque. Potentially serviceable back-up, may build up his resume in mop-up time over a few years to enable them to parky him into more value (see - A.J Feeley and Kevin Kolb).

Mark said...

My old man is loving retirement. Works out mod days. Golfs 3-4 times a week. Has beers with some other retired guys once a week.

I understand that it might get boring eventually. I'm just saying it would take me more than a few days to grow weary of being out of work if money wasn't an issue. But, again, I'm pretty lazy. And I also don't play nearly enough video games these days. So I'd spend a lot of my free time getting good at that again.

Danimal said...

Guys....who did jags pick in 4th....

rob said...

kirk cousins is gus frerotte for a new generation. this is gonna be awesome.

rob said...

trick question, danimal. they traded it.

they picked brandon marshall (not that one), a lb from nevada, in the 5th.

Jerry said...

Let's go. Drop the puck. Stop the madness. Start the movie.

TR said...

Jets are gonna rip the 6th round of the draft a new one with their three picks. I am jacked up for this.

Igor said...

Rob, this "sabbatical" of yours... how many workdays did you take off?

zman said...

Perhaps 'twould be better if the Knicks were the 8 seed.

TR said...

Sports Guy's hypothesis that the Knicks would give the Heat a run for their money was comical before Game 1 started. They have the wort PGs of any playoff team. No way this series goes 6 games.

zman said...

Tank Carder is a cool name.

zman said...

The Knicks have the best PG for competitive eating.

Jerry said...

A big component of Sports Guys analysis is how important he considers each franchise to be historically. The Knicks are a cornerstone of the NBA. The Heat didn't exist when he was a kid.

He also kind of has a thing for Carmelo because the stats guys hate time and the "basketball guys" love him.

Mark said...

Not sure which "basketball guys" love Carmelo. I'm sure there are some but there are plenty of others who don't. He's very talented but he's a ball stopper and primarily a scorer. He probably could be a very good rebounder but he doesn't care enough.

Jerry said...

Guys who say things like he's the best "pure scorer" in the league. Best "closer" besides Kobe, etc. Basically ex-players and old school journalists.

rob said...

igor, my sabbatical was two days. my ironic genius is lost on this audience of philistines.

rob said...

just saw the shot our guy kevin durant hit to beat the mavs last night. onions. and a ridiculous degree of difficulty.

T.J. said...

Yeah, that shot was obscene.

Dave said...

for the past seventeen years, i've had a two and a half month sabbatical. happens every summer. it's not nearly long enough . . . i think i am one of the rare people who make thrive if i won the lottery or inherited a bunch of money; i would have made a good duke. i will gladly take donations from those of you who are intent on working for the rest of your short lives.

Dave said...

and when i say "make thrive" i mean "make fuck."

zman said...

Rob is a type A nutjob.

Igor said...

For the record, two days can never comprise a sabbatical. It actually works brilliantly for the point Rob makes in this post, but good god, man, take more time away between jobs. I dare say you could have secured enough freedom to hit JazzFest this year. Look forward into your life; that opportunity may happen once or twice more in the next 30 years.

Of course, it's too late now, so don't think too hard on that.

Avett Brothers were typically awesome last night. Top 3 bands to see these days.