Gheorghasbord: We're Out There, and We're Lovin' It!

We're ranging far and wind in this latest clearing of the fertile fields of one mind. From the worst kind of asshole to our kind of assholes (or at least motherfuckers), we're shooting from the hip with no regard for propriety, consistency, or common sense. Hope you dig it.

If there's anything Gheorghies enjoy (beyond dumb fashion, Muppet Rap, Tribe Hoops, hand-selected automobiles, and dipshittery), it's an auction. Usually we focus on stuff that we'd enjoy having, whether for the sentimental value or the stylistic attractiveness. Today's auction is a horse of different color; it's an opportunity to hate-buy some shit we could co-opt for good.

Alex Jones is a piece of shit. My God-fearing Mom says I shouldn't talk like that, but she feels the same way, just not out loud. I expect she asks the Lord's forgiveness when she calls him a fuckstain under her breath. In my view, the Lord knows she's right and doesn't feel she needs to be forgiven. Anyone who profits from torturing families of slain kids for years upon years deserves to be called that and far, far worse.

G:TAT

As we're wont to point out, karma has a way of dealing with people like Jones. After he lost multiple court cases and was ordered to pay restitution to the families of the children murdered in Sandy Hook, the assets of Jones' production company are being sold to the highest bidder. In addition to all of Infowars' intellectual property (web domains, brand, social media accounts, trademarks, etc), the sale "may also include production equipment, office furniture, computers, gym equipment, a Terradyne Armored truck, a Winnebago Motorhome and more."

Dudes and dudettes, I know what you're thinking, and I'm right there with you. Gheorghe: The Armored Truck is within our grasp. We can park it at the compound and use it in parades where we fly giant FUCK ALEX JONES banners. It's a glorious vision.

Speaking of prominent right-wing fuckweasels and comeuppance, I was not expecting the people behind Cards Against Humanity to be agents of freewheeling fuckery and chaos (the good kind). And yet, here we are.

In 2017, Cards Against Humanity raised over $2m from small donors (at $15 a pop) to purchase land on the U.S./Mexico border in an effort to make it difficult for the Trump administration to Build The Wall. In an ironic twist of fate, SpaceX purchased an adjacent property and started work on a launch facility for its rockets. 

All of which is fine and mostly legal ('cept, perhaps, for the somewhat shady local politics that went into the process). But SpaceX being SpaceX, and Elon Musk being Elon Musk (that is to say, completely lacking regard for anything that doesn't serve Elon Musk), the company used Cards Against Humanity's pristine land as a dumping ground and a construction staging area. See the before and after pictures below, and note that this land DOES NOT BELONG TO SPACEX, THOSE ARROGANT FUCKS:

Before Musk

After Musk

As a form of protest (and in addition to suing SpaceX for $15m), the wiseasses at Cards Against Humanity have started a campaign to drive blue voter turnout, and are funding it by selling an election-themed pack of game cards, featuring topics such as JD Vance's couch-fucking predilections and That Fucking Guy's demented harangues. 

We can play it in G:TAT. 

It wouldn't be a Gheorghasbord, or really, any G:TB post, if it didn't have a wild swing to an entirely different topic. This one's a peach.

The lads from Green Day have a penchant for doing weird and whimsical shit. They've chosen to celebrate the 30th anniversary of Dookie, their third studio album, and the one that rocketed them to stardom, in a very Green Day way.

Check out Dookie Demastered, which finds the boys re-recording the songs from the record in the most lo-fi and silly ways imaginable. We're talking "Basket Case" filtered through a Big Mouth Billie (sic) Bass. We've got "Welcome to Paradise" played via Gameboy cartridge, "When I Come Around" recorded on a wax cylinder, "Pulling Teeth" conducted through a...toothbrush. Shit is avant garde and dumb as hell and genius. Not to mention a great brain cleanser from the first to elements of this post.

We'll close today with a bit of long-delayed joy. Christen Press is, by talent, one of the elite goalscorers in women's soccer history. Unfortunately, she's also been one of the most snakebit athletes of her time, at least of late. She suffered an ACL injury in June 2022, and dealt with a series of setbacks that required a total of four surgeries before finally returning to NWSL play with Angel City FC in August. 

Press is a well-loved member of the USWNT diaspora, her podcast with former teammate and partner Tobin Heath among the most-viewed in the soccer media game. She made her much-anticipated return to the game with a token minute against San Diego Wave FC on August 24, and has appeared in a total of seven games down the stretch. Saturday in Cary, NC, she entered a scoreless match against NC Courage in the 65th minute, took four shots (three on target), and seven minutes into extra time, did this:

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The NWLSverse went bananas, as well it should. Very cool moment from a player who's gone through it for a long, long time. Press herself issued a neat statement, saying in part, "Since I got injured, people were counting the days that I didn't play soccer, and I was counting the days that I hadn't scored. My true love is scoring." That the goal was a certified banger was just icing on the cake.