Dave is a practical guy. But weird too. He cares not one iota about aesthetics. He's smart and I admire aspects about him--this year I decided to read more and watch less so I've finished two books and started a third.
There are whispers in far-flung corners of the internet that Dave was cool at one point in time. That particular point in time was the mid- to late-eighties. It's been all downhill since then from a coolness perspective--remember when he got those Vibram Five Finger sneakers?
Despite reading lots of leftist and environmentalist literature and admonishing everyone around him to adopt simpler lives that make less of a harmful impact on the world around us, Dave has a lot of stuff and he likes to carry it around with him at all times. For example, he always has soccer balls, cones, pinnies, and enough additional athletic equipment to support a soccer team at the drop of a hat. He also likes to drive long distances without any regard to how much gasoline he's burning.
Dave can't have nice things because he doesn't take care of them. Remember the time he tied his dog to his bike and almost broke the dog, the bike, and his own neck? Or all the times he lost his lizard? Or how he breaks the zippers on all his coats? Or how he loses his aforementioned balls? Or the time he got his kids' kite stuck in a tree and walked away because he hates kites? Or the time he smacked his car into a guardrail while simultaneously getting dogshit all over the inside of his pocket?
Despite all of this Dave had great interpersonal success. He hangs out with us, for example, and he has a wonderful wife and family. So he needs a car that can fit us all.
Dave should drive a 2012 Toyota Sienna held together with $11 worth of autobody repair tape.
I considered one of those weird JDM minivans or minitrucks from Duncan Imports for Dave, but he wouldn't appreciate it. He likes what he likes and I'm not going to change his mind. Of course this means Dave has it all figured out (or is tremendously lucky). He has everything he wants.
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30 comments:
Hahaha. Dave set himself up by posting mundane life details, a sentence at a time.
Security line was a whopping 11 minutes at Newark Airport today. About three minutes longer than normal.
A hippie boarding my flight to Denver is wearing a Mandalorian Mercs hockey jersey with “Slave” and the number 1 on back. The interwebs say this is a Boba Fett reference. That is some deep nerd shit. I fully expect the Teej to respond that he has one of those.
that shit is well beyond me, good lord
Slave 1 is Boba Fett's ship.
Dave and Johnny G need their own reality shows.
Good idea Squeak. They could film a crossover episode at OBFT.
Dave is now posting selfies to Instagram. I never thought I'd see the day
What is dave.’s Instagram name?
Dave.
OK, I found him. Ridiculous.
Dave’s meta use of instagram to poke fun at the medium is fantastic. He is the Andy Warhol of middle aged, former guidos.
Is Dave my tipping point to sign up for IG? After the inability to rotate images over on Park the Bus.Is it must see?
Dave's foray into Insta is quite enjoyable
As are TR's posts from the Newark airport
Warriors have scored 20 in the first 250 seconds of their game against the Nuggets. That is impressive.
Make that 25 in 315 seconds
Hey, is an asshat someone whose ass is a hat or whose hat is an ass?
Any of you DC types interested in Cracker AND Camper van Beethoven this Saturday at the 9:30 Club? I’m really liking recent set lists for both.
I'd love to go to that show, but my bass player is getting married on Saturday.
It seems a snowstorm is headed to DC anyway. I’ll see the Cracker/CvB show in Richmond Monday night.
It appears that rob registered a 1964 Alfa Romeo in Montana (check the license plates).
https://bringatrailer.com/listing/1964-alfa-romeo-giulia-1600-sprint-speciale/
Documentary about some of Rob's friends. Got to love the title tie-in with the Princess Bride.
My boss just walked by my office while talking to another big-time guy and I overheard him say "It's like when Voldemort yelled 'You shall not pass!'" and the other guy said "Exactly!" without a hint of sarcasm or disdain. This is why I'll never rise to the upper tier here.
Esoteric workplace quips you can use to counter those dweebs:
"Don't be that guy"
"Stick to the roads"
"I feel like a hundred dollars"
It wouldn't have been as awful if he confused Gandalf with Dumbledore, but Voldemort? Really?
Oh wait... Your issue is that the reference was erroneous?
As an initial matter, yes. He ascribes the movie quote to the wrong wizard in the wrong series of movies/books.
I wouldn’t throw around He Who Must Not Be Named’s name all willy nilly. There may be Death Eaters in our audience who remain loyal to the Dark Lord.
jesus, no kidding.
i just had a fascinating barside conversations with a professional snowmobile racer. that doesn’t happen every day.
Oh, I see. I am the rare breed who has never read any of the books nor seen any of the movies. I thought you were mocking his nerdiness.
Did everyone see the Wizards Abbey Road pic with Gheorghe and Della Donne?
Sounds like a post, Shlara. Postcount!
We had a good run of consecutive posts. Whaddayagot, people?
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