Fan Free Agency: These 11 Go

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Hello, friends. Welcome to Day 2 of One Man's Fan Free Agency and Erotic Journey from Milan to Minsk. (I hope the Minsk thing doesn't give away the ending.) Yesterday brought the death of the dreams of 10 fanbases, while hope remains alive for 21 others. Today, 11 more will find fate a fickle and cruel thing.

After this brief commercial interruption, we'll break some more hearts.



We're getting to the point where the cuts are harder to make. Many of the teams let go today had compelling positives, and with a couple of exceptions, I struggled to add them to the list. I didn't get this far in life by shirking hard decisions, though, and so we march on. (I got here, instead, through a combination of height-based affirmative action and sleeping with the right people.)

The next 11 cuts are:

Carolina Panthers

For whatever reason, I still don't really consider Carolina (nor Jacksonville) real NFL teams. I know they've been to a Super Bowl, and technically play a 16-game NFL schedule, but they still seem gimmicky. And their star quarterback went to Auburn. That's a problem.

St. Louis Rams

There's a lot to like about the Rams: solid uniforms, Jeff Fisher, Steven Jackson, baked ravioli. But I can't work up a really good attraction to the city. Sorry, St. Louis.

Cincinnati Bengals

We're back to that inept owner thing again. Though Mike Brown has seemingly gotten out of the way a bit of late, I think I'd still find it hard to root for his team.

Cleveland Browns

I refuse to participate in the dumbing down of America. Dog is not spelled with a 'w'. You're on notice, too, University of Georgia.

Miami Dolphins

Dan Marino's not walking through that door. Mercury Morris isn't walking through that door. And even if they did, they'd be really old. More importantly, I've just never really cared for the Fins.

Kansas City Chiefs

We're getting down to the squads that took some effort to cut. This is going to be a really fun team to watch this year, but Romeo Crennel reminds me of this guy I used to work with who really disliked me. Which I find impossible, because I'm likable as shit.

Chicago Bears

True story: I've never been to Chicago. I blame Brian Baschnagel.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers

When I was about 10, I got two football jerseys for Christmas: a Bucs #76 and a Denver Broncos #14. I really don't have a clue what my parents' were thinking, because I was a New England Patriots fan at the time. But I wore that white Bucs jersey with the creamsicle orange numbers all the time. I still don't know who #76 was. If they still wore those jerseys, they'd probably have made it into the Final Four.

Pittsburgh Steelers

Hard cut here, especially given the Mike Tomlin factor, but I have too many friends and family who are Steeler fans. It'd feel a little bit bandwagony.

Buffalo Bills

I want to like the Bills - I really do. The whole underdog thing has a lot of appeal. But there's no there there. Plus, G:TB already has a couple of Bills fans in the extended family.

Denver Broncos

One of my earliest sports memories is watching the Orange Crush Broncos get hammered by the Cowboys in Super Bowl XII. According to my parents, I met Red Miller in an airport as a toddler. I'll be pulling for Peyton Manning this season. But my disdain for orange and blue is fairly well documented.

And then there were 10. Six more cuts tomorrow will give us the Final Four, which will be narrowed to My New Favorite Team on Wednesday in preparation for the season's kickoff.

Worlds Collide, You Write the Caption

Official G:TB muse (Gheorghe Muresan) meets official G:TB punter (Zoltan Mesko) and official G:TB tiny dictator (rob). Or something like that. I'll let you write the caption.

In honor of what has apparently become "rob week" here at G:TB...

...I present to you this tiny tail, er, tale:

Mini-moo: 33-inch English cow world's smallest

LONDON – A minuscule cow with a taste for contemporary music has been named the world's smallest by the Guinness World Records book. Guinness says the sheep-sized bovine from the West Yorkshire region of northern England measures roughly 33 inches (84 centimeters) from hind to foot. The 11-year-old cow is named Swallow and her owner, Caroline Ryder, said she would spend Thursday either grazing with her herd or listening to BBC radio in her cowshed. Swallow is a Dexter cow, a breed known for its diminutive stature, but is small even by Dexter standards.

Oddly enough, this cow could produce enough burgers to feed rob until 2018...
Instead of Dexter, shouldn't these be called "Webster" cows?...
And yeah, there's a joke in there about the cow's name...just too lazy...

The Answer

Without further ado (and even less Adu), I'm finally ready to reveal my whereabouts. I spent the afternoon looking for Herve Villachaize's ashes near Point Fermin, CA.

Okay, I was really playing golf at the Robert Trent Jones Club. It was a little island of awesome in the ocean of misfit toys that's been my existence for the last few months. Teams of professionals are working on my case, though, so we're expecting a breakthrough soon. Almost holed out from a bunker on 18, then ate a steak sandwich. And a steak sandwich.

Shall. We. Play. A. Game?

Whether Igor's comment in the post below is true or not, I think it would be rather enjoyable to guess what other internet destination rob is calling home these days? A few suggestions have already been made, with Igor's causing me to do a spit take, but I figured why not up the post count and let everyone have a go at this. See you in the comments...

"Teamwork. Part...of...a...team."

The creator of this blog (rob) sent me his picks this week, so what the hell, I'm gonna run with these and attempt to guess the rationale behind each...

UCLA at Arizona
UCLA. Rob has manlove for Aaron Afflalo. I am not here to judge his picks, but if there is one game on this list where I would switch choices, it's this one. HOWEVAH, it's his show, and it says here the return to health of Darren Collison leads the Bruins to victory. Barely.

Washington at Pittsburgh
Pitt. Rob has manlove for Aaron Gray. Pitt was absolutely embarrassed by Louisville at home last week, where they never lose (78-7 since the Petersen Events Center opened in 2002). Plus, Washington is traveling 3,000 miles for this game and you see where that got UCLA last weekend. The Huskies also play no defense, so that could be a problem for Lorenzo Romar's bunch.

Southern Illinois at Butler
Butler. Rob has manlove for...all right, enough of this. Butler is good, but they're not even in first place in their conference. SIU, however, leads the very tough MVC. Not sure how Rob got this one, perhaps he was swayed by Butler's 6-0 home record?

Memphis at Gonzaga
Memphis. Despite the lengthy travel, Tigers by 10+. Conquering Conference USA is akin to taking Australia in Risk - sure, you've conquered a continent and get the two extra armies, feeling good about yourself in the process, but really what did you gain? False optimism, that's what. Rob is too "high"brow for the lame drug reference here. But obviously I'm not.

Northern Iowa at Nevada
Nevada. I have manlove for Nick Fazekas. Early in the year it looked like NIU could vie for the MVC title, but a recent 4 game losing streak has ended those dreams. My love for Nevada is only barely topped by the VCU love, so this is a relatively easy pick. Question - Which current NBA whitey does Fazekas remind you of most? And yes Dennis, Euro whiteys are allowed in this conversation.

North Carolina at Boston College
UNC. Rob is expecting back-to-back lame efforts from the Eagles I guess. Carolina will be out to prove something after the home loss to Va Tech, and Rob obviously assumes BC will lay down again for a big time opponent (Duke owned them the other night). UNC and their deep, talented roster wear down BC, and Al Skinner finger paints during the entire second half.

UConn at Syracuse
Cuse. Now I think he's just kissing up...might be an at-large elimination game the way these two have played this year. Cuse has struggled with consistency all year, but will turn it on in front of the Carrier Dome faithful this weekend, pushing Jim Calhoun's Huskies to the brink of NIT-dom. Here's hoping you caught Demetris Nichols one-man show last week against St. John's (37 and 10)...it's much better than Bruce Vilanch's "Almost Famous".

Georgetown at Villanova
Georgetown. Hottest team in college hoops right now. Easiest pick on this list. 8 game winning streak in which they aren't just winning, they're crushing teams. I'm still having trouble processing the November version of this team vs. the February version...polar opposites. Hoyas could have 10 game win streak when they host Pitt for Big East regular season title Febraury 24 at the MCI (nee Verizon) Center.

GTB Stand-In: Snow Delay

And I don't mean this guy...

Unfortunately, last evening's Week 1 GTB Stand-In could not be conducted, as we couldn't locate Rob anywhere. Apparently, the moderate snowfall here in DC was still enough to dwarf our dear friend, and Whit and I now need to spend the morning melting Rob out with the GTB Height Laser (patent pending). Visualize Han Solo frozen in carbonite, minus the height and good looks.

We do, however, still have an update for you today (sans laser). It was revealed last week Whitney has already LOST height, so the adjusted figures are below...the goal is to melt Rob out and conduct the Stand-In later today.

Rob: 5'3"
Whit: 6'5"
TJ: 6'2"