Whitney broke the news of the forthcoming Cocaine Bear film back in August. As part of our ongoing commitment to a bit and unquenchable desire for content, we're going to be updating the story as we get more details. And yesterday, we got more details.
Behold, the official(ish) movie poster for Cocaine Bear, which features the release date in addition to the title character looking fearsome, if a little bit zonked:
It goes without saying that the logical conclusion of all this is a mini-summit movie premiere night on the town on February 24, 2023. Make plans accordingly.
Geopolitical intrigues are an inescapable element of global sporting events, and a World Cup awarded under highly questionable circumstances in a country with a poor human rights record during a time of wide-ranging dislocation has been predictably fraught. I'm here, eventually, to talk about the USMNT's must-win match tomorrow against Iran, but it's hard to do that without discussing context, some of which conspires to make the Iranians a sympathetic bunch, and ain't that something.
There's been plenty of reporting on the Qatari authorities' uneven (read: bullying) treatment of fans wearing things in support of LGBTQ+ and women's rights. I commend to you Grant Wahl's work, for one. As it pertains to Iran in particular, the team and fans have found themselves at odds with the nation's Supreme Leader and ruling council.
In September a 22 year-old Iranian woman named Mahsa Amini was detained by morality police for not wearing a headscarf in contravention of the law. She later died in a hospital in Tehran from injuries suffered at the hands of the authorities. Since then, a large number of Iranians have kept up a sustained show of protest in support of women's rights. More than 400 protestors, including 60 children, have been killed in the time since Amini's death.
The Iranian men's national soccer team has found themselves enmeshed in the protests. Prolific striker Sardar Azmoun posted the following on Instagram the week before the World Cup started, “The ultimate (punishment for speaking out) is to be kicked out of the national team, which is a small price to pay for even a single strand of Iranian women’s hair. Shame on you for easily killing the people and viva women of Iran. Long live Iranian women!”
Coincidentally, the announcement of coach Carlos Querioz's final roster for the tournament in Qatar was delayed by several hours before Azmoun's name was finally added. Iranian right-back Voria Ghafouri wasn't selected for the squad, and was arrested three days ago for his outspoken support of the protestors. The Iranian men stood silently rather than sing the country's national anthem before Team Melli's first match of the World Cup against England. Conspicuously amid reports of threats by the Iranian authorities, the team did sing the anthem prior to their win over Wales last Friday.
To complicate matters, American interests weighed in over the past few days in ways that certainly didn't help. First, former USMNT manager Jurgen Klinsmann came under fire from Queiroz for comments about the Iranian team's (and South American players, as well) gamesmanship and physicality. For what it's worth, I think folks are overreacting a bit, but I haven't walked in their shoes:
This is unbelievable…
Watch @J_Klinsmann dismiss brown athletes, from Iran to Guatemala, repeatedly saying “this is their culture”, while the host and other guests are sitting there listening to him go on and on, live on @BBCSport.pic.twitter.com/RgOR3b1sr0
Queiroz came out guns blazing, accusing Klinsmann of character assassination and demanding FIFA remove him from its Technical Study Group. Speaking of gamesmanship.
Then, someone at U.S. Soccer decided to post the Iranian flag sans the logo of the Islamic Republic as part of its social media header image (which included the flags of all of our group stage opponents) in support of the protests by the Iranian people. It appears that this move wasn't coordinated with the team (or the State Department, for that matter), and a small show of support turned into something that forced the U.S. players to answer questions of a hostile foreign media and gave Queiroz one more bit of bulletin board material. Ham-handed, at best.
So as we finally turn to tomorrow's match, we find ourselves in the strange position of supporting the Iranian men and their courageous, if necessarily limited, stand against their nation's leadership while needing them to lose. After Team Melli beat Wales, 2-0, and the U.S. played England to a scoreless draw, Iran have one more point than the USMNT headed into the final match of the group stage. A draw will see Iran through. The USMNT must win. And that's a dangerous combination for a young team that hasn't shown an ability to score.
Give us Gioooooooo!
The match could go a couple of ways. Iran will almost certainly sit back, dare the U.S. to show it can break them down, and hope to take advantage of the U.S. pushing forward to hit us on the counter. If the match gets to halftime scoreless, Gregg Berhalter will have no choice but to throw on more attacking players, increasing the risk at the back end. If we're 0-0 at the half, I think we're in trouble.
On the other hand, the U.S. will press from the beginning. I expect (hope?) to see Gio Reyna in the starting lineup, even if that means we won't play a traditional striker so Reyna, Christian Pulisic, Tim Weah, and Yunus Musah can be on the field at the same time. If we get an early goal, that'll force Iran out of its shell and would likely mean we'll see a wide open game. I like our chances in that scenario - bar one rash challenge from Walker Zimmerman against Wales, the USMNT back line (with a monster assist from the indefatigable Tyler Adams) has been stout.
Very, very cautiously, I think we win, 2-0. Any other result is possible, and in fact I think the next most likely scoreline is 0-0.
The last time we met Iran in a World Cup, the famously dysfunctional 1998 USMNT squad lost, 2-1, in France. Team Melli are fast, hard-nosed, and technical. This game is a crapshoot, with some of the off-field cards stacked against our youngsters. Will might matter more than skill tomorrow.
I picked the wrong week to quit drinking. Though I did bring some gummies home from Boulder.
One of my favorite Thanksgiving traditions actually takes place on the Friday that follows it every year. I load up a couple of pieces of sturdy rustic bread with leftover turkey, mashed potatoes, stuffing, green beans, creamed onions and smash it all together for a killer sandwich. That mishmash of flavors is a decent metaphor for a blend of entertainment fun on offer this Friday.
Bzermilkitokolok and the Knowheremen
Starting on November 25, Disney+ will begin streaming The Guardians of the Galaxy Holiday Special, which features Bzermilkitokolok and the Knowheremen. GotG is a guilty pleasure of mine, as is most of the Marvel cinematic universe. The fact that director James Gunn got to do a holiday special with Quill, Groot, Drax, Mantis, Rocket, and Nebula is weird enough; that he decided to add Old 97s to the mix reaches fever dream territory.
As 97s guitarist Ken Bethea explains in this terrific first-person retelling in D Magazine (the D is for Dallas), Gunn is a huge and long-time fan of the band. It was his idea to bring them to the party (and to name their alter-egos the aforementioned Bzermilkitokolok and the Knowheremen). The band plays two songs in the special, one of which sees them fronted by Kevin Bacon, who I assume plays himself. It's a zany universe.
Here's the trailer:
As a warmup for the GotG special, the USMNT take on a formidable England side at 2:00 ET. I encourage you to head to your local to watch with a likeminded crowd of patriots. Soccer in a bar is much fun. Even Whitney, who's mostly ambivalent about the game, enjoyed watching the 2022 Champions League final between Liverpool and Real Madrid in a crowded pub.
England smoked Iran, 6-2, in their opener, while Team USA outplayed Wales but walked away with a 1-1 draw. A loss to the Three Lions doesn't doom our guys, but it makes their third match against Iran even more of a crucible than the World Cup already is, especially if Wales beats Team Melli as expected. Our fate with a loss and a Wales win would be out of our hands - we'd need to beat Iran and hope England beat Wales and pray that our goal differential was better than that of the Welsh. It'd be excellent, if probably unlikely, if we could at least nick a draw against the English.
This episode of We Defy Augury is as collaborative as I get these days.
To get the ball rolling, OBX Dave gave me a book recommendation in the G:TB comments:
Also, a future recommendation: an author named S.A. Crosby has written several books that are good reads, have drawn national attention, and won awards. It's kind of southern rural crime noir, with unexpected characters and twists. He's an interesting cat. Lives in Gloucester, Va., grew up fairly poor in what's called the Northern Neck of Va. past Williamsburg and near the Rappahanock River. Held all manner of hourly, blue-collar jobs, started writing. Found a rhythm and now can write for a living. I'd rec Razorblade Tears and Blacktop Wasteland.
So I read Blacktop Wasteland and Razorblade Tears-- because when OBX Dave tells you to read two books, you read them.
I highly recommended both of them.
Then, last weekend my wife and I headed South to Charleston, South Carolina and I learned all kinds of Southern history. I also read a bunch of Battle Cry of Freedom, James M. McPherson's epic Civil War history tome.
Finally, there is stuff about cars in the writing of S.A. Cosby and I don't really do cars (aside from my decrepit 2008 Toyota minivan).
So I contacted Zman and my son Alex, who are both "car guys" and they gave me a couple sound bites about why on earth people like cars and driving and all that. I apologize for the quality of Zman's audio. His son had a fencing tournament and the air was really dry in the fencing center, which made his throat raspy. Troubled times.
Whitney also makes a quick appearance, in a car, with me . . . and I should point out that I am a guy from Jersey.
So this is definitely a view of the South from outer space-- while I did spend four years at William and Mary and lived for a summer in the Outer Banks and both places below the Mason-Dixon Line, I'm not sure if they qualify as the true South with a capital "S." Anyway, I did my best to synthesize and comprehend all this information (f#$@ you Marls) and I really enjoyed the books and the trip to Charleston.
Check it out, leave a positive comment, and I hope you enjoy it!
First, they came with their pedophilia nonsense, and we said nothing, because we don't play much ping pong. Then they said we were Satanic, and we said nothing, because they were fucking morons led by morons like Mike Flynn. Then they went after the Jews and the LBGTQ community, and we said nothing, because, again, morons.
But now the con has come into our neighborhood, and we will not stand for it.
I am, of course, referring to the batshit cabal of easily-conned conspiracy sheep being guided by shameless grifters and faux-Christian true "believers" known as QAnon. For a long time, I've mostly pitied them, though I do save a special disdain for prominent people like Flynn, Marjorie Taylor Greene, Lara Logan and That Fucking Guy who absolutely know better but fan the flames out of self-interest in political and personal gain.
Pity has turned to rage. These motherfuckers ruin everything.
A little backstory is in order. Back when G:TB was but a glimmer in my eye, several of us published a few issues of Gheorghe: The Magazine on the nascent interwebs. The content itself is lost to time, though I recall an article about my cat, and maybe a short story, in addition to some sports stuff. Dipshittery, in other words.
G:TM was inspired, at least in name, by the short-lived but influential George, published by the late John F. Kennedy, Jr. in the mid-90s. And now the QAnon freaks have come for its nhamesake.
Recall, if you will, that of the manifold tenets held to be true by the Qfolk is that John F. Kennedy Jr. faked his own death in 1999 and is waiting patiently to return to team up with Donald Trump to smite the liberal pedophile cabal. It stands to follow, then, that he'll bring with him his late, lamented magazine as the tribune of the people.
Gene Ho is a former professional photographer, failed candidate for mayor of Myrtle Beach, and Trump acolyte (and by association and fact, a grifter). He's also the "editor in chief" of a revived George. Setting aside the fact that it's not clear whether he owns the intellectual property associated with the brand, and setting even further to the back the ocean-sized gap between George 1.0's blend of liberally whimsical, societally elite political bent and the new version's mix of conspiracy theories and whackadoodle logic, [I have no idea where I was going with this sentence, but I'm reading Salman Rushdie's Midnight's Children so I'm borrowing from the author's use of interregnum to talk to the reader while I find my way back to the point...] it's just pathetic from a purely aesthetic perspective.
I mean, look at this dreck:
As compared to the original:
Ho kept the font, replaced real writers and topics with QAnonsense, and hit the circuit. Late last month, he hawked his shit (for real - there's merch) at disgraced former general Flynn's ReAwaken America tour stops. Mother Jones was all over it.
I've instructed our crack in-house counsel team to draft a sternly-worded letter to Mr. Ho insisting that he cease and desist using the idea of a person's name as the title of an internet magazine/blog. I've also told our lawyers to make sure they insert certain code words designed to inflame the passions of the QAdorks, so that we can send them down another rabbit warren. I'm expecting a draft by the close of business, and I'll share it upon receipt.
Until then, stay vigilant, assembled Gheorghies. We must fight grifting loons with all the dipshittery at our disposal.
The Massachusetts Institute of Technology's Computer Science and Artificial Intelligence Laboratory hides its true nature in plain site. Housed in a Frank Gehry-designed fever dream of a building in Cambridge, MA, CSAIL aims for "[a] world where computing empowers people and enhances all human experiences."
It so happens that I've spent time at CSAIL. I was there in 2015 to discuss the possibility of using massive amounts of data to predict patterns in public health outcomes (ironic, that). I met with some absurdly smart folks and left energized and a bit overwhelmed.
I didn't realize at the time I was staring into the maw of the end of the human race, that all that lofty vision was a Trojan Horse seeking nothing more than the removal of people and human from that stated computer-based empowerment. Inside the airy, rounded concrete interior I saw the detritus of collegiate life - concert fliers, requests for rides, roommate adverts. I didn't see the trees for the forest.
Look. I'm not a scientist. The last time I was in a lab was freshman year of college when Dave and I got called a "pair of idiots" by a brother in the fraternity we were pledging. (In fairness, he was not wrong.) My academic bona fides here are questionable at best.
But when I read a study that claims to have advanced computers' ability to process complex neural functions by an order of 220x that existing standard, one thing comes to mind. Skynet, motherfuckers. Sky. Fucking. Net.
You think I'm being paranoid? Here's how Wikipedia describes Skynet: artificial neural network-based conscious group mind and artificial general superintelligence system. And look at who's paying close enough attention to the research to have been cited in CSAIL's release. None other than Dr. Sildomar Monteiro, AI & Machine Learning Group Lead at Aurora Flight Sciences, A Boeing Company, said this "Recent neural network architectures, such as neural ODEs and liquid neural networks, have hidden layers composed of specific dynamical systems representing infinite latent states instead of explicit stacks of layers."
Yeah, you read right.
Hasani goes further in discussing the potential implications of his team's research, saying “When we have a closed-form description of neurons and synapses’ communication, we can build computational models of brains with billions of cells, a capability that is not possible today due to the high computational complexity of neuroscience models. The closed-form equation could facilitate such grand-level simulations and therefore opens new avenues of research for us to understand intelligence.”
"Computational models of brains with billions of cells." If that doesn't send a shiver down your spine, you might already be a cyborg.
I’ve never gambled much. NCAA basketball tournament pools. Betting the ponies on occasional trips to the track. Several casino outings with friends through the years. That’s about it.
I didn’t grow up around gambling or people who did. Casinos and sports books were road trips. I never made a lot of money, so I didn’t feel like I had enough to squander. And that’s what it felt like I would have done, since gambling requires knowledge and a mindset that I don’t possess.
Which brings me to my latest exercise.
A buddy who lives on Maryland’s Eastern Shore gambles. He has an account with at least one of the online sports books that have cropped up in recent years. A raceway and casino with a sports book in Harrington, Del., is a short hop away. Starting this month, Maryland will permit online sports gaming, so that he may now bet Boise State to cover from the comfort of his commode.
In addition to his sports book betting, he also participates in a weekly NFL pool at a local saloon. Approximately 60 people, $20 entry fee, eight-game card with point spreads, Monday night game point total tiebreaker. Winner gets $800, rest of the money goes into a kitty for a season-ending party.
He said his picks had been dismal all season, said, why don’t you pick for me this week? He said he’d split with me if I won. I said, sure, why not, though I’d likely be terrible, as I’ve never bothered with it. He said, you can’t be any worse than me.
I dove in. Statistical research. Matchup strengths. Teams’ ATS (against the spread) home and away. Trends. Injury reports. Perused a bunch of sites with picks, sifted through various recommendations. He thought my picks and explanations reasonable. He submitted them without change. Spoiler: I’m not building up to a dramatic windfall conclusion. I went 4-4.
He said he likely would have done no better, and my taking over pool picks permitted him more time to dive into sports book action and various single games, parlays and multi-team teasers that he enjoys.
Upshot is that he sent me the pool card the subsequent three weeks. Subject line in his email was “your mediocrity is not lost on the committee.”
I researched and reasoned as best I can and sent picks. He’s made a few changes, but mostly gone with my picks. I’ve gone 16-13-3 the past four weeks. The curious part of all this is that I’m suddenly more interested in results. I check scores more frequently, and a couple of weeks back, even though I had ZERO dollars riding on outcomes, I was legit peeved at the Dolphins, Vikings and Rams for scuffling along and general ineptitude and not covering. I was annoyed that the Bears allowed the dreadful Lions to score three touchdowns in the last 12 minutes. Makes no sense.
Several of you may recall that I wrote in this space recently that I had become increasingly contemptuous of and disinterested in the NFL for various reasons. Now, here I am parsing betting lines and researching teams and calling up gamecasts on Sundays. I’m either compartmentalizing or engaging in some A-level rationalization. Yes, the league needs a reckoning and a good scrubbing, but the competition is compelling and entertaining. Whatever gets you through, Scooter.
My buddy thinks I ought to open an online account and dabble in it. Focus on the games of my choice, and don’t try to discern what Jacksonville or the Raiders are going to do in an over-bloated pool. “Never too late to ruin your life,” he said.
Maybe I see it as a thought exercise. Objectively, after watching games for 50 years and covering them professionally for 35, I know that any-damn-thing can happen and predicting outcomes is folly, particularly when you factor in point spreads. I also know that I have neither the experience nor information that the “sharps” do. I wouldn’t be as dispassionate about winning and especially losing money as necessary. I’d like to think, however, that because I have an idea about what I’m watching and a ton of information at my disposal, that I can make reasonable choices and be moderately successful.
On a quadrennial basis, people from around the globe find their way here, drawn by a desire for a deeply researched, fact-checked, impartial preview of the World Cup of men's soccer. Quickly disabused, they linger for a minute trying to figure out what exactly they've found. Most of them leave pretty hastily after that, but some stick around, confused, amused, and bemused. These are our people.
We've already spent time on the United States and its roster. Today we'll talk about the other teams and stories we're paying attention to, and we'll offer a dashed-off prediction or two.
Before we do that, though, a bit of a musing on the nature of sports and the cognitive dissonance necessary to enjoy this cycle's biggest sporting event on the planet. From the moment FIFA awarded this event to Qatar in 2010, the corruption associated with the decision was obvious and brazen. At the time, Qatar had one stadium capable of meeting FIFA standards for international competition, a severe lack of hotel and hospitality infrastructure, a miserable human rights record, and a predatory service economy model that gave employers near total power over migrant workers' lives. The Gulf nation did have something going for it: a metric fuckton of money and a willingness to spread it around.
According to some international observers, things have gotten better in Qatar for the 90% of its population that are not citizens. The kafala system of employer-based sponsorship for migrant workers has been relaxed (though not abandoned), and migrant workers have a bit more flexibility. It remains to be seen whether this is just a fig leaf or whether it's a lasting reform. We're not holding our breath, nor are the allegedly 6,500 migrant workers who have perished during Qatar's mad dash of construction.
Qatar has also publicly softened its position on the illegality of homosexuality. Publicly being the operative word there. Still, the United Kingdom's Foreign Secretary, James Cleverly went all 'don't say gay' in cautioning queer British fans about exercising discretion while attending the World Cup. Telling if typically understated line from The Guardian's story on the Secretary's remarks: "Cleverly said Qatar was willing to make compromises to allow people it would normally persecute [emphasis mine] to attend the tournament, which kicks off on 20 November.
We could go on. The simple fact of the matter is that the World Cup should never have been awarded to Qatar. It's been a cynically gross enterprise from the moment it was contemplated. (Once again, I commend to you the podcast World Corrupt for a deep dive that's entertaining, amusing, and also unsparing.)
And yet, hundreds of millions of us are going to watch as much of it as we can - one more example of our willingness to compartmentalize to support the jerseys we love. FIFA knew we would, in the end.
It's times like these when I appreciate the players, fans, and administrators who at least acknowledge the charade before participating in it. Manchester United and Portugal's Bruno Fernandes said this weekend, "We know the surroundings of the World Cup, what has been in the past few weeks, past few months, about the people that have died on the construction of the stadiums. We are not happy about that at all. We want football to be for everyone, everyone has to be included and involved in a World Cup because a World Cup is the world. It's for everyone, it doesn't matter who. These kind of things I think should not happen at any time. But for a World Cup it's more than football, it's a party for fans, players, something that's a joy to watch, should be done in a better way."
The Danish national team's kit supplier, Hummel, designed muted kits with no visible logos, saying in part, “We don’t wish to be visible during a tournament that has cost thousands of people their lives. We support the Danish national team all the way, but that isn’t the same as supporting Qatar as a host nation. We believe that sport should bring people together. And when it doesn’t, we want to make a statement." Ironically, or perhaps not, the black version of the Danish kit has become one of the breakout top-sellers in the pre-Cup runup.
Fans across Germany's Bundesliga unveiled banners calling for a fan boycott of the games in Qatar over the weekend, as well. The elephant in the room ain't exactly hiding in the corner. We can hope, at least, that the world's most famous athletes may use their platforms over the coming month in a positive fashion.
I don't expect Lionel Messi to do that. Not that he's a bad guy, just that he's known for his shyness and preference to stay out of the limelight off the pitch. On it, he's in the twilight of one of the greatest careers the sport has ever known. 2022 will mark his fifth and surely final appearance at the sport's pinnacle event. La Albiceleste have never won a Cup with Messi in the squad, falling just short in 2014 in a finals loss to Germany. Messi finally got major hardware last year as Argentina won the 2021 Copa America. There will be a lot of sentimental backing for Argentina - they'll be a lot of fans' second-favorite squad, and at +550 they trail only Brazil (+400) in the oddsmakers' book.
Messi's the headliner for me, which really isn't a stretch. But there are some other players I'll be watching, for various reasons. Here's one story from each of the eight groups that has my attention:
Group A
Sadio Mané, Senegal
Mané is at once among the game's elite players and its most humble. The Bayern Munich forward, late of Liverpool, famously donates a significant portion of his income to charitable causes in his home country. After being photographed in 2020 carrying a cracked iPhone, he responded to a question about it by saying, "Why would I want ten Ferraris, 20 diamond watches, or two planes? What will these objects do for me and for the world? I was hungry, and I had to work in the field; I survived hard times, played football barefooted, I did not have an education and many other things, but today with what I earn thanks to football, I can help my people."
Mané was injured in Bayern's final pre-Cup match, which puts my $10 bet on Senegal at +9000 in some jeopardy. But my Senegal Mané jersey arrived this week, which I think should bring good luck to one of the game's great dudes.
Group B
Mehdi Taremi, Iran
In the Western world, there's been a ton of focus on the English-speaking combatants in this group. England, Wales, and the U.S. are the story. Iran has been an afterthought. But Team Melli are coached by the legendary Carlos Queiroz and led in attack by Taremi, who's been tearing it up for Porto, with six goals in 12 Portuguese Premeira League matches and five in five in the Champions League as Porto earned passage to the knockout rounds.
The Iranian team will also be worth watching for their actions in support of dissidents in their homeland. Several players have already been vocally supportive of antigovernment protestors, even as the Iranian government cracks down. Doing so at a World Cup would be an act of significant bravery.
Group C
Hirving "Chucky" Lozano, Mexico
Lozano is arguably Mexico's most accomplished player. He's a fixture in the starting XI for Serie A-leading Napoli, having scored three and assisted three in 14 contests. The winger is in the prime of his career, and so long as he's not torturing the U.S., I can root for him to do good things for El Tri.
Group D
Christian Eriksen, Denmark
This is one of the tournament's most remarkable on-field stories. On June 12, 2020, Denmark's talismanic midfielder suffered cardiac arrest on the pitch during a UEFA Championships match against Finland and nearly died. The video from that day is difficult to watch, and his teammates' agony wrenching. On-site medical personnel did incredible work to save him, but his footballing career was widely thought to be over.
Instead, Eriksen returned to competition, first with Brentford in the Premier League and now with Manchester United. At the same time, he rejoined the Danish men's national team and helped lead them to the World Cup. He'll be one of the feel-good stories of the tournament, but don't let that obscure the Danes' real chance to make a run.
Group E
Rodri, Spain
This dude is criminally underrated. All he does is staunchly and steadfastly hold the middle for Manchester City while the team's formidable attacking talent marauds into the opponent's final third. I like Spain to make a deep run, and for all the press other players will get, Rodri is the steel.
Group F
Alphonso Davies, Canada
Oh! Canada! Our neighbors to the north are one of the surprise stories of this cycle, qualifying for the World Cup for the first time since 1986 and topping CONCACAF to boot. Davies is clearly their best player, and may well be the best left back in the world at the moment. The Bayern Munich star has been nursing a right hamstring injury, and any chance the Maple Leafs have of advancing out of their group hinges on his health.
Davies missed Canada's last few qualifying matches, which gave the world an opportunity to see him rooting for his compatriots - start at 1:50, watch for a few minutes. Think this doesn't mean anything to these wealthy men?:
Group G
Aleksandar Mitrovic, Serbia
In Fulham, the fans sing "Mitro's on fire" when the big Serb tallies for the Whites. He's become a club legend after banging in 43 goals in 46 appearances in all competitions last year as Fulham earned promotion to the Premier League. He followed that up by scoring nine in 12 matches this season, good for fourth in the league.
Mitrovic is vital to Serbia's chances in Qatar. He's scored 14 goals in 15 matches over the past two years for The Eagles. Of cautionary note for Fulham fans, he enters the World Cup with a nagging ankle injury that's kept him out of the lineup for a few weeks. Serbia coach Dragan Stojkovic has said he plans to use Mitro even if he's not at full strength. Like most Fulham fans, I'll be watching Serbia's matches with my fingers well crossed.
Group H
Son Heung-Min, South Korea
Continuing the theme of injured stars, Tottenham's pacy winger took an elbow to the face ten days ago and suffered a broken cheekbone. He intends to play, and if he's effective, South Korea can be dangerous. And boy do I hope he plays. Our love for Sonny has been well-established. He's one of the world's most joyous athletes.
If you're still reading at this point, you probably should reconsider your life choices. I'm unemployed and don't have anything better to do with my time. What's your excuse?
But since you're still here, we'll go out in a blaze of glory with predictions about the way the tournament will play out. These are informed, to a degree, but I'll be lying if I didn't cop to at least a little bit of sentimentality. If the goons at FIFA force us to watch a tournament hosted by a repressive regime at a time of year that compromises player health, at least the scriptwriters can offer us some escapist fantasy.
Group A
1. Netherlands
2. Senegal
3. Ecuador
4. Qatar
Some of that wishful thinking right off the bat, in the guise of my wagering interest in Senegal. They're a strong side, though, having won the most recent African Cup of Nations. In Chelsea's Edouard Mendy they have a keeper capable of carrying a team.
Group B
1. England
2. USA
3. Wales
4. Iran
Don't be surprised with any order in this group. Yes, England are the strongest side on paper, but their recent international form has been dreadful. I do truly believe that the U.S. are more talented than Wales - the two countries' opening match is so vital to both.
Group C
1. Argentina
2. Poland
3. Mexico
4. Saudi Arabia
Argentina have not lost in 35 consecutive international matches. Hard to see that streak ending in the group stage. Poland have a history of flameouts in big tournaments, but Mexico's in a bit of disarray. The Saudis suck.
Group D
1. France
2. Denmark
3. Tunisia
4. Australia
Top two could easily flip here - Denmark beat France twice recently in UEFA Nations League play, and the French are without N'Golo Kante and Paul Pogba. But to be the man, you gotta beat the man.
Group E
1. Spain
2. Germany
3. Japan
4. Costa Rica
Been a weird year or two for the Germans. They have not clicked with the mechanical precision one is accustomed to from Der Mannschaft. One would be wise to remember England legend Gary Lineker's description of soccer, though: "Football is a simple game. Twenty-two men chase a ball for 90 minutes and at the end, the Germans always win." Japan could surprise a bunch of folks in this group. Costa Rica, though, I feel pretty good about that prediction.
Group F
1. Belgium
2. Canada
3. Croatia
4. Morocco
We are admittedly out over our skis here. Canada making it to the knockouts would be an upset, but John Herdman's team is much younger where it counts than either Belgium or Croatia, which could make a difference in a year where players are coming into the World Cup having played a lot of soccer.
Group G
1. Brazil
2. Serbia
3. Switzerland
4. Cameroon
The Brazilians are absolutely loaded. They should skate through. The second slot is a dogfight, and Serbia's got some dogs.
Group H
1. Ghana
2. Uruguay
3. Portugal
4. South Korea
This is an unabashed pick against Portugal, because I despise Cristiano Ronaldo and his preening me-first mien. The team is old, too, so it could go down this way. Ghana winning would be an upset, but it's long past time for an African nation to boss something.
Round of 16
Netherlands over U.S.A. - we're not good enough to beat the Oranje
Argentina over Denmark - this will be an awesome match for a neutral to watch
Spain over Canada - see above, only replace Oranje with Spaniards
Brazil over Uruguay - tricky one for the Seleção against their CONMEBOL rivals
Senegal over England - boom
France over Poland - Euro on Euro violence
Belgium over Germany - the Red Devils have the best player in the world right now in Kevin de Bruyne
Ghana over Serbia - he's reaaaching again, Mom
Quarterfinals
Argentina over Netherlands - gonna be a cracker, this
Spain over Brazil - Rodri makes the difference
Senegal over France - Mané cutting a swath through European competition and making Senegal the first ever African side to make the World Cup semifinals
Belgium over Ghana - dream dies for the other African quarterfinalist
Semifinals
Argentina over Spain
Belgium over Senegal
Final
Argentina over Belgium, and Messi walks off the international stage the unquestioned GOAT. Sentimental, for sure. Plausible, also that.
The World Cup kicks off a week from yesterday with homestanding Qatar taking on Ecuador at 11:00 am Eastern. Matches will be played at 5:00, 8:00, 11:00, and 2:00 Eastern, a mostly-friendly set of viewing windows. The U.S. takes on Wales to get its Cup started a week from today at 2:00 EDT.
“Not the least hard thing to bear when they go away from us, these quiet friends, is that they carry away with them so many years of our own lives.” — John Galsworthy
About six years ago, a fluffy gray cat showed up on our doorstop one day. She hung out for a bit, perplexing our black cat, Theo, and wandered away. A few days later, she showed up again, and we took her some food and water. After that, she was a daily presence until our kids begged us to let her in the house. She looked like a cat that knew people and that had been loved, so we took her in and set about finding her family. We named her Olive.
My wife took some pictures and loosed the Facebook community in search of Olive's owner. In short order, a young woman named Heather reached out, thrilled to have found her kitty. Turns out the cat's name was actually Sage, and she was living with Heather's parents, who turned her out most of the time.
Our kids (14 and 12 at the time) were sad to see Olive/Sage go, but Theo was most decidedly fine with it.
A few days later, Heather reached out and told my wife that she wasn't able to find a living situation that enabled her to keep Sage. She told us we seemed like nice people who loved animals, and asked if we would like to keep her on a permanent basis. As soon as the girls were made aware of the offer, the decision really wasn't hard.
And so we were a two cat family again for the first time since the previous December when our 20 year-old Mo passed on.
Sage was at once the dumbest, clumsiest, food-motivated, and people-loving cat we've ever owned. Her purr motor was exceptional, and easily revved. If people were around, she was around. She nuzzled, and flopped, and licked and loved. She immediately established herself as the alpha to Theo's perpetual beta, and a few years later when we got a dog, she told that puppy who was in charge, as well.
She went deaf a few years ago, which didn't slow her down. Several months ago, she started behaving a bit erratically in ways amusing and disgusting. To wit, she decided for a while that my office was a good place to piss. Have you ever smelled dried cat piss sprayed into a heating/cooling vent? I don't recommend it.
We took her to the vet, who recommended we add another litter box to the main level of the house. So my office went from smelling like raw cat piss to cat piss and shit mixed with litter. Honestly, it was an improvement.
Then, over the past several weeks, she declined rapidly. Her back legs started giving way, her once-prodigious appetite diminished to barely nothing, and she took to hiding away for much of the day.
That purr motor though, it remained robust.
Finally, yesterday evening, we took her to the vet, a kind, gentle man. He examined her and told us that she'd lost a great deal of muscle tone, was extremely dehydrated, and that he could feel an egg-sized mass near her bladder. Based on the clinical findings, he assumed it was cancer.
And so we made the decision that was at once the right thing to do and utterly heartbreaking.
I'll be damned if that little cat didn't keep purring while the doctor first injected a solution that rendered her unconscious and then another that stopped her heart.
We only got a little more than six years with Sage, but she filled them with a waddling, friendly cat-bravado. Pets' lives are inevitable shorter than we hope, and their deaths always sooner than we want, but they stir something in you that brings a daily joy that makes it somehow worth the pain.
Godspeed, Sagey, you wonderful oaf of a cat. You were a real one.
Eleven days from today, the U.S. Men's National Team ends an eight-year hiatus, opening their 2022 FIFA World Cup group stage play against Wales. Yesterday evening in front of a boisterous live crowd in Brooklyn, Gregg Berhalter and US Soccer unveiled the squad's 26-man roster. And today, you get a typically half-baked and self-centered G:TB view of the team and its prospects.
You can read or listen to a lot of well-informed takes on the squad's makeup online or via podcast. I get my straight soccer takes from Grant Wahl via his excellent Fùtbol with Grant Wahl podcast. He's the hardest working man in soccer journalism, and his newsletter is a bargain at $4/month if you're into footy. For what it's worth, I get my more colorful soccer viewpoints from Men in Blazers and The Week in the Tackle. And if you want a really well-executed six-part pod about the corruption surrounding this World Cup, I highly recommend the collaboration between MiB's Roger Bennett and Pod Save America's Tommy Vietor, entitled 'World Corrupt', available at fine purveyors of pod everywhere.
Those in the know say that Berhalter's selections included a handful of real surprises, highlighted by the decision to leave goalkeeper Zach Steffen off the roster entirely. Steffen started six of the 14 CONCACAF qualifying matches for the U.S., and was widely thought to be in a neck and neck competition with Matt Turner for the starting role in Qatar. The choice to leave both Ricardo Pepi and Jordan Pefok off the squad raised some eyebrows as well - both struggled in qualifying but have played well in recent club matches for Groningen (Dutch first division) and Union Berlin (Bundesliga) respectively.
Tim Ream is 10th in the EPL in blocks and 11th in interceptions
Turning to home (which in this case means our own selfish interests), another surprise made me big happy. Tim Ream hadn't been part of the U.S. setup since mid-2021, and was widely expected to be left off the World Cup roster, despite playing very well for Fulham this Premier League season. Not only did he make the team, but there's a decent chance he'll start as the left center back in Berhalter's 4-3-3 lineup. If so, it only makes sense to pair him with Fulham teammate and left back Jedi Robinson, which would mean that 22% of the U.S. eleven against Wales would be Cottagers. Gimme some of that.
It's also possible that 22% of that starting lineup could be from Leeds United in the form of Brendan Aaronson and Tyler Adams. The latter is a nailed-on lock to start - he's been one of the Premier League's most impressive holding midfielders this season, second in the league in tackles, and fourth in combined tackles and interceptions. Notably, Aaronson is listed on the USMNT roster as a midfielder, rather than as a forward/wing where he's been slotted in the past. I'm hoping this means Berhalter plans to play him in a central box to box role, where his otherworldly energy and willingness to press could cause havoc for opponents who want to possess the ball.
Fly, you beautiful Canary
Another G:TB beneficiary of a surprising call-up is our man Z. Josh Sargent has been playing extremely well as a striker for Norwich City, scoring eight goals and dishing out a pair of assists in 18 matches. His form and experience playing in the very physical Championship division earned the Canary a role in Qatar.
In other G:TB connection news, right back DeAndre Yedlin used to play for Marls' Newcastle, center back Aaron Long currently toils for Red Bull New York, right in Dave's back yard (and Aaronson and Turner are both from New Jersey), and backup keeper Ethan Horvath hails from Highlands Ranch, CO, not too far from the late, lamented TR.
Berhalter's got some interesting choices to make as the team prepares to take on Wales on November 21 at 2:00 ET (amazingly, all three of the USMNT's group stage games are at 2:00 ET, which is the best possible time for American viewers off all the options - what are the odds?). For me, our best player is Gio Reyna (who might be the first son of an American World Cup player to play in a Cup for the USMNT - someone should look that up). Reyna is extremely talented, and has been very fragile over the past few years at Dortmund. If he's healthy, he gives Berhalter all kinds of good problems in terms of choosing a side. Weston McKennie's health is a potential issue as well, and possibly the reason Aaronson's listed as a midfielder.
You might notice that I haven't spilled much ink on Christian Pulisic, and that's a measure of how much the rest of the team has grown. The Chelsea man remains the most accomplished American soccer player of all time, but he's not as indispensable to the project as he once was. He hasn't been great in England this year, struggling for time under managers Thomas Tuchel and Graham Potter. In fact, I'm hoping he gets a transfer somewhere he can play. His recent form may mean that expectations are lower for him, and that reduced pressure could be a good thing.
If it were up to me (and who's to say it's not?), here's how we line up against Wales, from front to back:
Sargent
Pulisic Reyna
Aaronson Musah
Adams
Robinson Ream Zimmerman Dest
Turner
This dude terrifies me a little bit
The Welsh will be physical, fast, and big in spots. They'll have Michael Sheen's oratory ringing in their ears and coursing through their veins. Sargent's accustomed to playing physical battles, as are Aaronson, Adams, Robinson, and Ream. Musah's extremely good on the ball and creative, with him, Reyna, and Dest as a gifted trio on the right side, I'd hope for really enjoyable interchanges and chances created. Robinson can fly up the wing on the left, as well.
The U.S. roster is the second-youngest we've ever fielded. We have by some margin the most talented team we've ever taken to the World Cup, and despite its youth, the team has a great deal of international experience. Five of the players in that starting lineup have played in the UEFA Champions League, and McKennie and Tim Weah make two more. Notably, of that eleven, only Zimmerman plays in MLS, and other than him and Sargent, every player competes in one of Europe's top divisions.
Our group in difficult, but not impossible. According to FIFA's rankings (which are, like many things FIFA, a bit sketchy), we're ranked 16. In our group, Wales is 19, England is 5, and Iran is 20. Crapshoot, it would seem. If you assume form holds and we lose to England, it's vital that the U.S. get a result against Wales.
Easing into this content machine thing with a handful of early, research-free observations about last night's midterm elections.
First, and most joyously, Fettermaaaaaaan! We've been publicly in the tank for Pennsylvania's unconventional Lieutenant Governor since precisely two years ago today. We were one of the first major outlets to endorse him in his race for the Senate seat opened up by the retirement of Republican Pat Toomey. And despite suffering a stroke during the race and a corresponding halting performance in the lone debate against New Jersey's own Mehmet Oz, Fetterman won election fairly comfortably. His campaign made it a point to visit every county in Pennsylvania, and ran a social-savvy operation that hammered his opponent's opportunism and lack of understanding of the needs of most of the commonwealth's citizens. This was the result that most mattered to me, and I'm excited to see what Fetterman brings to Washington. I'm afraid the stroke likely means I won't get my Fetterman for President tattoo.
Which brings us to another one to watch. Wes Moore easily won Maryland's gubernatorial race, with nearly 60% of the vote. One the one hand, beating a Nazi who gleefully supported That Fucking Guy's election denial isn't that significant an achievement. On the other, a 44 year-old black dude with a funny name (Wesley Watende Omari Moore) now has a national platform and a background that includes combat leadership (in Afghanistan), community service (Moore ran a foundation dedicated to alleviating challenges caused by poverty in New York City), government service (as a White House Fellow working for Condoleeza Rice), and corporate success (as an investment banker). Moore's C.V. doesn't exactly parallel that of the 44th President, but he's a telegenic and charismatic young black guy with an immigrant parent (his mother is Jamaican). You can be damn sure the media will start making some comparisons.
If we're to move beyond the nation's seemingly hopeless and intractable division, the kids are gonna have to take the reins. The average age of the members of the House of Representatives at the beginning of this term was 58.4. Which ain't all that representative. Enter Generation Z, for the first time ever an a national level, with 25 year-old Maxwell Frost winning election in Florida's 10th Congressional District (in and around Orlando). Frost is Puerto Rican/Cuban, and has a long (for his age) history of fighting gun violence, calling his cohort the "mass shooting generation". He was the national organizing director for March for Our Lives. While observers will know that I support Frost's politics, I think it's vital that young folks from all political persuasions gain more access to the levers of power.
If you think the House skews old, lemme tell you about the Senate. At the start of the 117th Congress, the upper chamber's members averaged 63 years of age. And yesterday, the second-oldest of those Senators was reelected. Chuck Grassley, who won his closest reelection campaign ever, will be 95 years old when his term expires. As will Dianne Feinstein, subject to more than a few whispers about losing several miles off her fastball. The President will turn 80 next November. God bless all of these septa/octogenarians for their service, and how 'bout you let somebodies else take a turn?
In other disappointing news, the oleaginous J.D. Vance won a Senate seat in Ohio over the righteous Tim Ryan. Despite the GOP's significant structural advantages in the state and the national Democratic Party's refusal to give Ryan anything other than token support, Vance's margin will wind up around 6%. If the Dems had done anything to support Ryan, who'd be a terrific Senator, instead of burning piles of cash supporting longshot candidates in Florida, Texas, Georgia, and elsewhere, they might've had a chance in this one. Dems gonna Dem.
Come ON, Adam Frisch!
From oleaginous to odious, a bit of good news that might get even better as vote tallies are finalized: it's possible and even likely that Kari Lake (AZ governor), Lauren Boebert (CO 3rd), and Sarah Palin (AK at-large) will go down to defeat. All three are vocal Trumpists and election deniers, and Lake in particular is a dangerous combination of attractive, charismatic, and willing to say absolutely anything to gain power. It also appears that election deniers pursuing Secretary of State roles in key swing states like Arizona and Nevada will go down to defeat.
At the moment, it appears possible that Democratic candidates will win Senate races in Arizona (Mark Kelly) and Nevada (Catherine Cortez Masto), though the latter is very much a toss-up. If the D's win those races, it'll guarantee they'll retain control of the Senate. If not, Georgia will become the center of the political universe. Incumbent Raphael Warnock has a slight lead over human bobblehead Herschel Walker, but it doesn't seem likely that Warnock will break the 50% threshold necessary to avoid a runoff (Libertarian Chase Oliver is hovering around 2%). If Warnock fails to clear that bar, the election heads to a mano a loco mano showdown in December. Warnock won his seat in the first place in a special runoff election in 2020 against Kelly Loeffler.
Alabama and Vermont sent their first women to the Senate and House, respectively. Massachusetts elected an openly lesbian women to the Governor's office, a first in American politics. Moore became just the third African-American governor in American history (and ain't that a fucking shame on all of us). Abortion rights won massive victories in places expected (Vermont) and less so (Kentucky). More states legalized recreational marijuana. It was a decent night for progressives, despite some setbacks.
The GOP will retake control of the House, but by a much smaller margin than many anticipated before the election. Most pundits won't acknowledge this, but Biden's Democratic Party had one of the best midterm election performances in history. A combination of voters highly motivated by the Supreme Court's Dobbs decision overturning Roe v. Wade and independents turned off by the GOP's continuing embrace of our freak-ass former President* turned a potential red wave into a gentle tide. The fever didn't break, but the firewalls seem to have held. For now.
Eschewing the Paul Hardcastle song (n-n-n-nineteen) and going for the Old 97's tune, natch...
Take just a minute to reflect where you were on this day in 2003, how life is different now, and how the presence of Gheorghe Muresan and his namesake blog have bettered your lives.
"This space will celebrate those in sports and elsewhere that live with Gheorgheness, and skewer those that think they are more important than the game - be it sports or life."
I very much appreciated the plentifold suggestions Whit offered to help me figure out what to do with my time over the next several months. I plan to even do some of them - I do love a good haiku, after all. And I come here today with both a promise and a request.
The promise first: I intend to be a content machine around these parts. It'll be a disappointing week for me if I can't crank out at least five days worth of posts. A majority of those will be filler, obvs, but I hope to tackle a few meaty topics.
And the request: assign me some shit, y'all. Gimme some writing prompts. Send me out into the (virtual) world to do some research and report back. Challenge me. I'll repay you with some tossed-off crap, mostly.
To get your juices flowing, here are several topics I intend to weigh in on:
2022 Men's World Cup preview (duh)
My favorite footballers (also probably duh)
Election fuckery
My progress in completing my kids' book
A theory of the future of digital identity (it's a scorcher)
Recommendations for streaming programs (watching Billy Corben's "God Forbid: The Sex Scandal That Brought Down a Dynasty" this evening)
Podcasting!
Wrenball!
A recounting of my quest to play soccer until I'm 60 and the various injuries that have resulted
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