Saturday, October 30, 2021

A Low-Bar Start, Maybe

I offer advice occasionally. It’s usually confined to “Try the fish tacos,” or “Make left turns at traffic lights during tourist season when possible if you want to limit driving headaches.” 

Sometimes it’s a little weightier. In exchanges with my college-age nephews about navigating campus and everyday life, I suggested as a starting point for words and actions: don’t be a dick. It was partly in jest, and they were amused, but I tried to persuade them of its value. 

It’s simple. It’s easy to remember. Most of us are aware of what’s considered dick-ish behavior, so it’s suppressing an urge or act we already know. There’s no heavy lifting, as inaction is always easier than action. 

Don’t berate a waitress or cashier who’s already overworked and underpaid. Don’t hit ‘send’ with a pithy remark that dunks on someone whose mind you won’t change anyway. Don’t make fun of someone who dresses and looks differently. Don’t speed up to flip off someone who cut you off in traffic. Don’t show off your new whatchamacallit among people who can’t even afford old whatchamacallits. 

I’ve come to think that the notion has even greater value in our increasingly stressed and polarized society. The pandemic and its partners, social isolation and financial anxiety, have extracted real tolls. We’re quicker to criticize and slower to empathize. We’re less likely to engage with folks outside of our tribes and silos, and too often scornful of them when we do. 

DBAD is an entry-level life slogan. For example, What Would Jesus Do entails some thought, conclusions about how he might behave, or biblical knowledge that a person may not possess. DBAD doesn’t require you to be a saint, or even a good person. It might be a building block for charitable or selfless acts. Or not. It’s a baseline for civil behavior, which may be the best we can hope for these days. DBAD might work as a rubber bracelet reminder, a la WWJD or LiveStrong. 

I have no entrepreneurial tendencies, nor the means to execute such things. However, if one or more of you runs with the idea and makes a bunch of money, good on you. If in so doing you want to send a few bucks this way in gratitude, it would be much appreciated. After all, fish tacos ain’t free.

Friday, October 29, 2021

Kentucky Fried Goddamn Geniuses: A G:TB Drafts Joint

As Whitney pointed out recently, it's been a slow week here at the content factory. To steal from Homer Simpson, I think alcohol is to blame, the source of and solution to all our problems. That, or employee dissatisfaction due to our vaccine mandate.

Because the gnomes were up to their passive-aggressive ways, I had to dig back into the draft archives to get things moving. And I found a little bit of inspired insanity, featuring old friend Mario Lopez.


Headed out of town tomorrow to capture some content. My eldest is premiering her very first collegiate dance piece - she choreographed and directed it. So I'll be all swole with pride when I head back here. Hope ya'll enjoy your weekend.

Tuesday, October 26, 2021

It's Alright, We're Doin' Fine, Fine, Fine

 This is exactly why advanced technology is important and why the internet is, ultimately, great.



Monday, October 25, 2021

Not In The Face

In between trips to Kirwan's (a top-notch Irish pub in DC's Wharf district), several Gheorghies took in what turned out to be a historic rugby match between our Eagles and the All Blacks of New Zealand. Historic, in the sense that the Eagles scored two tries - the first time the U.S. has dented the All Blacks' try zone.

Right before the opening kickoff, Dave asked me how long I thought the match would remain competitive. "Six minutes," I responded.

The All Blacks had other ideas, taking the opening kick and scoring a try in 28 seconds. And that was about that. New Zealand was remarkable, and it was a privilege to see the world's best do their thing. Some highlights follow:


Rugby's on the come up in America, and the match was both a celebration of that fact and an object lesson in how much work is still to be done. 

The whole day, though, was a reminder of how important and fulfilling fellowship twixt old friends can be. Can't wait to do it again.

Friday, October 22, 2021

BREAKING: THE CAA

 


Rest assured that we'll be updating this webfomercial with our usual brand of half-assed, semi-informed, mostly-literate commentary about what this means for the Wrens.

Wednesday, October 20, 2021

Your Testicles and You: Yet Another Reason to Give Your Hang-Lows a Warm Bath, Even if You Feel Bad About Modifying Your Sperm's Mobility

Michael Keaton was on a podcast with Bill Simmons a couple weeks ago. It was enjoyable. But Simmons glossed over Johnny Dangerously while reviewing Keaton's career. Simmons mentioned that movie, but ignored a comment by Keaton that the movie had a cult following. I would have enjoyed a few tidbits from Keaton on that flick. I once wrote a blog post on that movie, fer crissakes! Enjoy this scene anyway. I can't wait to show this movie to my kids and then hear about it from my wife, only to respond that I saw this movie 20 times before I turned 10 b/c my folks were divorced and parented via cable TV.  


But while we are here to talk testicles, we're not here to talk about that movie. We are here to talk about a German woman and testicle baths! Shall we? 

First, let's talk about British inventors. More specifically, let's talk about James Dyson. He is (according to the world wide web) a "British inventor, industrial designer, farmer and billionaire entrepreneur." Yes, he is the guy behind the vacuum cleaners and the hand dryers. He has invented a bunch of other stuff too and owns a 91-meter yacht. That seems...unnecessary. 

With all his fame and wealth, James started a foundation, as well as a contest to reward budding young inventors. And that's how we get to Rebecca Weiss. Miss Weiss is an industrial design graduate from the University of Munich. Miss Weiss was diagnosed with precursor cervical cancer, which is no laughing matter. She realized that oral contraceptives were not ideal for her condition, which created an issue for her and her partner. And overall, she noticed there was a lack of male contraceptives. 

So she took matters into her own hands (figuratively). She designed an ultrasound deep heat bath for a man's gennies that impacts sperm mobility, meaning they will not fertilize an egg. Pretty brilliant on many fronts. Make the guy do something for a change to avoid a pregnancy! And while I can't speak for all here, I will say that the conceptual idea of dropping one's pair into a heated bath seems, well, pretty pleasant as a contraceptive option. And it looks okay on a shelf to boot. 


Miss Weiss won $3,690 (honest number, currency unknown) for her invention and was added to a list of twenty candidates vying for a final prize of $55,358, which is arbitrary and not all that big, given Dyson is allegedly worth $7 billion. So stay tuned. And maybe consider asking your significant other to bathe your gonads to avoid an accident. Full story here

Monday, October 18, 2021

Gheorghasbord: Footy Up Your Ass Edition

Things are coming thick and fast in both domestic and global soccer worlds, and as is our custom, we're here to offer half-assed and modestly-informed opinions on the topic. 

Starting here at home, there's good, bad, and really fucking ugly. Let's go in reverse order, shall we?

The NWSL is a goddamn disgrace. A league that's made a lot of noise about supporting women, driving equality, and showcasing one of America's best sports exports has shown itself to be a cowardly force for the status quo. In the fallout from the dismissal of North Carolina Courage coach Paul Riley for - among other things - sexual predation and harassment of his players, we learned through the dogged reporting of Meg Linehan of The Athletic and Molly Hensley-Clancy of The Washington Post that Sinead Farrelly (one of the players Riley victmized) had filed multiple complaints with the league. These allegations were known to league leadership, and not only were they ignored at the time (and even dismissed), they were disregarded as Riley was hired into new coaching roles.

Washington Spirit head coach Richie Burke has a long-standing reputation in the local club game in the DMV for abusive behavior. Tough, demanding to some, not to others. This was no surprise to the people that hired him as the Spirit's head man in 2019, since Burke coached several of their daughters. Burke "stepped down" in August citing health concerns. As it turns out, the health concerns were those of his players, who alleged a toxic, mentally taxing environment where Burke belittled them for their fitness and talent. He was fired shortly thereafter. Spirit owner Steve Baldwin announced last week that he would finally how to public pressure and sell his stake in the team. In what seems to be a coincidence that may actually just be what happens when a bully gets his comeuppance, the Spirit are undefeated since Burke's dismissal, clinching a playoff spot over the weekend.

NWSL players paused matches to support one
another in the wake of the events
surrounding Riley and Burke
I coach young women, and I have for more than a decade. I get a great deal of satisfaction watching  them grow as players and as people. It's one of my joys in life. It absolutely breaks my heart to hear stories of powerful men preying on women who've overcome manifold obstacles just to get to play a game they love for a fraction of the amount of money their male counterparts make. NWSL Commissioner Lisa Baird stepping down, the Baldwins and Dell Loy Hansens of the world selling their franchises, the Rileys and Burkes of the world being removed in shame (Riley had his license revoked by US Soccer, too little, too late) - all of these things are good. But they're long overdue, and not enough. 

The NWSL faces a reckoning. They'd do well to let women make the call on how they move forward. It's about damn time.

The bad was on the field. Specifically, on Saturday in Norwich, where American striker Josh Sargent had a golden opportunity to score his first-ever Premier League goal. And did this:

Sargent is still really young, and he's earned an increasingly important role at Norwich during his first year with zman's Canaries .But he's seeing his place in the USMNT pecking order drop several rungs as players like Ricardo Pepi emerge. Pundits suggest he lacks confidence. Attempts like this one don't refute that take.

On the plus side of the ledger, the aforementioned USMNT shook off a desultory performance in Panama and a first-minute goal by Costa Rica to play the Ticos off the field in Columbus. Sergino Dest scored a worldly with his weaker left foot in the first half and Timothy Weah rocketed one off the post and then the keeper to give the U.S. a 2-1 win that takes us into second place in CONCACAF World Cup qualifying. Yunus Musah was a revelation during the three games that made up this international break, attacking with the ball like very few Americans have and do. Tyler Adams was everywhere from his central midfield slot. Brendan Aaronson showed panache and acumen. Miles Robinson likely earned a full-time starting role in central defense, as did Antonee Robinson at left back. 

The baby Nats (the average age of our starting lineup against Costa Rica was 22, the youngest-lineup we've ever fielded in a qualifier) stand to get even better when Christian Pulisic and Gio Reyna return to action. We're gonna need them, too, as our next match is against region leaders Mexico in November. Vamos los Estados Unidos. 

Sunday, October 17, 2021

Scat, Urine and Vocal Displays


No, this is not a post about our old fraternity house. It's a post about Colorado. The state has lots of wildlife that is foreign to me. New Jersey had a surprising amount of critters in/around our suburbs - squirrels, chipmunks, rabbits, birds, foxes, deer, an occasional bear, possum, raccoons and wild turkeys. But the Rockies are a bit different. In addition to most of the above, we have prairie dogs, moose and rattlesnakes. And coyotes (canis latrans). The coyotes are close. CLOSE. Our area is littered with lost dog/cat posters. One neighbor of mine laughed about it when we chatted one day. "The coyotes get all of them," he says. He used to live on the edge of the complex in the apartment we are renting for a few months and he would see sets of eyes at night in the bushes. We know a family in town whose cat got out in their fenced-in backyard one morning. A neighbor of theirs saw a coyote run off with it in its mouth a few minutes later. 

This news has triggered my wife's Hispanic panic. We are a month away from moving into our house, and she is convinced our 20-lb dog will soon be a coyote meal. So we are educating ourselves a bit. It turns out coyotes are more active and visible in the winter. Breeding season is January and February, so the males are preparing to mark their territory in the hopes of sinking their red rockets.  

How does coyote territory get marked, you may ask? With scat, urine and vocal displays! This is according to the fine folks from my town's Parks, Recreation and Open Space employees. Because I'm immature, I find the use of the word scat very amusing. There seems to be a plethora of less offensive alternatives - feces, dung, excrement, poop, waste, droppings, doodie, etc. Is scat really the most apt word in the Parks and Rec community? Somebody needs to email Leslie Knope and ask. 

To make this whole topic a bit more preposterous, residents are being taught what they can do to protect themselves and their pets. This act is called hazing. Honest to God. Not sure if there is paddling, deep knee bends or songs about Sigma Chi involved. 

So in addition to sidestepping coyote shit and hoping my fluff pile of a dog doesn't get eaten, I need to learn how to haze a coyote. Good times. If you want to dig in further on the topic, read here. Wish me luck. 

Saturday, October 16, 2021

Mundial de Globos!

There are very few areas of human endeavor at which I consider myself to be world class. Other than being in the top five Z players ever born, I struggle to think of even one thing. Or did struggle, I suppose.

Thanks to Barcelona legend (and Shakira's husband) Gerard Pique and a trio of siblings from Oregon, I've now found somewhere else to focus my considerable talents. 

Let's let the Arredondo kids get us started:

Pique, who's building quite a sports/entertainment media empire (perhaps Adam Shefter might work for him someday), saw the viral phenomenon gain momentum and seized upon its popularity. He partnered with Spanish internet star Ibai Llanos to organize the very first Balloon World Cup.

Hosted in Tarragona, Spain, the event featured 32 teams representing countries around the globe. In a nice nod to the sport's humble beginnings, Antonio and Diego Arredondo repped the USA, though neither made it to the final, where Peru's Francesco de la Cruz ultimately defeated Germany's Jan Spiess to claim the very first world title. 

He'll remain champion until I have sufficient time to train. Unless I get sidetracked by the Lead Balloon World Cup.

Thursday, October 14, 2021

Lower Standards, Diminished Credibility

ESPN Bigfoot reporter Adam Schefter is collateral damage in the email dump that’s part of the NFL’s investigation into the Washington Snydermen franchise that cost Jon Gruden his job. Schefter shared a piece about efforts to end the league’s lockout in 2011 and corresponded with then-team president Bruce Allen, emailing: “Please let me know if you see anything that should be added, changed, tweaked. Thanks, Mr. Editor, for that and the trust. Plan to file this to espn about 6 am. . . .” 

Schefter is catching heat for violating a foundational point of journalism: reporters do not share stories with sources before they’re printed. If a reporter wants further clarification from a source before printing? Fine. If a reporter or source wants to negotiate what and how something will be presented? No problem. But sharing a story with a source? Can’t happen. 

To be sure, the Schefter-Allen “arrangement” is a minor transgression compared to the racism, misogyny, homophobia and general assholery that the Gruden emails conveyed. But it’s a bad look for Schefter and troubling for several reasons. One, sharing stories with sources and permitting them to edit erodes the ideal of a free and independent press. The Founding Fathers thought that important enough to include in the Bill of Rights’ First Amendment. 

Now, some in the audience may be thinking, “Lighten up, Francis; it’s sports, not treason or state secrets.” But the NFL is a multi-billion-dollar behemoth and long ago quit being about just sports. We live in an era when public figures – politicians, executives, athletes, celebrities, even corporations and professional sports leagues – want to craft their own images and messages. They want to be seen as attractive or sympathetic or responsible, and they’re increasingly able to do so through P.R. types and contracted storytellers and various social media platforms that bypass the traditional press. Because access is so important, some reporters make ethical rationalizations about what they choose and choose not to report, about how chummy or forgiving they are to sources and subjects. 

The NFL hasn’t exactly been progressive on many fronts – concussions and head trauma, domestic violence, minority hiring, social justice and recognition of player concerns, to name a few areas. It’s fair to wonder how much Schefter and other reporters overlook certain subjects for the ability to report injuries, depth charts, player movement, juicy quotes from unnamed sources. Since the Gruden fallout was a result of a broader investigation into an entirely different franchise, it’s also fair to wonder to what extent the email dump is a cover for other people and organizations. Guaranteed that Gruden isn’t a one-off or outlier. 

Sharing stories with sources also skews the boundaries for other reporters. For example: Reporter, to source: “I found out such-and-such. Can you confirm?” Source: “I’d need to see the story first.” Reporter: “I can’t do that.” Source: “Why not? Schefter did it.” Full disclosure: In my newspaper days, I ran phrasing past a lawyer or two for a couple of stories for the sake of precision and proper language. Before I depended on an audio recorder in interviews and often relied on written notes, on rare occasions I ran a quote past a subject to double-check its accuracy. I never shared an entire story with a source. 

Under this gravestone, there is rolling
For his part, Schefter issued a statement that said the criticism is fair, and that he uncharacteristically
shared the story because of its complicated nature. He said that he was wrong to do so, and that he would never cede editorial control or final say about a story to outside sources. Schefter has reported plenty of complicated stories. Was that the only time he shared one with a source beforehand? We’re supposed to believe that he would never concede control to someone to whom he referred as “Mr. Editor”?

As award-winning journalist and author Tommy Tomlinson pointed out, no reporter has ever referred to a colleague as “Mr. Editor” unless there was an expletive between the two words. Schefter has broken dozens of stories over the years, through dogged reporting and a humongous contact list. But what he did, at least once, failed journalism, and the entire profession suffers for it.

Wednesday, October 13, 2021

The Very Definition of a Modern Filler Post

Meta, and yet not. Get in the comments, kids.

Monday, October 11, 2021

Consider the Cephalopod

There’s value in information that broadens awareness about a subject or being, and I don’t mean John Mulaney or Instagram. In this instance: We should quit fucking with octopuses, and certainly stop killing and eating them. 

Octopuses are among the planet’s distinct creatures. Intelligent, curious, pliant, adaptable, tender, freakishly strong, a wonder. All of that is made clear in “The Soul of an Octopus,” by naturalist Sy Montgomery. I’m late to it, as it came out in 2015 and was a finalist for the National Book Award. It’s a cool, light read. 

Octopuses have a bad rap, portrayed as monsters in literature, movies and sea-faring lore. Think Jules Verne, the Kraken, and wildly exaggerated tales of whale-sized octopuses attacking and destroying ships. It’s understandable, given that they’re about as physically dis-similar to human beings as imaginable, maybe as close to an alien being on Earth as you’ll find. 

Some folks freak when touched by an octopus, because it’s such a peculiar sensation. They’re invertebrates. They’re slimy. They have three hearts. Their mouths are located between their legs and are like a parrot’s beak. They taste and grasp and identify with the suckers on their tentacles, which often move independent of each other. Their brains are essentially wrapped around their throats. Their blood is blue. They are capable of releasing a neurotoxin. They squirt ink to deal with both predators and prey. They can change colors and shapes and skin texture in split seconds. They can squeeze into impossibly small spaces (a 50-pound octopus whose tentacles stretch five feet can fit through a space the size of an orange). They possess a funnel that they use to propel themselves and to shoot water at people and other creatures. 

Yet researchers who work with them find that they have personalities. They can be aggressive or chill, shy or playful, disinterested or engaging. They change color not just to camouflage themselves, but when they’re content or anxious or fearful. They recognize and remember people. 

There’s a story about one octopus at an aquarium that routinely squirted one of its handlers. The woman left for another job, and when she returned to visit months later, the octopus squirted her again. It had squirted no one else since she left. 

In one experiment, two unfamiliar handlers dressed identically. One brought food, the other gently poked the octopus with a bristly stick. Within a week, the octopus recognized the two on sight and went toward the feeder and away from the irritator, even when neither was carrying food or a stick. 

Though octopuses’ eyes work like a human’s, they are pretty much color-blind, which makes their ability to change color and camouflage themselves all the more remarkable. How do they know what colors to turn? 

Researchers think that their arms help them “see” because they are so sensitive and receptive. An octopus has about 300 million neurons, three-fifths of which are in their arms rather than their brains (a rat has 200 million neurons, humans about 100 billion neurons in their brains). Where humans have four distinct lobes in their brains, octopuses have 50 to 75, depending on size and species, which permits enormous multi-tasking. 

One neuroscientist quoted in the book said: “Short of Martians showing up and offering themselves to science, cephalopods are the only example outside of vertebrates of how to build a clever, complex brain.” 

Octopuses (the plural is not octopi – ‘i’ is a Latin plural ending, while ‘octopus’ is derived from a Greek word, and you aren’t supposed to mix the two) can untie knots and undo latches and open jars. At one aquarium, an octopus played with a small plastic ball that could be screwed and unscrewed in half. One handler put food inside the ball. The octopus not only unscrewed the ball to get the food, but screwed it back together when finished. They use their suckers to taste and probe and gather information, and they can pinch them together as humans do their thumb and forefinger. A two-inch sucker on a large octopus is capable of lifting 20-to-30 pounds. As octopuses have hundreds of suckers – smaller at the tips of their tentacles, larger toward their bodies – they possess tremendous strength. Divers and handlers know to be extremely cautious with them, as larger octopuses can overpower a person, though it’s more out of curiosity than malice. 

In 2012, a group of neuroscientists at the Cambridge (UK) Declaration on Consciousness issued a proclamation that included: “The weight of evidence indicates that humans are not unique in possessing the neurological substrates that generate consciousness. Non-human animals, including all mammals and birds, and many other creatures, including octopuses, also possess these neurological substrates.” As we gradually bake and submerge the planet, it strikes me that the whole dominion-over-all-creatures thing will become moot. All hands, and arms, on deck. And another intelligent species has far greater value than whether it’s better grilled or sauteed.

Saturday, October 09, 2021

What Football Club Should a Gheorghie Support

Dave is a polymath, the Copernicus of the Raritan. He's a voracious reader, a deep thinker (when he's not a derp thinker), a man who reads physics texts for fun while also sporting a Ween tattoo. 

Dave's also a soccer coach, a tactical innovator who invents his own drills and adapts his style to meet the
unique needs of his team. He needs to root for a side that's stretching the game's limits, embracing modern training and tactics, viewing the game through a different lens.

Matthew Benham is a polymath, educated as a physicist, trained as a banker, wealthy from a statistics-aided run of success as a gambling entrepreneur, owner of multiple European football teams, including the fun to spell and say Danish club FC Midtjylland. (Dave should support them, but that's not why we're here.) 

Benham made much of his considerable fortune applying computational analytics to sports gambling, and when he purchased the football team he rooted for as a child, he set out to use the same approach to drag that team from the depths of the English pyramid. In 2012, when he became majority shareholder, that club languished in League One, the second-lowest full-time professional league in the country.

Around that time, Benham became friends with Rasmus Ankersen, a Danish entrepreneur with a passion for football and innovation. Ankerson applied statistical models to player acquisition and club management, and found a fellow traveler in Benham. Ankersen is the chairman of Midtjylland and the co-director of football for Benham's English club. And he gives a mean TEDx Talk.

Since that time, Benham's team has risen steadily through the ranks, seeking market inefficiencies to identity and acquire undervalued players and playing an attacking style that hopes to maximize expected goals (xG) over the course of a season on the theory that over the long run, teams that create more chances will more often be rewarded. After falling to Fulham in the Championship playoff final in 2019, Benham's team defeated Swansea in 2020 to gain promotion to the Premier League for the first time.

In their first seven games at the highest level, the team has made a mark. They defeated Arsenal, 2-0, intheir first match in the top flight, and currently sit in 7th place with only a single loss on their record. They just played a barnburner at Anfield, getting an 82nd minute goal from Yoane Wissa to tie hosts Liverpool. They're fun to watch, and there's a whole lot that suggests they'll stick around for a while.

Dave should root for Brentford, the Premier League's smartest and most interesting team.

Up the Bees! Up the Dave!

Thursday, October 07, 2021

Guess Who's Back

When I was flying back from Ireland in 2019 with a merry band of rugby hooligans, we stopped off in Reykjavík -- flying on IcelandAir for ridiculous low fares at the time.

In a bathroom stall, many miles over the ocean from these American States, I looked down and saw this graffiti.


No, not "Iceland Rocks."  It does, but that's not interesting. Nor the chicken scratch nor the stickers, even the Jam-Phish one.

McRib is Back

Why?? Why would someone take the time to write that and only that on an Icelandic airport TP dispenser? Was McRib back when he wrote it? Was that why he was in the stall? Or was he just a fan, keeping the part-time menu item's legacy alive worldwide.

Inquiring minds want to know.

Well, that fan will be happy to know... McRib is back. Starting November 1, you can get that Frankenstein's monster of a greasy pork sandwich once again. Learn it. Know it. Live it. Take it in the john with you, vinur minn. (That means "my friend" in Icelandic, though it sounds more like wiener man.)

This is amusing.

Get some.

Wednesday, October 06, 2021

The Time MC Hammer Tried to Kill MC Serch

I'm not sure what surprises me more, this story or our lack of an MC Serch label.


@jackzmusicandme

Reply to @whatrockschris #mchammer #mcserch #3rdbass #bayarea #fyp #foryou #fypシ

♬ original sound - Jackzbeats

Tuesday, October 05, 2021

Musical Interlude

I've long been a fan of Sleigh Bells' hyperpop sound, a sometimes manic, always up-tempo slamdance of bubblegum and metal. Their sound obscures frequently dark emotions - witness 2010's 'Rill Rill' and its nod to kids snorting coke in the bathroom. 

The duo released a new single recently, and it doesn't stray far from the formula. The duality of the chorus is a hint: "I feel like dynamite/I feel like dying tonight". And the hammer falls in the first part of the second verse, when Alexis Krauss sings "Crush my fate, I'm losing breath/Send me an angel...of death".

Here's the video for the first single from the band's new record, called 'Locust Laced'. It's very Sleigh Bells - catchy as hell, with dark corners you don't really wanna get stuck in for too long.

Sunday, October 03, 2021

Happy Dave Winfield Birthday Day

The big man turns 70 today. Unfortunately, this means he is no longer 69 years old. Let's use the comments section today to talk about how the original Diamond Dave changed your life. Or to talk about anything else.



Saturday, October 02, 2021

What Football Club Should a Gheorghie Support?

In the first episode of WFCSAGS, I promised to put more effort into matching the man to the club. Zman's perfect fit came to me in a burst of inspiration, but that's not always available. What do I look like, Dolly Parton?

So it took me a while to find a team for Whitney. As I said in a toast at his (first) wedding, Whitney is a simple man. Give him beer, food, and friends, and he's probably good. But sometimes simplicity belies complexity.

Below the surface, Whit's got a lot going on. He's by turns lyrical, bawdy, competitive (don't let him fool you on that front), sharp with an insult and equally quick with a healing word, charismatic, and perhaps above all, loyal to his friends.

Try as I might (in order to give him a better deal than I did Zman in terms of on-field success), I really couldn't find a way to tie Whitney to one of the Premier League's top clubs. Too many petrodollars and hedge fund money for a man of the people to feel comfortable supporting. There's a reason he traded in the Yankees for the Mets so many years ago.

Whitney needs a team that's deeply committed to its community, that's peopled by characters, owned by a family that values culture and connectedness with a squad that's capable of moments of magic. 

Whitney should root for Leicester City. The Foxes have been owned since 2010 by the Srivaddhanaprabha family, owners of the Thai retail conglomerate King Power. From the beginning of its tenure at the club, the family insisted that employees and players connect with supporters in a variety of meaningful ways. During the pandemic, the club doubled down on efforts to support local charities, and refused to furlough staff while other, much bigger clubs did so.

Club chairman Vichai Srivaddhanaprabha perished in a tragic helicopter accident immediately after a game in October 2018. It's a measure of the players' affection for him and his family that when they won the 2020 FA Cup, captain Kasper Schmeichel sought out Srivaddhanaprabha's son and successor as chairman, Aiyawatt, and included him in the on-field celebration.


Leicester City famously won the 2016 Premier League title as a 5,000-1 underdog. The yin and yang of that team - both of whom still play important roles for Leicester - encapsulate the duality of Whitney. Goalkeeper and captain Schmeichel is one of the game's most upstanding citizens, the dignified moral compass of the squad. Leading goalscorer - then and now - Jamie Vardy is a scamp, a rollicking movable party with a gleam in his eye and a rascal's charm. 


In Thailand as in many Eastern cultures, there's an emphasis on balance. The Srivaddhanaprabha family's stewardship of Leicester City offers one final reason for Whitney to embrace them and their team. Leicester stands in stark opposition to his American football rooting interest. By donning Leicester's royal blue, Whitney can achieve sporting balance, adding good to his own personal scales of sporting justice. And we all need balance.

Up the Foxes! Up the Whitney!

Friday, October 01, 2021

Dear Evan Hansen

Dear Evan Hansen, 

I want to start by saying I will not look to press charges. Impersonating a teenager and attending high school is certainly a crime that you committed, but I will let it go, given extenuating circumstances. I am surprised you haven't been arrested yet. You have five-o-clock shadow at times. When I look at you, I think of SNL's Kyle Mooney. And I think you could be his older brother. But that's not why I'm writing. 

I'm writing to you because my wife decided that my sons and I should watch your movie last weekend. We attended the movie as a family and my wife and I were glad we did. Some issues highlighted in the movie are tangentially relevant to my family, And the messages about social media, compassion, depression and noticing/acknowledging other people really resonated, especially with my kids. It even got dusty once or twice in the theater. So kudos for shining a light on some really important topics. 

I'm also writing to you to apologize for almost laughing at times during the movie. You are a very good singer and dancer, Evan, and the production quality of the movie is great, but there is a ton of unintentional comedy. The faces you make when you sing are both cringeworthy and mesmerizing. On our drive home from the movie, the dialogue in our car was split between the message of the movie and the way that you made my kids laugh out loud at the wrong times. Sorry about that. I think you have a bit more Napoleon Dynamite in you than you want or realize. 

I'm also writing to you with some anger for what your production team did to Amy Adams. I have a crush on her. At least I did, up until this movie started. Why did the production team insist she look so terrible? That was unnecessary. This is Hollywood, Evan, not a movie based on real life. She played a princess once! I didn't need this. The picture below is actually better than she looks at any point in the movie. One review asked "Why does Amy Adams always seem constipated onscreen?" I don't like constipated princesses, Evan. Nobody does. 

Best of luck and maybe practice singing in front a mirror, pal. 

Sincerely, your best and most dearest friend,


TR