Tom Carvel's Bad Fun

Songs emanate from everywhere in the universe. Tunes good and bad (as determined by people like Dave) have origin stories in the craziest of places.  Bands have changed their sounds because of bizarre confluences and random experiences. A group I played with in high school changed our sound for a recording because by buddy Ned had been given a hand-me-down steel drum. As that episode turned out, that was terrible development. 

Stories like this have popped up since the beginnings of rock and roll. Peter Gabriel was inspired to leave Genesis based on seeing a Springsteen show, something he related in the lyrics of the first single off his debut solo album, "Solsbury Hill." And that was the theme song in this beautiful film:

Peter Gabriel now says that that Springsteen '75 Hammersmith Odeon tour -- which he did actually attend, and which was bad-assed through and through -- had nothing to do with the decision and called the backstory "hogwash," but our pal Jason has reminded us for decades...

Never let the truth get in the way of a good story.

Paul Simon wrote "Mother and Child Reunion" based on a diner meal offering a chicken and egg platter of the same name. So they say.

The late, lamented Ian Curtis of Joy Division wrote the fantastic "Love Will Tear Us Apart" generally as a inverse-Victory gesture to the music business but specifically as a reply to Captain and Tennille's "Love Will Keep us Together." Amusing. Except for the part where he hanged himself within the year as a result of a love triangle tearing his life apart. Yiddit.

Don McLean was obviously inspired by Buddy Holly, The Big Bopper, and Ritchie Valens' tragic plane crash and legacy enough to write, record, and rest on the laurels of "American Pie." That's well-known and obvious. Less so is that a woman named Lori Lieberman took in an L.A. Don McLean show and wrote a song about it. Like to hear it here it go, as Calhoun Tubbs used to say. So check it out.

It was rather famously borrowed and recut a couple of years later. This is, as they say, the real deal. 

Okay, so what's your point there, Whitdog?

I learned those factoids decades ago. Cool shit. Meanwhile, I learned this next bit last week. Not as cool, just ridiculous.

So take this band The Cult. Yorkshire band of contraction, as in from Southern Death Cult to Death Cult to The Cult. Eventually they became Cu. No, not really.

The Cult, featuring vocalist Ian Astbury and guitarist Billy Duffy have been around for 40 years. They have reputedly inspired acts like Insane Clown Posse, the Butthole Surfers, Andrew WK, and Random Idiots. Goth rock. Post-punk. Eventually a hard rock band.

You mightn't have heard of early tracks of theirs like "Dreamtime," "Go West," or "Horse Nation." Not

bad. I especially like "Spiritwalker." Worth a listen.

You certainly are familiar with the album Love, The Cult's 1985 breakthrough. A staple on SiriusXM's 1stWave channel. It's outstanding all the way through. It starts with the colossal "Nirvana," itself inspired by a Seattle-area band from 1991... wait, no. And it builds from there.

Howard Stern loves the Love track "Rain," and on this matter, Howard and I agree. But "The Phoenix" is tip-top. It's all good shit.

And the ubiquitous '80s-alt-rock anthem from this album is, of course, this:

Overplayed to the hilt, but a great one.

So then, according to a 2018 article on the website A Pop Life:

In the summer of 1986 the band went into the studio (the Manor Studio in Oxfordshire, England, property of Richard Branson) with producer Steve Brown. Brown had been responsible for the production of Love. Following the motto “never change a winning team”, the band set out to work. A total of 11 songs were recorded. The new album, provisionally titled Peace, was ready to go. Or wasn’t it?

So here's a smidge of what Peace would have sounded like. 

Like Love, a bit heavier, pretty dense. A few songs sound close to where they eventually landed, like "Love Removal Machine." Others, like "Outlaw," are a million miles away. 

Anyway, then something happened, and months later, out popped Electric. A taut, sinewy war horse of a record that made the Peace sessions seem rather mule-like. Ten great songs and one lousy cover tune. Ian and Billy at the top of their game. Out of the gates with "Wildflower," you knew it was large, but for the uninitiated, listen to this song (also featured at the beginning of last year's Flash movie), one of my all-time favorites:

Damn. What happened?  What could it have been that took Ian Astbury, Billy Duffy, and The Cult's sound from a swirling slog of guitar... grunge, for lack of a better word, into this crisp ass-kicker?

What was so good that it made Dave take the cover of Electric into a tattoo parlor in 1989, point at that bandname in that font, and say to the artist, "I want this on my leg"?

It was Cooky Puss. 

Wait, what? Cooky Puss changed a rock and roll album???!! Come on!

>

No, no. That's Cookie Puss, as chronicled here. This is "Cooky Puss."  The song. The one we referenced last week in Notify 8. The one where Ad-Rock calls Carvel and asks to speak to Cookie Puss. Repeatedly. Over a simple b-boy rhythm. [And this all happened to them next.]

Confused? Let me go tenfold on ya.

That same A Pop Life article says:

When singer Ian Astbury heard the song Cooky Puss by the Beastie Boys (which was produced by Rick Rubin), he knew the band’s route had to change. It had to be more raw, direct, just as the band sounded live.

Come, now. Really. Truly?

I have doubled and tripled my fact-checking on this, and short of talking to Ian, this is what he believes. Peace, now known as The Manor Sessions, became Electric because of fucking "Cooky Puss." (And Rick Rubin, obvi. We know he's the real record-flip ingredient here.)

Astbury confirms this in other interviews.  Brooklyn Vegan:

I’d never try, never think that we could appropriate hip-hop culture or appropriate hip-hop music into what we do. That would be gauche. It wouldn’t be authentic. Certainly it’s part of what we’ve done in the past. I mean the reason we made the Electric album was because of hip-hop. It was because we heard the Beastie Boys. I heard “Cookie Puss” in a club in Toronto very early on. Like ’85. I heard that song, and I was just like it’s so dope hearing that. Obviously hip-hop was this new music. It wasn’t things like Sugar Hill Gang or whatever. We were hearing some of this stuff. Until we came to New York in the early 80’s I didn’t know what culture really was. Being more directly kind of in front of clubs and hearing that kind of music, and then hearing “Cookie Puss”. There was something about that. We came to New York, we came to Electric Lady, we’re part of the Def Jam family. 

[Ianspeak is always and forever terrible rockliché nonsense. Nothing new here.] Vanyaland:

It was a completely different approach. Working with Steve Brown on the initial sessions, I was actually talking about Rick Rubin. I had heard “Cooky Puss” by the Beastie Boys and I wanted to get that sound, and Steve Brown was still into that textured, layered sound and had a different vision of what it should be. I felt that the music we were making, the lifestyle we were living and what was motivating me as a writer was much rawer.

GTB fave KEXP:

I remember hearing “Cookie Puss” in a club in Toronto in, like, ’85. And I went to the DJ and I said, “What is this?” And he went, “It’s by The Beastie Boys.” I had to know everything about them. When I found out they were being produced by Rick Rubin, I thought, he’s got to produce us because that is the sound. Stripped back, rhythmically driven, direct. We had to get that sound. So, we went and pursued Rick Rubin. We met him in ’86 and I want to say he was in an NYU dorm room but that may be a projection of time. But I’m pretty sure we were. I remember we sat in a very small room and he put on a TV. He had a VHS and he put on Blue Cheer and said, “What do you think of this?” We were like, “Wow, it’s really raw, it’s really primal.” And Rick said, “I think you need a bit more of this in your music.” We were young guys, like, 25 at the time. And we were both, like, “This is so exciting!” It wasn’t as nuanced as the English producers who were making these elaborate pop records, layered and textured and what have you. This was way primal and direct and completely reflected our lifestyle at that time. So, that was the link between the Beastie Boys and The Cult. Then, if you look at the MTV New Year’s party in 1986 going into ’87, you’ll see me on stage with them performing “No Sleep to Brooklyn.” I was part of the posse on stage. We really immersed ourselves in that world, the Def Jam world. There were such incredible things in New York at that time and the conduit was the Beastie Boys. Then, later, things like the Tibetan Freedom Concert, which we played with Adam [Yauch]. I wouldn’t say it was an intimate relationship but it was certainly a parallel trajectory in some ways. 

So ludicrous. So good. 

It's not even just that it would be blatant name-checking cred-seeking to mention that he saw the Beasties in 1986, it's just... "Cooky Puss"? It's not "She's On It" or "Fight for Your Right" or "Slow and Low" with Run-D.M.C. or "She's Crafty" with faux Jimmy Page axegrinding or their early punk thrash shit or my fave "Rhymin & Stealin" or anything, anything at all that's not a backbeat with a dipshit crank call. Has he even heard "Cooky Puss"???

The reality is that there are a dozen or more instances of this bizarre recollection that Astbury had, as told to different journalists. Curiously, each instance happened between about 2010 and 2018. No mention of the Cookie Puss persuasion way back when it happened, or in the 90's, or the early aughts. Chances are that, as usual, Ian made up some weird bullshit and stuck with it because it sounded cool and made The Cult seem more relevant. 

• Like his fascination with Native America that informed his cultural appropriation and got him sued by the Sioux. 
• Like when he quipped, "Peace on earth and good will toward men - that is something we need to work on. Like Nelson Mandela, we should learn from him."
• Like when he said, "I've liked the Yankees since I was a kid. I grew up in Canada so I kind of identified with New York sports teams."
• Like when he channeled Marty Balin and Salvador Dali to write, "Sittin' on a mountain, looking at the sun / Plastic fantastic lobster telephone."
• Like when he says anything. It's fun to play along.

But I'll repeat: Never let the truth get in the way of a good story. And since we're quoting, I'll offer one of my favorite lines ever, a good one from Four Weddings and a Funeral: "Quite right... why be dull?"

Keep on truckin', Ian.

Anyway, there's your Whitneypedia stupid music worthless bullshit hour for today. 

What is it like to be a dog? What is it like to be a squirrel?

On this very special episode of We Defy Augury, I interview our good friend and fledgling author Rob Russell. We discuss his new book "JoJo the Small Town Hound: Volume 1, Leesburg, Virginia and the Curious Case of the Dog Money."

Although the book is for 7-10 year olds, Rob and I get into some fairly deep topics: the subjectivity of consciousness; structural racism and systemic prejudice towards black Americans, human and canine; the principles of drama; and the fleeting nature of our mortality.

By the end of the episode, we develop an idea for the greatest children’s book that will never be written.

Recording this interview with Rob on Zoom was quite easy, so if any other Gheorghies read something (or write something) and want to talk about it, let me know.

Overdue and Ironic

Saw the news this week that the Washington Commanders announced plans to retired Darrell Green's #28. My first reaction was something along the lines of, "what took them so long?". There aren't many ex-Skins more iconic than Green, nor many moments more memorable than him walking down Eric Dickerson. 

But after I dug into it a bit, I realized that the Washington franchise really doesn't retire numbers, or it didn't (with one notable exception) in the Era That Shall Not Be Discussed. In fact, not one player from the Golden Gibbs Era has his number retired. Nary a hog, regretfully not a Riggo, monstrously no Monk, terribly not a Theismann, mournfully no Mann, distressingly no Dexter.

The Washington franchise has been pretty stingy when it comes to retiring numbers (and ain't that in keeping with Little Danny Starfucker's ethos: waste money on washed up big names, skimp on stuff that might make fans happy). Turns out they're not alone. 

Retire Riggo!

Since the franchise's inception in the 1930s, Washington has honored just four players by retiring their number: Sonny Jurgensen, Sammy Baugh, Charlie Taylor, and Sean Taylor. One of those is obviously not like the others. Of the teams with histories of similar duration, only the Steelers have retired fewer (three). Dallas, Atlanta, Houston, and the Raiders notably do not retire numbers, nor do the Saints, who actually unretired a couple of numbers under the current management. The Ravens are open to it, but haven't done so yet, which makes Ray Lewis and Ed Reed a bit curious.

The Bears (14), Giants (14), and Niners (12) are profligate, while the Bengals (speaking of stingy owners) and Jags have one retired number each, one of which you'd easily guess, and the other you never would.

I enjoyed my little trip down NFL numerological history. Hope it'll keep you entertained for at least a few minutes.

Notify, Vol. VIII

Rob recently checked in on the WFCSAGS recurring feature and provided an update. Not sure Zman can with WCSAGD, other than to keep saying "Nobody's bought one yet!"

Well, here's an update nobody even asked for -- the Notify News! Welcome back to the Notify show, the one where we highlight songs not on Spotify!

And here's the latest, including which songs we highlighted that are now available on Spotify after all. [If you think I'm implying with such a post as this that the G:TB Notify posts have influenced the powers that be at Spotify, well, yes, yes I am.]

Here are the songs that I brought to that platform for you:

• De La Soul, "Eye Know"
• Toad the Wet Sprocket, "Rock and Roll All Nite"
• Garth Brooks, "Hard Luck Woman"
• Klark Kent, "Away from Home"
• All of Neil Young!
• CSNY, "Woodstock"
• Joni Mitchell, "Big Yellow Taxi"
• Nils Lofgren: "Keith Don't Go," "Bullets Fever," and "Jhoon Rhee Ad"
• The Blues Brothers, "Shake a Tail Feather"
• The Smithereens, "In a Lonely Place"
• The Dream Academy, "Please Please Please Let Me Get What I Want [instrumental]"

Z Specials

• The Beatnuts, "Off the Books" (on compilation and Big Pun album)
• Nina Simone, "Gin House Blues [live]"
• The Pharcyde, "I'm That Type of N****"

The rest, for which we remain ever vigilant:

• Brian Wilson, "Brian Wilson"
• Stevie Wonder vs The Clash, "Casbah Uptight"
• UB40, "One in Ten"
• CvB, "Laundromat"
• Arcade Fire, "Guns of Brixton [live at BBC Culture Show]"
• The Clash, "Listen"
• Aztec Camera, "Jump"
• CvB, "Eye of Fatima"
• Strontium 90, "Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic"
• The Police, "Nothing Achieving"
• Dropkick Murphys, "Guns of Brixton [live]"
• Wyclef Jean, "Electric City"
• Pizzicato 5, "Twiggy Twiggy"
• Danger Mpouse, "What More Can I Say"
• The Clash, "(In the) Pouring Rain"
• Cracker, "Been Around the World"
• Total Coelo. "I Eat Cannibals [original]"
• Zodiac Mindwarp and the Love Reaction, "Prime Mover"
• The Walkmen, "Greasy Saint"
• Ray LaMontagne, "Crazy"
• Father John Misty, "The Suburbs"
• Bruce Greenwood & Circle the Wagons, "2 Ft. O' Butt Crack"

Okay, there's the recap. But what about some new Not-ifies?

Fair enough. 

Who doesn't love Ween?? Well, I don't right now, since they cancelled the show that was playing around here this weekend. But then again, it was for Deaner's mental health, and I'm for that. We waited out Gener, we'll wait for his buddy. 

Here are a couple of lost tracks.

Here's a tune they wrote when Captain Trips died.

And another for an All-Star pitcher's cousin. Love this one.

Speaking of dying, the Margaritaville Man died last year, and here's an old tune he did that appeared on the Urban Cowboy soundtrack.

Here's one that didn't even have a presence online until a month ago. An old tune by old VU-er John Cale, somewhere in the late 1970's. 

And there there's this. 1983's sophomoric, misogynistic, ludicrous, and mildly amusing Jerky Boys precursor, "Cooky Puss!" All hail Carvel ice cream. This ain't no Fudgie the Whale. 

That's all for Notify this go-around!

BUT... that's not all for Cooky Puss!  Stay tuned for Part II of the Cooky Puss saga!! It's fascinating!!

All The News That Fits ...

Manufacturers routinely subject their products to stress tests, a wise and necessary practice that allows for improvement and reduces the chance of human suffering and litigation. Other outfits have stress tests thrust upon them while in motion. Their ability to cope and adjust on the fly determine their value. News organizations belong to the latter group. 

Each day brings new challenges, and it’s up to the group to figure out the best way to gather and distribute information within the landscape. Sometimes results are deft and seamless, other times leaks and cracks and breakdowns are apparent. Or, as the philosopher Sam Elliott said in “The Big Lebowski,” “Sometimes you eat the b’ar, sometimes the b’ar eats you.” 

As an old newspaper guy and the site’s media grump, I’m often as curious about *how* stuff is covered as *what’s* covered. Which brings us to a couple of areas that caught my attention. One is the war in Gaza, or more specifically, coverage of the war in Gaza by several major news outlets. The other is who gathers and presents the news, and the filters through which they sift coverage, in this case at National Public Radio. 

First, you can go to a hundred places for news about Israel and Gaza and its effects on Israelis and Palestinians. I have no additional sources or insight. But I was struck by a couple of pieces illustrating that large, smart, capable news organizations are twisting themselves into crullers simply attempting to tell people what the hell is going on. The news site The Intercept was given an internal memo from New York Times editors instructing reporters about what language and terms they should and should not use in describing the conflict. Avoid terms such as “genocide” and “ethnic cleansing,” as well as “slaughter” and “massacre.” Don’t refer to areas of displaced Palestinians as “refugee camps” or Gaza as “occupied territory.” The words “terrorist” and “terrorism” are acceptable when referring to the original Hamas attack on Oct. 7, but not when Israeli soldiers or citizens target or kill Palestinian civilians. 

NYT editors say the aim is to avoid loaded words and terms that convey more emotion than fact, and to simply use precise descriptions. However, a NYT newsroom source told The Intercept: “I think it’s the kind of thing that looks professional and logical if you have no knowledge of the historical context of the Palestinian-Israeli conflict. But if you do know, it will be clear how apologetic it is to Israel.” 

A handful of NYT newsroom sources claim that the paper is being deferential to Israel and Israeli military sources for details of actions and civilian deaths. Meanwhile, NPR’s public editor wrote a recent piece saying that the most frequent criticism received is that its coverage highlights the suffering of Palestinians and downplays the pain and grief experienced by Israelis. That NPR doesn’t emphasize enough that Hamas sparked the present conflict with its initial attack or camouflage itself by blending in with the general population. Nor does it provide Israeli voices and context within stories about what are described as Palestinian civilian deaths and casualties, raids on hospitals and communities, etc. 

The public editor’s response was, essentially: We’re doing the best we can; not enough hours in a day or time in our broadcasts to mention everything. Unspoken was: And no matter how much we do, some of you *still* will bitch because we aren’t tailoring coverage or using language *you* want. 

NPR’s supposed Palestinian bias was also cited by a former editor. Uri Berliner was a senior business editor who recently resigned after 25 years, saying that he “cannot work in a newsroom where I am disparaged by a new CEO whose divisive views confirm the very problems at NPR” he outlined in a recent online essay. Berliner wrote at length for a piece on the site Free Press that NPR’s news side has morphed from an obligation to straightforward journalism, albeit with a liberal slant, to full-on, left-leaning advocacy that attempts to tell listeners what to think. 

Despite a commitment to a more diverse newsroom, he wrote that the “most damaging development” was an absence of viewpoint diversity: no conservative voices, no one to challenge when more rigorous standards of reporting or journalism are ignored. He pointed out that several years ago, NPR’s Washington D.C., office where he worked had 87 registered Democrats and zero Republicans, a ratio that was met with staggering indifference when he brought it up to superiors. Listenership is down, he wrote, and the audience has narrowed. 

In 2011, twenty-six percent of listeners described themselves as conservative, 23 percent as middle-of-the-road, 37 percent as liberal. In 2023, eleven percent said they were conservative, 21 percent middle-of-the-road, 67 percent liberal. On the journalism end, Berliner wrote that the office went all-in on Trump-Russia collusion in the 2016 presidential campaign before anything was proven, barely bothered to investigate the possibility of a Chinese lab leak as the origin of the COVID-19 virus despite credible questions that persist to this day, and dismissed the Hunter Biden laptop story in 2020 out-of-hand before any real reporting as a potential distraction for the task of ousting Trump. After George Floyd was killed by a white police officer in Minneapolis, rather than explore the impacts of racism through reporting, he wrote that management accepted systemic racism in the nation as a given and charged staff with acknowledging and helping to dismantle white privilege. [Note from the tiny dictator: For what it's worth, the WaPo's Erik Hemple dug into Berliner's claims and found many of them wanting for evidence, which doesn't besmirch the media grump's broader point.]

These are tough times for the news business. As news sources dwindle in an increasingly polarized society, there’s no guarantee that if NPR reported straight down the middle and had more conservative voices that it would attract listeners and have a better balanced audience, that if New York Times reporters didn’t have to check every other sentence through a wartime sensitivity glossary that it would present a fair accounting in a combat zone. But dear lord, people, don’t overthink it. Report and write and speak and present the way you were taught. Follow common sense and your gut. Don’t erect more obstacles than are already in place. The b’ar needs no help.

People Are Occasionally Pretty Neat

Coming to you live from the ancestral homeland of Brewster, MA this weekend, where we're gathered as a clan to celebrate my great-aunt's 100th(!) birthday. Clean living and serving others does a wonder for a body, as it turns out. I may not be so lucky.

Speaking of serving others, I came across this neat little story in the WaPo a few days ago. It starts like this, "Sam McGee picked up the phone in 2022 and dialed the same number he’d called every year for decades. He had the same question he’d been asking for 20 years: Could his family buy back his late grandmother’s Ford Mustang that had been sold in 1973 to pay for her funeral expenses?"

That's a zinger of a lede that turns into a bitter (mostly) sweet tale of family, persistence, and a community-minded individual. Enjoy this award-winning documentary students at Samuel V. Champion High School in Boerne, TX produced about it.

American Primitive

I got so excited about the release of my dog's book that I forgot the traditional G:TB celebration of the release of a new Old 97s record. American Primitive is the 13th studio album by our guys, who are marking their 30th year together as a band. That in itself is noteworthy.

Reviews have been nearly uniformly positive, lauding the band's consistency and hailing the record as "consistently exciting and rambunctious" while claiming its 13 tracks "cut a vigorous slice through some rowdy melodies & upbeat jaunty ones". Music, one might say, to my ears.

In a splendid bit of timing, I've now sold enough books to have generated sufficient royalties to purchase a vinyl version of the record. Gonna splash some of that writer cash.

Pub Daaaaay!!!

The landscape of my interior life is littered with ideas. Notably, it's a bit harder to find execution amongst the dreamer's detritus within. But in at least one way, that changes today. 

I am super-thrilled to announce that today my book, The Adventures of JoJo The Small Town Hound: Vol. 1, Leesburg, VA and the Curious Case of Dog Money, is live in the world, available on Amazon.com for your enjoyment. Or that of your 7-10 year-old friends, more accurately.

The whole thing has been a fascinating experience, and I think the thing that's most fulfilling is the fact that I actually did something I'd envisioned. Only took 53+ years. Here's to the next one.

WFCSAGS: How Are They Doing?

Over the years, we've blessed/cursed the assembled Gheorhiage with rooting interests in various (mostly) English (mostly) Premier League teams. A number in our number brought their own allegiances to the table. But as far as I can tell, we've never really done any sort of retrospective/where are they now post about our squadrons' respective fates. Until now, that is.

I really could've chosen a scientific method for choosing the order in which we'd attack this challenge, but I'm kinda selfish, and I'm gonna start with me and my mediocre side. Fulham currently sit in 13th in the EPL on 39 points, nine more than their closest pursuer, and 14 points above the relegation zone. The Whites are safe (ain't that true) after a season where loftier goals briefly flashed. On balance, though, success.

Shlara's (and Prince William's) Aston Villa have been far sportier under the brilliant Unai Emery. With six matches to play, the Villans are deadlocked with Squeaky and Rootsy's Tottenham Hotspur on 60 points. Spurs have a game in hand and a slightly better goal difference. The top four teams in the EPL automatically qualify for Champions League play, so the fight for fourth is consequential. Unless England top Germany and Italy for a fifth slot in the newly-configured UEFA rules, in which case...fuck, man, that's complicated. Both of these teams are good, and they'll play in some European competition next year. Let's leave it at that. Except to note that Villa is alive in the quarterfinals of the UEFA Conference League, the third-tier continental competition, which...fuck, man...that's complicated.

Danimal's Manchester City have a far simpler path, at least domestically. They're in the midst of a three-way (get your simple minds out of the gutter) battle for supremacy in England. With seven matches to play, Arsenal and Liverpool are tied on 71 points, with City a slim point behind. Pep Guardiola's Blues are still alive in Champions League and FA Cup action, fighting on three fronts. Since they're arguably the best club side in the world, it'd be hard to bet against them in any of those competitions.

Marls and Dave pull for a pair of squads with different aspirations but similar disappointment. Newcastle United flew a bit too close to the sun in their first flirtation with the elites as their newest incarnation, flaming out of the Champions League and sliding back to 8th in the Premier League amidst a rash of injuries that even Saudi money couldn't overcome. Dave's Brentford buzzed around mostly impotently, alighting on 15th place in the Premier League, with a bit of work yet to do before they can start planning for another season in the top flight.

Leicester City came out of the gate a house a'fire, shrugging off the shock of relegation by making a statement about the impermanence of their fate. Whit's Foxes (one of the worst Charlie's Angels knockoffs we can recall) won 13 of their first 14 English League Championship matches, setting a sporty pace for the rest of the division. Since mid-February, however, they've won three, drawn one, and lost six. They're tied with Ipswich Town on 88 points at the top of the table, with Leeds United one point back and four matches remaining. The top two teams earn automatic promotion to the Premier League, while the third-place team fights it out in a four-team tournament for the final spot at the top. White knuckle ride for Leicester Nation.

Zman and his Canaries have been out of the spotlight for a while, but they've got a puncher's chance of changing that, thanks in no small part to Josh Sargent, American Ginger. Norwich City are in sixth place in the Championship with a five-point cushion over seventh-place Coventry City, and in line for a spot in the the four-way cage match for the final promotion spot. Sargent's battled back from injury to record 15 goals in just 22 games, good for fifth in the league despite playing 14 fewer matches than anyone above him in the scoring table. If he keeps it up, we could see him lead the line for the Yanks in 2026.

Finally, we get to our man Teej, who manages to hold two different allegiances in his capacious heart. His Michael Bolton Wanderers are at risk of surprising us all and jumping up to the Championship. Bolton are currently in third place, two points behind Derby County, but holding a game in hand over the Rams with three to play. It's happening, says us.  

Meanwhile, the Teej's Forward Madison are off to a strong start here stateside, unbeaten through three USL League One matches, and still unbeaten in terms of their kit design.

We'll close with bonus content for the many who've embraced a lower-level team from Wales as their side piece. If you were to write a script, the three-season arc that's seen Wrexham fail to earn promotion from the National League, then rise to League Two and find itself on the verge of a consecutive promotion to League One would be met with raised eyebrows. If you added Deadpool and Rob McElhenney, you'd be charged with crimes against Hollywood. And yet, here we are. Wrexham sit second on the English League Two table, needing only five points in their final three matches to secure their place in League One. The documentary just keeps getting better.

Opening Day Closure

I find Major League Baseball's Opening Day celebrations better than just about any other. For one, the start of the baseball season marks the transition from winter to spring, so the sense of renewal is amplified. There's a reason "hope springs eternal" was written about baseball, or at least it should have been. 

Beyond the seasonal angle, ballclubs have gotten really good at using their home openers to celebrate their city, their team, and their history. This week, my own team did it up right.

The Red Sox were already going to have an epic home opener this year, given this is the 20th anniversary of what Sports Illustrated called "The Most Amazing Season in History". But when the members of that team gathered at Fenway on Tuesday for the first home game of the 2024 season, they were also there to celebrate the life of one of their own, gone too soon.

We wrote about Tim Wakefield's untimely passing when it happened last year. Wake might not have been my favorite Sox player of all time, but he was on the short list. That affection was based as much on his character and humility as it was on his on-field exploits, but he did wind up third all-time on the Sox' pitching wins list, and he pitched more innings in a Boston uniform than any other pitcher.

And so it came to pass that the normal anticipation that accompanies opening day was mixed with sadness and appreciation when Brianna Wakefield, the 18 year-old daughter of Tim and Stacy (in an epic bit of shitty business, Wake's wife passed from cancer shortly after her husband), took the mound to throw the first pitch of the 2024 season to Jason Varitek.

@nesn Yesterday Tim and Stacy Wakefield’s daughter, Brianna, threw out the first pitch at Fenway Park surrounded by her father’s 2004 #RedSox ♬ original sound - NESN

Dry eyes? I assume there were a few at Fenway. But not in my house.

Lotta ball left. Stay on target. Godspeed, Wake.

Problem Child

There are times as a parent where you clearly see echoes of your own idiosyncrasies in your kids. Case in point, my youngest kid's absolutely intractable stubbornness is a frustrating mirror image of my own, though we're both getting better. A little.

On other occasions, parents often get to experience aspects of their kids' interests, aptitudes, and attitudes that seem wholly unfamiliar to our own. My eldest, who goes by k (lowercase intentional), is a brilliantly charismatic performer, fierce and fearless. And neither my wife nor I possess a scintilla of whatever gene sparked those attributes.

Sometimes, the two poles mix, and we get to see our kids as the delightful mix of us and them they were destined to become. At the end of the month, my eldest culminates their collegiate dance career by presenting a significant piece of their creation. Senior dance majors at VCU are required to cast, choreograph, and stage a performance of their own making. The overall theme of this year's senior performances is Two Truths. Half of the class presented their work last semester. The other half, including my kid, presents theirs the last weekend of the month.

Here's where we get to the multitudes contained within. Check out this description of my kid's work, as they wrote it, and as it'll appear in the program for the performance:

“this is a secret language. this is a cult activity.

“problem children” investigates the idea of queer movement, and its capabilities of transformation – from human into creature, from language into gibberish, from legible into queered. informed by improvisation, writing, choicemaking, vulnerability, honesty, silliness, and the embrace of a queer sensibility, “problem children” aims to plunge the audience into a creature world, from which they will emerge bewildered and full of joy.”

I see a whole lot of myself in the joy, silliness, and honesty. And I am baffled by a lot of the other elements, even as I know they're exactly how my kid sees themselves and represent issues and ideas they wrestle with as they find their place in the world.

When the seniors presented a draft of their work to the dance faculty a month or so ago, k's advisors were generally approving, but told them to feel free to let more k come out in the work. In other words, let k be k. I'm anticipating an outrageously unusual, silly, giddy, awkward, challenging, and fun piece. And I fully expect to emerge bewildered and full of joy. If you're in the Greater Richmond area the last week of the month, come join in on the cult activity.

Redemption Song

Just when I think I've got nothing for Twitter/X and it's got nothing for me, I see this.

I've been playing mediocre guitar for 26 years. I could quit my job and play all day every day for whatever time I've got left and never come close to this. This dude was 16 when this was recorded. This shit is bananas, and I know you know how to spell that.

Play on, brother...

Your Sunday Reflection

Gabor Maté is a Canadian physician of some renown. He's an expert in the psychological impacts of childhood trauma. He's got some words of wisdom for us on this serene Sunday morning. 

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A post shared by Dr Rangan Chatterjee (@drchatterjee)

Your Moment of Zen

Saw this on the socials last week. Felt like it should be honored in this august space. Fucktangular takes its rightful place alongside asshat, fuckstick, and the rest in our esteemed vocabulary. Presence of greatness, indeed.

We're All Witnesses

Well, most of us. I didn't get to see the LSU/Iowa game last night, but that worked out for the best. I think we (meaning, the broader sports-enjoying populace) will look back on the games that took place yesterday in the NCAA Women's Basketball Tournament as historically significant. Four excellent teams paced by four transcendent players competing at a high level and watched by record numbers of viewers. 

The groundbreaking women that founded and run TOGETHXR sell a line of merch with the slogan 'Everyone Watches Women's Sports'. After last night, that may well go from aspirational to actual. And so, for posterity's sake, the highlights from an epic evening: