The Twelve Days Of Gheorghemas: Day Nine

On the ninth day day of Gheorghe-mas, Big Gheorghe gave to me:

Nine things worth dancing over

3 Genetic Tests on day 8.5

Eight Things I'm Thankful For

Seven Books for Reading

Six Top Episodes of Ted Lasso

Five Beers and Tunes

Four Resolutions

Three Gheorghemas Gifts to Give Yourself

Two Stones of Weight Loss (Your Mileage May Vary)

and Running Gags with Quatro Kitties

While the original musical inspiration for the 12 Days of Gheorghemas had nine ladies dancing, that comes too close to conjuring up images of noodie (as Zman would type) bars in North Jersey.  So instead, Big Gheorghe in all his wisdom focused on highlighting a few things that are worthy of breaking into a little happy dance.  Maybe not Alfonso Riberio Shirtless happy, but here are 9 things that in 2021 might make you happy. 

1. 8.47 BILLION Vaccinations Administered globally:

The politicizing of vaccines both here in the US and in other countries is frustrating, but it is worth celebrating the fact that in 2021 novel new vaccine technologies were brought to market and ~9 billion shots were administered in 184 countries.  Distribution remains lopsided in favor of the wealthiest nations, but we are now administering close to 40 million doses a day and Bloomberg estimates that in another 4 months, 75% of the world population will have at least one does. That is worth celebrating as we look for the light at the end of the pandemic tunnel.  In addition,  as we get older and older, I unfortunately hear my self saying "fuck cancer" more and more often.  The developments in mRNA technologies could provide personalized cancer "vaccines" to target cancer cells.   If we can avoid killing each other, some serious health breakthroughs may be just around the corner.  

2. China Defeated Malaria:  Speaking of the treatment of infectious diseases, after 70 years of fighting malaria, China was successful in 2021 in eradicating the disease.  They went from having 30 million annual cases in 1940 to zero today.  China has been a leader in developing new technologies and providing government support to help stop mosquitos before they spread the disease.  Malaria remains a major global heath issue, with 241 million people being infected in 2020.  You don't have to trust China (or "chiner" as Donnie would say) however, between the roadmap they set out and the new malaria vaccine recently approved by the WHO, there is reason to be hopeful that malaria can be wiped out.  

3. The greatest use of a key change ever: This is so good....seriously I laugh every time.

4.Continued Developments In Space Travel and our Understanding of the Universe: This year a bunch of billionaires along with William Shatner and my wife's old boss shot themselves into space.  The US landed another rover on Mars and it generated oxygen.  There were additional discoveries about black holes and the origins of the universe.  Not bad for a world of people working from home.    Even if you are against plutocrats launching themselves into space, it remains pretty cool that if we can keep from killing ourselves  (anybody sense a theme?) that a true new age of space exploration may be just around the corner.  Plus, you can always take a page out of Elon Musk's playbook and make fun of Jeff Bezos for creating a rocket that looks like a turgid wang. 

5. Live Music Returns:  While I'm not the live music aficionado that some denizens of this backwater of the internet are, I have missed live music a lot during the pandemic.  Little did Whit, Rob & I know back in March of 2020 that the DBT/Carbon Leaf weekend would be the last in person shows we would see in a while.  Jazz Fest did not happen this year, but I have been back to Wolf Trap, the 9:30 Club and our local Tally Ho theatre over the past few months and it feels good.  

6. Bernie Sanders at the Inauguration Memes: This guy wanted to be leader of the free world.   Thanks to Mayor Pete and Amy K dropping out we were saved from Bernie losing to Trump.   But Big Gheorghe didn't bring us Bernie, he brought us the memes and they were glorious.   

  

7. The Yankees did not win the World Series: With the exceptions of Teej and TR, this makes just about every decent human being happy.  

8.Pork Shots at the Texas State Fair: The food network does an annual round up of the best State fair food innovations.  This year, the list can be found here.  It contains some very interesting global offerings like the Kerala Fried Chicken Kati Roll.  It also has some abominations like Peanut Butter & Spicy Jelly Tater Tots or Pickle Pizza.  However, the highlight has to be Port Shots at the Texas State Fair.  I would not be able to do this concoction justice so I will just quote Food Network's thoughts:

At the State Fair of Texas, the competition is steep no matter the category. But in the realm of savory snacking sensations, Glen and Sherri Kusak, the duo behind vendor Hans Mueller, have come up with a bite-sized treat that packs a huge flavor wallop. Their Pork Shots start with a base of Texas smoked sausage that’s wrapped with hickory smoked bacon, forming a miniature bowl that gets filled with creamy mac and cheese. The Kusaks sprinkle the outside with a secret sweet-spicy BBQ rub that pulls all the savory flavors together into a knockout bite that reminds you that everything, including flavor, really is bigger in Texas. The pork shots are served as a shareable treat, but we won’t blame you if you keep the whole order for yourself.

9. The Best Self Defense Video Ever: This is old (2018) but it still makes me laugh every single time.  There are plenty of videos on the internet they try to teach you how to disarm your local insurrectionist or Antifa follower - this one shows how things might actually go down:

Merry Gheorghemas to all and to all a good night!

The Twelve Days of Gheorghemas: Day 8.5 - Three Genetic Tests

There normally isn't an eight-and-a-halfth day of Gheorghemas but much like Biggie I got a story to tell.  Three stories to tell, in fact, about genetic tests.   

zwoman wanted to find out what breeds are in her dog so I got her Embark for Christmas.  It was $30 off on Amazon so the scam was less painful.  And it's clearly a scam.  I guarantee Embark is run by a couple of guys like FOG:TB Pip who bullshit their way through the test.  They make you send a picture of your dog, where you live, where the dog came from, and the organization that sold you the dog.  With that information anyone could come up with a believable profile.

Here's the photo she gave them:

She's clearly part lab.  The shape of her head and the fact that she was a stray dog found in Crawfordville, GA make it likely that she's part pitbull (and not, say, Nova Scotia Duck Toller).  I thought she might be part foxhound because she makes some goofy noises and has a houndish tail.

The jamokes at Embark did the same analysis.  

Jamoke 1:  "Oh!  Look at dis fuggin mutt!  It's a fuggin lab and a fuggin pitbull!" 

Jamoke 2: "Yeah, the fuggin thing is from Jorja, what else could it be?  But we gotta trow in sumdin else ta spice it up.  Where's this chooch owner from?"

Jamoke 1: "Lessee ... ooooh, Chaddim New Jerzy!  Dey don't wanna hear dey have a Presa Canario, das for Newark.  Let's trow in some Jermin Sheppid."

Jamoke 2: "Done.  Let's fuck wit em and trow in some bullshit.  How about Supermutt?"

Jamoke 1: "Hahahaha.  Dis job is great.  I can't buhleev deez stoonads in Morris Cowney pay us to do dis shit!"

And here's what we got:

Our apparent lab/pitbull is indeed a lab/pitbull, with a 15% grab-bag of canine bullshit mixed in.  The story at our local dog park is the same--people with obvious mixes will tell you "We did Embark and we got [obvious mix] but she's also 5% Chow!"  Or Chihuahua or Dalmatian or whatever.  Sir Viv (named after a cricketer) across the street is also 10% Supermutt.  It's a blatant scam.

I knew we would get what we expected, with perhaps a minor twist, because zmom took a genetic test a little while ago.  She is English, Irish, Scottish, and Dutch and her father was from North Carolina, and 23andMe told her she is English, Irish, Scottish, and Dutch with relatives who settled in North Carolina.  The surprise was a small percentage of German--apparently the Browns were Brauns a few hundred years ago.  A surprise for zmom, but not for me, is that she is not Native American.  Much like Elizabeth Warren, my mother claims that her great-great-grandmother was half Native American (yes, it would be easier to say that her great-great-great-grandparent was Native American but if you've met zmom you know she can't do that math).  So just as zwoman's dog is part German Shepherd (and not foxhound as I expected), zmom and I are part German (and not Native American as she expected).

All this is to say that genetic tests are not an interesting way to spend your money.

My third story is the exception to this rule.  zstepfather's brother took a 23andMe test and the results said he's half Jewish.  He felt this is not the case--they are WASPs and maybe part Danish or something Scandinavian like that.  He took another test and he was still a Jew so he did some sleuthing through his mother's files (they all have OCD and save everything, including empty tubes of Preparation H, and I guess he acquired the habit through non-genetic means and kept his dead parents' diaries etc.) and learned that while the man he thought was his father was stationed in Hawaii during WWII, his mother had an unprotected fling with some Jewish guy.  She flew out to Honolulu and came clean and to his credit her husband raised the child as his own.  But he wasn't happy about it.  zstepfather's brother said "I guess this is why he was so mean to me."  Indeed.  He was a generally grumpy guy and miserable to be around.  I don't know if this is the source of his behavior or if it merely enhanced his inherent crotchetiness but either way I get it.  It's a cross between The Corrections and The Lies That Bind.  

My advice this Gheorghemas is to avoid these types of tests.  Save your money and just be happy with who you are or who your dog is. 

Interlude Not Internude

Fillin' y'all up with the spirit of the season while we wait for Day 9 to kick off an avalanche of Gheorghemas finales. Like the last barrage of fireworks, only sillier and more memorable. 

After careful consideration, we've tapped Detroit Red Wings forward Dylan Larkin to captain our national team. Still working on finding a location for our nation. But when we do, our hockey team is gonna be Gheorghie as heck, and focused on the important stuff. 

Larkin knows those arena beers are expensive 😂👏pic.twitter.com/KqRG278BLm

— Hockey Night in Canada (@hockeynight) December 21, 2021

The Twelve Days of Gheorghemas: Day Eight

On the eight day day of Gheorghe-mas, Big Gheorghe gave to me:

Eight Things I'm Thankful For

Seven Books for Reading

Six Top Episodes of Ted Lasso

Five Beers and Tunes

Four Resolutions

Three Gheorghemas Gifts to Give Yourself

Two Stones of Weight Loss (Your Mileage May Vary)

and Running Gags with Quatro Kitties

Merry Christmas Eve, Gheorghies! I don't think I'm breaking news when I say that 2020 kinda sucked. Was 2021 great? Not hardly. but it was, at least for me, much better than 2020. With that, and the Christmas Spirit in mind, here are 8 things I'm extremely thankful for.

1. My new job(s) - At the end of last year I was working for the same company I'd been at for nearly ten years. I'd been successful and had moved up the corporate ladder somewhat. However, a combination of organizational changes and a dissatisfaction with what I perceived as limited opportunities for my future left me looking for a new gig. In late 2020, that new gig happened. I was offered a job with a company in the healthcare software sector. I eagerly accepted the position. And then something unexpected happened. On the day I accepted my new job, a recruiter called me and said another company in the healthcare software business was interested in me. The money was better and the company was more established. I went through a round of interviews and was offered the job. So, by mid-January I'd started my new job and was being offered this other job. Both jobs were remote. I wasn't sure which one I wanted. So I took them both. Yes. I had two full time jobs. This lasted until mid-September when I finally had to make a choice (travel and such). I ultimately decided on the second job. Life is good. My boss is cool. And I really, really like working from home after almost a decade of putting 20,000 miles on my car a year. Those 9 months of double paychecks weren't bad either.

2. Youth Sports - Yeah, I know. Youth sports can suck. Especially when you coach them like I do. And 2020 was a kick in the balls. Our local basketball league canceled the season due to COVID. That left my daughter with nothing to play. But then she came to me and asked to play baseball. During quarantine she'd play catch and some wiffle ball with my Dad and decided she wanted to give it a shot. So we signed her up and, as luck would have it, one of my friends was coaching a team. He picked my kid up and...she's good. Like, really good. She had a great season and loved playing third base. I nicknamed her Terry Pendleton. Then, a couple of weeks of after baseball ended she went to see some of her friends play a soccer game. Soccer was her first sport but she lost interest a couple of years ago. This team was all girls and it was the first time she'd ever seen a team comprised of nothing but girls. The next day she asked if she could play soccer again. A week or two later she tried out for and made the local girls U10 comp soccer team. It took the kid a while to get back in the swing of things but by the end of the year she was more than holding her own and my sweet, sensitive and not terribly aggressive kid got her first yellow card for elbowing another girl in the ribs. I was a proud Dad. She's all in on soccer and ready for the next season. Lastly, basketball is back and she wanted to play. As a basketball junkie who's had her shooting and doing ball handling drills since age 3, I was psyched, but I wanted to make it more fun. So I asked her if she'd like to play on an all girls team. She eagerly accepted. So we recruited friends to play and come mid-January we'll be rolling out with a team of eight 9-10 girls. I'm not sure who's more excited/nervous- me or the kids.

3. Tattoos - Most of the you know I am a tattoo enthusiast. My wife is as well. COVID shut that habit down for me. I had my thigh tattooed in late February of 2020. And then...nothing. For over a year. I didn't get my thigh finished until September of 2021. And then the bug was back. I've been toying with a full hand tattoo for years now. I've got a couple on my left hand but not the whole thing. Finally, (and partially because I work from home) I said "fuck it". My kid is a very artistic kid (I have two Uncles on my Mother's side who are professional artists. One created the Hamburglar...that talent skipped a generation). She frequently draws shit on her hands. I "commisioned" her to create a tattoo for me based on one of her most frequent drawings. She did a great job and now I'm 45% less employable than I was at the beginning of 2021. My tattoo artist, who my wife and I have spent hundreds of hours and thousands of dollars with, approved though. His exact words were, "she's a little Banksy". Another proud Dad moment.

4. Basketball - Most of you know I love basketball. I left Florida and moved to the middle of nowhere and a place where I knew nobody for the chance to play after high school. I've played constantly since the age of 12. COVID shut that down and I didn't play for the longest stretch since 12. When I finally did start to play again, I had a bad fall and broke my elbow. Now my regular weekly pickup game at the local Catholic church is back. As is the old man league that I play in. And after a very extended layoff, I'm finally healthy again and getting my game back. For me, there's nothing like a couple of hours of running up and down the court and thinking of nothing else other than how to help my team win the game I'm playing. Life is really simple sometimes.

5. New Orleans - I'd guess New Orleans is the most popular city amongst the G:TB crew. With good reason. It's a great city if you like food, music, people and just life in general. When my wife and I met I was shocked to discover she'd never been. Shortly thereafter, I took her to Jazz Fest. We've been half a dozen times since. The latest was a two day trip after the Florida-LSU game (ugh) with two other couples who are great friends. The next trip begins the day after Christmas when we fly out with another family who are from New Orleans to take in the holiday sights and eat and drink like locals. The NFL schedule even lined up in our favor and gave us a MNF game in the Superdome. Its Saints-Dolphins and I hate both teams but I'm pretty pumped for what will surely be a raucous atmosphere on Monday night.

6. Shoes - It's simple. I love shoes. Zman and text about them constantly. I got through the pandemic by buying more than I should've. I've infected my daughter with that love and now I get to buy her all manner of shoes (Jordans, Doc Martens, Air Max, etc, etc). Just today, my wife's best friend's family came over for a pre-Christmas thing. Their eldest daughter is in 7th grade and loves Jordan 1s. I surprised her with a pair for Christmas. She was over the moon with excitement. Give more shoes to the people you love people!

7. Gheorghe: The Blog - We say it often but I don't think that any of us truly realize what an extraordinary community we've created here. I text with Zman more than most members of my family. TJ's wife and my wife are legitimately friends. TR and I met for the first time out in Denver in September and it was like we'd known each other for years (because we kind of have). Marls and his wife know my family and send us Christmas cards. I tailgated with Whitney, his kids and other friends before a Florida-South Carolina game and watched him HOUSE one of his kids friends in a beer bong race (If you haven't seen the video, I'm happy to share it). When you step back and take a look at it, it's pretty remarkable. And that's what life is about, right? The people you meet on the journey. I fucking love y'all.

8. Christmas - I just love Christmas. Not all the presents and shit. That's cool and I love giving to people I love but, more importantly, I love being with people I love and having the time to reflect on our blessings. We're all busier than ever and more preoccupied with shit that doesn't really matter than ever but for a day or two it's really fucking cool to slow down a bit and be thankful. 

Merry Christmas! I couldn't love y'all more if I had two hearts.

Notify, Holiday Edition

Greetings, merry makers. 

Here's hoping all the gheorghies are about done with the shopping and prepping and can start to hunker down, be around loves ones, and enjoy the festivities.

I myself am not close to that.

While my Christmas shopping has pretty much been done for a few days now, I decided to throw an open house on Christmas Eve for a few friends and family to pop by. As such, the scramble to buy and prepare food, beverage, and decorations goes on and on. My to-do list is still long and distinguished. 

Who knew that people would actually be available on December 24 for some nog and grog by the Yule log?

I failed to mention it to you, but all gheorghies are welcome. Last names and numerical indicators have been whited out, but if your sleigh is nearby, come on by.

Why would I subject myself to this overly hectic stress and rather steep expense?

I may have mentioned this more than once here, but this year I am spending Christmas Eve and Christmas Morning with my daughters for the first time since 2008. Divorce sucks any way you slice it, but this part has always been one of the worst components for me. I cannot overstate the seasonal depression that I inflicted on myself because of missing them in this 24-hour period year after year. It's just a night, just a morning, I know. But it has sucked not seeing the glee and awe in their faces from ages 6 and 8 through 17 and 19. 

But through a confluence of events, this year is different. And the three of us are thoroughly excited. Add in the Whitdog's superfun gf and we got ourselves a throwdown coming tomorrow night.

Grateful is not a string enough word. Ecstatic. So much so that I am grinning through all (most) to the nuisances to get things ready to sparkle tomorrow evening. I've had carols and holiday tunes on the Sonos speakers throughout the house for days. I bought a full-size tree for the first time in years. I've gone a bit overboard on gifts for the girls, and we're all wont to do now and again. And we're gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny fucking Kaye.

Merry Christmas, friends. I love the gheorghie gang.

Such gratitude makes us want to pay it forward, or give a little back. It makes me think of an enormous outpouring one holiday season 37 years ago. Since you can't listen to the extended version (with Phil Collins crushing it on drums) on Spotify, here's a little Not-ify for you, Geldof style.

And here's the documentary on the making of this song, which is still my favorite holiday tune of them all, edging out Bing/Bowie's LDB and Dino doing Let It Snow³.

Peace, gheorghies.

Gheorghemas Mashup Interlude

I heard this on the radio and thought it would make a good interlude.

Media Grump Interlude

Alternative headline: Area Retired Ink-stained Wretch Yells at Clouds, An OBX Dave Joint

A small victory on the newspaper and local newsgathering front recently. Lee Enterprises, which owns 77 newspapers in 26 states, rejected a buyout offer from Alden Global Capital, the vulture hedge fund that’s snapped up and strip-mined papers all over the country for a decade.

Encouraging as it was, no corks were popped by savvy observers because the language of the rejection gives away the game. Lee president and CEO Kevin Mowbray wrote in an email to the troops: 

 “Consistent with its obligation to evaluate a proposal of this nature, the Board carefully considered        Alden’s proposal in consultation with its financial and legal advisors and determined that it grossly undervalues Lee and is not in the best interests of the Company and its shareholders. Our Board is confident we have the right strategic plan in place to leverage our attractive market position, financial strength and established digital capabilities and infrastructure to drive further growth and value for shareholders.”

It’s a short distance from “their offer grossly undervalues Lee” to “their latest offer reflects the true value of the company and we will submit it to the Board and shareholders for approval.”

And whaddayaknow, Alden filed suit against Lee days later, accusing its Board of Directors of improperly denying shareholders an opportunity to weigh in. Alden also contends that its initial offer was merely a starting point for negotiation, and that Lee chose not to even engage. Alden already owns 6.3 percent of Lee stock and seeks to install “independent” members to Lee’s Board.

Lee owns papers in St. Louis, Buffalo and all over Virginia and North Carolina, including Richmond, Roanoke, Fredericksburg, Greensboro and Winston-Salem.

Lee’s stock is trending upward after rejecting Alden and again after Alden’s lawsuit, which may price it beyond what Alden is willing to spend. Lee also inserted a “poison pill” plan that would make it more difficult and expensive to buy the chain once it owns more than 10 percent of company shares. The plan would allow other Lee shareholders to buy shares at a significant discount, or perhaps receive free shares for every share they already own. That’s likely why Alden is moving now, while it controls less than 10 percent of company stock.

Until there are memos that read, “Hell no, we aren’t selling to Alden. Have you seen what those bastards have done to newspapers for the past 10 years?,” there’s little cause for comfort. It’s all a money grab for those at the top. Stay tuned.

The Twelve Days of Gheorghemas: Day Seven

On the seventh day of Gheorghe-mas, Big Gheorghe gave to me:

Seven Books for Reading

Six Top Episodes of Ted Lasso

Five Beers and Tunes

Four Resolutions

Three Gheorghemas Gifts to Give Yourself

Two Stones of Weight Loss (Your Mileage May Vary)

and Running Gags with Quatro Kitties

I don't think I'm making any specific resolutions for 2022 . . . if there's one thing we've all learned in the past few years, it's that things are too unpredictable to decide on anything for your future self. Although I will resolve to remind Rob to read more and get off social media-- if there's one thing we all know, it's that social media is a disastrously absurdist shitshow that in no way represents any kind of reality. I stay off it completely and utterly-- I don't even post my sentence on Facebook because I won't go there (some bot might post my sentence on Twitter, not sure).

I also resolve to never get a Peloton . . . so I guess I am making some resolutions. Anti-resolutions? I'm glad Zman lost weight and Rob is in good shape but I like going to an actual gym. It inspires me when I see other people working out, I get bored easily and like to switch up what I'm doing, and I like ogling women. But I really should have invested in Peloton stock: everyone I know has ponied up for one of those contraptions.

Rob should definitely read Deacon King Kong and those Soccer IQ books. And he should definitely be less angry at the state of the world; if you stay off social media and stop hating unvaccinated people . . . and wow do a lot of my fellow teachers like to hate on unvaccinated people-- and instead, you look at people as the victims of misinformation, political wedge issues, polarization, and too much competing information, you'll realize there's not much to hate. And that the call might be coming from inside the house. Anyway, on to the books . . .

I'm proud to say I read 52 books this year-- so far-- the first time I've read over fifty since I've been keeping count. I might get to 53 but it's going to be tough going, I'm in an 800 page Neal Stephenson sic-fi tome. Staying off social media helps my reading (although I think I'm addicted to online chess . . . an addiction that replaced my addiction to low stakes Texas Hold'em . . . stupid internet.)

Here are my seven favorites I read thsi year:

1) The Final Girl Support Group by Grady Hendrix

Read everything by this guy. He's the post-modern Stephen King. Final Girl Support Group is the most recent, but I also highly recommend Horrorstör . . . a haunted house story set in an IKEA. He does a great job with Southern culture and page-turning macabre fun.

2) Shakespeare in a Divided America: What His Plays Tell Us About His Past and Future by James Shapiro

This book is such a brilliant idea: Shapiro analyzes eight American Shakespeare productions in eight different periods of American history. Each production reflects the politics and predilections of the times-- and they often evoke our darkest sins in a way that we can handle and discuss: incest, suicide, adultery, racism, sexism, class warfare, democracy, tyranny, etc. Far more fun than going on social media and debating current politics.

3. Hidden Valley Road by Robert Kolker

One of the best books on mental illness ever written.

4. Action Park: Fast Times, Wild Rides, and the Untold Story of America's Most Dangerous Amusement Park by Andy Mulvihill (with Jake Rosen)

THE best book on Action Park ever written. Careens between the zaniness of Gene Mulvihill's insane vision for the park, nostalgic memories of his son working at the park, the actual danger and mayhem that happened in the park, and the rides and their designers. 

5) The Anthropocene Reviewed: Essays on a Human-centered Planet by John Green

Excellent essays (and five-star reviews) on things as various as air-conditioning, Canadian geese, lawns, Rick Ankiel and Jerzy Dudek. 

6) The Last Policeman by Ben H. Winters

An asteroid is going to hit the earth and pretty much end civilization and people are reacting as expected, aside from Henry Castle-- a detective on the Concord, New Hampshire police force. As the world falls apart around him, he continues to chase clues and solve mysteries. I read all three books in the series and recommend them all, BUT if you're looking for something apocalyptic, then go watch Mad Max: Fury Road . . . if you want a slow burn and a really perspicacious look at how things might fall apart before the apocalypse, search no further. 

7). Nomadland: Surviving America in the Twenty-First Century by Jessica Bruder

Read this book then watch the movie.

The Twelve Days of Gheorghemas: Day Six

On the sixth day of Gheorghe-mas, Big Gheorghe gave to me:

Six Top Episodes of Ted Lasso

Five Beers and Tunes

Four Resolutions

Three Gheorghemas Gifts to Give Yourself

Two Stones of Weight Loss (Your Mileage May Vary)

and Running Gags with Quatro Kitties

This is a Shlara joint.

There's been some Ted talk on GTB over the last year. I arrived to the show late, due to some intense family care needs over the last few years. And for most of 2021, I'd hear "You haven't watched this show yet??? You, of all people, would love it. You need to watch it." 

Started season one in September, and have watched both seasons at least three times since then. So, yes, they were correct. I dig this show. I'm not an EPL follower, but I now need to find the real life equivalent of AFC Richmond, and get on that bandwagon because I love this show.

There are 3 TV shows where I would enter a portal into that fictional TV-show-land to hang out, if that option was available to me: Cheers, Friday Night Lights, and Ted Lasso. We're apparently only getting 3 seasons of Ted Lasso, and that's not enough for me. As I noted already, I'd like to take a break from my life and live inside Ted Lasso world for a little while.

Why? Good messages ("Be curious, not judgmental"), good writing (“Boy, I love meeting people’s moms. It’s like reading an instruction manual as to why they’re nuts.”), good characters (Roy Fucking Kent), good music (see iTunes playlists). Great stories, amazing cultural references. At times it feels like the show is in my head and was written expressly for me*. But then, there are millions of people around the world who feel the same connection to this show, so they really are tapping into to some universal truths and experiences here. 

If you haven't watched this show yet, clear some time in your holiday calendar to dive in. And, if you have spent some time with Ted, Coach Beard, #BossBitch Rebecca and AFC Richmond, I'd love to hear which shows and characters resonated with you. Here are my six favorite episodes, in chronological order:

Two Aces (S1, E6): The first time I watched this episode, I said out loud "OMG, that's Allen Iverson. He's quoting AI." Apparently Sudeikis is a serious basketball fan, and understood the whole backstory to bring AI into this storyline at this point in the show. 

Diamond Dogs (S1, E8): The camaraderie and support amongst the Diamond Dogs will be familiar to the Gheorghies. But, this episode is where we get to meet Keeley Jones, Independent Woman. She's a force. And she's fabulous. Also, the Keeley/Rebecca relationship is one of the best things on this show.

The Hope that Kills You (S1, E10): He's here, he's there, he's every fucking-where. Roy Kent, Roy Kent. I've watched this episode 5 times and cry every time during Ted's locker room speech at the end.

Carol of the Bells (S2, E4): It's a "bottle" episode (I got that from my high brow pop culture podcasts) and a Christmas episode that has the most delightful "friends as family" holiday dinner. Plus an homage to Love Actually.

Rainbow (S2, E5): This is a love letter to classic rom-com dialogue. It's basically written for me and Mindy Kaling. And I'm sure you'll like it too because Roy Kent. Trust me.

 

Man City (S2, E8): You'll laugh, you'll cry, it's better than Cats. Seriously, one of the best episodes of the show across both seasons.

Honorable Mention: For you VEEP watchers, Richard Splett shows up in S2 E11&12 as a completely different character and has an epic scene in E12.

*I know it's not written for me, but I have a legit kinship with Ted: one of the show runners is a W&M alum a few years ahead of me, and the Ted Lasso character originated in a series of commercials developed by current employer. It was basically a given that I'd love this show.

The Twelve Days of Gheorghemas: Day Five

On the fifth day of Gheorghemas, Big Gheorghe gave to me

Five Beers and Tunes

Four Resolutions

Three Gheorghemas Gifts to Give Yourself

Two Stones of Weight Loss (Your Mileage May Vary)

and Running Gags with Quatro Kitties

 

Beers leverage a variety of hops to make them unique, just like songs relies on different loops/sounds to make each one unique. Below are music and beer pairings from NPR’s top songs of 2021 to enjoy through Gheorghemas (if you can find the beers).

 

#5 – Sharon Van Etten & Angel Olsen's - Like I Used To & Rusty Nickel’s Hazy Girl (5.5%)

Two amazing songwriters collaborating over the pandemic speaks to a collaboration beer. But not just any collaboration, but a Pink Boots collaboration beer. For this tune, pop open a tasty Hazy Girl and enjoy the ride.

#4 – Megan Thee Stallion – Thot Shit & New Belgium La Folie (7%)

I’ll be honest on this one, I have no idea what the hell is going on in this song but it’s thot shit. So pop the top of highly-rated beer from New Belgium and a woman brewer, La Folie. This beer is sour with a kick of higher alcohol -- well, at least compared to your PBRs and Bud Lights of the world. 

#3 – Lucy Dacus – Thumbs & Lawson’s Sip of Sunshine (8%)

This dark song about a father’s unspeakable acts with the lyric “I would kill him” needs a more uplifting drink. Enter Lawson’s piney Sip of Sunshine to still leave a little bitter note with a ray of hope.

 

#2 Wet Leg - Chaise Lounge & PBR (4.6%)

“Are you coming backstage after the show?

Because I've got a chaise longue in my dressing room

And a pack of warm beer that we can consume”

pairs well with the rockstar’s beer of choice: PBR. So crack open a warm PBR and enjoy this tune.

 

#1 Lil Nas X - Montero & New Holiday’s Dragon’s Milk Triple Mash version (17%)

The Triple Mash version of Dragon’s Milk is described as “the ultimate indulgence” for an aged stout. Why a stout? I’m told Lil NAs X is stout down there.

Drink 'em if you can find 'em.