Saturday College Football Open Thread - Bettors Edition

Rob remains in Florida sunning his diminutive self at the "House of the Mouse" and if social media is to believed, Tejus is in Chicago helping lay the groundwork for the next real estate bubble.  Sad!  

With those two top of the masthead contributers on the shelf for the next few days it is falling to the second string G:TB'ers to pick up some of the slack.  (A little help from Almighty Yojo would be appreciated if that guy could remember his password)

As none of you will remember, several years ago in this space we used the "Dwayne from What's Happening!" football pick strategy to predict the NFL playoffs.   I'm not sure how those picks turned out (and I'm too lazy to go back and check) but I thought that we might revisit making gambling decisions based on a totally illogical strategy.   Today's slate of top 25 match-ups in college football seems like the perfect place to start.

So, with out further ado, here is the first in a likely non-reoccouring feature called "Marls Picks College Football Games Based on Which Mascot Would Win In a Fight."

#7 Penn State vs. #14 Michigan State (PSU -10)

This is a battle between child molesting "Nittany Lions" vs. Spartans.  First of all, fuck Penn State.   No really, fuck them and their child molesting cover up bullshit.  Thankfully, based on mascot analysis, MSU should kick the everliving crap out of PSU.

It's these guys:

versus a Pennsylvania lion.  

Pick:   Take the Spartans and the points.

#21 Stanford vs. #25 Washington State (Stanford -1.5)

This game pits some trees against a bunch of cougars.  If they were playing cougars like the "cougars in the outfield" made famous by Shlara and KQ, this might be a different story.  But, alas Washington State is adamant that their mascot is a feline of some sort.  Unfortunately, all that type of cougar can do is pee on the tree.

Pick:    Take the nerds and lay the points

#4 Clemson vs. #20 NC State (Clemson -8.5)

At first blush, this match-up might seem to favor the men from South Carolina.  Surely a tiger would take down an overgrown dog, right? However, you have to remember that this is a wolf pack we are talking about here.

Here is a bunch of wolves taking down a bison:

Or attacking a guy with meat tied to his body:

Pick:    Take the wolf pack getting the points

#5 Oklahoma vs. #11 Oklahoma State (OK St. -1.5)

The annual "Bedlam" game matches up people in a wagon:

against a plastic headed cowboy with a gun.

Seems like a no brainer to me.  Folks who lived in sod houses against an honest to goodness cowboy.  My only issues is the fact that the OK State cowboy is always depicted as walking bowlegged as if he is really saddle sore or has severe groin area chafing.  That type of issue could cause a problem in the long run, but I'm betting on the cowboy having enough talc to get him through an win the day.

Pick:   Take the cowboys and lay the wood

#19 LSU vs. #2 Alabama (Bama -21.5)

Ok, so this game features tigers fighting a red tide of some sort.  I grew up on Long Island where the  shellfish industry is constantly being threatened by "red tide", which is just a really big, gross algae bloom.  It looks like this:

Would this bother a tiger at all?  How would a tiger take on an algae bloom?  I have no clue.  Maybe this is a good signal that 21.5 point a shitload of points to lay in a rivalry game.

Pick:  No bet

#13 Virginia Tech vs. #10 Miami (Miami -2.5)

This this game matches up turkeys against a storm of immense devastating power.  Does not really seem like a fair fight, even when you take into account the fact that the Hokies were once called the Fighting Gobblers.  Notwithstanding the fact that the Hokies might be a fighting foul/cock of some sort, I still think the 100+ mph winds of the hurricanes have the edge.

Pick:   Take the 'Canes

Gheorghemas Day 3: Three Scummers Picking

The final weekend on the College Football Season is upon us and frankly, I'm sad. College Football is my favorite sporting season and it also happens to be the shortest. Life is cruel like that sometimes. What am I supposed to make ill advised wagers on now? The NBA? College Basketball? Pffft. (Take Kansas -7.5 and the under in Lakers-Celtics tonight). Well, there's no sense in getting sentimental now. It's better to live, and bet, in the moment.

Wisconsin -4 vs. Ohio State
Despite my disdain for Urban Meyer, I had really begun to like this Buckeye team. JT Barrett was becoming a heck of a QB and I've always enjoyed watching Meyer's spread attack. Of course all that went to shit last weekend when Barrett broke his ankle against Michigan. Brady Hoke ruins everything, including his shirt whenever he eats. Now that Barrett is out, Ohio State turns to its 3rd string QB Cardale Jones. I don't know much about Cardale Jones but I know I'm not putting my money on him to beat Wisconsin. Oh, I also know this might be the greatest tweet ever sent out by a College Football player. On Wisconsin.

Kansas State +7 at Baylor
Baylor started the year like a house on fire, dismantling opponents and lighting up scoreboards. Now, you can attribute some of this to the nation's worst out of conference schedule but there's little denying that they were an offensive juggernaut. They've slowed since early October though as injuries along their OLine and inconsistency with QB Bryce Petty (these things are possibly related) slowed the offense and made Baylor a less impressive team. This is a large reason why the CFB Playoff Committee has them sitting behind TCU in the rankings as they've inexplicably placed the "eye test" above head to head results. Hopefully that won't matter after today and a Kansas State win in Waco. Whether that happens or not, I'm not sure. I will take the points and the Wildcats though.

FSU -4 vs. Georgia Tech
I haven't consistently gotten much right with my CFB wagers this year but I've been on the "bet against FSU" train since Week 2 and it's been very, very good to me. This is the week where I go the other way. Everybody is picking Georgia Tech and nearly universal agreement on an upset is more often than not a bad thing. On top of that, I've been predicting and FSU loss in the CFB Playoff all year, not the ACC Championship. The Seminoles win and cover.

Danimal
Sitting here listening to xmas music post bike-ride. Anyone else put their tree up and decorate it at 730 this morning? No, just my family? Purchased the tree last night at our Costco - $30, 8' tall. Beat that! Trees around here are outrageous, costing a minimum of $70-$80 for an 8-footer anywhere else, and getting well into the hundred for 10+. Fuck that. So I sucked it up and drive to the godforsaken place after work last night (my wife made me). It's about 20/25 miles from my home. It took my 75 minutes to get home, so I was pretty pleased. Told the wife, it's staying on my car tonight - I am NOT effing with it. She didn't press. But this morning she wasn't shy. "Ok, before you go on your ride, can you get the tree, trim bottom, put in stand, blah blah blah?" Sure, doll. So I did. It blew at the time. But it's done and my Saturday morning/afternoon which WAS going to be consumed with tree buying, decorating has been cleared.  I thought you all would like to know that.

Another season bids adieu. Sad that it is over, but I will admit that it will be nice not to sweat out these picks for a few weeks. Yeah, I'm inserting a hiatus in the season until the decent bowl games get started. I need to get my hunger back. Onward.

The lazy pick.
I agree with Mark on Wisconsin. I mean, that's just too risky. A 3rd string QB with 1 game under his belt, or less really. Bur Urban does cause me worry. He's good. Plain and simple. And it's not like Cardale isn't an athlete. But...it's a big unknown. Bet against big unknowns.
Wiscaaaansin

Houston at Cinci -7
Cincinnati is on a roll, winning their last 7 in a row straight up AND against the spread. Their QB Gunner Kiel most know by now is an ND transfer. When he left I thought, "big whoop - we got Golson." I'd like to rethink that now. So Gunner has 28 TD's, 11 INT's, and 2800 yards passing in his first year playing in college. Houston has a Top 10 D - this is a small concern but I will ride this Cinci train anyway. Regardless, this will be a good game to watch so don't pooh pooh it, mmmmkay? Give it a looksy.
Cinci

Florida State vs Ga Tech +4
Early this week, my thoughts were identical to Mark's. FSU is going to make a statement since being dropped to #4 in the polls. But in the last 24 hours I've come back home. FSU has almost lost to every mediocre or better team that they've played. I said early on that there is no way FSU gets through this entire season undefeated. Gosh darn it I am sticking to that edict! Joe-ja Tech is gonna put the sting on the 'Noles.

HI EVERYBODY. It's TJ here. I am a horrendous gambler, and therefore you should in no way use the following picks in real-life. Hell, I barely understand the "laying points" vs. "giving points" concept. So waste your money elsewhere, like on these spiffy socks.

I see Mark and Danimal picked the good games, so I will waste some (very few) words on two sure-to-be-classic contests (not. at. all.)

Fresno State Bulldogs vs. Boise State Broncos (-23.5) ... O/U (69.5)
WOOOOO THE MOUNTAIN WEST CHAMPIONSHIP CAN YOU FEEL THE EXCITEMENT. You're getting a two-for-one special from me here (mainly because there aren't a lot of games left for me to pick - wait until you see the next choice below). From what I can gather, Boise State could be favored by 40 and folks would be taking them. They are 6-0 ATS at home this year (have been told this acronym means "against the spread"). Must be that god awful blue turf giving them super powers.
And along with being a fratty O/U, when the Broncos undoubtedly drop 50 in this game all we need is a measly three TDs from "the armpit of America"** to top that O/U line. Boise State has dropped 50 or more in four of the past five games - they've won their last two contests by a tidy sum of 113-33 (Wyoming and Utah State = poop emoji). Go all in. Bet the house. Bet the kids. Use your Xmas bonus on this one. Guaranteed sure-fire vinner.
Take Boise, and the Over. 
**please submit other candidates for AofA (armpit of America). my vote goes to Troy-let, NY

One more to come...it's an awful game...

5-6 Temple vs. 3-8 Tulane. Temple's favored by 3.5.
A Sugar Bowl matchup we are most definitely not getting. This game is brutal. What sort of degenerate gambles on the game? Temple has scored one touchdown in THEIR LAST 11 QUARTERS. The only touchdown Tulane has scored in the last two games was a garbage time TD in a 38-7 drubbing at the hands of Memphis. Temple is desperately trying to get win #6 so they can make the Carlsbad Canyonero Bowl - a big feat, since the Owls have only made two bowl games since 1979. But seriously, who the fuck cares about this game, absolutely no one I tell you. Fuck Temple and Fuck Bill Cosby. Take the Green Wave.

Week TA- WELVE!!! Whaaaa?

Hello Friends.

What would the sports talk radio douche nozzles discuss if the CFB Playoff didn't exist? Any idea?
We enter into the 12th week and Danimal still holds a pretty comfortable lead over Bad News Hughes. I was able to significantly diminish the pain of my 2nd half bad beat in the ND/ASU game last week by getting a little aggressive with the Buckeyes. But still, bad beats linger.

Okay, this week we're starting with...

Nebraska +6.5 at Wiscaaansin
Sorry. This is my lazy pick of the week. I'll try and make it up to you.
Nebraska

Virginia Tech +4 at Duke
Maybe a predictable pick here I admit. Mark & I have a tendency, understandably so, to pick teams we have an interest in, or have success with from a betting perspective. It's a combination here. Betting against VaTech usually means a W with a 3-6 ATS record. Duke, conversely, is 7-2 and 5-0 at home. I believe my old h.s. pal and AD in Blacksburg is going to sooner than later be in the uncomfortable spot of having to shitcan Frank Beamer. Few if any coaches in the land deserve more credit than he for what he has done with that program. But his time is done. My prediction is they go into Durham as a listless bunch due to his inability to get them motivated when things aren't going their way. And should I be wrong, Duke is an exceptionally coached, 7-1 team. Their schedule leaves a bit to be desired but they've beaten who they were supposed to beat and few they were underdogs to. Tech doesn't do that.
Duke

South Carolina +7 at Florida
Who's 2-5 in the conference you ask? It's the Cawwwcks! No kidding. The Gators are 4-3! Mark has to be prettttty pleased with that considering where things were leading a short while ago. Okay, "pleased" might be too strong of a word. These two are almost mirror images of each other imo. SC has lost a few very close ones including an OT loss to UT, a 1-score loss to AUB, a 1-score loss to UK, and a 1-point loss to the SEC East winner, Missouri. On the flip side, UF has won the their close ones, 2 of the 3 anyway (losing to LSU by a Figgie). What we've got is two underperforming teams here, the difference being one has a better coach and a 7-point head start.
Gamecocks (I think they win too for what that is worth)

Mark

This is a sad time of year. The Oktoberfest beers are becoming harder to find on tap at our local pub. The leaves are beginning to fall from the trees (at least that's what I told happens up north) and you realize we don't have much time left in the College Football season. It's a sad time. But it's not time to sit around and cry into your beer. Make the most of it and wager recklessly. That's what I do. Actually that's what I do all season long but it fit well with the intro.

Auburn +2.5 at Georgia- Auburn's season blew up on them at home last week. They let an average Texas A&M team come into their place and jump all over them early. Then they fumbled away their chance at redemption (twice) near the end to seal a defeat to the Aggies. Auburn could come into this game downtrodden and unfocused. I doubt it. Not when they're taking on their second biggest rival. Furthermore, despite the return of Todd Gurley, I believe Auburn is a much better team than UGA. Gus Malzahn and the Tigers run the ball as well as any team in America and Florida showed us that the Bulldogs struggle badly to stop the run, especially on the perimeter. 2.5 points is gift. Take the gift, Clark. War Eagle.

Arizona State at Oregon State +10.5- Arizona State is coming off a woodshedding of Notre Dame and has unexpectedly pushed their name into the College Football Playoff discussion. That ends tonight in the snake pit that is Corvallis. The Sun Devils thrive on forcing turnovers and the Beavers are tight (with the ball). Further, ASU has lost on 4 of their last 6 trips to the house that Mike Riley Built. ASU wins a close one. Beavers cover.

Mississippi State +10 at Alabama- This line was one of the week's biggest movers. It opened at MSU+6 and reached 10 yesterday and has since held steady. Both the public and the sharps seem to believe in Alabama. I don't blame them. The Bulldogs haven't been especially impressive in their last few wins and the Tide have rounded into form since their loss to Ole Miss. I'm playing the emotions card here and guessing that Alabama will have trouble getting themselves all the way up for this game after a physically and emotionally draining win in Baton Rouge last Saturday night. The Tide starts slow and the Bulldogs don't. Mississippi State and the points.

Week 7: It's All Cream Cheese From Here

Here are mine. I titled a post but couldn't type in it. Blogger hates me. (ed. note: fixed it)
  

Mark's Picks are coming to you live from PGA National in beautiful West Palm Beach Florida

Last week finally put me back on the right side of things. Of course, things could’ve turned our better had Michigan State not taken a 4^th Quarter nap and allowed a Nebraska team they were dominating to come roaring back late and cover. That’s why they call it gambling though kids. Actually, I’m not exactly clear on the origin of the word gambling but Geoff once told me to just act like you know what you’re talking about and 95% of people will buy it. And it’s worked out pretty good for that guy so why not?

Michigan State -20.5 at Purdue- Speaking of Michigan State, Sparty has been a great bet this year. Outside of two bad 4^th quarters against Oregon and Nebraska, they’ve covered all their games and done so by a wide margin.  This week they take on a Purdue team that might be the Big Ten’s worst. Even though Sparty has to travel to the hornet’s nest that is West Lafayette, IN (Is it the House that Mike Alstott or Drew Brees built? I always get confused.), I’m confident that Michigan State gets back to the dominating form they displayed in the first 3 quarters of last Saturday night’s game. Sparty. 

LSU at Florida (Over/Under- 47)- Outside of Vanderbilt, these might be the SEC’s two most pedestrian offenses. Honestly, even calling them pedestrian is probably too far. They’re terrible, plain and simple. LSU will play two QBs. First, a sophomore who lost his starting job last week to a true freshman. And that same true freshman who performed so poorly that he relinquished the QB job by mid game last week at Auburn. Both QBs will play, and both will be underwhelming. Florida has QB problems of it’s own. Starting QB Jeff Driskel reached new lows last week by throwing for 59 yards and 3 interceptions before being yanked in favor of true freshman Treon Harris who led Florida to a comeback victory at Tennessee. Harris is now indefinitely suspended from the Florida Football team while the target of a sexual assault investigation. So, Driskel is back as a starter by default and should continue to make Gator fans mad with his poor decision making and even worse accuracy. The O/U could be 37 and and I’ll probably still take the under.

Ole Miss at Texas A&M (-2)- Ole Miss is coming off the biggest win in the program’s last 50 years and the best night in Oxford possibly even. A&M is still licking their wounds after being trounced by Mississippi State. This is nothing more than a bet on both teams coming back to the middle. A&M is still an average team defensively but they’ll be better in a wild atmosphere at Kyle Field. Ole Miss will have trouble getting back up to their peak for this game (at least early) and Dr. Bo Wallace won’t play the game of his life for the second straight week. The SEC West is impossibly tough and it shows this week. Aggies.

Danimal' Picks:

Hi there. On the yearly trip w/the Incesterians in Pinevegas, NC so my apologies for the effort here.

Some of Winchester's finest lining up a putt

Florida State -24 at ‘Cuse

Winston in the news again. That’s weird huh? As Mark said last week, if you bet against FSU in every game this year you’d be 4-1. Not today though.  ‘Noles

BC +3 at NC State

NC State (ed. note: nice effort Dan)

Miami (OH) +14 at Akron

Huh? Really? Yes. Really. Keeping my eyes on the team from Oxford is common practice with my wife being an alum and many of her friends and family still there. Have you ever been there? It’s quite a nice campus. The town ain’t all that bad either. Now, the team from Miami travels yonder to Akron this weekend to take on the Zips squad, coached by one Terry Bowden of the Bowden Clan. His Defensive Coordinator is Chuck Amato, former D Coord from FSU/Bobby Bowden days and former NC State Head Coach. I think he’s a huge tool, Amato that is, but there’s no denying he builds nice squads. Another tidbit you might not have been aware of is that Miami’s QB is ND transfer Andrew Hendrix. Andy isn’t a very good quarterback. His accuracy is lacking. It isn’t entirely his fault though as his team isn’t blessed with weapons. Or an offensive line. Or a good defense.  And though he hasn’t thrown any INT’s in the last few games, that’s going to change this week. Akron is go all sneaky squirrel on the Re*!awks and and beat ‘em handily. Akron stock – moving upward. Miami stock – staying where it has been for a while – in the cellar.  ZIPS

Week 3 CFB Pick 'Em: Mark vs. Danimal vs. Blogger Editing Window

For the first time ever, Danimal has a lead on Mark. Please don’t misinterpret that as being cocky as having the lead for the first time in 18 weeks or so of picks is nothing to brag about, awwight? Robert, you have been Jones’ing (can someone enlighten us on the origination of this word?) to know what we are up or down financially. Well, last week I didn’t place one bet down for dollahs, unfortunately. So I believe I’m still 1-2 on the year on money picks, or maybe 2-3. Regardless, I’m down. I’ll get you a qtly recap at the end of the month, just simmer down.

A quick word on the Jags. I saw a funny tweet last weekend describing their game against the Iggles…I’m paraphrasing here – “The game was exactly like their helmets. One half simply glorious and the other an abomination.” I liked that. It stuck with me. And he was spot on. Henne was Foles in the 1st half supported by a defense that had their best half in years. Annnnnnd then Henne became Henne. A prediction on this week against the Washington Professional Football Team – If Henne plays nearly as poorly as last week’s second half, we’ll see Bortles. I also predict a Jags win.

And a quick word on the Hokies/OSU game. I’m happy for the Hokies, I am. But calm the fuck down Blacksburg. TR pointed out last week that OSU won’t be ranked in 6 weeks. He was way too kind. I’m no procrastinator, but if I had to guess I’d say OSU would be “pretty decent” without their QB injury, at best. With it, they are a big red & silver turd. So Hokie town, don’t get too confident.

Sorry…onto the picks.

West Virginia +3 at Maryland
12:00 p.m.


I’d be a fool to say that WVU “has it figured out”, so I won’t. But they are undoubtedly a much-improved team from last year’s clown car. QB Clint Trickett (2 T’s) has 700+ yards passing in his first two starts of the season. You might recall that their first game was against Alabama where the Mountaineers held them close, and not for a couple of dropped passes and a questionable call or two, who knows? Trickster actually threw for MORE yards against the Tide in that loss than he did in last week’s 54-0 drubbing of Towson. My one concern is that Maryland skunked this team last year, badly. Regardless, I’m saying WVU gets all up in the Terps’ shell and cracks them open.
‘Eers

Georgia -6 at South Carolina
3:30 p.m.
Whooa Nelly! Joe-Ja. South Carralaana. CBS. Verne Lundquist. Yessir! Three weeks in and we still have a whole lot of shit in terms of ball games today. This could end up being one. It COULD. Will it? Who the hell knows? It’s a big rivalry game obviously with the ‘ole baw coach at 1-1 and as a few here have pointed out, they haven’t looked especially impressive. BTW, they are 123rd in the nation in total defense. Georgia on the other hand….interesting. Veddy interesting. Could this finally be their year? I’m bullish on the dawgs. They’ve gone too long with too much talent not to make a run at it. This year’s talent starts in the backfield. Gurley as everyone knows is a beast and will probably be in the Heisman conversation. But take him out, and you got Nick Chubb, aka Chubby/Chubbstein/Chubbarino. Who’s that? Oh, just some frosh who has carried the ball 4 times thus far…..for 70 yards. And while running over and through people. Big people. Big athletic fast people that play in the SEC. These two guys are going to cause probs for the Cawwwcks’ D, which will open up the passing game. This line started at -2.5. I think Georgia wins convincingly. (I’d probably put down a BIG side bet that Hughes takes the ‘Dawgs here too)
Bulldogs

Purdue vs ND
Over/Under 57.5
7:30 p.m.
Purdue scored 17 points against Central Michigan (who scored 38 points against Purdue). That’s 55 points. I don’t see Purdue scoring more than 7 against ND. We could and SHOULD see another goose egg here, right? So, I gotta take the under. ND 48 – Purdue 3
Under

Not an ideal start for me this year. I'm down overall and coming off consecutive 1-2 weeks. Last week saw me suffer at the hands of a few relatively bad beats in the Michigan State-Oregon game and BYU-Texas. I need to get my mojo back.  I cheated a little and read Dan's picks as he posted before me this week so I'll take this time to say while I'm not officially picking the South Carolina-Georgia game I'm taking South Carolina +7  (my book is giving the extra half). South Carolina's defense has been awful but it's largely a result of atrocious pass defense. I say the Gamecocks stack the box and dare the extremely average Hutson Mason and Georgia's banged up wideouts to beat them on a regular basis. Georgia probably still wins but it's a close one.  (So you should probably take Georgia)

Baylor (-33.5) at Buffalo- Baylor has become a top tier Big 12 program in recent years. However, tonight's game AT Buffalo is your reminder of how long ago (not long) it was that Baylor was absolute shite. Can you imagine Oklahoma or Texas having to agree to a home and home series with the University at Buffalo (what the fuck is up with the "at"?). Baylor stud QB Bryce Petty is back tonight playing with a couple of broken bones in his back (WHAT?!!?) but I doubt he plays more than the first half. It won't matter. Baylor will score easily and often. Sic 'Em Bears.

Purdue-Notre Dame (-27.5) at Lucas Oil Stadium - This is pretty simple. Purdue sucks. I mean Purdue really, really sucks. They've given up 34 and 38 points to Western and Central Michigan, respectively. Notre Dame, on the other hand has scored 48 and 31 points in their first two games. Will the Irish suffer a let down after pasting Michigan? Maybe. Will that letdown allow Purdue to play Notre Dame closely? No way. I hate Notre Dame but I love money so give me the Irish. One last note: Do you know who Purdue passed over to hire current Head Coach Darrell Hazell? Former Purdue LB Kevin Sumlin. Yeah, that smarts.

Kentucky at Florida (-17.5) - Despite a losing week, all was right in my world last Saturday night. A 65-0 shutout by your Alma Mater's football team will do that for you. Yes, I know it was Eastern Michigan. I also know 65 points was about a month's worth of scoring for Florida last year. Kentucky is a program on the upswing ever since Mark Stoops came to town but they're still Kentucky and they're walking into The Swamp for a night game. Florida still has much to prove to me (we'll find out quite a bit about them next week in Tuscaloosa...I'm scared. So scared) but I truly believe they're better offensively in terms of personnel and scheme than they've been in at least four years. As I've recently taught my daughter to say Come on Gators! Get up and go!

The Season Starts Now

Why does the season start this week, you ask? Because I sat around for three hours last week waiting for my alma mater to begin their football season, only to watch the opening kickoff quickly be followed by what seemed like the night's 35th lightning delay. This, eventually, led to the game's cancellation. So, that's my excuse for my 1-2 week. Now, back to some shit you (mildly) care about.

Danimal and I are back for another week of ill advised financial decisions. These picks aren't neccesarily ill advised, the wagers placed later in the day often are though. Whether it's trying to get back money you've lost or just trying to maximize a hot streak, wagers made in the moment are usually...who am I kidding, always a bad idea, results be damned. Will that stop me (or Danimal) from throwing down a few extras today? Highly doubtful. I hope you don't read this column expecting good advice.

It wasn't a great start for your boy last week. Officially I'm 1-2 though I did manage to come out a bit ahead overall due to some solid work on Thursday night and a few other plays (USC, Oklahoma State) during the day. Things could've turned out quite well had I not suffered at the hands of a last minute TD in the Ohio State-Navy game. Hope that helped out your heartburn, Urbs.

East Carolina (+17) at South Carolina- The line had dropped to +15 since I put my money in this morning so I'm not the only one who threw some money on the Pirates. Besides my affection for the state of North Carolina's official safety school (it was an hour away from my first college and we partied there quite a bit), the South Carolina defense looked like utter shit last Thursday. While some of that can be attributed to Texas A&M's stellar passing attack and the apparent fact that Kevin Sumlin is a god damn wizard, I believe just as much of that is due to the massive losses South Carolina suffered on defense. Beyond the loss of the NFL's overall #1 pick, the Gamecocks also lost two other starters on the defensive line to graduation. On top of that, South Carolina trotted out three first time starters (two true freshman among them) in the defensive backfield. Defensive Coordinator Lorenzo Ward is making changes and replacing three defensive starters this week. Maybe this solves all of South Carolina's defensive issues. Or maybe East Carolina QB Shane Carden (4,139 yards and 33 TDs passing in 2013) will chuck the ball all over the field. ECU won't win but they won't get blown out either.

Kansas State (-12) at Iowa State- Iowa State lost last week's season opener by 20 to an FCS school last week. Granted, that FCS school was the juggernaut known as North Dakota State and someone in the Iowa State athletic department should be fired for agreeing to play the Bison but a loss like that doesn't bode well for the Cyclones as they prepare to take on Kansas State this week. In the last game summary, I referred to Kevin Sumlin as a wizard. Well, if Sumlin's a wizard then Bill Snyder is a Super Wizard or a Grand Wiz...wait that's not what I meant. Anywho, Snyder is amazing. He built a powerful football program out of nothing and did it in the middle of nowhere. Then when his successor (RON PRINCE MOTHERFUCKER!) failed and the Kansas State program was falling apart, Snyder decided to come out of retirement and almost immediately turn the Wildcats back in to a program of national relevance. On top of all that, Snyder gave the world Darren Sproles. For that alone he should be knighted. Do they have knights in Kansas? Oh, who gives a fuck. None of us are ever going to Kansas anyway. SNYDERCATS.

BYU at Texas (O/U 46- Under) - Last year BYU ran for over 500 yards on Texas. The next day Texas DC Manny Diaz was fired. This didn't fix Texas' defensive issues and eventually the rest of the Texas staff was fired including long time Head Coach Mack Brown. Charlie Strong is the man in charge in Austin now and I, for one, have no doubt that he'll turn things around. This turn around is going to take some time though and now is now that time. Complicating matter this week is the news that Texas will be without starting QB David Ash and both starting Offensive Tackles when the Cougars come to town. This game wasn't shaping up as a high scoring affair before these injuries. Now, I wouldn't be shocked if neither team broke 20 points. Take the under.

Take it away, Danimal.

Missouri -3.5 at Toledo - One of those goofy lines you look at and think, huh? “Huh” cuz you have Missouri traveling to Toledo and also cuz it’s almost a pick’em. This is one of those lines that you should simply trust and probably go with the homer dawg. Which I. Am going. To do. Missouri has the coach in Pinkel (who coached at Toledo for a decade) and Mauk the QB who in looking at the stats, did a whole lot of nothing against South Dakota State. Yeah, I guess they have a football team. Having been to Toledo a couple of times in the last year and with several of their students who are technically coworkers, I’ve become a bit of a follower of the Rockets. This line opened up at -5.5 fyi. I’m going to go ahead and take Toledo to win in the Glass Bowl where they have a history of taking down seemingly more worthy opponents.

10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1 Blast OFF!!!!!!

Old Dominion +17 at NC State- NC State has been horrific the last year or two. Before last week they lost 8 in a row before coming back down 10 in the 4^th against Georgia Southern. It looks as if they’ve got a QB in Jacoby Brissett who is large and in charge and if not mistaken a Gator transfer, but other than that the cupboard is Googling is not in my interest at the moment as I have a Big Brother episode to watch. Val & I love us some Big Brother.  I think ODU travels to Raleigh with an eye on a big win here while the Wolfpack goes in as the shoddy team they are. Throw in a little bit of Clarence mojo and it’s pretty much a lay-up. Or is it Whitney? Whatever Russ.

Team from Virginia

Virginia Tech +12 at Ohio State- Sorry Buckles….can’t do the same for you. I wish this game wasn’t on at 8:00 because I’d like to watch it. I expect this to be a very close one with the Hokie’s D giving OSU’s frosh QB JT Barrett some problems. It’s a game Tech can win because no one expects them to. Plus, new A.D. and old pal of the Danimal has brought some pixie dust to Blacksburg that everyone is shoving up their asses. They feel good about themselves. They look good. They’re happy, positive. Another in depth analysis from yours truly.

Tech Tech VPI Hokie Hokie Hokie High!

The Mark and Danimal Pickarama Returns

Those first few Saturdays in February are hard, sobering. Reality sets in. It starts in early January when the bowl games docket thins. The long-term forecast?  Really Dark. Depressing. You yearn for that FBS game cuz it’s gonna be a good one, yet you don’t want it to arrive because of the inevitable. It’s probably exactly like the walk to the chamber, but way different, ya know, with not as much finality or the death thing. You hear me though. You know what I’m sayin. With that one final whistle goes your hope and dreams, your Saturday mornings filled with giddiness and afternoons of burrrbins. What are those replaced with? Dread motherfuckers, that’s what. So unfair. EIGHT (8) MONTHS is the length of the college football off-season.  Technically it’s a hair under 8 months, but we are still talking about days that number well into the 200’s. Twoooooo……………hundreds.

Well it has finally returned and it will be welcomed indeed. And best of all, it brings with it locked at the elbows the weekly football picks by Bad News Hughes and yours, Danimal. We weren’t going to let you down. You had faith in us, right? Many of you likely thought otherwise with so many unanswered letters and autograph requests during our little respite. Apologies, but we are pretty busy guys. Lots of stuff going on up in here. Well, you can simmer your asses down now. Grab a seat and relax. Systems are a go.

The inaugural season of “Mark & Dan’s College Football Picks,” (catchy name) finished with a Mark dubwa. By week 5 and down 6 games it was going to be a grind, but very doable. The headwind couldn’t contain me forever though, could it? Ultimately, yes, it could, and it did. Some old fashioned grinding however got me within one game about halfway through the bowl schedule before the Hughester shut me down permanently. Effer.  Well, another season begins….now.   And p.s., if you’ve never read Wright Thompson’s piece on CFB, get after it.

Danimal’s Picks

Penn State +2 vs Central Florida (Dooblin, Ireland!)

Like my other picks, I don’t know much about these teams. Here is what I do know:

1) CFU is without 2 of its studs from last year, Storm Johnson and Blake Bortles. How do I know that? Because they play for my Jags now stupid! Not too late to jump on the Bortles bus! Come on over to Jaguar Town!

2) It’s in Ireland.

3) George O’LEARY coaches CFU. He’s Irish – his last name could be Pewterschmidt but you’d still know he’s Irish just by looking at him. The map of Ireland is drawn on his face for the love of Pete. At tis writing, it’s dinnertime over in the motherland and George, sources tell me, is knee deep into da corned beef and a bottle of Paddy’s. He’s pissed drunk and enjoyin da craic! As he should be for chrissakes! He’ll finish his session at half midnight and get up with a bit of da pressure and as a result make a poor decision or two and lose the match!

Penn State wins by tree!

These dudes are the f'ing worst.

UCLA -21 vs YOU! VEE! Meh.

12:00 PM EST

The Bruins travel east to take on a team from Charlottesville that spent all year getting made fun of after an abysmal showing in 2013. What’d they win, like, two games last year? They blew. Mike London – how’s that swamp ass treating you from the heat on your seat? UCLA can’t possibly travel east and play a game at a time they are normally kicking tan-legged blondes out of their bed and cover a 21 point spread can they? And UVa is supposed to be a much improved team this year with lots and lots of returning players. So what’s that mean? 6-6? 7-5? UCLA is a Top-10 team with not one but possibly 2 Heisman candidates on the squad, one on either side of the ball. You UVa boys better place a kerchief in those blazer pockets.

Bruins Ruin!

Rice +21 vs ND

3:30 pm

Ha ha ha!  Just kidding! New Rule: No betting on ND in 2014 under ANY circumstances.

FSU -17.5 vs Oklahoma State (Arlington, TX)

I made the mistake of betting against the ‘Noles last year a couple of times due to the many a points they were always giving. Not this year pal. Do I think they’re going to be as good this year? Yes, yes I do. Who doesn’t? I’m just going by what every pundit out there is saying, that they will be as good and maybe even better than last year.  Despite that, I REALLY believe they will falter at some point and hopefully against the cheating Irish. But they won’t falter this week toughy. No siree.  Though Gundy is even more so of  “a man!” …he’s got a little less spring in his step and more webs in the old noggin.

Seminoles

MARK PICKS


Since Danimal did all the heavy lifting and crafted a nice little intro to welcome he and I back this year I'll keep it simple and say that I too am overjoyed at the return of College Football. My Saturdays once again have meaning. Well, a meaning besides yard work and home improvement followed by thinking of an excuse to go have a few beers by myself at the bar late in the afternoon. Don't judge me. There's nothing but women/girls in my house. A man needs a break. Said man may have a bit of a drinking problem as well but we're not here to discuss that. We're here to pick winners.

UCLA (-21) @ Virginia- UCLA is this year's trendy pick to make the College Football's Final Four. For that reason alone I see them slipping up at least once and maybe twice this season. That will happen during their run in the PAC-12 though, certainly not in Charlottesville against Mike London's bunch (he's, somehow, still the coach their, right?). Virginia's best offensive player, Jake McGee, is now starting at TE for Florida (he should be a significant upgrade over either of the two converted DE's who started for Florida last year...) and Virginia hasnt exactly been bringing a load of 4 and 5 star skill position players over the past few years. UCLA can score in bunches. Brett Hundley might be the best NFL QB prospect in College Football and two-way wonderbeast Myles Jack is poised for a monster season after breaking out midway through his freshman season last year. Three TDs is a bunch of points to give up. Less so when you're giving it up to an ACC team that sucks out loud. UCLA.

Arkansas @ Auburn (-19.5)- Once again, I'm giving up a bunch of points. Once again, I don't GIVEAFUCK (Smokey Voice). Bret Bielema's first year in Fayetteville was a disaster and while he's starting to recruit well he can't make up for the lack of talent left to him by Bobby Petrino. Petrino is a hell of a coach but he's a dick with a bad reputation. Not a great recipe for competing with the rest of the SEC West in recruiting. Arkansas, quite simply, doesn't have the horses to run with Auburn. The Tigers are now in Year 2 of running Gus Malzahn's system and should be even more explosive than they were the second half of last year. Nick Marshall's weed arrest means he won't start the home opener but he'll play plenty. Writers who've been down on the Plains to see Auburn practice say they might be the most athletic team in the SEC. Auburn is going to score early and often. I'd advise you to bet the first half line for Auburn and this line. There's no rule against making too much money.  War Eagle.

Utah State (+5.5) at Tennessee- After the disastrous Derek Dooley Era (read some of the quotes on Dooley from former Vols), Tennessee showed some legitimate signs of life last year. Losing to Georgia at home by a FG and then knocking off South Carolina a couple weeks later. Butch Jones followed that up by bringing in a top 10 recruiting class to Knoxville. The Volunteers, much to my chagrin, are on the rise. There's one (actually two) big problem though. Tennessee is the only FBS school replacing every starter on it's Offensive AND Defensive lines this season. That's, um, bad. Meanwhile, Utah State gets the one man show known as Chuckie Keeton back after tearing and ACL last season. If you're not familiar with Mr. Keeton's work, take a few minutes.


I think there's a shot that Utah State wins outright in Knoxville tomorrow night and few things would make me happier. That doesn't matter for these purposes though. Vegas is giving us 5.5 points, so take them and root for the Fighting Chuckie Keetons.

Sweet Jeebus it's nice to have football back.

Want More Picks? Of Course You Do!

The Holidays are officially over. Some of you schlubs even went back to work today, but College Football season isn't over. Which means Danimal and me aren't done making picks. We've got two more BCS Bowls before the final BCS Championship Game and we're here to tackle them for you. It really is for you. And post count. Duh.

Alabama (-17) over Oklahoma: I've gone back and forth on this game a few times. Not because I buy Rob's theory that Bama will mail this game in ala the 2008 Sugar Bowl. This is different. 2008 was the the second year of Nick Saban's tenure in Tuscaloosa. Five years later, the Alabama program is more experienced and far more talented top to bottom than it was in 2008. Furthermore, I don't see AJ McCarron or CJ Mosely laying down in their final games in Crimson.  Still, 17 points is a pretty hefty price to pay for backing the Tide. On top of that, I don't buy Oklahoma. Neither of their QBs are very good and there is also plenty of history to suggest that the Sooners won't exactly come out guns blazing in a BCS Bowl. To be honest, the only player who's truly impactful on the Oklahoma offense is Jalen Saunders and he's a tiny slot guy. Bama wins by three TDS.

Clemson (+3) over Ohio State: I don't feel strongly about this. Neither team wows me offensively and they're both below average on defense. I'll go with Clemson for the following reasons:

1. Ohio State doesn't pass it well.
2. Ohio State might be hungover after being upset in the Big Ten Title Game.
3. Clemson has a good senior QB who is also the best QB the Buckeyes have played all season.
4. Clemson might be extra motivated for redemption after being eviscerated by West Virginia two years ago in the Orange Bowl.

That's it. That's all I've got.

DANIMAL'S MUSIC 

Over the course of many a week, Danimal has scratched and clawed his way back into this. Just behind 1 game, or would it technically be 1.5 games since I have a tie? That’s for the judges to decide. I’ll just call it 1. Do you all feel the tension? This is what you’ve been waiting for isn’t it? Admit it. To me, this is better than the games themselves.

Can someone put my 1-year old to bed please???!!!!!

The records:

D: 27 – 21 – 1

M: 28 – 21

Sugar Bowl

Alabama -17 vs Oklahoma

Seventeen points. It’s a tough one, by design.  ‘Bama could, and probably will, come in there extremely pissed off. And Oklahoma will enter with wanting to prove something. Oklahoma had a nice 10-2 season with some impressive wins. Annnnd they lost to Baylor 41-12. I’ve sat over this for some time now. Rooting for Alabama this evening is not something I prefer to do, but will.

Bama

Orange Bowl

Ohio State -3 vs Clemson

This is another one. Day-umm. It seems every radio douche nozzle is saying Clemson. “OSU cannot stop Clemson’s passing game…” is the recurring line. I can’t stand Urban Meyer, but reserve the right to change that attitude should he ever become the coach at ND. Until then though, meh.  OSU scores a lot too, 24 against Michigan State and about 5-6 touchdowns per for every other game. Urban’s coached a few big bowl games and this is where I think the difference will lay.

OSU

Worst. Sequel. Ever.

Below, I present to you the "To The Pain" Bowl Season Bonanza: Part 2. Even rob will have to agree this is worse than "The Quickening".

"To The Pain" Bowl Season Bonanza: Part 1

Mark and Danimal are back the next week to 10 days in order to wrap up their season long college pick 'em bonanza. They rightfully chose to ignore many of the bowl games that have already occurred. On to their picks...

DANIMAL

Down 2. Not much time left. My picks for today.

AdvoCare V100 Bowl! (12:30 p.m. EST)

Arizona -7 vs Boston College

What the hell is “AdvoCare” you ask? Beats the hell out of me. That’s the purpose of sponsoring a bowl game though jerky. You’ll know, hopefully, by the end of the game. Way to go AdvoCare!

Two 7-5 teams. BC with the edge in strength of schedule and wins. Plus they are 7-5 against the spread and they are just good wholesome Catholic kids, like I used to be.

Eggles!

Hyundai Sun Bowl (2:00 p.m. EST)

UCLA -7.5 vs VA Tech

Mark & I love to hate VaTech when it comes to wagering on them. WTF. There’s no way in hell he’s going to bet on the Hokies, which makes me want to grab some sack and do so. But I can’t. VaTech, capable of beating the shite out of UCLA (yes, I believe that), will more likely make loads of mistakes, turn the ball over vis-à-vis Logan Thomas, and lose by 8 points or more. VaTech is 4-7-1 ATS vs UCLA’s 8-4 too.

Bruins

Chic-fil-A Bowl (8:00 p.m. EST)

Duke +12 vs Texas A&M

Other than a couple of guys I know, there won’t be many homosexuals at this one.

Manziel’s curtain call. Duke’s first big bowl game since Moby Dick was a tadpole. Two great coaches. Did you realize that Duke went 10-3 this year? I didn’t. They can score points too when they play against shitty D’s (1 last DEES NUTS! for 2013)….and we all know A&M has one of those. Twelve points….as we say at the blackjack table... “TOO MANYYYYY!!!”

DUUUUUKE

MARK

[From the picker] Wife is at a tattoo appt and I'm running errands with the kid so just the picks for today. Ill jump into the post and add some words later.

Arizona -7 over Boston college

UCLA -7 over Va tech

A&M -12 over Duke

I'm about to go meet my wife for some post tattoo drinks to celebrate her birthday (Yes, it's today. the Birthday New Year's Eve combo is a doozy) but I figured I owed the loyal G:TB readers some thoughts behind today's picks. Basically, the first two games come down to this: The ACC sucks and the PAC-10 is pretty good. The second best conference in America this year after the SEC. And I think the ACC might be worse than the AAC (the old, fractured Big East in case you didn't know), especially once you get past Florida State. So, with the difference in conference strength being so pronounced I went PAC-10 for both of today's early games. I don't see motivation being an issue for Arizona or UCLA today either as both programs are on the rise and won't turn their collective noses up at the idea of competing in a lesser bowl game.

As for tonight, I think Duke will give A&M a pretty good run for the first half and maybe even into the third quarter. As Danimal stated, the Aggie defense is awful and Duke should be able to move the ball. I'll be watching the Duke offense with a special interest as Duke's OC Kurt Roper has been hired as the new OC at Florida effective January 1st. In the end, the A&M offense will be too much for Duke and Johnathan Football will go out in with a win (and cover) in his final game at Texas A&M.

Happy New Year! I'll be drinking soon so I'll see y'all in the comments.

Turkey Day Weekend "To The Pain" Pick' Em 'Stravaganza

DANIMAL PICKS

The last 3 weeks have been pretty good to Danimal who is 6-3 vs Mark’s 3-6, enabling the non-tattooed one to get within 2 games. (Dan is 20-18-1; Mark is 22-17).
Oooh…rivalry week! Listen, I apologize for last week’s slackishness. I will make up for it today, promise.

You want picks you greedy bastards…I’ll give ya picks!

Va Tech -13 at UVA, a.k.a. The Commonwealth Cup (3:30 p.m. EST)
The Hokies have won the last nine Cups, and 16 of the last 20 – a pretty nice stretch. This was a game I used to attend during my college and just out of college days. I remember Buckles attending one with me. My oldest sister lived there and was a season ticket holder with her assfaced husband, since divorced. Hi Keith. Dick. We ran out of beer or bourbon, or both at the tailgate. Don’t judge me, we were young and very poor. My sister’s good buddy Bill had scotch. So we drank it. Mixed it with a little water and a coupla rocks. Dewar’s if not mistaken. Buckles & I ended up crashing at Bill’s house. Bill liked to party. Hi Bill. Miss you.

Sorry, got off track there. So, Tech was a major disappointment this year. They played a great deal of uninspired football led by their super inconsistent quarterback Logan Thomas. And Frank Beamer – the man will, deservedly so, have a statue outside of their stadium at some point, but it’s time big guy. Time for you to pack up all your turkey calls and get on with your version of Duck Dynasty, kay fella?  With losses to Duke, Maryland, and Boston College, why on earth would anyone pick you while giving away nearly 2 touchdowns to UVa, a team that hates you as much as you hate them, and a game that takes place in daVille? Well, I’ll tell you why! Because the Cavaliers have one of the worst teams in big boy football. They are 2-9 overall and 0-7 in the conference, the ACC.  They don’t crack the top 100 in offense. Or Defense. WOMP WOMP! That is an unenviable position to be in going against a ginormous rival, who by the way has one of the best defenses in the country and will never ever tire of beating the Cavs. Oh, and playing in Charlottesville is about as scary as the haunted house in your kid’s kindergarten class, that is unless your entire team is allergic to the scent of chardonnay and gruyere. Lastly, you and your team NEVER play uninspired football against those douche nozzles from Vuhginia. And you won’t this time. You and your team, and your coach-in-waiting Bud Foster, the super Defensive Coordinator that he is, are going to put the smother on the Wahoos. Now go out there and get’r done, Frank. GET TA STEPPIN!
GOBBLE GOBBLE GOBBLE! – Tech by 24

Notre Dame +14 at Stanford (7:00 p.m. EST)
I know this doesn’t quite go with Rivalry Week, but it’s the last regular season game of the year so I felt compelled to give you another Irish pick. I’m sure that makes several of you very happy, especially Zman. And TR. And Mark. And Rob. And Clarence. And that guy Whitney that used to hang out here. Yeah I know, it’ll make you happy when they lose. The likelihood of that is very good so until then carry on with your piss poor attitudes. Likelihood in this instance is defined as a 4 out of 5 chance. That’s 80% for you short on the math skeelz.

In August, I was counting this game as a definite loss. Now I think it’s a very likely loss but with possibilities. It hinges on you-know-who. Will “Touchdown Tommy” show up or “Tommy Turnover”. If the former, they keep it at least competitive and maybe even pull a shamrock out of their arses. With Stanford’s very solid running D, I’d guess that we’ll see a good # of Rees to TE Troy Niklas shorter routes. Niklas is a 6’7” TE who actually went to ND to be a lineman. And on the running side, true freshman and one of Mark’s old neighbors Tarean Folston is turning into what most predicted as one of the top 3 backs coming out of high school – bad-ass. Each week he gets more and more comfortable. He only has 347 yards on the season but 231 of those have come in November on 35 carries (6.6 yards – keep your calculator in your pocket).

On D, ND MUST get to the QB, Kevin Hogan, who by the way will have a chip on his shoulder because he wanted an offer from ND coming out of high school. The man that will be counted on to do so is future 1st rounder Stephon Tuitt. Hopefully he won’t have some bullshit targeting penalty like he had called early in the 2nd quarter against Pitt. Seriously, that was a horrific call. And Tuitt will need another true frosh to make a play or two – Jaylon Smith who like Folston, has made some big time plays over the last few weeks. Stanford is beatable – just ask USC & Utah.
Irish Cover

IRON BOWL!!!!
Bama -10.5 at Auburn! (3:30 p.m.)
A 10.5 favorite, on the road, against another Top 5 team. Hmmm.
This is going to be fun. With my #superdad feats of last weekend, guess who gets to watch college football for the better part of Saturday? (I failed to complain to GTB’rs on Sunday that I was solo w/all 3 while my wife and mother-in-law went to a “movie” that had her out of the house for 4 hours and 45 minutes, approximately) I probably shouldn’t get too far ahead of myself though – this could change at a moment’s notice. Wife now talking about getting tree and decorations up a week earlier this year for a few reasons yada yad yada. I will go into fetal position if that happens.

Let’s breakitdown!

Bama: #1 Defense. Aub: #2 Rushing Offense. Both near identical in total scoring. Auburn has two nice ball carriers, one of which is their QB Nick Marshall who averages 6.7 yards a carry. He’s their 2nd leading rusher. Tre Mason has 1100+ yards and averages 5.5 yards per carry. It’s the running QB that is going to help open things up a wee bit, that is IF he doesn’t fumble  (cautionary note for Auburn leaners – Marshall has fumbled the ball 10 times this year).
LSU manhandled Auburn – the 2 TD margin was much better than it looked. Howevah, Auburn played a shit game on the road and in terrible weather. They lost the turnover margin and botched an attempted punt deep in their own territory which translated to a quick TD. And 2 of their other 3 turnovers also led to TD’s. In looking at Bama’s win against A&M, A&M also lost the turnover battle – one of which led to a 14-point swing with a short INT in Bama’s end zone. Whoops. Something tells me Gus and his fellow coaches have been preaching the turnover thing this week, a lot.  So….here is what I am betting on – I am betting on Auburn breaking even or winning the turnover thing, and thus covering the line. IF they get to +2 on turnovers, I say they win. But like they say, if my aunt had balls she’d be my uncle. And by the way, which aunt are they talking about when the say that? Very confusing.
WAR EAGLE!!!!

MARK PICKS

We're at the end of the College Football regular season already? It would appear so. Usually I'd be bummed out that we'd already reached the end of the road. However, this is one College Football season chart I'm happy to see end. I can only take watching Florida's anemic offense so much before I snap. Fortunately for you, there's a good chance I'll snap today while watching Florida State run roughshod over my alma mater on their home field. Will I watch today's game with the faintest glimmer of hope that a miracle could occur? Yes. Will I likely give up this hope by halftime and head to the gym to take out my frustrations? Absolutely. Listen, there are a number of other games worth watching today. It just so happens that Florida-Florida State isn't one of them.  Anyway, on to the picks.

Ohio State @ Michigan +17.5
Michigan has been a colossal disappointment this year. They might be the only high profile team ranked in the preseason who has an offensive line that could rival the ineptitude of Florida. On top of that, first year QB Devin Gardner has been something beyond turnover prone. Turnover friendly? Turnover loving? Whatever. He turns the ball over a ton. On the other hand, Urban Meyer is doing what he always does during his second year at a new school. He's turning his team into a killing machine. Ohio State still has some holes on defense and their passing game comes and goes but they are far and away the class of the Big Ten. I think the Buckeyes are far better than Michigan but I can't quite convince myself to lay 17.5 on the road in a historic rivalry game. Go Blue.

Duke +5.5 @ North Carolina
Duke is in the midst of it's best season in, well, nearly forever. Duke hasn't been this good since before Steve Spurrier led them to three straight bowl games in the late 80s. North Carolina would like nothing more than to knock off the Blue Devils at home and earn some redemption for themselves in a season that's been somewhat of a disappointment. The Tarheels are on a roll of late, having won their last five games and absolutely embracing Old Dominion last week in a game that featured a 10 minute fourth quarter. There's a chance that Carolina pulls the upset here but either way the game's too close to give up 5.5 points. Take the Devils.

Kansas State -17 @ Kansas
This isn't quite the first game that comes to mind when someone mentions rivalry weekend. It is, however, a rivalry. A rivalry that often means more on the basketball court? Yes. But a rivalry nonetheless. Kansas has been garbage all year. Notching just on Big 12 win in a 31-19 home win against West Virginia. And while Kansas State isn't exactly a wrecking ball, they're still very much a tough, disciplined Bill Snyder type of football team. 17 points is a lot to lay on the road in a rivalry game but I'm confident that Charlie Weis and the Jayhawks can suck enough to make it worth it. Take the Wildcats and their awful, awful mascot for the win.

To The Pain: Week Whatever

It's week 13, I think, of the college football season. Danimal and Mark are back once again to provide you with some select game previews, well, at least one of them is this week (damn u lazy this week, danimal).

DANIMAL PICKS

Down 3 to Mark. Scratchin ‘n clawin baby. Rippin ‘n tearin! (you guys remember that?)
A short one today….sorry. Where has the week gone?

Georgia Southern +28 at Florida
Sorry Mark – will go GA Southern here. If it makes you feel any better, Notre Dame will lose their game vs BYU.

Missouri -2 ½ at Mississippi
Lots of people calling an “upset” here…but I don’t think so. And besides, if a 2.5 point underdog wins at home, is it really an upset? I think not. Regardless, Missouri wins and covers.

It appears the "next Johnny Football" is benched today in favor of James Franklin

Pittsburgh +1 at Syracuse
Both teams coming off of losses and both playing for bowl eligibility. I’d be lying if I said the 2 games the Orangemen lost by 56 each, one of which was to GA Tech, wasn’t a concern. On paper, Syracuse is a better team and they tend to finish strong. Throw in home in the dome and it’s no-brainer. Syracuse

MARK PICKS

Not much prose from Danimal this week. Maybe he's mad at me because I didn't reply to that email he sent earlier this week. Hey, listen Dan. I'm busy. I was doing adult things this week. Signing papers and shit. I'll get back to you.

Meanwhile, as earlier stated, Dan is creeping up on me in the standings. And I'm pretty sure Rob is rooting against me. Whatever, dick. I need a good week so let's get right to it.

Michigan State -6.5 @ Northwestern
Michigan State's defense is among the very best in the country. They're only allowing 13.2 points per game. Sure, their offense is terrible. But it's not as terrible as it was at the beginning of the season. And with the defense scoring some too the Spartans have averaged over 37 points in their last 3 games. Northwestern once looked like a contender for the Big Ten crown but has seen their season go in the tank since at loss at home to Ohio State. The Michigan State defense will just be too tough on the road. Sparty.

Oregon -22 @ Arizona
Oregon didn't cover last week for the second week in a row. Is it time for me to jump ship with a road game against an underrated Arizona team? Does it matter that, earlier this week, some Oregon players said publicly the possibility of going to the Rose Bowl isn't all that exciting to them? I don't think so. Until last weeks loss at home to Washington State, Arizona had given up at least 31 points in it's last 8 games. Oregon's offense got untracked in the second half last week. Give me the Ducks.

Texas A&M +5 @ LSU
Kevin Sumlin is 13-3 in "revenge" games. He's also 7-0 when his opponent is coming off a loss. So Texas A&M is a sure thing in Baton Rouge, right? Not exactly. A&M is never a sure thing with that shitty defense. Luckily for the Aggies, LSU's defense isn't up to it's usual standards this year either. I expect a shootout that elicits several "How about those SEC defenses?" from annoying ACC/Big Ten/Big 12 fans. The last number I saw for the over/under was 71. Take the over and John Football. Gig 'Em Aggies.

Snoop...Tiger?

Bonus: Georgia Southern +28 at Florida
So, about last week. I really thought South Carolina was going to wipe the floor with Florida. Sorry about that. I really had no idea that Florida was going to slow it down and run a junior high school offense. Sklyer Mornhinweg threw five passes. Five! Even more shocking is that South Carolina couldn't consistently stop it. Also of note, I might be rapidly falling in love with Kelvin Taylor.

Okay, back to the game. Florida's not winning by 28 points. Not with the 3rd string QB throwing with single digit pass attempts against a triple option team. I expect roughly 100 combined rushing attempts in this game. Did I mention that this game is only available on PPV for $50? I think I'll pass. But by all means, take Georgia Southern. Make yourself some money.

Gator bloodbath