While a weary world anxiously awaits day twelve of Gheorghemas, I had one additional book recommendation.
After a December of scenes like this, a little healthy living might be in order.
Friday, December 29, 2023
Tuesday, December 26, 2023
The Twelve Days of Christmas: Day Eleven
On the eleventh day of Gheorghemas, Big Gheorghe gave to me
Eleven Months of Magic
We predicted that Samantha Bee would be the new Daily Show host with our first post of the month. Fuckers still haven't named a permanent host. The hell, y'all?
Eleven Months of Magic
Eight Amazing Quotes from Barbie (A Shlara Joint)
Seven Weeks of Sobriety*
"Eat at a local restaurant tonight. Get the cream sauce. Have a cold pint at 4 o’clock in a mostly empty bar. Go somewhere you’ve never been. Listen to someone you think may have nothing in common with you. Order the steak rare. Eat an oyster. Have a negroni. Have two. Be open to a world where you may not understand or agree with the person next to you, but have a drink with them anyways. Eat slowly. Tip your server. Check in on your friends. Check in on yourself. Enjoy the ride." Anthony Bourdain said that, and while he was ostensibly talking about food, I do believe there's universal wisdom in the sentiment. In our own little way, I hope G:TB tries at least some of the time to embody Bourdain's advice. 'Cept for the steak. I don't dig on the cow.
Seven Weeks of Sobriety*
"Eat at a local restaurant tonight. Get the cream sauce. Have a cold pint at 4 o’clock in a mostly empty bar. Go somewhere you’ve never been. Listen to someone you think may have nothing in common with you. Order the steak rare. Eat an oyster. Have a negroni. Have two. Be open to a world where you may not understand or agree with the person next to you, but have a drink with them anyways. Eat slowly. Tip your server. Check in on your friends. Check in on yourself. Enjoy the ride." Anthony Bourdain said that, and while he was ostensibly talking about food, I do believe there's universal wisdom in the sentiment. In our own little way, I hope G:TB tries at least some of the time to embody Bourdain's advice. 'Cept for the steak. I don't dig on the cow.
The critics have been unanimous in their assessment of this as objectively the finest Gheorghemas content in recorded history, and while this might be chalked off as recency bias, I'm here to support the contention. Every year, I reread the entire year's content for this post, and I gotta say that 2023 is likely the best we've ever done in terms of consistent quality. It's highly concentrated Gheorghieness, which makes 192 (and counting) posts pack as much or more impact as we managed when we dropped 402 posts in 2010 (how in the hell did we do that?). I blame OBX Dave for raising the bar.
Speaking of the bar, here's to all of you for being a part of this place. It's a special little corner of the world, online and otherwise. Happy Gheorghemas, and on with the year in review.
January
Squeaky was first in with the photos, so he and his get pride of place. I appreciate how he sent the last pic of his kid being shorter than him for inclusion in this august publication. Good man, the Squeak.
In what should (has?) become a tradition, Marls kicked us off with predictions for the coming year. He got five of nine correct. Not too shabby.
Four of our first five posts of the calendar year were Gheorghemas posts. From the previous year. Solid. First real post was about the sad state of Georgetown hoops.
Mr. Lee, droppin' guesties. Just one guestie, really.
The kids are alright, but they can't dress for shit.
The final day of the first month of 2023 gave us the final post of Gheorghemas 2022. The lunar calendar is a mess.
February
I dance, I (support) cheer, I coach, and I drink with my dog. There are worse lives.
The year's shortest month punched above its weight in terms of quantity and quality. With 19 posts, it trailed only November and July (20 each). It also gave us the calendar debuts for Wrenball, Gheorghasbord, We Defy Augury, Notify, and zShazams. If you don't think that's a way for me to take the easy road in terms of recapping things, you ain't really been paying attention.
We also wrote:
Thoughts from a hospital bed, moving and grateful.
The Kiwi accent is definitively the best in the English-speaking world.
Bold prediction by zman. Hope it's better than Marls'.
March
International man of mystery, Notre Dame offensive lineman, family man, cleans up nice. Yessir, Danimal.
Gotta be the first time we've used the 'bag of dicks' tag, no?
Z had been waiting for a long time to drop Fairleigh Dickinson knowledge. Protect tha Neck.
OBX Dave did some real sportswriting about Jim Larrañaga.
April
Marls contains multitudes. Of patterns, of beautiful women, of bluesky spectating.
With only 11 posts, April was the lightest load we carried since December 2006. Well done, boys and girls.
Kicked it off with a heck of a Travelogue from world-travelin' Whit. And just a few days later, I dropped part deux, which included my wife and me sipping painkillers in precisely the same bar (the Petite Pump Room Bar & Restaurant) Whit and his lady tippled just one day prior.
The rare G:TB/LinkedIn cross-promotion.
Also rare, a Mark post. With a critical exposition of Muppet Rap.
May
Simple man, Z. If a cat trusts you, gotta be a decent fella. And if a daughter smiles like that in your presence, you're a damn king.
Zed (and by extension G:TB) endorses Colin Allred.
Guess who's back? Ghooghles back!
Another G:TB take on reimagining college sports.
I don't think AI is gonna replace us any time soon.
June
No man is a failure who has friends. And this guy has 'em in wild abundance. Hair? Well, Clarence the angel didn't say much about that.
First zman bouillabaisse of the year? I think so.
Hip Hop turns 50. Whippersnapper.
Rick Astley, our kind of fella.
OBX Dave doubled down on the ways sports are trying to make even more money.
July
Kissin' dogs, catchin' the last of the rays, writin' smart stuff with a bunch of dipshits. The life of Riley for OBX Dave.
Kicked off the second half of the year with some new Les Coole and The Cukes.
We could (should?) make a pretty good anthology based on the stuff our Media Grump wrote about his profession this year.
Our preview of the Women's World Cup was pretty solid, as long as accurate predictions aren't your thing.
Little Danny Starfucker, out. Ding dong the witch is dead.
Whit made me a roadtrip playlist. It got some work.
August
Mark looks pretty tough, but catch those smiles and that doghug. Dude is a softie at heart, and we're here for it.
Zman and Marls finally dropped their Chinese Democracy.
Drove from Virginia to Colorado with my kid. 10/10, would do again.
College sports restructuring and the decline of the media were by far our two most-covered topics (other than dipshittery) this year. If we're not careful, people might start taking us seriously.
Our preview of the Women's World Cup Final was pretty solid, as long as accurate predictions aren't your thing. [With one sad exception, as we nailed this part: "The women's game is in excellent shape, and this World Cup has showcased its growth across the globe. There's still work to be done to root out misogynists and creeps, but I suppose that's true of a lot of domains."]
Whit and Ned wrote a great tune, and my kid made her poetry-reading debut.
September
Look at this guy! Entrepreneur, raconteur, musician, mustache-haver, bee pollen pimp and an all-around prince.
Godspeed John Isner, a pro's pro.
Our preview of the Rugby World Cup was pretty solid, as long as accurate predictions aren't your thing.
Godspeed, Bob Boilen, a musician's music guy.
I celebrated Whit's birthday by coming out. As a Luddite.
I also wrote a children's book. Coming soon to an Amazon near you.
The definitive college football pro/rel concept, courtesy of us.
October
Wearer of chapeaus, late-blooming gourmand, lover of the sublimely ridiculous, and family man extraordinaire. Ladies and gentlemen, The Teej!
Timmy Wake, making it flutter in heaven. Fuck Curt Schilling, on principle.
Tilting at windmills, man vs. church.
Masturbating fire chiefs, porn at Planning Board meetings. Just another week in the Dirty Jerz.
FIFA is gross, exhibit the infinite.
The Pac-12 picked the wrong time to stop sniffing glue.
The Rangers excised their own Bucknerian demons.
November
Educator, coach, dad, husband, absolute weirdo, possibly evidence that artificial intelligence has advanced further than we can imagine. It's Dave!
Louisville is a fun destination, if you're into that sort of thing.
20 years of G:TB. Ain't that something?
Let JMU play! (We jinxed JMU!)
Thanksgiving food, definitively ranked.
Jim Harbaugh miiiiight be a little bit crooked.
Godspeed, Shane MacGowan, you beauty. I'm sure you and Tim Wakefield will have a lot to discuss.
And to all in this glorious community, a wonderful Gheorghemas season, a prosperous 2024, and whimsy, joy, and friendship in equal measures for all the days of your lives. Love y'all.
Sunday, December 24, 2023
The Twelve Days of Gheorghemas: Day Ten
On the tenth day of Gheorghemas
Big Gheorghe gave to me...
Last night, the Ghost of Gheorghemas Past manifested himself in an otherwise sexy dream involving several tall and leggy Eastern European tennis players. Upon sight of the Ghost, the ladies scattered and it was just me and a very tall specter. And he was angry. All seven foot seven of him.
“Where are the seven books for reading?”
The Ghost of Gheorghemas Past asked this question in a very spooky voice. Deep and full of robotic distortion.
He sounded like this:
Though I was scared, I had a bunch of opinions I wanted to share-- and it turns out I'm more garrulous, vociferous, and long-winded than I am frightened of very tall phantasms.
So I sat him down on the end of my bed (he was too tall to talk to while standing up) and I told him what's what. First, I went on a long-winded tirade about the rampant materialism, environmental devastation, bumper-to-bumper traffic, and unreasonable expectations surrounding the holidays. He seemed receptive to my complaints.
I went on to explain that seven reading recommendations were just too many recommendations. Burdensome. Overwhelming. That's the problem with all these end-of-the-year lists: they're always too long . . . and don't get me started about "recency bias."
Hey internet! Here's some advice! Stop being so haphazard and desultory! Tell me the one movie I should watch, the one book I should read, and the one album I should listen to.
You might also want to delineate the five thousand+ TikTok videos I should consume to truly understand the youth that I teach.
And what percentage of these videos are "mukbang"?
The problem here-- and this is certainly a First World problem-- is that I read 46 books this year and I enjoyed quite a few of them. It's really hard to recommend just one or two. You can, of course, go down the rabbit hole and listen to my podcast, We Defy Augury, which contains all my tangential thoughts on what I've read this year-- but I'm not necessarily recommending that . . . I'm just shamelessly cross-promoting to annoy Marls.
So now, in complete contradiction to what I've just declared, I'm going to recommend a random amount of books because I can't really choose among my favorites. Just pick one of these and read it. You won't be disappointed.
If you're looking for a fast-paced novel in an exotic location, you can't go wrong with Birnam Wood by New Zealander Eleanor Catton. It's an eco-thriller that pits the hippies vs. the plutocrats. It's a trip.
Here are two BIG novels you can really get lost in:
The Little Friend by Donna Tartt. Southern Gothic to the max.
Wellness by Nathan Hill. Probably the best novel of the year, but only read it if you're willing to reflect on the institution of marriage.
As far as non-fiction . . .
If you're getting amped up for the upcoming political shitshow, it might be good to take a step back and read Under the Eye of Power: How Fear of Secret Societies Shapes American Democracy by Colin Dickey.
Dickey's comprehensive narrative on how secret societies and conspiratorial thinking have intermittently reared their ugly heads and influenced our democratic process might not make you feel wonderful about the near future, but at least you'll realize that this era of misinformation and polarization is nothing new: politicians have always galvanized conspiracy theories and populist support for votes and power, and this too shall pass.
If you don't want to think about the upcoming political shitshow and instead you want to reflect on your musical taste and just why you listen to the stuff you listen to (and why everyone listens to complete crap) then I have two truly excellent recommendations for you:
This Is What It Sounds Like: What the Music You Love Says About You by Susan Rogers and Ogi Ogas.
Let's Talk About Love: Why Other People Have Such Bad Taste by Carl WilsonAnyway, that's probably too many recommendations-- but perhaps they will appease the Ghost of Gheorghemas Past and he'll stop barging into my sexy dreams.
If you're really balls-out-committed to doing some reading in 2024, you can join me and the 99% Invisible gang and read Robert Caro's masterpiece The Power Broker. It's a 1200-page biography of Robert Moses, the paradoxical populist visionary/ruthless autocrat/car-loving douche-bag who simultaneously improved and destroyed New York City and its environs. It's also Conan O'Brien's favorite book. I bought a hardcover copy as an early Xmas gift-- it's absurdly enormous. I'm already on page 200!
And now, on to the Top Ten List . . . Letterman style? Maybe . . . I vaguely remember these from when I was a kid.
Top Ten Reasons to Read a Book
9. It's better than the movie.
8. Reading is the best way to own the libs.
7. A book won’t sell your personal data.
6. Looking for a good night's sleep? Reading is almost as soporific as NyQuil.
5. When you read, you learn things . . .
The looser the waistband, the deeper the quicksand or, so I have read.
4. Hey hipster! Reading is more fun than learning to knit.
3. When you finish The Power Broker, Robert Caro might send you a congratulatory t-shirt.
2. It's not like you're doing well with the ladies.
1. If you don't read Communion by Whitley Strieber, then how else are you going to learn the unadulterated truth about alien abductions?
Happy Holidays, Gheorghies.
Friday, December 22, 2023
The Twelve Days of Gheorghemas: Day Nine
On the ninth day of Gheorghemas
Big Gheorghe gave to me...
Nine More Questionable Predictions
The Mets Will Not Win the World Series: HIT Seems like a layup now, but they were the odds on favorite at the time of the prediction. The Nats have Natitude, the Mets have Sukitude.
George Santos Is Going to Bring Down DJT: MISS I'm still holding out hope that Trump's PAC was the clownshow dumb enough to fund Santos, but with George kicked out of congress I don't think this one is going to happen.
Joe Biden Will Announce That He Isn't Running in 2024: MISS: As I said last year, "I like Joe Biden, I voted for Joe Biden... Joe Biden is 80 years old and has clearly lost his fastball." His polls keep getting worse and point to Trump beating him in 24. Wish the Dems had a better option.
2023 Will See The Return of the G:TB MaxiSummit: HIT While not as large as originally planned, Columbia SC saw 3 G:TB'ers and numerous FoG:TB attend the South Carolina/Florida SEC tilt. We need to grow this trend this year.
Twitter Will Not Declare Bankruptcy: HIT This time last year the chattering pundits loved the idea that Twitter (now X) would be belly up by now. Not yet, though Elon is still a douche.
TR Will Return To G:TB: MISS Despite Zman's best efforts, this didn't happen. If Aaron Rodgers 4 play Jet season could not bring him back, it might not happen.
Someone Will Buy Their WCSAGD Car: MISS - I think, although Zman did buy a sweet ride.
2023 Will Mark The Return of "Hi Gheorghies": HIT - I doubt that we will ever return to the level of late night hijinks as the early years around here, but it was good to see some a bit more G:TB After Dark
Dave Will Cross Promote His Other Blog and Podcast In a Post On G:TB: HIT - Biggest layup of the year. Dave checked this box on Feb 9.
5 out of 9 for a .550 batting average. Not bad. I will take that and try to build on it. On to the fearless predictions for 2024.
1. The Mets Will Not Win The World Series: This is likely an evergreen prediction. It has been 37 years since they brought home the hardware and this season will not change that. Better ownership and leadership provide Whit and me with hope but 2024 will not be the year. Alas.
2. Taylor Swift and Travis MaAuto Will Break Up: T Swift is the most famous person on the planet right now. This is not exaggeration. She has built a music, business, and real estate empire with a net worth of over $1.1 billion with a B. She is having fun with a very good football player but this prognosticator does not see it lasting. As Taylor has sung, if she was a man she'd be "The Man". Well, she is The Man and Travis will be by the side of road by next December.
3. Nikki Haley Will Be The Republican Nominee: Notwithstanding his unwavering base, the Orange Julius has some significant legal political issues that will not go away. Running against a clown car of other candidates in the primaries will result in DJT being the nominee again, but if the GOP can coalesce around a single alternative candidate Trump will be in for a dogfight. Haley seems to be the one in the current group that could pull that off. The political theatre of Trump running as a third party candidate would be delicious too.
4. TR Will Return To G:TB: My only double down from last year. I am prefacing this on one thing, I believe that the Jets will make the playoffs. You may say that just making the playoffs is a pretty low bar, but, in case you missed it, with their recent elimination from playoff contention the Jets are now the team in the four major North American sports leagues with the longest playoff drought. If Aaron Rodgers plays more than 4 plays the Jetropolitans have a great shot to break that streak. It is my Gheorghemas wish that it would be enough to get TR back in the comments.
5. DJT Is Going to Get Banned From Twitter/X....Again: Let's start by acknowledging that Donny Boy is going to start tweeting (x'ing?) again with reckless abandon. As the primaries heat up he will not be able to resist using his once favorite platform to take shots at his foes. This will only grow as we move towards the general election with Trump saying more and more outrageous shit until he gets into a pissing fight with Elon over something. At that point, one of the biggest egomaniac assholes in America will ban the other biggest egomaniac asshole in America. Both will be thrilled by this outcome.
6. We Will Have A Major AI Enabled Cyber Attack: Cyber criminals are already using AI to improve their attacks. It is a foregone conclusion that AI is going to be a huge multiplier to the bot/deepfake/misinformation campaigns that are going to be part and parcel to the 2024 election cycle. Beyond that, in 2024 I think we see a major attack where AI is credited with being a huge factor in the success. This will result in politicians who have no idea what they are talking calling for hearings and regulations that ultimately result in very little...
7. The G:TB MaxiSummit Trend Will Continue: Whit's pending nuptials make this one almost a lock. However, as the G:TB editorial staff migrate more and more towards empty nesting status, the environment is ripe for real world interactions between denizens of this online community. Danimal needs to make a OBFT appearance. Rob needs to head south to a SEC college football game. We could all go see Season 2 of Coach Prime.
8. Third Time Is The Charm: I am fond of saying that all the cool kids have two marriages. Maybe it should be three. As I mentioned above, 2024 will find Whit celebrating his nuptials. I look forward to lifting a glass to the Mr. & Mrs. later this year, most importantly because Whit has found a special one.
9. Jay Monahan will be out at PGA Commissioner: Monahan has butchered the LIV Golf situation in almost every way possible. He ignored it hoping that it would go away. Then he tried playing the morality card, including rolling out the 9/11 families to carry water for the PGA in their fight against the Saudi back LIV tour. He also had some of the tour's biggest stars stake their reputation on siding with the PGA. Then he and the PGA turned around and climbed into bed with the same folks that they had been besmirching for months because the money was right. It was all bullshit from the beginning and now everyone knows it. Stars are jumping to LIV and the remaining players are pissed. The Saudis have most of the leverage at the moment. The Tour is going to have to cut an unfavorable deal and can thank Jay's leadership. A new leader is needed now. I nominate Danimal.
OK, see you back here next year to see how I did.
Merry Gheorghemas to all!
Thursday, December 21, 2023
Gheorghemas Interlude: Journalismism
The calendar hasn’t flipped yet and already we have a candidate for Gassiest Journalism of 2024. Being a presidential election year, there will be no shortage of entries, but The Atlantic will be tough to beat.
The venerable, respected magazine’s January-February issue shipped, and its cover theme is “If Trump Wins.” It features essays from two dozen staff writers on various topics related to the Orange Oaf’s possible re-election.
There’s indisputable quality up and down the lineup – David Frum, Anne Applebaum, Adam Serwer, Barton Gellman, Caitlin Dickerson, Sarah Zhang to name a few – but it’s easy to view it as massive overkill, a journalistic vanity project geared toward reporters and commentators, policy wonks and true believers.
Some of the separate essay topics in the issue could be folded into larger points: climate change; misogyny; China; science; abortion; disinformation; the military; America’s character.
I’ll give the Big Hats the benefit of the doubt that the issue springs from sincere motives and concern. Though it’s also worth considering that the saturation approach was an attempt to separate themselves from the slow drip of piecemeal reporting about a possible second Trump term, that they wanted to present a one-stop shop of “Yikes!” and “Can you believe this effin’ guy?”
Despite the mag’s longstanding motto, “Of No Party or Clique,” they’re preaching to the choir, for the most part, and unlikely to change a single mind. And twenty-four essays will wear out supporters and even the most loyal readers. It’s like a 6½-hour Scorsese movie.
Atlantic editor Jeffrey Goldberg attempts to make a case for the package and the decision to go all-in, pointing out Trump’s position as prohibitive GOP frontrunner, his recent inflammatory rhetoric, and ideas floated by supporters that a good deal of what he supposedly stands for is un-American.
“Which is why we felt it necessary to share with our readers our collective understanding of what could take place in a second Trump term,” Goldberg writes. “I encourage you to read all of the articles in this special issue carefully (though perhaps not in one sitting, for reasons of mental hygiene). Our team of brilliant writers makes a convincingly dispositive case that both Trump and Trumpism pose an existential threat to America and to the ideas that animate it. The country survived the first Trump term, though not without sustaining serious damage. A second term, if there is one, will be much worse.”
I don’t disagree with Goldberg’s argument, but given that mags, newspapers, publications, websites, blogs should want to attract readers, it strikes me that the case against Trump could be distilled down to five or six more digestible points: preventing a White House built upon revenge and retribution, and by extension authoritarian structure; U.S. isolation and abandonment of allies; stacking of judiciary; grift and the Oval Office becoming a personal ATM; stripping down various Federal government agencies and erosion of citizen protections. Maybe one or two more.
Unintentionally, it also represents a level of haughty and an indirect dig at the present state of journalism. Publications everywhere are turfing staff, The Atlantic included, and the implied message is: You can’t cover stuff the way you used to? Well, we can have 24 people riff on one topic if ‘We’ decide it’s important enough. Knock yourself out, Sparky.
If folks read and heed, then the effort was valuable. If The Atlantic’s work launches other outlets to do their own reporting, that’s a win, as well. But presentation matters. Overwhelming the audience can be as detrimental as silence.
Tuesday, December 19, 2023
Interlude II: What In the Sam Hill???
Loving the Gmas productivity, gheorghies. Beautiful. Sliding a quick post in here 'twixt Gheorghemas gifts, because what in blue blazes?
11 minutes of Norwegian videos from over a decade ago. Please watch them.
And then help me understand . . . what in tarnation?
I'm dumbfounded. I mean, what in THE hell?
Monday, December 18, 2023
The Twelve Days of Gheorghemas: Day Eight
On the eighth day of Gheorghemas
Big Gheorghe gave to me...
Big Gheorghe gave to me...
Eight Amazing Quotes from Barbie (A Shlara Joint)
Seven Weeks of Sobriety*
I loved everything about the Barbie movie: the story, the way it looked, the dialogue, the music, the wardrobe, the overt and subtle jokes, the acting, the jumpsuits, all the pink. It. Is. Brilliant.
The director and writer, Greta Gerwig, used humor to deliver her message by doing something simple—flipping the patriarchy on its head—making the man a shallow, objectified accessory—the perception of women since the beginning of time. But the result is hilarious. More importantly it makes you think.
Narrator: Barbie has a great day every day. But Ken only has a great day if Barbie looks at him.
Ken: I made a double bet with Ken. And you can't make me look uncool in front of Ken.
Seven Weeks of Sobriety*
The director and writer, Greta Gerwig, used humor to deliver her message by doing something simple—flipping the patriarchy on its head—making the man a shallow, objectified accessory—the perception of women since the beginning of time. But the result is hilarious. More importantly it makes you think.
I'm sure you've all seen it. And I'm recommending you take 2 hours over the holiday to watch it again. With your family. And then talk about your favorite parts. Or just take turns doing Karaoke to "I'm just Ken." Bonus points if you know the West Side Story slash Gap commercial dance sequence.
To celebrate Gheorghemas this year, I'm sharing 8 of my favorite quotes from the Barbie movie. Even if you haven't seen the Barbie movie yet (WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?), I know you've heard about America Ferrara's "It's impossible to be a woman" monologue, so that's not in here, but it's at the top of the list (obvi).
Barbie: Money is not speech, and corporations have no free speech rights to begin with. So, any claim on their part to be exercising a right is just their attempt to turn our democracy into a plutocracy. This makes me emotional. And I'm expressing it. I have no difficulty holding both logic and feeling at the same time. And it does not diminish my powers. It expands them.
- This is perfection. No notes.
- He’s just Ken.
Barbie: I've never seen this malfunction before. It's usually just hair related.
- Totally relatable. A bad hair day can make anyone malfunction.
Barbie: HE'S NOT COOL
Ken: He is to me.
Sasha: Okay Barbie. let's do this. You've been making women feel bad about themselves since you were invented.
- Be honest Gheorghies. You ABSOLUTELY had this exchange with your significant other at least once this year.
Barbie: I think you have that the wrong way around.
Sasha: You represent everything wrong with our culture: sexualized capitalism, unrealistic physical ideals. Barbie: You're describing something stereotypical. Barbie is so much more than that.
Sasha: Look at yourself. You set the feminist movement back 50 years. You destroyed girls innate sense of worth, you're killing the planet with your glorification of rampant consumerism.
Barbie: No, I'm supposed to help you and make you happy and powerful.
Ken: Why didn't Barbie tell me about patriarchy? Which, to my understanding, is where men and horses run everything. I shall seek my fortune there. I'll take a high-level, high-paying job with influence please. Random Finance Bro: Well, you need at least an MBA and a lot of our people have PhDs.
- This is a daily inner dialogue for most women.
Ken: Why didn't Barbie tell me about patriarchy? Which, to my understanding, is where men and horses run everything. I shall seek my fortune there. I'll take a high-level, high-paying job with influence please. Random Finance Bro: Well, you need at least an MBA and a lot of our people have PhDs.
Ken: Isn't being a man enough?
Bro: Actually right now, it's kind of the opposite.
Ken: You guys are clearly not doing patriarchy very well.
Bro: Ha, no...we're doing it well. We just hide it better now.
Barbie: She thinks I'm a fascist? I don't control the railways or the flow of commerce.
Barbie: I want to do the imagining, I don't want to be the idea.
- It’s both hilarious and depressing how accurate this exchange is.
- Nerd humor and I’m here for it.
- Don’t we all, Barbie. Don’t we all…
Saturday, December 16, 2023
Interlude: Gheorghemas Carols
You might be surprised to know that in this, the fifteenth year of Gheorghemas, this is the fastest we've ever reached Day Seven. I kid. There's no way that surprises you.
Day Eight and Ten are drafted and ready to go, too. Remarkable times, my friends. Folks our age should rest a bit after setting that kind of pace, I think. So we'll give you the weekend to relax and listen to some of our favorite Gheorghemas tunes, new and old. A-wassailing we'll go! And as always, feel free to add your own faves to the mix.
Timely, this one. Beautiful, too. There's something a little bit magical about hearing someone sing "you scumbag, you maggot, you cheap lousy faggot" in a church while a priest doesn't bat an eye.
New to me. Weird to all. But Elmo's in there somewhere, so it's canon now.
Thursday, December 14, 2023
The Twelve Days of Gheorghemas: Day Seven
On the seventh day of Gheorghemas
Big Gheorghe gave to me...
Seven Weeks of Sobriety*
I won’t bury the lede, though this sentence is a trip around the block before arriving. I haven’t had a beer in seven weeks and counting.
That wouldn’t qualify as notable for many. For me, it’s practically a lifestyle change.
I’ve quaffed a beer or three more days than not in recent years. It didn’t hinder my life, as I don’t operate heavy machinery or have to act responsibly in public settings.
A couple of things contributed. First, my wife has hip issues that severely limit her mobility. I am often her legs, running errands, getting things around the house for her, fetching takeout, cleaning, doing chores, tending to the dog, in addition to my own meager daily activities. Might I have been a little buzzed some evenings? I might. Could it have impaired me had she required significant assistance before bedtime or in the middle of the night? It could. Not ideal.
Second, a couple months back, I woke up in the middle of the night with chest discomfort. I wouldn’t call it pain, but it was unusual and I couldn’t get back to sleep. I’ve written in this space about my heart issues. I have atrial fibrillation (an irregular heartbeat) and I had a pacemaker installed 18 months ago to regulate an abnormally low heartbeat. After I walked the dog at dawn, I woke my wife and told her something was amiss and that I would drive to the local hospital ER. I assured her I didn’t need an ambulance or medical transport, that I could carry myself.
I had been sitting up the entire time at the hospital, and the nurse asked: how have you felt the past hour or so? Fine, I said. They drew more blood to make sure the first round of results didn’t produce false readings. All good. Mystery solved. I remarked about not wanting to appear to be a hypochondriac, but they assured me that given my history I did the wise thing, annoying and inconvenient as it might be, and should do so again if it occurs. They cut me loose.
*I should point out that I haven’t gone full Prohibitionist. I have a bottle of pretty fair Irish whisky and a few evenings I’ve poured a shot and sipped while reading or watching TV. Not much and not often. What can I say? I don’t do ascetic well.
I’d like to tell you that I feel better during my beer hiatus, but I don’t know if that’s accurate. I suppose I could take satisfaction in a rare display of discipline but it feels like something I do, or don’t do, as part of the daily routine, like walking the dog or checking the mailbox. I’d like to say that cutting back on beer and booze has launched me toward some immutable truths, has provided clarity and focus. Except I’m as dim and scattered and muddled as ever.
I sometimes wonder if the times actually lend themselves to drinking more or hooked up to a Jameson drip.
Do I miss regular beer sessions? Sometimes. When I open the fridge, a handful of beers look up at me and nod imperceptibly. When I’m downstairs many times a day I pass beers on the floor patiently awaiting the trip upstairs. I’ll get to them at some point, along with beers unseen at various taverns. No telling when. We haven’t been very social of late, so there’s been no added temptation. Being the holiday season, there’s plenty of opportunity to indulge. Have one for me if you think about it. I’ll join you soon enough.
Tuesday, December 12, 2023
The Twelve Days of Gheorghemas - Day 6
On the sixth day of Gheorghemas
Big Gheorghe gave to me...
Six Random Items
Going to be honest...I dread this assignment each year. I said it. Am going to put on the calendar now as a reminder to begin the task in October, like I did for this year's work holiday cards. Unlike last year at this time, they've already been sent out - stress free, on my timeline. Effing lovely.
"Random Items" is not a yearly 12 Days Title for me, but this isn't the first either. For 2023, my Random Items are a mishmash, a smorgasbord, like I said - Random Items.
One. Let's start with the constant that is booze. My wife and I partook in dry January* last year which in turn led to, I do believe, less intake thereafter. Full disclosure - caught a peek at Whitney's Day 7, and let's say I'm in the camp of extending the month to....not sure yet, but something more than a month. The * signifies that it wasn't technically a dry January...my annual golf industry boondoggle is always in the last week of the month and well, that just won't happen. So in lieu of teetotaling those few nights, I added on the first week in February as penance of sorts.
As I'm always trying to find ways to save time on the thinking front, like Steve Jobs and his all black wardrobe but different...I'm done perusing the litany of bourbons on the shelf. I've got my go-to. I know it will be there. Don't cost much. And...I know I like it. From whiskeyshelf.com...
Unlike all the other releases that pick and choose one or some of the 10 combinations, Four Roses Yellow Label is made from all 10 combinations of mashbills (2 of them) and yeasts (5 of them), although there’s no way to know the percentage of each in the blend. I guess that means there’s the possibility of getting a little bit of everything that Four Roses has to offer.
If you rely on reviews for your product purchasing or moving watching, don't read the rest of this one should you meander on over to Whiskey Shelf. Meh. That's what's great about GTB nation - independent thinkers. Opinion naysayers. Uninfluenced by the masses. If someone told me I'd be stuck with this one for the rest of my years, I'd be okay more than okay with it.
Every company certainly has a story, and these guys tell those stories, from Standard Oil to Taylor Swift. How 'bout that range? Nike, NFL, Costco, Porsche, Lockheed Martin, Airbnb, Bitcoin and about a hundred others. You may think you wouldn't be interested in the genre, but I'm here to tell ya you could be right. But you might be wrong. Only one way to find out. These aren't the 45-minute "Stuff You Should Know" jobs (also a good one) but 2-4 hour deep dives. If you read Phil Knight's Shoe Dog, which only takes the reader from its founding in the mid-60's to 1980, and if you watched the Affleck/Damon duo's movie Air, you might think you know a lot about Nike but the Acquired guys are here to tell you otherwise. And they would be right.
If you have a penchant for reading about history, US military, the CIA, WWII - go to Lockheed Martin. Fascinating stuff. Car guy? Porsche is a must and that is even if you don't give two _____'s about the luxury sports car maker. I haven't listened to the Taylor Swift sesh but rest assured. (doubtful)
Okay, two down! That one didn't take as long....let's stay on stride Danny Boy!
Random Item #3 - A Coach. Or someone, something akin to a Coach. Therapists work too in other capacities, or so I've been told. I don't manage stress well. When tasks pile up, personal, professional, publishing deadlines!!! I don't freeze but I get pretty chilly. I'll tackle one then "bing", an email comes in and, well....ADD let's say. There was a time I was a master of the tasks. Checklist king. Boom! Bam! Take that you tasks. Nothing could get between me and the tasks. If you could name my tasks of old they'd all be named Heidi Klum. Just loved me some takin' care of tasks. And then, not sure when, how, why, not sure if it was overnight or gradual, I think gradual, I noticed the focus didn't go away but it waned a wee bit. Take this paragraph for example...I've gone from watching sports highlights, checking texts, getting some water from downstairs hotel lobby, putting some suitcase contents into the hotel dresser, all b/c my heart at this moment is not intent on finishing this thing. So I find things to help me stall it out - we were probably all very good at this in college.
Not a good recipe at work, where in the last 4-5 years the business I'm in has changed quite a bit, growth based mostly with our version of side hustles and, more people to answer to and many more to answer for. It's only going to continue in this direction so about 18 months ago I sought out a performance coach who I was referred to by my neighbor and good friend who I think a lot of and trust implicitly. She was striking out on her own so the timing was good for both of us.
I was able to get the biz to pay for most of it, which is nice. I will say in the 18 months since we started "seeing each other, virtually" she's been a big help. The decision to do this wasn't really easy ya know? It's kinda great doing nothing! So easy, like sitting on the coach. Cozy. Comfy. I don't wanna get up. Can't I just stay here with the clicker? There have been been personal/at home ancillary benefits as well. I'll go through the heavy lifting items at work. She'll ask, "what do you need to do next?" I'll answer after some thought. Then, "okay, what next?" I give answer, followed with, "When are you going to do it?" Ummm...tomorrow I guess? Of course that's over simplifying it but it isn't miles off of that. It's a little bit of a grift but a grift that produces at least some measurable outputs, so maybe it's a good grift. Here's a pic of a performance coach and her pupil - uncanny how this encapsulates my experience. 
Three down!
Four! This ties in to #3 a lil bit. On Turkey Day and around the holidays, everyone here shouts out their appreciation for this great spot and those that congregate here. To go one more, I'd say that everyone here has influenced me to the positive in one way or form throughout the roughly 15 years I've been comin' round these parts. Really, and I do mean everyone. It's such an impressive collective in terms of character, credibility, experiences, smarts. Thank you for helping me be a bit better of a person in this life. Sadly no one has impacted my desire to post here more regularly, defined as "more than once per year", but keep your heads up.
Five. Would you like more sharing? I wrote Items 1, 2, 3, 6 and part of 4 before the workweek began with the hopes of having it complete by Monday. Didn't happen. It could have but it didn't. No one to blame but my wife and kids and their requirement of traveling to swim meets two states away, chewing up an entire weekend after an entire week on the road. When I came in to close out #4, I thought I was done but lo and behold, I had not even started on #5. Do you remember my "ADD" reference earlier? Go back and look, it's there. So what is Random Item #5? I don't know - how about, "Blame others when able"? I'm taking suggestions.
Six! Let's bookend this with hooch. My drink for Thanksgiving this year was a Toasted Marshmallow Old Fashioned. Bourbon or Rye. Homemade marshmallow simple syrup. Chocolate bitters. If you're feeling randy and have one of those drink smokers, smoke up Johnny!
Like with any simple syrup of a particular flavor, there isn't a shortage of recipe options. Through trial and error - burn 8-10 marshmallows....place in a cup or two of water with your preference of white or brown sugar....simmer....after the marshmallows have melted and sugar dissolved, pour though a strainer - set in fridge for a bit or even overnight.
On the chocolate bitters...you can substitute this with a chocolate liqueur and if you have neither, I wouldn't sweat it. Vanilla extract maybe? I prefer rye when making an old fashion. You do you though. And if you can make it look remotely close to this, you're winning. The sweet & chocolate factors can be controlled, so tinker until you find the sweet spot, pun meant. A few drops of the bitters and roughly two tablespoons of the syrup do the trick for me, and about another tablespoon of the syrup for Mrs. Danimal. Enjoy!