The Twelve Days of Christmas: Day Eleven

On the eleventh day of Gheorghemas, Big Gheorghe gave to me

Eleven Months of Magic

Top Ten Reasons to Read a Book

Nine More Questionable Predictions

Eight Amazing Quotes from Barbie (A Shlara Joint)
Seven Weeks of Sobriety*

Six Random Items

Five Golden Auctions

Four Teams for Bitching

Three Tiny Scrappers
Two books for your Gheorghemas wish list
And a doofus to lead this country

"Eat at a local restaurant tonight. Get the cream sauce. Have a cold pint at 4 o’clock in a mostly empty bar. Go somewhere you’ve never been. Listen to someone you think may have nothing in common with you. Order the steak rare. Eat an oyster. Have a negroni. Have two. Be open to a world where you may not understand or agree with the person next to you, but have a drink with them anyways. Eat slowly. Tip your server. Check in on your friends. Check in on yourself. Enjoy the ride." Anthony Bourdain said that, and while he was ostensibly talking about food, I do believe there's universal wisdom in the sentiment. In our own little way, I hope G:TB tries at least some of the time to embody Bourdain's advice. 'Cept for the steak. I don't dig on the cow.

The critics have been unanimous in their assessment of this as objectively the finest Gheorghemas content in recorded history, and while this might be chalked off as recency bias, I'm here to support the contention. Every year, I reread the entire year's content for this post, and I gotta say that 2023 is likely the best we've ever done in terms of consistent quality. It's highly concentrated Gheorghieness, which makes 192 (and counting) posts pack as much or more impact as we managed when we dropped 402 posts in 2010 (how in the hell did we do that?).  I blame OBX Dave for raising the bar.

Speaking of the bar, here's to all of you for being a part of this place. It's a special little corner of the world, online and otherwise. Happy Gheorghemas, and on with the year in review.

January

Squeaky was first in with the photos, so he and his get pride of place. I appreciate how he sent the last pic of his kid being shorter than him for inclusion in this august publication. Good man, the Squeak.

In what should (has?) become a tradition, Marls kicked us off with predictions for the coming year. He got five of nine correct. Not too shabby.

Four of our first five posts of the calendar year were Gheorghemas posts. From the previous year. Solid. First real post was about the sad state of Georgetown hoops.

Screamin' Joe Agee tribute.

Mr. Lee, droppin' guesties. Just one guestie, really.

Zman goes to court.

The kids are alright, but they can't dress for shit.

The final day of the first month of 2023 gave us the final post of Gheorghemas 2022. The lunar calendar is a mess.

February

I dance, I (support) cheer, I coach, and I drink with my dog. There are worse lives.

The year's shortest month punched above its weight in terms of quantity and quality. With 19 posts, it trailed only November and July (20 each). It also gave us the calendar debuts for Wrenball, Gheorghasbord, We Defy Augury, Notify, and zShazams. If you don't think that's a way for me to take the easy road in terms of recapping things, you ain't really been paying attention.

We also wrote:

Thoughts from a hospital bed, moving and grateful.

The Kiwi accent is definitively the best in the English-speaking world.

“We have nothing in this life of suffocating obligation but our motherfucking impudence!”

Bold prediction by zman. Hope it's better than Marls'.

In which we discuss Dorking Wanderers.

March

International man of mystery, Notre Dame offensive lineman, family man, cleans up nice. Yessir, Danimal.

I copped to my addiction.

Skynyrd!

Scottish, definitely not crap.

Gotta be the first time we've used the 'bag of dicks' tag, no?

Z had been waiting for a long time to drop Fairleigh Dickinson knowledge. Protect tha Neck.

Experience Regina!

OBX Dave did some real sportswriting about Jim Larrañaga.

April

Marls contains multitudes. Of patterns, of beautiful women, of bluesky spectating.

With only 11 posts, April was the lightest load we carried since December 2006. Well done, boys and girls.

Kicked it off with a heck of a Travelogue from world-travelin' Whit. And just a few days later, I dropped part deux, which included my wife and me sipping painkillers in precisely the same bar (the Petite Pump Room Bar & Restaurant) Whit and his lady tippled just one day prior.

Newsgrump!

The rare G:TB/LinkedIn cross-promotion.

Also rare, a Mark post. With a critical exposition of Muppet Rap.

THE 5,000TH G:TB POST: AN ORAL HISTORY.

May

Simple man, Z. If a cat trusts you, gotta be a decent fella. And if a daughter smiles like that in your presence, you're a damn king.

We predicted that Samantha Bee would be the new Daily Show host with our first post of the month. Fuckers still haven't named a permanent host. The hell, y'all?

Tarheelymander.

Zed (and by extension G:TB) endorses Colin Allred.

Guess who's back? Ghooghles back!

Another G:TB take on reimagining college sports.

We're buying the Cheers bar!

The beginnings of an examined life.

I don't think AI is gonna replace us any time soon.

June

No man is a failure who has friends. And this guy has 'em in wild abundance. Hair? Well, Clarence the angel didn't say much about that.

First zman bouillabaisse of the year? I think so.

Pantsdrunk is the new black.

Hip Hop turns 50. Whippersnapper.

It's the money, you moron.

Social D Six-Pack.

Rick Astley, our kind of fella.

OBX Dave doubled down on the ways sports are trying to make even more money.

July

Kissin' dogs, catchin' the last of the rays, writin' smart stuff with a bunch of dipshits. The life of Riley for OBX Dave.

Kicked off the second half of the year with some new Les Coole and The Cukes.

We could (should?) make a pretty good anthology based on the stuff our Media Grump wrote about his profession this year.

Our preview of the Women's World Cup was pretty solid, as long as accurate predictions aren't your thing.

Little Danny Starfucker, out. Ding dong the witch is dead.

We assigned Professor Truck some work.

Whit made me a roadtrip playlist. It got some work.

August

Mark looks pretty tough, but catch those smiles and that doghug. Dude is a softie at heart, and we're here for it.

Zman and Marls finally dropped their Chinese Democracy.

Drove from Virginia to Colorado with my kid. 10/10, would do again.

College sports restructuring and the decline of the media were by far our two most-covered topics (other than dipshittery) this year. If we're not careful, people might start taking us seriously.

Our preview of the Women's World Cup Final was pretty solid, as long as accurate predictions aren't your thing. [With one sad exception, as we nailed this part: "The women's game is in excellent shape, and this World Cup has showcased its growth across the globe. There's still work to be done to root out misogynists and creeps, but I suppose that's true of a lot of domains."]

Whit and Ned wrote a great tune, and my kid made her poetry-reading debut.

September

Look at this guy! Entrepreneur, raconteur, musician, mustache-haver, bee pollen pimp and an all-around prince.

Godspeed John Isner, a pro's pro.

Our preview of the Rugby World Cup was pretty solid, as long as accurate predictions aren't your thing. 

We have Arnold to blame for That Fucking Guy.

Godspeed, Bob Boilen, a musician's music guy.

Freemasons all the way down.

I celebrated Whit's birthday by coming out. As a Luddite.

I also wrote a children's book. Coming soon to an Amazon near you.

The definitive college football pro/rel concept, courtesy of us.

October

Wearer of chapeaus, late-blooming gourmand, lover of the sublimely ridiculous, and family man extraordinaire. Ladies and gentlemen, The Teej!

Likely the greatest gambling moment in G:TB history.

Timmy Wake, making it flutter in heaven. Fuck Curt Schilling, on principle.

Tilting at windmills, man vs. church.

Masturbating fire chiefs, porn at Planning Board meetings. Just another week in the Dirty Jerz.

FIFA is gross, exhibit the infinite.

The Pac-12 picked the wrong time to stop sniffing glue.

The Rangers excised their own Bucknerian demons.

Gheorghe: The Blob.

November

Educator, coach, dad, husband, absolute weirdo, possibly evidence that artificial intelligence has advanced further than we can imagine. It's Dave!

Louisville is a fun destination, if you're into that sort of thing.

20 years of G:TB. Ain't that something?

Farewell to two of the all-time greats of women's soccer.

Hanshin Tigers!

Let JMU play! (We jinxed JMU!)

Thanksgiving food, definitively ranked.

Jim Harbaugh miiiiight be a little bit crooked.

As God is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly.

News to me.

Godspeed, Shane MacGowan, you beauty. I'm sure you and Tim Wakefield will have a lot to discuss.

And to all in this glorious community, a wonderful Gheorghemas season, a prosperous 2024, and whimsy, joy, and friendship in equal measures for all the days of your lives. Love y'all.