Dick is in the news.
According to a recent paper in the World Journal of Men's Health, "The average erect penis length has increased over the past three decades across the world. Given the significant implications, attention to potential causes should be investigated." And it increased significantly: "After adjusting for geographic region, subject age, and subject population; erect penile length increased 24% over the past 29 years." That's a lot of dick growth! To draw this conclusion, the authors searched "the literature" for "studies that evaluated penile size. Search terms included: 'Penile Length' OR ('Width' OR 'Circumference' OR 'Dimension') AND ('Erect' OR 'Flaccid' OR 'Stretched')." I suspect "the literature" was stuff I've covered here previously. Anyway, this is proof that career options abound for Genital Studies majors.
Also in the news: 50 Cent's dick. Fiddy sued a spa/plastic surgery center for posting a photo of him with the owner in a manner that suggested he received penis enlargement services. He also sued a gossip blog for perpetuating the rumor. He settled with the blog but the dick-measuring contest litigation with the spa continues.
Also in the news: Dick Van Dyke appeared on Masked Singer as a gnome.
Then he busted out Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious and even did a little jig at the end. Pretty impressive when you realize he's 97.
Also impressive: Dick's wife is 50. He picked her up at the 2007 Screen Actors Guild Awards (back when he was 81 and she was 35) by spitting serious game--he said "Hi, I'm Dick."
And no bag of dicks would be complete without a Trump in it. DJ Trump has a hot new joint out called "Justice for All" in which his hot fire verses are interspersed with singing by the J6 Prison Choir. I am completely not making this up, the former President of the United States of America made a song with a bunch of jailed insurrectionists. Apparently the inmates were recorded over the phone (in case you were wondering about the logistics of getting a recording studio into a prison). Positioned as a "charity song," managed by Kash Patel and Ed Henry, "[f]unds are slated to go to an LLC run by Henry, who will then disperse the profits. Recipients will be vetted to make sure proceeds do not benefit families of people who assaulted a police officer." A master class in dickishness, unbounded dickery if you will--it dicks around with democracy, decency, the rule of law, even Metallica gets dicked in this story. Here's the song. Just be warned that watching it will probably contribute a fraction of a cent to some dickhead insurrectionist or directly to DJ Trump (which I guess is the same thing).
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11 comments:
You forgot to mention this cinematic masterpiece that was nominated but ultimately robbed of best animated short at the Oscars.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/My_Year_of_Dicks
I'll pass on the J6 choir, thanks.
When I was a kid a family we were friends with in our neighborhood moved to Cincinnati. One summer we were going to visit them, and another neighborhood kid gave me a "peter meter" to take to his old friend who'd moved away. That was close to 40 years ago. I guess this obsession is nothing new.
My day started with this conversation:
zman: This weather is gross.
zdaughter: You know what else is gross? Daylight savings time.
zman: Yeah, I'm tired too.
zdaughter: Who invented daylight savings time?
zman: [checks phone] George Hudson
zdaughter: I want to go to his house and punch him on the back. It doesn't hurt much to get punched in the back.
zman: He invented daylight savings time over 100 years ago so he's dead.
zdaughter: Then I want to find his grave and punch the tombstone. Not hard though, I don't want to hurt my hand or knock it over.
zman: You think you can knock it over?
zdaughter: [flexes Hulk Hogan style] I'm strong.
Zdaughter is a spunky one, eh?
She's spunky when she's sleep deprived. She goes on this tirade every year, much like Dave. "Why do I have to get up early, why can't the farmers just get up early?"
back in the good ol' us of a. wiped absolutely out. nailbiter of a trip that turned out to be a blast. details to follow as i remember them.
I listened to some of the BBC rugby commentary from the Six Nations last weekend while I toiled away at my brush pile. I was hoping to hear some of you blokes bleed into the mics, but I did not.
working on an edinburgh recap. synapses, not entirely firing.
daylight savings is a killer. i had kids falling asleep in class all over the place. we also implemented some kind of standardized test to the juniors this week-- I can't imagine the scores were better for it. alex and I did foil it by going snowboarding-- when you don't have to work and you're so tired from the mountain, you go tot bed early and don't have to wake up at any particular time. so it's really a bitch for people with jobs or people who have to go to school.
Spring break this week so that's been nice for the adjustment for my kid. Her giving me her cold has been less so for your boy. She's officially hit that moment in her life where she really sleeps in. Next week is still going to be a struggle.
I've watched less CBB this year than just about any time in my life. Still quite excited for the next four days. Busier than I'd like to be work wise tomorrow and then taking the kid to the Orlando Science Center and her favorite taco spot on Friday (yep, missing some games and early St Patrick's Day festivities...Dad of the Year much?) but then my family can fuck off (not really).
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