RIP, Jed Bodhi Darrel Dalton Gates

As happens all too often these days, I got the news from you good people at G:TB. Patrick Swayze, gone at age 57.

I'm an unabashed Swayze fan. No, really. The Outsiders, Red Dawn, North and South (Orry Main was a badass), Point Break, Next of Kin (underrated), and of course super-badass Dalton in Road House. Hell, even Ghost was about the most enjoyable chick flick if you ever had to see one. I'm not sure what all happened in the mid-90's where his career went all Costner, but I dug his heyday work a lot more than I would have figured.

And by all accounts, he was a tremendously good dude. 57 is young; that's 18 years away for me. 18 years ago (when I was sitting in the Greenleafe drinking electric lemonades, throwing darts, and listening to The Flannel Animals with Rob and Dave) quite obviously seems like not too far in the rearview.

So drink up and live well, people. And remember: "If you want the ultimate, you've got to be willing to pay the ultimate price. It's not tragic to die doing what you love."

Wolverines!

Manning Looks Good in Giants Home Opener

Despite throwing an interception, Eli Manning looked really good in the Giants home opener yesterday. His uniform was especially clean and his shirt never came un-tucked, unlike some other Giants that I won’t deign to even name. Obviously, he’s been training hard in the off-season, because he even looked good from behind when he was in the huddle.

Manning looked good on the side-line as well. Instead of wearing his helmet all the time-- which looks weird and unfriendly-- or showing the television audience his helmet-hair, he wore a baseball cap with a crisp bill and a Giants logo. That looks good. Not that his helmet-hair looks bad: he’s wearing his hair short and neat, and he doesn't sport any “dreadlocks.” I hope he will look this good all season, and will not start to get bags under his eyes, like Troy Aikman. You’d think you’d be more nervous if you were playing in the game, rather than just offering color commentary, but Eli Manning certainly looked better than Troy Aikman this Sunday.

Rational People of the Nation Unite

I'm all for spirited political arguments. But you people are some batshit crazy motherfuckers.

(T4, for what it's worth, was known as the Euthanasia Program, under which German physicans killed more than 70,000 mental patients and other 'incurables' between 1939 and 1941)

Your Weekly Half-Assed NCAA Football Picks

Here's (TJ's), since (somebody) clearly lied about setting up a post. Liar. Lying liar.

JMU @ Maryland (NL)
Consider this a poor man's William & Mary/UVA matchup, at least in terms of the relative academic pedigree of the participants. (We kid, honey, we kid.) It might bear watching, though, as the Colonial Athletic Association has shown emphatically this season that CAA also stands for Crushing ACC Also-rans. Fridge's Terps looked all kinds of ugly against Cal's swift roster, while Mickey Matthews' Dukes come off a Division IAA Final Four appearance looking to keep pace with their conference brethren. JMU is breaking in a pair of new quarterbacks after the sensational Rodney Landers graduated, which may prove problematic against Maryland's blitz-heavy defensive schemes. It says here that Maryland rebounds with an easy win over the purple and gold. But it also said here that W&M would lose by three touchdowns.

USC (-6) @ Ohio State, 8 PM in the 'Shoe.
OSU's Terrelle Pryor was born on June 20, 1989. USC's Matt Barkley was born on September 8, 1990. We can all take a moment now to feel very very very old. Deep breath...and...exhale. So let's get down to business. The Trojans have a young QB, but he's only a year younger than Pryor, who has only a few games under his belt, but a lot of crazy. Me thinks it may seem racist to play the Vince Young card with the young Pryor, but I'm gonna go there anyway. Expectations for Pryor are too high, and the team has lost the son of a Road Warrior, a stud RB and a stud DB. Their confidence is rattled after almost losing to an undersized squad with short hair and a lame mascot. USC is loaded up front, and their young LBs will hold down the fort against the perpetually choking Buckeyes. So sit back, enjoy Brent on the mike and take the Trojans to cover.

Notre Dame- Michigan:

If you are a reader of this blog (or if you went halves on a bastard with somebody who is friends with a staff member) then you might be wondering why I'm picking this particular game, given my SEC fandom and southern roots. Well that's easy. TJ's a skirt and is only picking Conference USA games. Yaaay! Uninformed opinions about games we won't watch and don't care about!!

That's the main reason. The other reason is because I'm saving my initial SEC picks of the year for next week when I'll be picking the Florida-Tennessee hatefest as well as the Auburn-West Virginia game (aka 'Redneckpalooza') and then heading off to watch...the Auburn-West Virginia game. Surprising huh? Believe me, I'm surprised too. Suffice it to say, a few late nights, a lot of whiskey and some ill advised wagers came into play.

As for this week, TJ told me to rip Michigan and DickRod. Well TJ...you can eat a bag of dicks. You don't get to tell me what to do. I'll rip whoever the fuck I want. Charlie Weis? That fat fuck had a gastric bypass surgery and he's still three of me. Jimmy Clausen? Where do I start? Well, he's fucking gay. And not just regular gay. We're talking anal beads and gag balls gay. Yep. And, he's a Clausen which makes him a despicable piece of noodle armed, tree hugging, California shit. I could go on forever when it comes to Notre Dame. I hate Notre Dame more than I hate any non-rival of Florida (and truthfully more than some lesser rivals).

I never really hated Michigan though. I hate that Rodriguez conned Denard Robinson into thinking he could really play QB at Michigan when he's just gonna end up playing some Wildcat and receiver...which he could've fucking done at Florida. I hate that Denard Robinson is dumb enough to play football in purposely unlaced cleats. I hate how boring and old Michigan's fans are. Sure, I hate all of those things. But I don't hate Michigan. Their fight song is pretty cool. I loved their helmets when I was a kid. Yeah, Michigan's alright with me.

So what does all this mean? Not a motherfucking thing. Notre Dame's going to win this game and they are going to win big. I don't even know the spread (6.5?). I just wrote this and emailed it to TJ. You might call that lazy. I call it confidence.

Interregnum

Just a little bit of genius from the geeks at Wired to pass the time until our Week 2 football picks see the light of day. Behold, Beer Robot.

How I Like to Welcome Every NFL Season

Then He Started Throwing Sea Creatures

Somebody needs to get Mark's relatives under control...

MADEIRA BEACH — A 41-year-old man who witnesses said had been drinking since 9 a.m. was arrested Monday afternoon after authorities say he created a disturbance by pretending to drown and throw jellyfish on teenagers.

Keith Edward Marriott, of 100 154th Ave. in Madeira Beach, faces charges of disorderly intoxication and carrying a concealed weapon after a pocketknife was found in his shorts, Pinellas County sheriff's deputies said. Marriott repeatedly submerged himself and floated to the surface, "causing concern for his safety," and was "loud and disruptive," according to a sheriff's report.

Then he started throwing sea creatures.

Marriott, who is listed on arrest reports as working for a brokerage company, was being held at Pinellas County Jail in lieu of $250 bail.

It is Music Month after all...

You didn't think I'd be able to go too long without throwing up a video clip, did you? But not just any clip...one of the cheesiest/most entertaining videos ever (I mean, there's an attempt to actually have a plot for this...why I do not know). I forgot how fantastic this one was...thank god for VH1 Classic:

Your (Ironic?) Pic of the Day

I'm not mad, just disappointed...

that none of my colleagues here at Gheorghe are currently rocking this license plate:

Redemption Sonngonngonng

Genius is lonely, they say. A lesson I've learned the hard way in the wake of the universal panning of my most recent efforts at filler. But Thomas Edison didn't invent the automobile by giving up after his first failure, did he? And so, back on the horseless carriage one more time with this welcome to a short workweek.



Gheorghe: The Theme Song will benefit immensely from this technology.

William & Mary 26, University of Virginia 14

It's said that you're supposed to act like you've been there before, that if you celebrate a victory too much it only gives the opponent that much more credit and makes you look like you don't belong. Well, we celebrate because we truly don't belong.

The College of William & Mary decided once upon a time that it didn't want to be a big-time sports university. (And re-confirmed it many times along the way, such as when the College declined an invitation to join the ACC in the 1970's.) The Indians/Tribe/Wrens were I-AA, now we're FCS, and when they change it to some other descriptor, we'll be that, too. The U.S. News & World Report rankings matter far more to the school administrators than the FCS polls. Academics come first, the institution was founded on . . . blah, blah, blah. You know this, and if you are in possession of a transcript from the College you really know this. Good gracious, do they take their academics seriously over there.

So when we get a chance to witness -- or in my case, hear and read about when I could have witnessed (dammit!) -- the Physics-first, Football-second Tribesters take the Wahoos and their pile of pleated pomp they call a fan base to the proverbial woodshed, it's time to revel. Does UVA really even qualify as big-time college football these days? Not really. But they're big, they're ACC, they're our rival in many ways outside of football, and we don't particularly care for them. By next weekend, it'll fade from pertinence, but even into November when it's playoff time and folks are perusing the W&M schedule & results, this will come up again.

And beyond. Back in December of 1986, W&M College president Paul Verkuil and Dean of Student Affairs Sam Sadler (both Pi Lam fratres of ours, which possibly explained our chapter still existing) participated in the traditional Yule Log ceremony for the students (who actually participate in such things). As the story goes -- Rob and I were still in high school, so we're not that old -- Verkuil read How the Grinch Stole Christmas and Sadler read 'Twas the Night Before Christmas as they did every year, but Sadler closed his with the following amended couplet:

But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,
"Happy Christmas to all, and UVA, nice try."

Here's hoping the current administration carries on such tradition. We'll always be the little guy who doesn't belong, so when we rise up and do something huge once in a while, let's go ahead and celebrate.

And So It Begins...

Or began, depending on how much interest you had in last night’s pigskin festivities, or what you think we’re about to discuss. But we digress. As most of you are aware, this crisp and sunny Labor Day weekend brings us a full slate of college football. Hidden amid the forest of slaughterhouse tune-ups scheduled by the majors to get a scrimmage that counts against a small school whose AD will sacrifice his squad's pride for a six-figure paycheck (we’re looking at you Ohio State, Penn State, Georgia Tech, UNC, Texas and Florida) are a few trees that should bear some luscious pieces of viewing fruit.

Before we segue into any more oddly suggestive references that barely relate to the story, allow us to present you with a preview of some of this weekend’s red hot pigskin action.

Cincinnati (+5.5) vs. Rutgers in the Dirty JerzWe’ll start with the weekend’s most riveting game – the Big East showdown between the Scarlet Knights of Rutgers and the Bearcats of Cincinnati that got moved up because somebody thinks it will make riveting television on a sunny Labor Day afternoon. Many are picking Rutgers to win the conference this year, which would bestow onto them the honor of being (arguably) the 31st best team in a country. They could head to a BCS bowl game to get their heads handed to

them by a disappointed SEC or Big 12 school. Even the ACC schools are grimacing at the mediocrity in the Big East, as different pundits have picked Rutgers, West Virginia, Pitt, or Cincy to be crowned King of the Dipshits.

Here’s what we know about the game. The finest folks in the greater Brunswick region will be out en masse to celebrate Rutgers’ $100 million stadium expansion. They know they need to root root root for the home team this year because the school is a Joe Paterno broken hip away from possibly losing its coach to a bigger program. Rutgers returns all of its offensive line, anchored by left tackle Anthony Davis, a future first-round pick. But it is weak and inexperienced on all of the skill positions, including quarterback, a position that some argue is important.

There was a five-man race for the starting QB position, but many competitors fell by the wayside early. DC Jefferson transferred to tight-end. And Jabu Lovelace showed that he can’t pass and will stay on as the team’s Wildcat option. True freshman Tom Savage (no relation to Randy) (seriously, we couldn't get a Hector Savage joke here? that would've been really indicative of gtb and it's culture) was the most impressive of the lot and will start the year as the back-up, though he will likely log a lot of playing time. For now, the team’s starting quarterback is the aptly named New Jersey product Dom Natale.

So Rutgers will need to get their running game established to be a force this year. They will do so with great aplomb for most of this season, as Davis and Manasquan, NJ resident Art Forst bowl over the undersized defensive lines in the conference week in and week out. We’ll spare you with the preview on Cincinnati because one of us has to go to a meeting and do some “real work.” Rutgers is favored by 5.5. Will they cover? Fuhgeddaboudit.

Alabama vs. Virginia Tech (+6.5) @ Atlanta, GA

Alabama jumped back into the national picture ahead of schedule last year, rising all the way to

the top spot in the national rankings before Florida asserted itself and Utah exposed the undermotivated Tide in the Sugar Bowl. Now, in Nick Saban’s third year, he’s scrambling like all hell to destroy the tapes of his one-night stand with Rick Pitino’s nanny in the bathroom of Tuscaloosa’s finest barbecue joint. No, sorry, that’s not true. Though really, would it surprise you? Saban’s actually working to break in a new quarterback after the seemingly interminable and sometimes not entirely dreadful John Parker Wilson era finally came to a close. Greg McElroy takes the helm of a squad that will once again be led by a nasty defense, so long as its players can avoid getting shot. Or getting caught violating NCAA rules. Or catching the flu. Can we start the season already?

Frank Beamer’s Hokies enter the season the 7th-ranked team in the nation, with optimism running neck and neck (i get jokes) with binge drinking on the leaderboard in Blacksburg. Tyrod Taylor gets the ball as the unquestioned starting quarterback now that Sean Glennon’s moved on to nursing school. Taylor’s feet will be as important as his arm (2 TD passes vs. 7 rushing TDs in 2008) until one of Tech’s green tailbacks establishes himself – the loss of sophomore tailback Darren Evans looms large for the Hokies. As usual, Bud Foster’s defense will be a ballhawking force, and the Hokie special teams will scare the living bejesus out of too many opponents.

I live in ACC country. The ACC is an awesome, awesome conference. In basketball. ACC football defines major-college mediocrity. It says here that there’s no way on Tim Tebow’s green earth an ACC team is the 7th-best squad in the country. Alabama struggles to move the ball in the early going as McElroy gets his legs under him against the Hokie defense, but puts this one away in the second half. Remember what LSU did to Tech the last time Frank Beamer’s boys faced an SEC team? This one won’t be quite as hide-your-eyes ugly, but ‘Bama will be the one that emerges with national title hopes intact. (did you guys know rob likes Alabama? well, he does, he really really likes them)

William & Mary @ Virginia (NL)
Bonus prognostication courtesy of the alma mater, as W&M begins Jimmye Laycock’s 31st season at the helm with a money grab in Charlottesville. The Tribe’s got a history of throwing a scare or two into the Hoos, winning in 1987, leading at halftime in 1988, dropping 35 points on then-No. 1 UVA in 1989 (allowing 63, but that’s not the point), and keeping several more recent games close. Ish. Tribe faithful expect to lose this one, and probably by three touchdowns. We also expect to encounter scores of overprivileged and undereducated (and overdressed) students on the UVA ‘grounds’.

Uh oh, is that Mark's music?
I'm sitting here watching South Carolina and NC State take offensive football back decades with their collective ineptitude on College Football's opening night for the second straight year and, besides thanking God that I was able to witness Spurrier (Osaka!) in his prime during my tenure at the University of Florida (as opposed to now which is somewhat like watching Pedro Martinez over the last few years), I'm wondering why the fuck ESPN would choose to give us these two terrifically mediocre and milquetoast programs on opening night...for the second straight year. Then I remembered, because its College Football and people like you and I would watch Presbyterian take on Methodist (they are both real colleges, both in North Carolina if memory serves) tonight we're so hard up for football. Hell, I don't even mind the sound of Jesse Palmer's voice tonight. The moral of the story, of course, is that football is back and we're all better for it. Even if we are outwardly worse people because of it.

For example, I'll be in Gainesville this weekend and I'll do more this Saturday (drink, tailgate, watch football, drink, eat grilled meats, drink, watch football, drink, ogle coeds, drink, pass out) than I've done over the last three weekends combined. Will the Gators destroy Charleston Southern? You're damn fucking right. Will they cover the insane 73 point spread? Ummmm, no. I'd advise you to stay away from betting on or against the Gators this weekend. However, if you can find a casino to give you odds on how long I'll actually be inside The Swamp on Saturday night, well, bet the house and bet the under. This guy will most assuredly be drinking, watching football and making inappropriate comments in the other Swamp before halftime...and loving every fucking minute of it.

I also thought it would be fun to still include Mark's pick for last night's Oregon/Boise St game:

As for football games that might actually matter this weekend, few are as intriguing as Thursday night's Boise St.-Oregon (+3.5) tilt. Both teams run wide open offenses, both teams have high hopes for this season and both teams hail from towns with great weed (don't sleep on Boise folks). On top of that, Oregon's been making noise about Boise State taking cheap shots during last year's game in Eugene AND Boise State's BCS hopes ride completely and totally on a victory on the smurf turf. (Look at their schedule, they've got nobody else with any cache nationally once they get past the Ducks). I want to take Boise here but I feel like Oregon QB Jeremiah Masoli's just too good and motivated (he was knocked out of last year's game on one of the aforementioned "cheap shots") to let the Ducks lose tonight. Oregon wins by a TD, Masoli runs for 2 TDs, throws for 3 more and I end up so high by the 4th quarter that I'm eating cookie dough while quacking at my dogs every time Oregon gets a first down.

And since TR went to the 'pen to have me format this mess of a post (content A+, font matching F-), I figure I might as well throw a game/pick at you as well...now lookee here, this game seems perfect:

Tulsa @ Tulane

Tonight, ESPN, 8pm (brought to you by Joe Tessitore and, ugh, Rod Gilmore)

OK, let's see. Conference USA decides to kick off their season with this "marque" match-up? A Tulane team that went 2-10 last year and has been mediocre for much of the last decade vs. a Tulsa team that lit up scoreboards last year en route to an 11-3 record? CUSA Football, it's Mediocr-awesome. What do I know about these two teams?* Very, very little, especially now that David Johnson and "offensive genius" Gus Malzahn have left Tulsa. But, I'm pretty sure new Tulsa QB GJ Kinne will find Damaris Johnson and Slick Shelley (fantastic name) multiple times in the Superdome end zone tonight, and Tulane will be poor to quite poor across the board. I believe Tulsa is a two touchdown favorite here - take 'em.

*Wait, I just remebered what I did know about these two schools. The mascots (I sound like Diane Chambers). I'm pretty sure the Tulsa (Golden) Hurricane will have no trouble destroying New Orleans-based Tulane. If I were Green Wave coach Bob Toledo, I'd just open my post-game presser by blaming the Army Corps of Engineers for the deluge of points allowed and subsequent loss.

The Bear: I Will Lick All Your Stuff

Now playing: Greasetruck

This is my friend Igor's favorite Greasetruck song. He's a huge music fan and he likes cool bands like Wilco and Sunvolt and Uncle Tupelo, so that counts for something. He also really like Ween and Adam Ant, so maybe it doesn't count for all that much.

The song, which I call The Bear, is my take on the current economic meltdown. If you listen carefully, you can hear my banjo run through an amp simulator.

The Bear

When I come, I will not come alone
I will come like a pack of flying monkeys.
I will come like the hun,
Like a bullet from a gun,
make you run down your street,
clinging to the things you think you need.

I will come into your kitchen,
seize your breakfast, key your Lexus,
chase you all the way to Texas
just kick you in your solar plexus.

You will believe in me.

Like a disease,
Like a horde of killer bees.
Like a pox of rabid fleas,
you will know it's me--
When your trees are full of monkeys,
dirty nasty smelly monkeys.
I will scratch your DVDs,
ruin their alphabetical order.
Make love to you daughter
on your flat screen TV.

Steal you wife, steal your life,
play with all the blades on your swiss army knife.
Drink you high end tequila,
autograph your sports memorabilia.
Treat you rough, treat you tough,
I will lick all your stuff.

You will believe in me.

www 25 Good to Great Music Websites com

In the second installment of Music Month madness, we're providing you an appendix-like list of all kinds of music resources on the web. (By appendix-like, I meant the document kind, not the anatomical variety, though you may find you can live without this list just as much.)

The path to enjoyable listening is no longer via reading Rolling Stone and listening to K-94 or WNOR FM99. It's not watching videos on MTV or Friday Night Videos. It's not even going to iTunes and seeing what Cameron Diaz put on her celebrity playlist. Really digging deeper requires a modicum of effort . . . but really, we've done the heavy lifting here, so simply enter these links as bookmarks, sit back, and let the music play, as Shannon once sang.


25 Good to Great Music Websites


To Listen to Music:

Pandora Radio
Most are familiar with this clever site by now. You tell Pandora what kind of music you like, and she opens up her box and creates something of a radio station based on your input. In addition to what you already dig, you'll hear suggestions for similar-sounding material. You have to register with the site, and I think there may be limits to what you can get for free, but it's a very cool concept.

NPR's "All Songs Considered"
Yes, NPR. Their music branch is tip-top; their knowledge and access where new, unheralded rock and roll is concerned is impressive. The site has video and audio clips of live shows, interviews and reviews, and lots of solid recommendations. The Podcast, so long as you can endure Bob Boilen's unique voice, always has clips of the new and out of the mainstream. They've got a good thing going over there in public radio.

WXPN
This Philly station's site is among the best internet radio sites that's actually on the FM dial. "Eclectic" is a term that's frequently overused these days, but it fits their "format," if you have to have a format. (Channeling Clark Griswold again.) In the last few hours they've played The Allmans, Modest Mouse, live Cure, The Monkees, Rhett Miller, Fine Young Cannibals, Elvis, Beatles, & the Rolling Stones (much to 1977 Joe Strummer's chagrin), Slade, Beck, Wilco, and UB40. And always lots of Springsteen, natch. And it goes on -- check out the "Playlists" link to see everything they've played of late. It's akin to putting my 160GBer on shuffle, except without the Random Idiots and other crap. XPN also has periodic contests and giveaways during fund drives; their excellence makes them very little money, as usual. Give it a listen.

KEXP
Out on the left coast, things get a little more fringe-y. Whereas WXPN prides itself on the aforementioned eclecticism, KEXP's focus is music off the radar. That could mean erstwhile alt-country acts that Rob and I have been touting for some time (Wilco, Old 97's), 80's alternative stuff, obscure album tracks from Ziggy Stardust or Highway 61 Revisited, or the best new music you'll only hear down in the lowest numbers of your radio dial -- or probably not at all. This morning there's been some Elliott Smith, Wilco, Yo La Tengo, Waterboys, The Hold Steady, Radiohead, Psychedelic Furs, Cat Power, New Order, and a whole lot of acts even Rob and I have never heard of. For me, it's a bit of mining for gold there, as they won't all please the ears but when you come across a good one, it's a keeper.

YouTube
Have you guys heard about this YouTube site?? You can post videos there! Yeah, okay, all G:TB readers are painfully familiar with what's been called "YouTJube," but the reason it's included here is that there is a wealth of live music on there. If you like a band and the 30-second morsel iTunes feeds you doesn't give you enough of a feel for it, there's every chance there's a live or studio version of it on YouTube. Or the actual video. Or the audio track of the song set to a video of some guy shoving a kzoo up his nostril at an Arby's drive-thru.

blip.fm
Take what I said about YouTube and add it here, except for one major addition. At blip.fm, you have your own radio/video station that people "follow" a la Twitter. You search for songs -- and, added by users, there are millions -- and "blip" them, so they pop up for those folks following you to click on and listen. (You can synch it with your Twitter account as well, enabling your Twitter followers to see/hear your recommendations too.) It's a great place to find and hear a tune you might like, and it's a great forum for hearing recommended music in its entirety.


To Read About Music:

On the CD Front
Pause and Play's On the CD Front has a comprehensive list of all of the new releases and re-issues coming out on a Tuesday-to-Tuesday basis. Get the heads-up on who's putting out what in months to come. They also include music-related DVD's and books as well. It's simple to scan through and notice that you should start saving your pennies for that new Stryper Greatest Hits (Mark). Pause and Play -- the main part of the site -- has plenty of good reading as well.

The All-Music Guide
Speaking of comprehensive, the All-Music Guide is an enormously voluminous library of reviews of rock and roll music. (And classical, but let's not go down that road.) The team of writers gauge everything from New Riders of the Purple Sage to the New York Dolls to New Order to New Potato Caboose to New Edition to the New Birth Brass Band to the New Pornographers on their 5-star rating scale. They aren't always in synch with my tastes, but 4 ½ times out of 5 they are. It's my first stop to learn more most every time.

Pitchfork
Pitchfork goes beyond the music reviews [which it has a-plenty, and on a full 10-point (with decimals) scale], providing the latest music news, interviews, and tour headlines. They even have their own music festival. Pitchfork strays towards the indie bands but still makes time for some major label work. That said, find the new Rod Stewart record review elsewhere (TR). The 'fork can be a bit aloof and rock snobbish at times, but hey, who isn't?

Paste Magazine online
In the 80's, I subscribed to Rolling Stone. It was, and in some pale shadowy way, still is the gold standard. (Do not pay for it now.) In the 90's and early 2000's, it was CMJ Music Monthly magazine. A very good publication, it came with a sampler CD and positive reviews of nearly everyone they covered. (Leading me to invest in acts that weren't stellar; Fastball and Louis XIV come to mind.) Nowadays I swear by Paste magazine. It's a very grass rootsy publication based outside Atlanta -- so grass rootsy that they had to launch a campaign to raise enough money this spring to keep from folding up its tents. Their site equals the print edition plus -- they have very good reviews, good articles, rare downloads, and a bit of fluff. My only complaint is that they occasionally fall into the trap of widening their scope beyond music; The 17 Best Romantic Comedies of This Decade was mildly interesting (to TJ), but out of place, so says I. Anyway, Paste is head, shoulders, midriff, and pelvic region above RS these days, so if you're looking to spend a few bucks on a music mag, this is the one.

Metacritic
Reviews, reviews, reviews. From David Fricke at RS to user "bongioviwater69" on a random music message board, everyone's got an opinion and there are more avenues to share them. So how does one reach the plateau of enlightenment to find out if U2's latest work is revelatory rock or retread rubbish? (As always, the truth is somewhere in the middle on that one.) Why not take a sampling of the most respected (Spin Magazine notwithstanding, heh heh heh) reviewers and take the average rating? Metacritic does exactly that, compiling scores and even including snippets from each review. It's your one-stop shopping for music critiques. A little bit Wal-Mart for an industry whose best representatives are desperately clinging to Mom & Pop virtue, but hey, the economy's tough. Why would you want to buy an album based one one review when you can see the gamut?

musical-musings
And in the far, musty, dusty corner of the blogosphere, we have a well-crafted, clever-not-snarky, and dare I say brilliant blog of music writing. And defunct for years. And it's mostly comprised of G:TB writers. So this entire mention is self-serving and pointless. But go check it out if you're truly bored.


To Buy Music:

iTunes
Heard of it? Okay, no details needed, but it's still a work of genius by the Appleheads. At the very least a point of reference.

Amazon
Heard of it? It lags behind in its ubiquitous association with music downloads, but as TR points out, you get the same songs as iTunes without the format restrictions. Of course, iTunes has now made it possible to convert their protected downloads to mp3 at the click of a button, but it's an extra step you don't have to do with Amazon.

eMusic
For anywhere between $6.49 and $30.99 a month you'll receive between 12 and 75 unprotected downloads from eMusic. Once an independent-label vehicle only, you used to get more for less, but once they acquired Sony's catalog, you can guess what happened. Still, beyond the Sony/Columbia/Epic titles, there are thousands of titles by lesser-known acts whose work can be yours for between 41 and 54 cents a track. Sorry for all the math.

SecondSpin.com
Don't mind used? Don't have a hang-up about squeezing the artist out of the pecuniary equation? Go to SecondSpin. As we've mentioned before on this forum, there are times and places where it's been deemed morally acceptable to download music for free. Same with used CD's. If they're small time or friends of friends, maybe find a way to get them some of your monies (including going to see them). If it's Houses of the Holy you want, go to SecondSpin. Plant, Page, & JPJ will be just fine. CD's are anywhere from $1.99 (for the dreck or super-indie) to $8.99 for the premier single disc-ers. Uncovering out-of-print stuff is a nice bonus, too.


To Learn Music:

The Internet
Seriously. You want to know the lyrics to a certain song? Any song that ever appeared on a CD (just about)? Enter song lyrics clash guns of brixton (or whatever the song happens to be) in any search engine and see the plethora of results. azlyrics.com, sing365.com, lyricsfreak, lyricsdepot, etc. None that I have seen rises above the rest. In fact, they all seem to have copied off each other (with a few erroneous exceptions). You'll get a pop-up window or two, but you'll get the lyrics. And it goes "Philomath is where I go by dawn" in case you were wondering.

OLGA's descendents
In the beginning, for guitar tablature, there was only OLGA: the OnLine Guitar Archive. She was helpful beyond all 1997 expectations. Somewhere in the decade or so that passed, however, OLGA faded into the ether thanks to "lawyers," and a hundred other guitar tab sites popped up. Her progeny runs just like the lyrics sites above. Enter guitar tabs stairway to heaven in any search engine, you got it.

The Covers Project
I wasn't sure how to categorize this one, and you might consider this site extraneous; I consider it fun. It's a site dedicated to cover tunes; simply enter a band or song, and a wealth of returns appear. If you are doing your dissertation on the quest for the best all-time cover of "Johnny B. Goode," well, then, by all means, go see The Covers Project.

BandtoBand
Looking for even more light-hearted music fun? Did you enjoy the 90's fun game "The Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon"? Come on down to Band to Band! Here's the concept: The family of rock and roll is not unlike that of rural Alabama; everyone's kin in some way or other. (And yes, I have family in southern AL.) Pick a pair of bands and see how few jumps it takes to connect them via collaboration in some way. Beastie Boys and The Beatles are next to each other in the record bin, but it takes 6 jumps (including one via the Traveling Wilburys, which is always nice) to connect them in this game. Mindless fun, and more instances of marveling at the effort someone put in.


To Go See Music:

Pollstar
We used to listen to radio stations, read the paper, and wait to be told by more knowledgeable people when bands were coming to town. Now it's easy. Pollstar was the early leader in websites tracking tour information, and it's still the one I check first. Search by city, venue, or band. Like many sites on this list, it's addictive.

JamBase
See above. JamBase I liked as an alternative to Pollstar because you could customize it a bit more, adding in your favorite bands and having it e-mail you when they were coming to your town. But it's mostly the same, and it's good.

Tourfilter
A Zoltan recommendation, I like this one because it strips away the fluff and gives you the meat you want minus the filler on the page. I don't need a picture of the Drive-By Truckers, I just want to know when they're coming back to VA. And Tourfilter spells it out pretty plainly. Again, however, the material is largely the same as above -- except that with Tourfilter, you need to live in one of its 80 cities. I do. These days, even Facebook's iLike feature can notify you when your faves are hitting your hometown. No excuses for missing a show now, lads & lasses.

StubHub
Okay, so let me reiterate a monotonous theme: there are others that do this as well, I just like the one I mention the best. StubHub has gotten me playoff Mets tickets (eons agon, dammit), but it's gotten me Wilco in New Orleans and Brooklyn, U2 in Charlottesville, and . . . yes, fine . . . Morrissey in Norfolk. Yep, you'll usually pay a little more than face value. But won't you do so gladly if it's not exorbitant and your alternative is sitting home and hearing about it later? Love this technological advancement.


To Learn More About the Artist:

Official Artist Sites
Okay, there are countless good to great official websites by rock and rollers. I don't have the time or patience to do your work for you. If one is particularly good, comment on it or e-mail me and we can add it here. (That rule applies to this entire post.)

Wilco: Tour dates are a staples of artist sites, but few let you listen to entire shows from a few days ago.
Wilco (not official but close): Want to see somethign impressive? Go look at every setlist from every show Wilco has ever done. Ever. Starting in 1994, up through last week. It's "wow" if you have mild interest in the band, and a serious time-eater if you are a longtime fan.
Dave Matthews Band: Say what you will about DMB's "overvalued" status (as a friend put it). The site is impressive. Buy mp3's of a boatload of shows. Yeah, that makes it commercial, but availability is pretty cool.


That should give you something to do this afternoon . . . besides checking back here every 10 minutes for comment brilliance, it goes without saying.

Getting rob's back...

Settle down dirty thinkers...I am simply here after a two day absence courtesy of some quality stomach cleansing to say I've seen what the diminutive one has done recently, and I welcome such (shallow, awful, unfunny) attempts at filler he has compiled. And in that tiny tradition, I happily offer this Wednesday filler, which in some f**ked up way even applies to Music Month...enjoy gheorghites:

Music Month Kicks Off

Good people, it's time to come back from the beach and head back to school. It's time to set aside the smooth sounds of oceanside lite rock stations and cruise down the dial to something a little less Bobby McFerrin (not that there's anything wrong with it) and a little more rock and rollish.

It's time to shelve the ♫Party Playa♫ (as seen at right) by Hasbro or Ronco that seemed like a terrific idea (weatherproof iPod player for the beach) but fell short of expectations as low fidelity and volumes precluded real enjoyment of the music.

It's time for Music Month, our annual September pilgrimage into the world of audio utopia. In addition to the various information and insight the writers at G:TB will be bringing you on topics as diverse as college football and . . . college basketball, we'll also shed a little light on the sounds that are flowing out of our subwoofers and through our noggins. There will be reviews and recommendations, silly games and puff pieces, Teejay (not Rob) filler, and maybe even a long-awaited conclusion to the Cauc Hop tournament. Hell, we might even post a review of Chinese Democracy.

Because nothing says "fresh, exciting and new" like a retread of a post written in 2007, that's what we're launching Music Month with today. At Rob's suggestion, we're re-printing (with permission) a piece from Misery Loves Company in February of that year. (Some of the individual references are therefore dated, but it shouldn't diminish the point too much.)

As baseball season rounds third and heads for home, here's a little tip of the cap to folks from George Martin to Billy Martin, from Branch Rickey to Ricky Rubin. Enjoy the month . . .

_____________

The thought that goes into the assembling of a baseball lineup is not unlike the compilation of music tracks into an album, and I refer to the entire gamut of “albums” – from calculated, professional releases on major labels to the personal touches of a burned disc for a fellow music appreciator. If you subscribe to a few time-worn tenets, you’ll be constructing playoff-contending recordings every time.

1. Lead-Off: In baseball, getting the lead-off man on base is an obviously enormous factor in offensive success. It’s no less a given that any LP, 8-track, cassette, CD, or playlist absolutely needs some fire from Track 1. The tone-setters, the top spot holders may not be the very best in the lineup, but they must present a positive portent of things to come. “Runnin’ with the Devil” comes to mind right off the bat. Speed and power? Even better. Think “Safe European Home” off The Clash’s second album or Pearl Jam’s “Go.” “Thunder Road,” “Begin the Begin,” “Peter Piper,” “Gimme Shelter,” “Lust for Life,” “Rain on the Scarecrow,” and especially “Blitzkrieg Bop” are vintage intros. Less mainstream first hitters include Spoon’s “Everything Hits at Once,” the DBT’s “Where the Devil Don’t Stay,” and my all-time favorite: “Jagged,” by the Old 97’s.

The lead-off spot should certainly make something of a statement. Just ask Lenny Dykstra about leading off Game 3 of the Series. “Wild Flower” was stronger noise about The Cult’s new sound than calling the album Electric even was, and “Hells Bells” was a brilliant, eye-opening salve to fans lamenting Bon Scott’s loss. “Smells Like Teen Spirit”? The Rickey Henderson of album openers. If you’re constructing your own record, you know what to do here.

2. The Two-Spot: Not quite the pressure-packed position that lead-off is, it’s nearly as integral a slot, one that can quickly undo a bit of good after a decent start if you’re not careful. (See GIDP-worthy tunes like the Chilis’ “Aeroplane,” Bruce’s “Soul Driver,” the Stones’ “Fight,” or Jimmy’s “Baby’s Gone Shoppin’” for Robby Alomar-ish examples of highly disappointed epiphanies that occur moments into Track 2, marking a decidedly downward turn for the whole lineup.) Conversely, a strong second hitter can duplicate or even outdo the spark of its predecessor. It can segue between the initial hit and the real meat of the order like a Mark Bellhorn or Peter Gabriel’s “No Self Control,” or it can be a focal point like Derek Jeter, “Paranoid Android,” “Ma & Pa,” “Alex Chilton,” or “Remedy.” The sublime “Shake Your Rump” is a de facto lead-off, kicking off Paul’s Boutique after the messin’-about opener; one of the great second tracks of all time. Whether you’re scripting a starting nine or a songlist, remember: this spot can be the calm before the storm, but you can’t hide a sub-par entity here. Continuity is the key. No letdowns.

And for some bizarre reason, Ween’s second song from their masterpiece Chocolate & Cheese, “Spinal Meningitis (Got Me Down)” – a creepy, disturbingly mesmerizing tune from an otherwise enjoyable collection – reminds me a whole lot of Mickey Morandini.

3. The Third Hitter: In baseball and especially men’s league softball, the 3-spot in the lineup is considered the place for the best hitter on the team. From Ruth to Musial to Mays to Clemente to Yaz to Papi to Beltr — uh, Pujols. (See, Carlos, this is why you should want to bat third.) A combination of pure skill and big-time pop, it’s a great place to look to get a bead on how the whole collection performs. The 2003 Mets’ third hitters posted a combined OPS of .733, while the same year’s Braves’ 3-men put up a 1.010 mark. There you go.

When Edgardo Alfonzo was thrown into the third spot in 2000, the formerly prototypical 2-hitter put up serious 3-spot numbers (.324/.425/.542) and was no small factor in helping propel the Mets to the World Series. When injuries and slumps plagued him the following season (.243/.322/.403), he slid back to the second spot – leaving this critical space to be occupied by an assortment of otherwise suited hitters (Piazza, Ventura, even a Shinjo or Agbayani). The dynamic was lost, and the team lost a dozen more games in ’01.

Track 3 stand-outs represent some of the best songs on some of the best releases in rock & roll history: “So. Cent. Rain,” “Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds,” “With or Without You,” “Hey Joe,” “Breaking the Girl,” “Roxanne,” “The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down,” “Another One Bites the Dust,” “Alive,” “I Shot the Sheriff,” “Wave of Mutilation,” “Love Me Two Times,” “Sugar Magnolia” . . . and it goes on seemingly indefinitely. Records from the past decade or two don’t disappoint in their 3-slot either, with “A Shot in the Arm,” “Brick,” “Crash into Me,” “Fell On Black Days,” “Float On,” “Take Me Out,” “Wonderwall,” and “Last Goodbye” among the many examples. If you’re compiling your own music for a release, put the tune you’re most proud of in the 3-hole. If you’re making a mix, find the super-solid single that defines the collection best, your .300/30/120 guy, and chuck it in this spot.

4. Clean-Up: Cue the Wood-a-been: “Let me tell you what Melba Toast is packing right here.” Anybody who knows anything about baseball knows all about the clean-up hitter and what his job is. Pummel the horsehide, drive in runs. Dial 9. And so the fourth spots of box scores throughout baseball history are rife with big, burly beasts with names like Greenberg, Killebrew, Robinson, McCovey, Jackson, Murray, and, say, Carlos Delgado and Manny Ramirez. You may not know too much about Home Run Baker, but you don’t have to ask where his manager put him in the lineup.

It may not be as obvious that rock & roll records do much the same thing with their own clean-up spots. The 4-hole is very frequently the post for the big punch; if your album intends to kick any sort of ass, you’ll want a three-song build-up and a knockout punch on Track 4. It doesn’t always have to be a thunderous musical blitz of a song (though it often is), but it definitely needs an eyebrow-raising, palpable wallop of lyrical, musical or any kind of force. Observe: “Ain’t Talkin’ ‘Bout Love,” “Walk This Way,” “Iron Man,” “Stairway to Heaven,” “Simple Man,” “Can’t You Hear Me Knocking,” “Southern Man,” “Pump It Up,” “Jump in the Fire,” “Peace Frog,” “Once in a Lifetime,” “Bullet the Blue Sky,” “Zero,” “Little T&A,” “You Can’t Put Your Finger On It,” “Rock the Casbah.” We’re talkin’ some fuckin’ muscle.

Clean-up isn’t always going to compete with the 3-hole for absolute best, but it should deliver the goods. Louder, stronger, and bigger are recurrent descriptors. “Breed” isn’t the best song on Nevermind, quite obviously, but it may rock the hardest. “You Got Lucky” is a cooler tune, but Petty cranks up his gee-tar on “Change of Heart” in perfect Song 4 style. “Blister In the Sun” has more angst, but “Add It Up” is the frenzied, f-word rocker that will knock you for a loop more readily. Even albums featuring less of a hard edge kick it up for the clean-up track; “Don’t Let’s Start” and “Buddy Holly” are about as rowdy as geek rock gets, and Dave Matthews’ “Rhyme & Reason” is significantly tougher than much of his other work (part of which makes it one of my DMB favorites). The Pogues have done harder and louder songs than “Fairytale of New York,” but few anthems have as much grit and venom. If you have a rocker, and not everyone does (James Taylor has historically had no hits with the fourth track, and that’s no slag, but no coincidence), this is clearly where it goes.

5. The 5-Hole: After turning the corner at #4, there’s less structure from here on out, but there are still more guidelines to the five-hole than there are later in the order. A big RBI guy, some pop, the player you can’t quite justify putting at 3 or 4. That’s not to say the talent wanes considerably: Darryl Strawberry and Don Baylor both excelled in this spot in 1986; Carlton Fisk batted fifth more than any other place in the lineup; the Township’s greatest American hero manned the 5-post throughout this past season. Similarly, don’t let your recording suffer after knocking their socks off with 1-4. “Been Caught Stealing,” “The Weight,” “Higher Ground,” “Welcome to Paradise,” “Mr. Brownstone,” “Tumbling Dice,” “Clocks,” and “Born to Run” are greatest-hits quality tunes that someone decided to hold off on until the fifth place in the order.

6. Sixth and Beyond: Here’s where it starts to become far more of a grey area for baseball managers and record producers. Spots six through nine in the batting order are places for the less prolific batsmen, and there’s less strategy to go along with less skill. On the musical side of things, it gets even fuzzier; over the course of the last few decades, the evolution of musical media (LP’s to tapes to CD’s to mp3’s) meant a lifting of the size restrictions that have shaped album structures, so what was important in 1978 (putting “Can’t Stand Losing You” as the #6 track so it’d be the first song on Side B) is lost in the modern configuration. Now, in fact, you can have a 25-song CD that could mirror an entire roster (a rainy day post of the future?) and an even longer mp3 playlist. If you’re creating something on your own, this is where it starts to be less formulaic and more personal; it’s not to say that your own touches shouldn’t grace the early portion of the collection, but sticking to the general rules of thumb above may well take your creation it to another level of enjoyment. There’s one last rule, though . . .

7. Last in the Order: Every batting order could use a steady sort in the last spot (the last spot before the pitcher in the National League) to keep things rolling along: a Butch Hobson, a Scott Brosius, a Mark Lemke, and other people who’ve been cursed in this space. While it can be a place to hide defensive whizzes with weak bats (God knows guys like Pokey Reese and Rafael Santana weren’t in there for their plate work), a little something down there can mean a lot. The ’05 White Sox got significantly more production out of their #9 spot than they did out of their 7 and 8 hitters – you say bad managing, I say World Series title.

In music, however, it’s a little different – it’s more like a closer role. The last track on a record should be memorable, even if it’s in a weird way. Sgt. Pepper’s is considered by many a classic among classics, but if it ended with “Being for the Benefit of Mr. Kite,” instead of “A Day in the Life,” it wouldn’t do itself much justice, now would it? It can be a gentle fade-out after a riveting set (“Good Feeling” or “Here Comes a Regular”); a seven-minute intrigue (“Biko” or “Riders on the Storm”); a scratchy feast of guitar-driven psychedilia (“Are You Experienced?”); a rare cover (“Superman”); a hidden pop single after an hour of punk genius (“Train in Vain”); it an even be a ridiculously lyricked, volume-tinkered end to it all (“Some Girls Are Bigger Than Others”). As long as there’s some kind of hook, something to stand out as a final stamp on the album, you’re good to go.

Make it count, as folks did with cuts like “Purple Rain,” “The Ocean,” “American Girl,” “Who Are You,” “Fools Gold,” “Four Leaf Clover,” “40,” “Rock and Roll All Nite,” “Jungleland,” “Wendell Gee,” “Rockin’ in the Free World,” “Road to Nowhere,” “Tin Cup Chalice,” and plenty more. Elvis Costello used to really know how to end an album – consider that “Watching the Detectives,” “Radio, Radio,” and “Peace, Love & Understanding” closed his first three records. It’s just a little bit of marketing to let the last notes lingering in the listener’s head be among the most lasting.

So there you go. The last thing I’ll add is an example of what I feel is a perfectly cast album of the quasi-modern era in this vein. In my mind, Social Distortion’s self-titled major label debut incorporates all of the elements that I mentioned. Let’s take a gander.

Social Distortion: Social Distortion
1. So Far Away
2. Let It Be Me
3. Story of My Life
4. Sick Boys
5. Ring Of Fire
6. Ball and Chain
7. It Coulda Been Me
8. She's a Knockout
9. Place in My Heart
10. Drug Train

A killer opener – one of the sharpest in all of punk rock. Not a bit of letdown with Track 2. #3 brilliance; I think Rolling Stone called it the anti-“My Way” song. Something powerful in the clean-up hole – not quite the most furious of their tunes, but one of their all-timers . . . followed up by one of the hardest and greatest Johnny Cash covers ever done.

“Ball & Chain” at the six-spot might seem out of place, considering that it was the single/video, but I think it’s about right. It’s always solid, but maybe it’s lost some pop over the years for me (especially because I think it’s a slight re-working of their earlier tune “Prison Bound”). It’s certainly closer to Cliff Floyd than Ray Knight, to be sure. 7-9 aren’t filler, not at all, but they’re well-placed. The closer, “Drug Train,” is a driving, bluesy number with a different feel than the rest of the album, and a fine send-off after one of the most spectacular albums of . . . Rob’s and my Strat-o-matic, 40-ouncers, and rock & roll filled summer in Williamsburg, Virginia – if not all time.

Words, Not Necessary

Though I'll add just a few. Poodles, in my experience, are relatively useless animals. I had no idea, though, that they could be decorated. Kudos to you, sick, weird poodle artisans. May you come back in your next life as Joey Chestnutt's colon.

Another Pleasant Valley Sunday

Ever wanted to know what the voice behind Elmo looks like? Yeah? Want to see a 6 and a half minute interview with him? Really?

Cultural Exchange

In honor of the impending occasion of my first-ever foray into the world of NASCAR (September 12, Richmond International Raceway), I present the following for your aural enjoyment.